


Terminal Velocity

by anyrei, mugglerock



Series: Five Dimensions Series [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: All the pop culture references, Alternate Universe, Anal, Anal Fingering, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Angel Wings, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Begging, Bottom Castiel, But He Isn't A Witch, But He Overcomes Them, Cas and Charlie are besties, Castiel Being Castiel, Castiel Can Hear Longing, Castiel Deals With Human Emotions, Castiel Does Not Get The References, Castiel Plus Children is the Cutest Thing Ever and You Can’t Tell Me Otherwise, Castiel and Dean Winchester are Dorks, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Dean Being Dean, Dean Fixes Things, Dean Flirts, Dean Has Trust Issues, Dean Likes Being Bitten, Dean Needs Castiel, Dean Uses Magic, Dean and Kids, Dean in Denial, Dean is Loved, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub Undertones, Drama, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Flashbacks, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hand Jobs, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Infidelity, Love Bites, M/M, Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, Post-Apocalypse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Rough Sex, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Sort of Switch Dean and Cas (But Not Really), Star Trek References, Tattooed Dean, Temporary Character Death, Top Dean, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Well as Slow Burn as We Can Handle, Wing Kink, Wing Oil, You Will Cry We Guarantee It, mild blood play, slight exhibitionism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2019-01-05 07:38:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 145,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12185754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anyrei/pseuds/anyrei, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mugglerock/pseuds/mugglerock
Summary: A lost angel is shown the value of humanity, and ultimately himself, from an accidental encounter with one infuriatingly optimistic human. And a downtrodden, broken human is shown (by a changed angel) how to live again, instead of merely survive.[Timestamp for Dimension 3]





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HeatherLuvsDestiel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeatherLuvsDestiel/gifts).



> FIRST: This can technically be read as a standalone fic. We delve into the backstory if you do not wish to read the primary fic this timestamp is for. Or, if you'd prefer, you can read the chapter this timestamp comes from [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11225268/chapters/25127925)!
> 
> Any here: Oh man, oh man! We were so addicted writing this. Serious flashback moments to IAMD. Building this apocalyptic world, creating new characters, it’s always so much fun :D. I hope you guys enjoy reading this, as much as we enjoyed writing it.
> 
> Again, this is a timestamp to Dimension 3 of the main story in this series. I highly recommend to read it before you read this. It can be read as a standalone but it makes more sense with the context. 
> 
> We gift this to HeatherLuvsDestiel. Thank you for being with us since forever and comment on like everything we write! You are a great support and we love you!
> 
> Frankie here: YASS HeatherLuvsDestiel. You’re amazing. And actually, because this beast is HUGE, this was originally going to be for you AND LoverAwakened. But LoverAwakened is getting her own insanely long standalone fic based on her prompt, so we’re deviating a little here. Again, thank you for being awesome!
> 
> Oh. And I feel I need to clarify here as far as the infidelity tag. Without giving too much of the story away, Cas is KNOWINGLY “the other woman.” Take of that what you need. We promise, it’s nowhere near as uncomfortable or heartbreaking as you’re thinking. 
> 
> No, we save the truly emotional and angst ridden scenes for other situations. You’ll see. 
> 
> Any and I truly were addicted to writing this, much like IAMD. I joke about the fact that we wrote Five Dimensions in order to build a foundation for this insane fic, which is 100k words longer than the main fic and all of the other timestamps written so far COMBINED. A lot of love went into this and we hope you love reading it the way we loved writing it. 
> 
> P.S. THIS FIC IS COMPLETE. We are just uploading each chapter as we finish editing it. So this should be completely uploaded within the next few weeks. We hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Also, you can follow us on our joint tumblr if you'd like! Check it out [here](https://the-real-anyrock.tumblr.com/)!

****

 

**Chapter 1**

 

Cas wiped the dust and dirt from his face with his hand before he crouched forward on the rooftop to look over the edge. He cursed quietly under his breath, a habit he had learned from the humans he lived with and protected since his fateful meeting with Dean Winchester almost a year ago. 

 

A small demon army was resting down in the ruins of a once huge city. He couldn’t recall the name. Cas squinted his eyes, trying to make out which direction they were headed. 

 

The camp had gone through many improvements over the last year. It wasn’t a camp anymore, it resembled a small fortress with huge, solid walls surrounding the compound and an underground bunker to keep the children safe during an attack. The humans called it the “Citadel". Since that time, more survivors had found their way to this last bastion of humanity. 

 

It also didn't hurt that rumor had spread they had an angel for protection.

A sandstorm had gathered in the north and Cas hoped that, like the demonic troops, it would move in the opposite direction of the Citadel. Demon attacks were one danger to the camp, the other was sandstorms. The humans had started to plant food and a fatal sandstorm would determine whether or not they had enough food for the next winter.

 

Cas couldn’t do anything about the weather, but what he  _ could  _ do was lure the demon army away from the camp.

 

He carefully slid back on the roof’s ground, trying to be quiet since he had spotted a few mohra demons in the crowd. They had devilishly good ears. He rolled his eyes at his own stupid pun, wondering how much his humans had rubbed off on him.

 

Suddenly the earth started to shake and the roof under him cracked dangerously before it started to collapse. He landed on the floor under the roof with a pained groan before he slowly stood up and dusted off his clothes. Not that it made much of a difference, but it was a hard habit to break. 

 

A pained hiss from the rubble and debris to his left startled him. He hadn’t detected anyone in this building and the sudden presence set off every alarm bell in his body. He tightened his grip on his angel blade before he squinted at the rubble and slowly drew closer. “Hello?”

 

There was slight movement and a choked, rough, “Little help?” from beneath the rubble. He saw a filthy and bloody hand dart up, reaching out towards him.

 

_ A human.  _ Cas immediately pocketed his blade and ran towards the debris, taking the hand carefully. It was hard to see anything in the dust, let alone how bad this human had been injured. “Be still. I’ll try to get the debris off of you so you won’t get any more injuries.”

 

That was simply met with a pained grunt of acknowledgement. 

 

Cas started to lift the rocks one by one from on top of the man buried beneath them, tossing the rocks in a haphazard pile behind him. The dust settled slowly and Cas froze when he looked down at the man's face. It was covered in dirt and dust, but when those green eyes landed on him, he felt like he was losing his breath.

 

And probably his mind. Because it couldn’t be  _ him.  _ “Dean?” he asked slowly. “I don’t understand... what are you doing here?”

 

Dean narrowed his eyes at him. “How do you know my name?”

 

Cas tilted his head and squinted his eyes at him before he realized his mistake. This Dean wasn’t the Dean he had met. He felt weirdly torn by that realization. Torn and guilty. If he had known that Dean existed in this world, too, he would have searched for him. 

 

He continued to free Dean from the rubble as he shook his head. “I apologize. I confused you with somebody else.” He looked over Dean’s body, noticing a few broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder, a broken leg, and some internal bleeding. He wouldn’t make it far without Cas healing him, but he couldn’t use his grace so close to a demon army.

 

“You’re heavily injured.” 

 

“You’re a real goddamn Sherlock Holmes,” he muttered before his body was wracked with a wet and incessant cough.

 

Cas rolled his eyes. Using references was apparently a trademark both Deans possessed. “I can heal you, but I can’t do it here. So close to those demons.”

 

Dean’s eyes widened in panic, he attempted to fumble for a weapon, but hissed in pain from the dislocated shoulder. “Get the fuck away from me,” he hissed.

 

Cas sighed deeply. Of course this Dean would be afraid of him. Being afraid of angels was probably the reason why he was still alive. Cas held up his hands in a placating gesture. “I’m not going to hurt you. If I wanted to kill you, you would already be dead, or I would just let you die of your injuries. Let me help you. Please.”

 

There was a beat of tense silence. Dean regarded Castiel for several moments, eyes still narrowed in suspicion before he let out a sigh. “They fuck up on your programming? An angel helping a human isn’t in your species’ nature.”

 

Cas scrubbed his hand over his face and through his hair before he took in a deep breath. “It’s a long story. Consider yourself lucky you met the only angel that still follows our original mission to protect humanity.” He carefully lifted the last rock from Dean’s leg, grimacing in sympathy as Dean gasped in pain. 

 

“I’m protecting a human camp. The Citadel. You may have heard of it. I can take you there.”

 

Dean quirked his brow. “So you’re the supposed angel savior of the Citadel? Well, I’m not gonna grovel at your fucking feet. Too little too fucking late in my opinion.” He gasped again, clutching at his torso with his good hand. “Fuck.”

 

“I agree, Dean. It took way too long, but I can’t change what happened in my past. I can only change the now and the future. So if you want to live, you need to trust me. Can you do that?” Cas knew it was probably too much to ask. “I need to carry you. I’m sure you’re not able to walk on your own.”

 

“Well, it’s not like I’ll have much of a shot at survivin’ if I stay here. Fuck it. Take me to your camp. But I swear, if it turns out to be a fucked up place where you’ve enslaved humans to get your rocks off, I’ll take you out with me.” Dean coughed again and let out a sigh.

 

Cas tilted his head. “My rocks off?” he asked in confusion as he carefully pushed his hands under Dean’s knees and around his upper body to lift him.

 

“You got a pair, right? Or is it a ken doll situation down there?” Dean pointed to his own groin area. 

 

Cas tried to look down at himself to understand what Dean was talking about before he finally understood the implication. “Oh. You’re referring to my reproductive organ. Yes, my body has that. Can you shut up now? I’m trying  _ not  _ to gain the attention of the demonic army outside.”

 

Dean rolled his eyes before he shrugged and kept his mouth shut.

 

He tried to keep Dean close to his body without hurting him too much, which was incredibly difficult. After a few steps through the ruins of the building, he noticed the cold sweat and the pained expression on Dean’s face as he bit down on his lower lip. He shot him an apologetic look and started to walk faster, trying to find a way out of the building. 

 

The staircase only consisted of a few rocks sticking out of the wall, the rest was a crumbled mess a few feet down. It wouldn’t have been a problem if he had been alone, but with Dean in his arms, that jump down could be more than problematic. He needed to find another way. 

 

There was an adjourned room that was mostly intact as he entered. A few beds and broken furniture littered the ground as he walked passed them to the window. Or what used to be a window and was now an open hole in the outside wall of the building. 

 

Cas looked down and couldn’t believe their luck. The rubble outside was piled up, nearly reaching the window. The makeshift stairs would make it easy to descend to the ground. It was just a little jump down, but enough to cause Dean to grunt out in pain. “Sorry,” he whispered. “I’ll try to be quick.”

 

He nodded tersely. “‘Kay.”

 

Cas quickly slid down the pile, making little jumps to avoid cracks in the ground or other obstacles, like protruding steel beams. Without looking back, he quickly turned in the direction of the camp and started to run. He reached out with his sense, noticing that they still were undetected. 

 

He still had to come back, once he had helped Dean, to take care of the demon situation. Dean was getting quieter and his breathing was shallow and too quick. His shirt was drenched in blood and he could feel it seeping into his own clothes. 

 

Desperation started to cling to Cas’s heart. He couldn’t lose Dean now. He had just found him! But if he used his grace in that moment, the demons would possibly find the camp, putting everyone in danger. People who trusted him with their lives, people who cared for him and who he cared for. 

 

But this was Dean.

 

“Dean. I need you to be strong. Please don't die. I just found you and you can't die now," Cas murmured. He knew that Dean probably couldn’t hear him anymore.

 

He started to run as fast as he could, but he wouldn’t reach the camp in time, nor would he reach the threshold where it would be safe to use his power. As soon as he realized that, he stopped abruptly and looked around. There was a house that was more or less still intact and he quickly made his way into it, putting Dean gently down on a table inside. 

 

Dean had fallen unconscious. Cas concentrated as he quickly used his grace to heal the man’s wounds and replenished his blood loss. When Dean startled awake, looking at him with wide, shocked eyes, Cas grabbed his shoulder and pulled him from the table. “We have to run. I didn’t make it in time. We have to lure them away from the camp.”

 

He grabbed Dean’s hand when he didn’t move at first and pulled him after himself and out of the house. “I’m sorry. I can’t bring you to the others as long as the army is so close to the Citadel. We need to go in the opposite direction, try to lose them.”

 

Dean nodded, darting a look around before he said, “There’s an underground tunnel system, the entrance is in those woods. Long and multiple channels, we can get them far away from the camp.”

 

Cas ran in the direction that Dean had pointed, glad that he obviously knew what he was doing because this suggestion would work perfectly. He noticed that he was still holding Dean’s hand as he pulled him after himself before he reluctantly let go of him. Dean wasn’t injured anymore. There was no reason to hold his hand. He chastised himself in his mind. In the past year he had learned a lot about humans and what they called, “creepy behavior”. The last thing he wanted to do was put Dean off even more.

 

Dean didn't appear to notice, or if he did, he didn't comment on it. He ducked through a low brush, grunting a coarse, “This way.” When they got through the patch of prickly branches, he stopped at a large opening of a cement tunnel system. 

 

He grabbed one of his weapons and cut into his forearm, using his blood to paint a couple of sigils and a devil’s trap. Dean looked back, clearly recognizing the sound of demons grunting as they cut through the brush they had just come through. “This will hold them off long enough.”

 

Without asking, he grabbed Cas by the sleeve of his coat and ducked into the entrance. Within the opening was six smaller tunnels. Dean smeared his blood on the brim of the one to their far left. Cas was about to head down it when Dean halted him. “That's a decoy. Follow me.”

 

Dean proceeded to head through the channel at the opposite end of the one he marked. 

 

“I’m beginning to see why you have survived this long,” Cas stated after a while, heading down the tunnels before they were engulfed in total darkness. He could still see enough, but he was surprised that Dean still hadn’t slowed down.

 

Dean chuckled, a deep and rich sound. “Yeah, I'm a regular cockroach.” He grabbed Castiel by his coat sleeve again and guided him down a right branch in the tunnel. It was pitch black at that point and the man still didn't slow down.

 

“How can you find your way without any light?” Cas asked, completely stunned by the man’s abilities.

 

“These tunnels are basically my home,” he answered, ducking through another tunnel, finally starting to slow down. Dean grabbed a large handle and yanked it down, causing an old iron door to open with a creak. There were several sigils carved into the entry frame and he moved to scratch out a couple of them. Anti-angel sigils. He stepped into the room and Cas followed. 

 

It was sparsely decorated. A filthy mattress on the ground, a few books in a dirty milk crate, a couple of wooden crates, and a series of different weapons strewn about. He closed the door behind Cas and moved to sit on one of the plywood crates. “If we camp out here for a day or two, the demons should give up.”

 

It was a solid assumption, probably based on a lot of experience. He looked back to the door. "What about nezzla demons? I thought those would infest tunnels like these."

 

Dean supplied an old relic that warded against a series of different types of demons. “We’re good.”

 

Cas nodded, biting his lower lip with the worry and guilt he was feeling about the Citadel. He felt like he had let them down and hoped that everyone would be okay. He watched the door and paced around for a few minutes before he sighed deeply. 

 

"Why do you know so much about demons and angels?"

 

Dean sighed and grabbed a bottle of whiskey from next to the crate and took a swig. He offered the bottle to Cas as he answered, “Ended up holed up with a priest for about a year. He taught me everything.”

 

Cas shook his head to decline the offer before he tilted his head. “What happened to him?”

 

“One of your fucking brothers tortured him for a few days, not even for information. Just for fucking fun. He died of his injuries,” he spat, the disdain in his voice, as well as his facial expression, sent a chill down Cas’s spine.

 

Cas's heart sank. He hadn't been in contact with any angel since he had rebelled against his orders. In the beginning, angels didn’t hunt down humans. The humans that died by the hands of an angel were collateral damage, but as the war continued, more and more reports had come in that angels were killing humans the same way they killed demons. It only took a matter of days before suddenly no angel cared about the fate of the humans.

 

Cas lowered his gaze to the ground. "I know it probably isn't worth anything to you, coming from me, but I'm deeply sorry that this is happening to  _ all  _ of you."

 

“You’re right.” Dean regarded him for a moment before he continued, “It’s worth nothing to me. Your apology means  _ nothing.  _ I’ve watched  _ every  _ single person I give a damn about die, either by the hand of one of your kind, or the assholes you’re fighting. So, do me a favor and don’t spout bullshit. I don’t wanna hear it.”

 

Cas nodded as he sat down against the door, as far away from Dean as he could. "Do you even want to come with me to the camp once the demons are off our trail? I would understand if you want nothing to do with me."

 

Dean sighed. “I don’t know. I don’t trust any of you winged assholes. But there’s safety in numbers. And now you know where I live. If you decided to come back and rip me to pieces, I’m not safe here anymore anyway.”

 

Cas took in a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. He leaned forward and drew the symbol for his name in the sand on the ground before him. "This is my name. Castiel. You know Enochian magic and spells. I'm giving you this so you can defend yourself from me."

 

He looked up at Dean again and said, "The Citadel has food and can use every experienced fighter they can get. You don't have to trust me, but those men and women are good people. They could use your help."

 

Dean looked down at the symbol for a beat before he moved to stand. He shrugged off his shirt, revealing a strong and scarred torso. Dean was covered in tattoos of different protective sigils and spellwork. He grabbed a needle, a lighter, and a small jar of ink. Looking down at Cas’s name, he held the lighter under the needle before dipping it into the ink. With a bracing breath, Dean started carving a sigil into his lower abdomen, incorporating Cas’s name. It was a hiding sigil. 

 

He let out a soft hiss at the burn into his skin. His hands worked quickly, connecting the lines by pressing the needle in deeper. His precision and swiftness was impressive. When he was finished, Dean looked up and sighed. “Thanks.” 

 

Cas rubbed his hand over his eyes and grimaced. It was weird not being able to sense Dean's presence even though he was right in front of him. It felt like having a blind spot in his eyes. "Of course." He blinked again and squinted his eyes at Dean.  _ Very weird.  _

 

"Will you have–" He blinked again and finished, "Enough food for the next two days?"

 

“I'll manage. You guys don't eat, right?” Dean moved back to the crate after grabbing a clean t-shirt and shrugging it on.

 

Cas nodded. “We don't require any form of sustenance.” He was slowly getting used to looking at Dean without perceiving him completely. It was weird how different this Dean was to the one he met. The one who had changed his life forever. But even though he was met with so much hostility, he was determined to not give up. To gain this Dean’s trust.

 

Dean moved to sit cross-legged on the crate, staring at Cas for a few moments before he sighed and leaned down to grab a book. “Well, you’re stuck in here for a while. If you want to read or whatever… Help yourself.” He flipped to a page in the book he grabbed and was apparently done with Cas.

 

Cas had no intention of reading. He intended on using the time to study Dean’s features as long as he was distracting himself with reading. His hair was a bit longer and instead of stubble, he had a beard. His freckles were covered by a layer of dirt and he had scars where the other Dean had been unmarred. But he still had an effect on Cas, one that felt like a gravitational pull. He just couldn’t look away. 

 

He’d be lying if he said that he hadn’t thought about and wished to see Dean again. He hoped the man was able to get his Castiel back again, but on the other hand, there had been a selfish part of him that wished–

 

“Why the fuck are you staring at me?” Dean barked, angrily slamming his book closed to fix his expectant gaze on Cas. “Is being a creeper an angel thing, or a  _ you _ thing?”

 

Cas practically jumped a few inches from the ground with the force he was ripped from his reverie. "I apologize." He rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. "I guess it's a 'me' thing."

 

“Well, cut it out. I’m not any happier about this than you are, but if I have to put up with you being a fucking creep for the next two days, I’ll go find the damn demons and give myself up.” Dean let out an annoyed huff and turned his back to Cas.

 

Cas's eyes widened in shock. "Please don't do that! I promise I’ll try to look somewhere else. It's just not that easy. But please don't go to those demons!"

 

He turned back around, brow quirked in confusion as he looked Cas up and down. “I was being sarcastic.”

 

"Oh," Cas mumbled slowly. "You were making... a joke." It sounded more like a question than a statement.

 

“Yeah. Other than the ‘quit staring at me’ part. Trust me, I ain’t all that fascinating.” Dean sighed and kicked the crate next to his. “Sit.”

 

Cas hesitated for a second before he stood up and crossed the small room to sit beside Dean. “It’s not strictly because of you that I stared. I apologize. You just remind me of someone. Someone I owe a lot to. Someone who changed me. He’s the reason I protect the Citadel and the humans there from demons and other angels. He’s the reason I fully rebelled.”

 

Dean quirked his brow and said, “Didn’t ask for your life story. Just want you to quit eyeballin’ me.” He grabbed another book and tossed it to Cas. “Here. To help you see your problems don’t amount to dick, read about someone with  _ real  _ problems. One of my personal favorites.” 

 

Cas turned the book over to look at the cover.  _ Slaughterhouse Five. _

 

He held the book in his hand for a few moments. He had never read a book that didn’t involve spells or incantations. A few thousand years ago it had been his mission to destroy dangerous books from the library in Alexandria. He sighed deeply and thumbed through the pages – just because Dean had asked him, not because he was particularly interested in reading anything. 

 

The book was about a soldier who was captured in the second World War and suffered through his experience, starting to question the meaning of life and death. At the end, Billy, the soldier, accepted that there was no punishment, no reward, no justice and that free will was just an illusion. Cas closed the book again and sighed deeply. He now understood how humans could lose their belief in free will when the world didn’t have much to offer other than the fight of survival. It was bleak and devastating, and the worst part was that there was nothing Cas could do to make it any better. 

 

The other angels had often told him that the humans who clung to this life  _ could  _ have it easier. If they die, they would go to paradise. All of the hurt and pain would be over. A lot of humans had killed themselves in the first year, believing that since they were devout, they would end up in Heaven. Instead, they powered up an army of demons with the overwhelming number of souls that had gone to Hell. It had been the beginning of complete devastation to most of the northern and half of the southern hemisphere. 

 

Cas gave Dean the book back wordlessly.

 

Accepting the book without even looking up, he asked, “What did you think?”

 

Cas didn’t answer for a while. His gaze was focused on the ground, watching a cockroach make its way from under Dean’s “bed” to the door. “What are you fighting for, Dean?” he asked finally. “If free will is an illusion, if there’s no reward, no justice, no punishment? What is it all for?”

 

At that Dean turned to look at Cas. He arched his brow and countered with, “What are  _ you  _ fighting for?”

 

Cas tilted his head. “I thought you weren’t interested in my life story.”

 

He shrugged. “I’m not. Feel free to give me the cliff’s notes. But I’m not gonna answer your question if you don’t even  _ have  _ one.”

 

"The simple answer is probably: because I care about humanity. I don't want everything to be destroyed. I'm fighting, maybe naively hoping this war will stop at some point and humanity can rebuild this place. Humans are worth fighting for."

 

Humanity meant “Dean” for him. But he chose to keep that information to himself. This Dean wouldn’t understand anyway.

 

Dean regarded him silently for several painfully long moments. He sighed and finally answered, “I’m fighting for my brother. Asshole had faith in you fuckers, that you were gonna  _ help  _ us. That you were gonna  _ protect  _ us.” He let out a mirthless chuckle and continued, “He found out how wrong he was when he ended up on the wrong end of a fucking demon blade. I grabbed one of your fucking feathery friends and begged him to save my brother, since we got caught in the middle of one of yours and the demons’ pissing contests. And you know what he did?”

 

“Nothing,” Cas stated quietly. “He probably did nothing.”

 

“He fucking  _ laughed.  _ He laughed and said, ‘a mud monkey wasn’t worth saving.’” Dean shook his head. “So I promised myself to be the hero I couldn’t be for my brother. To help people, to kill as many of you fucks as I could.”

 

Cas looked down. For the first time he lost hope that this Dean could ever stop hating him. That he could ever look past the fact that Cas was an angel and accept him for who he was. But how could he expect that of Dean after everything that had happened to him? His hate was justified.

 

"Why haven't you killed me?" he asked after a moment.

 

The beat of silence that lingered between them was almost unbearable. Dean’s expression was unreadable when he finally said, “Because you saved me, without it being any benefit to you. Which means, you might have been the  _ only  _ fucker who would have saved Sammy if I asked. Affirming his faith in your kind.”

 

Cas closed his eyes when a tear threatened to spill over. He pushed his angel blade towards Dean. He knew that if he had never met the Dean from the other dimension, he could have been one of those angels Dean had talked about. He wouldn't have laughed or said something cruel like the angel Dean had met. But he still wouldn’t have saved Dean's brother, because he would have believed he went to be in a better place.

 

"I'm not any better. I made a lot of mistakes and if I hadn't met this one person... I would still be one of those angels you despise." 

 

Dean held the blade in his hand, turning it over, inspecting it. He looked up at Cas and without hesitation, handed him his blade back. With a soft shake of the head, Dean said, “Killing you won’t bring back my brother. It won’t hurt the fucker who killed him, or the asshole who laughed when I begged him to save him.”

 

Cas hesitated before he slowly grabbed his blade and put it back into his pocket with a deep sigh. “You’re a man forged by war and loss. If this conflict ever ends, will you be able to find peace again?”

 

That was met with a sharp bark of laughter before his expression grew serious. “Every single person I have  _ ever  _ loved is dead, Castiel. There’s no peace for me.”

 

“So when this is all over, what will you fight for?” Cas asked slowly.

 

Dean shrugged. “I don't think I'm gonna see the end of this shit in my lifetime.”

 

Cas nodded before he sighed deeply. "It's probably naive to hope this war will end soon. But the humans in the Citadel, they’re already starting to rebuild their lives. They plant food, create things, they’ve started to live. It's amazing what they have accomplished in the past year." He smiled softly. “I can’t wait to get back home to them.”

 

That was met with another arch of the man’s brow. “Home, huh? Thought Heaven was your home.”

 

“Heaven hasn’t been my home for a long time now, Dean. And I’m not really welcome there anymore,” Cas admitted, scrunching up his nose when he thought about the fact that he would probably be killed on sight. 

 

Dean quirked his brow in curiosity. “This human of yours must have been one hell of a person. He the reason you call the Citadel ‘home’?”

 

Dean was one of many reasons Cas called the Citadel his home. Everyone he considered as his family lived there. Cas felt sad suddenly with how much he missed Dean. His voice dropped lower. “He wasn’t from this universe. He had to leave again. I’m never going to see him again.”

 

Dean's eyebrows shot up. He blinked a few times and then narrowed his eyes. “That's why you knew my name, isn't it?”

 

Cas nodded slowly. He hadn’t planned on telling Dean, but it didn’t make any sense to deny it now. “He was you.”

 

“The hell was another version of me doing  _ here?” _

 

Cas wasn’t sure if he should tell Dean. He probably wouldn’t understand. “It’s a long story,” he answered instead, hoping Dean wouldn’t be interested in asking more questions.

 

Dean shrugged and placed his book to the side. “We've got two days to kill.”

 

Cas bit his lower lip as he looked up at Dean. “I’m not sure it’s something you want to hear. The life of this other Dean was very different from yours.”

 

That was met with a snort of laughter. “Well, shit. I would fucking hope so. If every timeline was identical, Vonnegut would be right and all of this would be pointless.”

 

Cas tilted his head. “So it wouldn’t make you sad to hear about him?”

 

“What's there to be sad about? I'd fucking  _ hope  _ no one else has to deal with this shit. Hell, it’d be nice to know that somewhere there's a version of me, rockin’ a beer gut, with a wife, couple of rugrats, enjoying the apple pie life.”

 

“He was a hunter. Fighting against demons and saving people.” Cas closed his eyes for a moment and smiled. “He was in pretty good shape.” As he opened his eyes again, he felt mildly embarrassed. “Not ‘rocking a beer gut’.” 

 

Dean shrugged. “So why did he come here?”

 

“In his universe, he and I were friends. His Castiel got killed by Lucifer and he had to go through some trials to bring him back to life.” He couldn’t look at Dean as he told him that, afraid that he would react poorly to the news, to the fact that his other self was friends with an angel.

 

“Wait, so there's some version of the universe where I'm friends with an angel?” Dean scoffed and shook his head. “Was this version of me a fucking moron?”

 

“As I said, his life was very different from yours. There was never an apocalypse in his world. And his Castiel had saved him from Hell. So they met and lived under very different circumstances.” He hoped this explanation would make the reveal easier to understand for Dean.

 

After another beat of tense silence, Dean finally nodded. “So in this bizarro dimension, you and I are friends and I have the ability to universe hop?”

 

Cas remembered the memory Dean had showed him of his Castiel and the way it felt to be in his arms. He shook his head slowly before he answered, “He couldn’t cross to other dimensions. He was sent by a powerful creature to fulfill a task in each dimension. Every time he fulfilled his mission, another portal opened and he could move on to the next one. He had risked a lot for his Castiel. He risked getting stuck here forever, never being able to return to his family, his brother just for…  _ him _ .” He hoped he didn’t sound as jealous as he felt in that moment.

 

“That's a helluva chance to take just for an angel,” he said with a casual air. Dean wasn't intending to be cruel, he was clearly struggling with understanding his doppelgänger’s motive on an empathetic level.

 

“They shared a very profound bond,” Cas added quietly, knowing that he and the Dean from his own universe would never have such a thing. He was angry with himself for ever hoping something like that could happen. That he could have the same bond the other Castiel shared with Dean. He hated to feel envy. An emotion that had led to Lucifer’s fall. It always left him feeling dirty.

 

He looked down at his ragged clothes as he scratched over his stubble. His hands were as dirty as his clothes, sand clung everywhere to his body since the last time he was hit by a sandstorm. His wings twitched with the need to fly somewhere, maybe to the ocean just to get soaked in water. Sadly that wasn't an option anymore. He probably didn't look like anyone who someone would want to hug. Not that this Dean would ever feel the need to, but he missed how it had made him feel when the other Dean had hugged him. He wondered if it would feel the same, if this Dean would wrap his arms around him and hold him tight. 

 

He shook his head slightly. He should stop comparing Dean with this one. They weren't the same. He needed to accept that.

 

Dean shrugged and said, “Sounds like  _ you  _ did, too. If he was the reason why you changed.”

 

Cas nodded slowly before he shook his head. "We only had two days with each other. I wish I could have had more time with him, but he didn't belong here. I hope he fulfilled his quest."

 

That was met with another eyebrow arch as Dean shifted to face him. “Huh.” He shrugged his shoulders and had an almost impressed expression on his face. “Well, uh… I’m gonna go to sleep. Help yourself to whatever.” 

 

And that was it. Dean stood up and went to the filthy mattress, carefully positioning himself, before turning his back to Cas and letting out a sigh as lay on his side.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Cas had never been bored before, but he was now. Dean was sleeping and snoring lightly, although Cas got the impression his sleep was extremely light. One wrong move, or even the tiniest sound, would likely instantly wake the man up. 

 

He used the time to look at everything in the small room; taking in the few boxes and belongings, noticing that there was nothing that wasn’t useful in some way to secure Dean’s survival. It wasn’t anything like the rooms the Citadel had, where people painted the walls, hung up pictures, or flowers. Decorating the living space with things the kids had made out of stuff they had found. Dean’s room wasn’t anything like that.

 

After a while, he had sufficiently looked at every inch of this room before his gaze fell back on Dean. He tried to avoid staring at him, but it was difficult. It was even more difficult when he noticed that Dean appeared to be having a nightmare.

 

He was unsure what to do. All of his instincts told him to end the man’s nightmare. He waited a few more seconds, hoping Dean would wake up on his own. When he didn’t, Cas slowly stood up and walked over to him. “Dean? Wake up.”

 

There was a sharp intake of breath and the cocking of a gun. Dean rounded on Cas, sidling up against the wall, gun aimed at Cas’s heart. He squinted his eyes as they adjusted to the darkness and he let out an annoyed sigh when he recognized Cas’s face. “Don’t do that!”

 

"I apologize. You seemed to be in distress by a nightmare." Cas slowly backed away until his back collided against the door. He sat down there, trying to look as non threatening as he could.

 

Dean scrubbed his hand over his face as he lowered the gun, uncocking it, and placing it back under his pillow. “Yeah… bad enough I’m  _ living  _ a goddamn nightmare, then I’m not even safe in my dreams.”

 

"I could help you with that. If you want," Cas offered carefully. He had done this for a few people at the Citadel, but he expected Dean to decline, since it would mean that Dean needed to trust Cas on some level.

 

“And how’s that? You gonna read me a bedtime story?” Dean stretched out his arms above his head, arching his chest up, causing his shirt to ride up. He yawned and cracked his neck.

 

Cas looked away as soon as he noticed he was staring again. "No. I can plant a trigger in your dream. One that makes you aware of the fact that you're dreaming. It gives you the ability to influence your dream, steer it into something positive."

 

Dean furrowed his brow as he stared at Cas for a moment. “I, uh… What would I have to do?”

 

Cas couldn't help but feel surprised. He folded his hands over his lap, giving him a long look as he tried to explain it in a way that didn't sound like an invasion of Dean's privacy. "You need to give me permission to visit your mind in your dream. I would give you a trigger. It can be anything you want. An item, a melody, a smell. A planted trigger can remind you that you are in a dream. The next time you have a nightmare, you will see or sense the trigger somewhere in your dream. As soon as you do, you can influence your dream." He took in a deep breath. "I've done this for a lot of people at the Citadel, but I would understand if you wouldn’t want this. A few of them didn't want to get their privacy invaded, so they declined my help."

 

The beat of silence that passed between them caused an electricity to thrum through the air. A nervous one, not pleasant, but not as unpleasant as previous lengths of silence. Dean cleared his throat and asked, “So if you’re in my mind, what can you do to me?”

 

"I can see what you're dreaming about," Cas answered calmly.

 

“That’s it? You can’t control me? You can’t get into my memories?”

 

Cas tilted his head and raised an eyebrow. "Of course not." He felt slightly annoyed by the accusation and let it seep into his voice. "I'm not a demon."

 

“Never said you were. But considering my experience with your kind, it’s not a crazy thing to ask,” he barked back, matching Cas’s accusatory tone.

 

Cas took in a deep breath before he leaned back against the door behind him. "Let me tell you a secret, Dean. Demons don't need permission to possess humans, nor to control them, or get access to their memories. Angels  _ do  _ need permission. We can't do anything against your free will. Angels can physically harm you, torture you, and kill you. But angels can't control your free will."

 

Dean quirked his brow. “You know, that’s exactly what someone who  _ could  _ control your mind,  _ would  _ tell you.” He smiled, a rueful thing, but it was a smile nonetheless. With an eyeroll Dean sat upright, balancing on his haunches as his knees sank into the mattress. “What the hell? Couldn’t hurt, right? At this point, if you  _ are  _ gonna manipulate me for your own nefarious purposes, might as well go out on my terms.”

 

Cas couldn't help but grin as he slowly shook his head. "Believe me, if I could control you in any way, we would already be home by now and I would make you bake pie for the children." His grin got wider as he added, "Maybe even make you sing and dance for them."

 

That was met with a bark of laughter. Dean shook his head. “Of all the things you’d turn me into, a 50’s housewife is what you came up with?”

 

“Not nefarious enough?” Cas retorted as he slowly walked closer, sitting down on the crate that was closest to Dean’s bed again.

 

“No, it’s pretty nefarious. You know. For Mr. Rogers…”

 

“That’s not my name,” Cas answered, feeling confused again.

 

Dean chuckled and rolled his eyes. “Don’t worry about it. So, uh…” He looked around and asked, “What do I gotta do?”

 

Cas nodded and leaned slightly forward. "First you need to decide what shape your trigger should have. You should use something prominent, something you won't be able to overlook in a dream."

 

“Like something I never see in my dreams? So I know it doesn’t belong?”

 

Cas nodded. “Yes. You’ve got something in mind?”

 

“Uh, huh,” Dean said as he shut his eyes.

 

“I need to touch your forehead to see it. Is that okay with you?" Cas asked quietly.

 

Dean’s expression appeared hesitant before he reluctantly nodded.

 

He had worked with a few children before that suffered from anxiety and fear. Cas tried to be as gentle and soothing as possible, getting the impression of Dean behaving like a skittish animal, that could attack when crowded or threatened. 

 

He carefully pressed two fingers to Dean's forehead. His skin felt warm and familiar, but he tried to ignore it. He closed his eyes as he tried to concentrate on the image Dean was seeing. 

 

It was another man. A tall man with longer, brownish hair and hazel eyes. A soft and kind smile on his handsome face. 

 

Cas pulled back from Dean's mind and retracted his hand, tilting his head. "Who is this?"

 

Dean looked up at him, eyes shimmering with unshed tears. “My brother.”

 

"Sam," Cas added slowly as he remembered how the other Dean had talked about his brother. Cas didn't need to feel Dean's soul to see how the man in front of him suffered. "This will work as a powerful trigger."

 

With a muted nod, he chuckled mirthlessly. “Don’t I know it. Just to be particularly cruel, fate made sure that when I couldn’t see Sam in real life anymore, that I never see him when I dream either. On the other hand, I guess I should be thankful I don’t see him die over and over again.”

 

Cas felt his own chest hurt with Dean's words. "After I implant the trigger, you can choose what you dream about. You can see him again. Maybe remember the times before–" He looked up at the ceiling and sighed deeply. "Before everything went to shit."

 

“If this, uh… If this doesn’t turn me into a housewife…” Dean chewed the inside of his cheek and let out a soft, shaky exhale. When he made eye contact with Cas again, he simply said, “Thanks.”

 

Cas gave him a cheeky grin. "I'm still hoping one of the side effects will be you turning into a housewife. Lay down. I'll touch you again, like before on your forehead, and you will fall asleep instantly and dream. I'll be at your side so don't be afraid of the nightmare. I'll give you the trigger and after that you will never need to suffer from a nightmare again."

 

Dean nodded and moved to lay on his back. He looked up at Cas and smirked. “I draw the line at frilly aprons,” he said before he closed his eyes.

 

“I’ll try to get you one in pink,” Cas mumbled as he leaned over Dean and gently touched his forehead with two fingers again, causing Dean to fall unconscious.

 

Suddenly the colors of everything swirled around him. Darkened blues, greys, and blacks being marred with sharp reds and yellows. When everything came into focus, everything was in a miserable and cold gray scale. The first thing he really saw was a series of trees surrounding him. 

 

Some type of forest area. There was smoke, a nearby fire from some sort of destruction. When he took a few steps forward, a sharp crunching sound echoed in the silence and was shortly followed by the cocking of a gun. As a barrel was pressed against the back of his head, he heard a familiar,

 

“Who the fuck are you?”

 

Cas changed his position in the dream to stand right beside Dean, giving him a soft smile. "It's me. Castiel. We're in your dream, Dean."

 

He narrowed his eyes, but lowered his gun. “So what now?” he asked as he tucked the gun into the back of his pants. 

 

Cas looked forward as he conjured the image of Sam. Dean's brother was then standing a few feet away from them, back turned to them. He grabbed Dean's hand. "Let's go to him."

 

Dean hesitated, as though he were frozen, unable to move. “What if…” His bottom lip curled with the way he chewed the inside of his cheek. “What if he hates me?”

 

Cas squeezed his hand and gave him a reassuring smile. "Don't be afraid. This is your world. Sam is here for you and he wants to see you. Nothing will happen to you, to the both of you. I'll make sure of it."

 

With a shaky nod, Dean followed Cas, still being guided by their interlocked hands. As they drew closer to Sam, the younger man turned around. 

 

His eyes widened, a smile splitting his face. “Dean!” Sam rushed his brother and enveloped him in a gripping hug. 

 

Dean released Cas’s hand to twist his hands into his brother’s jacket as he returned the hug. “Heya, Sammy,” he murmured in an affectionate tone.

 

Cas's heart physically hurt seeing this scene before his eyes. His biggest wish in that moment was the ability to give Sam back to Dean. It was a stupid wish, that wasn't anywhere near within his power, but still he wished for it.

 

"Where do you two want to go? You can go anywhere together," Cas explained softly to Dean.

 

Sam smiled at Dean. “You know what we could do? We could go to that river, remember? When we were kids. It was the Fourth of July and we had fireworks.”

 

Dean’s bottom lip trembled as he nodded. “Yeah, Sammy. Let’s go there.”

 

The dream changed into a field beside a river. It was now nighttime and all of the stars in the milky way were visible in the sky, not even hidden from how bright the moon was shining. A soft warm breeze was in the air and everything smelled like fresh grass and summer. There were other people in the field, singing and eating, but Dean only had eyes for his brother, who unpacked fireworks from a basket. 

 

Cas put his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “I’ll leave you now. Enjoy the rest of your dream. You won’t need me anymore.”

 

Dean nodded, almost waving him off a little dismissively. Cas refrained from sighing outright and turned away from Dean, starting to walk off. Before he could leave the dream without creating any disturbances, he was halted by Dean calling out to him.

 

When he turned around, Dean was jogging up to him. Cas was about to ask him what he needed, when the man yanked him into a hug. He murmured a quick, “Thanks, Castiel.” And in just as quick a whirlwind as he had been pulled into the embrace, Dean had already released him and started jogging backwards toward Sam, waving at Cas.

 

Cas felt like he was frozen to the spot. It took him a moment to come back to the here and now before he collected his thoughts and concentrated on leaving the dream. Not without one last longing look in Dean’s direction. The sight warmed his heart, but at the same time – it hurt. It was contradictory – the nature of human emotion, as he had learned over time.

 

When he blinked, he looked at Dean’s sleeping form in front of him, as he had curled himself inwardly on the bed. Cas noticed that one of their hands were intertwined, which surprised him. Careful not to wake Dean, he let go of his hand. 

 

And then he waited. This time he wasn’t bored, since the short hug he had shared with Dean played on an endless loop in his mind.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Cas was ripped from his inner reverie when every alarm bell in his mind went off. 

 

A moloch had entered the tunnels. A demon blood hound. He would find Cas and Dean even with the protective sigils.

 

His eyes widened as he knelt beside Dean on the bed and clamped his hand over his mouth so he wouldn’t make a noise when he woke up. Dean’s eyes widened and he struggled against his grip as expected, until Cas held his finger up to his own lips, a silent plea for him to not make any noise. He gave him a questioning look, to see if he could take away his hand.

 

Dean nodded against his palm. Message received. 

 

Cas carefully slid away his hand and pointed to the door before he gestured towards Dean’s bag and towards the door again. He quietly walked over to the exit, waiting for Dean to get ready and open it. He couldn’t even touch the door with all the sigils on it.

 

With an efficiency that spoke of years of practice of having to run, Dean grabbed a specific set of weapons and books, quickly stuffing them and a change of clothes into his satchel. He slung the bag over his shoulder, and tucked a couple of extra weapons into his belt. 

 

Dean approached and carefully opened the door. 

 

Cas grabbed his wrist to hold him back and went out before him, letting his senses reach out to the tunnel entrance. They didn't have much time. He pointed in the opposite direction with a questioning look, hoping there would be an alternate exit in that direction.

 

Dean nodded at Cas, pointing to himself, a silent request to allow him to lead the way out.

 

Cas nodded and quickly followed Dean down the tunnels, who navigated them without any issue, even though it was pitch black. A few minutes of running and heading down a multitude of different directions, Cas felt the influence of the moloch waning. It would be safe to talk again. But still he whispered, “We can’t go to the Citadel. We have to go north once we’re out of here. A moloch is trying to find us. If he catches wind of the Citadel, it’ll be over.”

 

Dean looked around and pointed in a direction a little northeast. “There’s a river, we can trail it up.”

 

Water. Perfect. They could lose the bloodhound there. “How long until we get out?”

 

As if he was reading his mind, Dean took a sharp left and twisted a large handle as he said, “In about…” Dean pushed open a large, heavy door that led to the outside. He looked at his watchless wrist and said, “Now.”

 

Cas gave him a relieved smile, that vanished as soon as his gaze fell in the northern direction. A massive sandstorm was heading their way. They couldn’t stay in the tunnels for shelter, but the way ahead was dangerous, too. Not just because of the sand, but because of the demonic beings that travelled within it. 

 

“We can’t survive a fight with a moloch, but we  _ can  _ survive the sandstorm. I say we continue travelling north,” Cas suggested grimly.

 

Dean nodded. “There’s a cabin about twelve miles in the direction we’re goin’. We can hide out there if we lose the demon.”

 

“If the sandstorm doesn’t reach us first,” Cas added before he ran after Dean, who made his way down a little slope covered in brownish dead grass and towards a partly dried out river. It was still enough water to walk through and lose the moloch. “We should walk through the water. They can smell our scent like dogs.”

 

“Great,” he quipped in a sarcastic tone. Without hesitation, Dean waded until he was waist deep in the murky water, before completely submerging himself. He came up, white t-shirt now clinging to his frame. Dean shook out his hair and nodded for Cas to follow him.

 

Cas tried not to stare at how the shirt hugged Dean's body as he followed Dean's example and dunked himself into the water. When he came up again, the water dripped from his hair into his face and he combed his hands through it to get rid of the wetness. He waded to the side where the water wasn’t deep and easier to walk through. “Let’s walk here for a mile.” 

 

Dean nodded as he pulled off his satchel and placed it on a rock before shrugging off his t-shirt. He wrung it out and tucked it into the side of his jeans, before slinging his satchel around his now bare torso. “Too bad I don’t have soap. Coulda put this water to some good use…”

 

Cas was drenched in water, but suddenly his mouth went dry. He had no idea how to stop staring. His jaw had dropped and it took a lot of effort to close it again. When Dean looked up Cas cleared his throat and blinked. “Um. And. Um. We don’t have much time.”

 

Dean quirked his brow as his eyes raked over Cas’s face. He smirked and said, “You okay?”

 

Cas nodded quickly. Too quickly to be convincing. He felt his face actually grow warmer as he cleared his throat again. "We should really go."

 

That was met with an amused chuckle as Dean started walking north. His strides were long, determined, and practiced. Having Dean’s back facing him should have been less distracting, but it wasn’t. The way his muscles tensed with his movement was bizarrely captivating. And now that his skin was clean, Castiel was pleased to see that the freckles that littered Dean’s face continued in a hypnotizing pattern down his torso.

 

He tried to keep his mind open for any dangerous encounters, but it was hard to concentrate. When the wind grew stronger, with the occasional blasts of sand blowing into his face, his gaze wandered to the cloud on the horizon that had gotten darker and closer. He could make out lightning and dark patches. 

 

Those dark patches were wings of succubi that followed the sandstorm, eating the victims that got trapped in their cloud. “It’ll probably only be thirty minutes before that will reach us, Dean. It’s going very fast.”

 

“Okay, uh…” Dean walked out of the river, heading toward a pair of trees, their roots had tangled beneath the soil, so they were twisted and twined together in a mutated form of what a tree should look like. He nodded when he turned back to Cas. “There’s a cave about two miles east of here. Wanna hide there until the storm passes?”

 

Cas nodded, his gaze still on the cloud. “We should try to get there as fast as possible. And we’ll probably need some of your blood for a warding. There are a lot of succubi in that cloud. They will try to lure you away.”

 

Dean nodded and approached the river again, he held his hand out toward Cas for him to take. “No time to waste, then.”

 

Cas took Dean’s hand without hesitation and let himself be pulled after the man at a quick pace. They ran fast and Cas was once again glad that Dean knew the area like the back of his hand. 

 

He could already see the entrance of the cave when the sandstorm suddenly hit them. Cas covered Dean with his body, yelling at him through the noise of the storm, “Close your eyes!”

 

When Dean pressed his eyes closed, Cas unfolded his wings like a shield before he pressed Dean against his body. “I’ll carry you the rest of the way. Whatever you do, don’t open your eyes.”

 

He lifted Dean into his arms, like he had carried him the first day they met, pressing his face against his upper body to shield his face as he ran the last few feet to the cavern, sliding into the safety of the rock formation. 

 

Cas retracted his wings back to the other plane so that Dean wouldn’t seen them, before he carefully let him down. “We need your blood. Now!” he yelled breathlessly over the howling storm.

 

Dean grabbed a switchblade and plunged it into his forearm, reaching his arm out for Cas to cup his blood.

 

He quickly made his way to the entrance, drawing a line in the sand, before he drew a sigil on the ground with the blood. It glowed when he finished the last stroke. Not a second too early as one of the succubi tried to fly into the cave. When it breached the threshold, the creature burned to ash with a loud screech

 

Letting out a relieved exhale, Dean dropped to the ground, sitting up against the right wall of the dank cave. He shook his head and looked at the entrance. “At least we lost the moloch?” 

 

Cas couldn’t sense the moloch anywhere, but it was hard to say with so much other demon activity around them. “I think so. I can get a better feeling for it once the storm settles.”

 

He stayed at the entrance, feeling on edge and dirty with the effect the succubi had on his species. He scratched over his arm before he let his wet and dirty trenchcoat fall to the ground.

 

Dean grabbed the spare change of clothes out of his satchel and tossed them to Cas. “Here.”

 

Cas wasn’t sure if a change of clothes would help, but it didn’t hurt to try. The entirety of his skin felt like he was covered in fire ants and all he wanted was to get rid of his wet shirt. He quickly unbuttoned it, throwing it on the ground next to the trench coat. He rubbed his palms over his arms, trying to get rid of the feeling, but it only made it worse. 

 

“Hey, hey…” Dean murmured calmly as he approached Cas. He grasped him by the wrist with his wounded arm, stilling him. Dean turned Cas’s wrist so it was palm up and with his free hand, swiped the pad of his thumb through his own blood. Before Cas could ask what he was doing, Dean started painting a sigil into Cas’s palm. 

 

Suddenly, the infuriating itch dulled. It was still there, beneath the surface, but it was muted.

 

Cas tilted his head and looked at the sigil with a frown. He had never seen that before. “What did you do?”

 

“It’s a pain numbing spell. Doesn’t get rid of it, just dulls it.”

 

Cas studied the symbol to add it to his collection of ‘useful things to know’ as he nodded, giving Dean a grateful smile. “Thank you, Dean.”

 

Dean shrugged. “No big.” He pulled a long white piece of cloth from his satchel and sank down to the ground as he started wrapping his arm.

 

Cas knelt down next him. “I can heal you, if you want.” 

 

“Nah. Had to deal with my wounds long before you.” Dean used his teeth to pull the cloth through in a knot. He let out a sigh before dropping his head back and closing his eyes.

 

"That's true, but you don't have to be alone with that burden anymore." Cas's voice grew quieter and insecure when he realized too late what he had said. "I mean. Um. It's your decision. I–I just meant... I would love to help." He scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment before he fished Dean's shirt from the ground and pulled it over his head.

 

“Saving my ass twice now, I think you’ve done your part,” he said without even opening his eyes.

 

Cas looked up at Dean, after he had fumbled with the hem of the shirt for a moment, a vain attempt to distract himself. “I wasn’t aware we were counting.”

 

Dean finally opened his eyes and turned to look at Cas as he chuckled. “We’re not. But if we were, I’d be losin’.”

 

Cas changed his position into sitting cross legged in front of Dean, before he glanced to the entrance again as another succubi burned with a high pitched shriek when it breached the sigil. “It’s not a competition for me. I–I just don't want something to happen to you."

 

There was a beat of charged silence as Dean held Cas’s stare. “You know I'm not  _ him _ , right?”

 

"I'm painfully aware." Cas shook his head slowly. "But that isn't the reason. I would do this for any human."

 

And even though that was true, he already knew that he would do more, risk more – for  _ this  _ Dean. He wasn't sure if it was just because he looked like his... the other Dean, or if it was because he had started to care for him.

 

“Fine,” he grumbled as he held his arm out. “If it'll make you feel better.”

 

Cas had not expected that and gave Dean a surprised smile that was probably the widest smile he had ever managed in his entire existence. He carefully wrapped his fingers around Dean’s arm and looked up at him. “Thank you.” 

 

He healed Dean with a quick burst of grace. Shortly after they heard shrieks from the cave entrance when two more succubi flared up as they tried to cross the warding from the sigil. They were rather stupid in their true form.

 

Dean chuckled. “Well, doesn't look like I'll be gettin’ any shut eye.”

 

Cas mirrored the chuckle. "How dare them! Making so much noise while dying."

 

“Exactly. They should be considerate of other people's feelings. Fucking dicks.”

 

"I believe it's because they aren't full-fledged lust demons like the male incubi. Those thrive on other people’s feelings." He scratched his arm again, before he continued, "At least those devolved, smaller ones don't make us go mad with lust before they suck our brains out."

 

He braced his chin on his hands as he leaned forward with a soft smile. “And before you ask. No. Angels aren’t immune to them. That’s just a myth.”

 

“Like I didn't know that. I caught the way you looked at me earlier.” Dean chuckled as he rested his head against the wall again.

 

"I apologize. I know that was inappropriate. But – you are very attractive," Cas mumbled before he watched the entrance again. Not that it was necessary, but he needed a distraction. The shirt he was wearing smelled like Dean and the antsy itching under his skin from the massive cloud of succubi outside didn't make it any easier.

 

“Didn't think angels could feel lust. Or be gay. What else did we get wrong?” He didn't sound angry, just more amused than anything.

 

"I didn't feel anything like this before I had a human body." Cas combed his fingers through his hair, that was slowly drying and probably sticking up in every direction. "Maybe that was always our greatest flaw. That we were shielded from human emotions, making humanity unrelatable for us." He bit his lower lip thoughtfully before he looked up. "Our father was always indifferent to sexual orientation and, to be honest, I’ve just started to grasp the concept of having a gender at all."

 

“If there's one thing I've learned through all this bullshit, it’s that gender doesn't mean dick when you're just trying to survive.”

 

Cas nodded, feeling sad when he remembered all the stories he had heard from the survivors back at the Citadel. "You're right. In the end it all comes down to how strong we are and how we get through this. If we lose our humanity, or in my case, our original mission to protect humans."

 

He scoffed and added, "I didn't want to get philosophical here. I just meant that I like people for their souls." He gave Dean a cheeky grin. "But freckles make it easier."

 

Dean shook his head, but Cas caught a small smile. “I'm thinking less and less that you were joking about turning me into a housewife.”

 

"Maybe I haven't given up on–" A loud shriek and burning noise from the entrance interrupted Cas. He closed his eyes and shook his head with a grin. "My nefarious plans–"

 

Another shriek and flapping of leathery wings stopped him mid-sentence and Cas couldn't help but look at Dean, barely containing his laugh. "I think we're attracting more of them with this conversation."

 

Dean chuckled. “Then maybe we should stay quiet.”

 

Cas nodded, his soft smile still in place. He liked the way Dean looked when he laughed. How it lit up his green eyes, making his features grow softer. Another succubi went up in flames as he gave Dean’s face a last lingering look. 

 

He sighed deeply and turned his gaze back to the entrance. Succubi were attracted by the faintest feeling of desire. If he looked at Dean any longer he would probably burn the whole swarm at this rate.

 

From the howling of the storm, Cas tried to calculate how long it would take for it to subside. It could be a few more hours by the strength of it. It would probably appear longer to him with the silence lingering between him and Dean. Yet again he wished he was better with social interaction, although he was starting to enjoy the delightful banter he seemed to be developing with Dean.

 

When he glanced back at Dean, noticing the way he leaned against the wall, the expanse of his chest covered in sigils and freckles, his eyes fell on the sigils carrying his name. In his mind he went over to him, imagined himself rubbing the ink from the circle around it away, smudging the hiding sigil with his fingertips, so only his name would remain. 

 

He bit his lip, closing his eyes again as two, or maybe even three, more demons burned in the entrance.

 

Cas rifled his fingers through his hair in frustration. He was not making it any better and the antsy feeling was just getting worse. He scratched at his shoulder and arm before he stood up again, pacing through the cave as he glowered at the cave entrance. 

 

“Dude. You're making  _ me _ itchy. You gotta chill out.”

 

Cas rolled his shoulders in discomfort and scratched his shoulder with the stubble of his beard as he rubbed his face over it. “Sorry. It’s not that easy.”

 

He walked over to the pile containing his trench coat, grabbing it and the shirt, he drew closer to the entrance before kneeling down by the wall. Cas pulled his angel blade out of the pocket. He dried and cleaned the clothes with a pulse of his grace, waiting for another succubus to try and fly into the cavern. 

 

Spotting one that was attracted by the spark of his grace, it screeched as it flew down at him, but before it could burn against the sigil warding, Cas stepped outside and grabbed the demon by its throat. Smashing it against the wall to hold it still, he laid his palm on its head and concentrated, trying to see what the swarm had seen.

 

The images were exactly what he needed to get a good look outside. Now he knew which demons were in the area and how many and, the most important part, where they were headed. He threw the shrieking succubus against the sigil, causing it to go up in flames, but not before the demon had scratched his arm.

 

Cas groaned as he grabbed his shirt and pushed it above the wound, trying to get it to bleed, so the poison would get flushed out.

 

Dean barked a sharp, “C’mere.” As Cas drew closer, Dean got up and met him halfway. He forcefully grabbed the shirt and looked down at the wound.

 

With an annoyed huff and an eye roll, Dean gripped Cas’s arm and murmured a soft, “Stupid angel…” before he bent down and wrapped his lips over the wound. After a minute, he pulled off and spat the poison on the ground before he repeated the action.

 

His wings twitched and started to beat with how much he wanted to get away from this situation. Not that Dean could see, since his wings weren't visible on this plane, but he would probably notice his fidgeting. He knew what Dean was doing would help, but all of his instincts wanted to flee from his grip. He tried to calm down his racing heart, making a strangled noise when Dean’s lips sucked at his arm again. He had never been touched in that way before. 

 

A mantra repeated over and over in his mind, that Dean was just helping him get rid of the poison. It meant nothing. “Thank you,” he pressed out between tight lips. “Now  _ you’ve  _ saved me.”

 

Dean spit out the rest of the poison and used the back of his hand to wipe at his chin. “I know you were antsy, but maybe try  _ not  _ getting scratched by anymore succubi?” He chuckled good naturedly as he looked Cas over. “You okay? Did I get it all?”

 

He checked all his body’s functions and nodded after a moment. The poison was out of his system. "Yes, thank you. But I think I need to sit down for a moment." 

 

Cas felt a bit dizzy, but he knew it would pass. He went to the back of the cave where it was the coldest and sat down, pressing his back against the wall. His body temperature was higher than usual, but he was sure the poison was gone. “At least now I know what we're up against and how long we're going to have to stay here." 

 

“And?” Dean asked expectantly as he moved to sit down a few feet away from Cas.

 

Cas shivered and he rubbed his hands over his arms. "The sandstorm is moving to the east. It will be over in about two hours. There are two male incubi flying with the swarm, so we should wait another hour before we leave this cave. They could still be in the vicinity. But there is no trace of the moloch following us. Nor the demonic army."

 

He looked down, biting his lip. Cas was worried that the Citadel was still in danger. His original mission was to lead the army  _ away  _ from the Citadel. Not run away from it and hope for a good outcome.

 

Dean nodded his understanding, before crossing his legs and leaning forward. “Well, there's not much to play ‘I Spy’ with, so how do you wanna kill the time?”

 

Cas tilted his head. “What’s ‘I Spy’?”

 

“It's a game. You look at something in your vicinity and give a hint to the other person. Like, I see your trenchcoat, so I'd say, ‘I spy with my little eye, something beginning with T.’ And you guess.”

 

“It wouldn't be fair to play against me then. I see a lot more than you do." Cas gave him a long look before he added, "Like the healed fracture lines in your ribs."

 

Dean chuckled. “What makes you think I can't see your internal shit?”

 

Cas grinned at him before he raised his eyebrow. “If you could see my real, ‘internal shit’, you’d be blind by now.”

 

“Challenge accepted. I spy with my little eye something beginning with... A.”

 

Cas squinted his eyes at him. “Angel.”

 

Dean smiled. “Lucky guess. Your turn.”

 

“I spy something beginning with an F.” Cas smirked.

 

Dean looked around, eyes narrowed in concentration, before he rolled his eyes and asked, “Fractures?”

 

Cas smiled and shook his head. “No, it’s something you would be able to perceive as well. Just because I have the ability to see more, doesn’t mean I want to use my advantage. It wouldn’t be fair.”

 

“Hmmm, okay…” Dean started looking around again. He held up his satchel, pointing at a tear in the fabric. “A fray?”

 

Cas couldn’t help but chuckle as he shook his head. He started to understand why the kids at the Citadel felt so much glee when they couldn’t be found while playing Hide and Seek. 

 

“Fabric?” he asked, tugging on the waistband of his jeans.

 

Cas shook his head again, his cheeks almost started to hurt from how hard he was smiling. “Are you giving up?”

 

Dean quirked his brow in challenge. “Not yet. Can you give me a hint?”

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck, looking away for a moment to hide his smile. “It’s something I like about you.”

 

“My fierceness? Or is it my facetiousness?” Dean smirked.

 

Cas laughed and shook his head. “Not that those aren’t charming qualities as well, but no. It’s something more... tangible.”

 

Dean regarded him for a moment, an amused smile curving his lips slightly. “My face?”

 

“No, but close,” Cas hinted.

 

“Close, huh?” Dean hummed thoughtfully, leaning forward, arms braced on his knees, before he let out an annoyed groan. “My fucking freckles?”

 

Cas laughed outright then. “That’s even two F’s. And yes, your freckles.” He tilted his head. “Have I won now?”

 

“Nope, you don’t win this game. No one does.” Dean chuckled and looked around before a huge grin split his face. “Okay, I spy with my little eye something beginning with L.”

 

Cas let his eyes trail over the same things Dean had looked at, but he suspected it wouldn’t be something easy to spot now. He scratched his chin thoughtfully. He pointed at the blue crystals at the cave entrance and after that at the poisonous plants. “The lapis? Or the ligustrum?”

 

Dean laughed outright, shaking his head as he smacked his own knee. “I don’t even know what the hell those things are.”

 

Cas smiled, loving the way Dean’s face lit up when he laughed. That gave him an idea. He grinned. “The  _ lovely  _ angel in front of you.”

 

He shook his head. “Someone thinks highly of himself. Guess again,  _ lovely.” _

 

Cas grinned, biting his lip thoughtfully as he looked around the cave again. “Can I get a hint, too?”

 

The man made a show of thinking about it, humming, stroking his chin in feigned contemplation, before he laughed again. “Alright. It’s something I like on you.” Dean smirked.

 

That took him by surprise. He had thought Dean would hate him, or barely tolerate him at least. Cas had never imagined that there was something Dean would like about him. 

 

He squinted his eyes thoughtfully, trying to come up with anything about him starting with an L. It probably wouldn’t involve anything about him that was related to being an angel. So he tried to find something that was related to his vessel. 

 

“My... legs?” Cas asked slowly.

 

Dean laughed outright. “Nope. Try again.”

 

"Is it something like my 'lack of humor', or 'lack of social skills', or an  _ actual  _ physical attribute?"

 

He shrugged noncommittally. “Only one hint per round.”

 

“My lashes. Eye-lashes.” Cas was just guessing random words that began with an L at that point, because he had no idea what Dean could like about him.

 

“Nope.” The smile on Dean’s face was quite smug.

 

Cas licked over his lips, trying to concentrate. He wasn’t very confident that he’d solve this one. After a few minutes he shook his head slightly. “I can’t think of anything that starts with an L that you could like about me. It’s very difficult.”

 

Dean shrugged his shoulders again, smirking as he said, “Guess you won’t get to know then.”

 

“You won’t tell me what it was?” Cas asked with wide eyes. Because now he needed to know.

 

“If you can’t guess, why should I reward you?” Dean’s grin grew wider, his eyes sparkling with his amusement.

 

Cas furrowed his brow. “I would have told you.”

 

“I’m not you, though.” 

 

Cas rifled his fingers through his hair and closed his eyes. There had to be something he missed. He went through every name of every aspect of his body, trying to find anything that started with L. “My larynx, my lap, my lips, my liver... my lungs?" He quickly listed with a questioning look.

 

Dean bent over from how hard he was laughing. He took a couple of steadying breaths as he wiped the mirth from his eyes. “It’s been a long time since I’ve laughed that hard.” He shook his head and took another steadying breath. “More than a long time. Years.”

 

Cas's smile vanished from his face when Dean's words sunk in. It was exactly the same words the other Dean had said to  _ his  _ Cas, in the memory he had shared with him. He didn't dare think about what that meant.

 

He tried to change the subject then, hoping Dean wouldn't notice his shock. "So did I guess it? What is it?"

 

Dean chuckled again. “Alright, yes. You guessed it.” He ducked his head and murmured, “Lips.”

 

Humans were strange. He would have never guessed that. Why would Dean like his lips? There was no explanation for that. He frowned. "That's an odd choice."

 

“No more odd than liking freckles,” he argued.

 

"They make you very unique. Everyone has lips though," Cas explained, still thinking that their choices weren't in any way comparable. 

 

Dean shrugged. “A lot of people have freckles. That’s not a defense. And you’ve got DSL, which  _ not  _ everyone has, so…”

 

“DSL?” Cas asked in confusion.

 

That was met with a chuckle. “Dick-Sucking Lips.”

 

It took a moment for Cas to understand what Dean was implying. When he did, he raised his eyebrows before he grinned smugly. "You think my lips are attractive."

 

Dean pursed his lips and shrugged again. “Maybe.”

 

Cas leaned back again and couldn't stop smiling. "I like this 'I Spy' game. Are there more like it?"

 

“Used to play Road Bingo and Twenty Questions with Sammy back when we had a car.” Dean sighed and leaned back against the wall. “Actually, all the games I can think of usually involve being cooped up in a car.”

 

Cas hoped he hadn't made Dean sad with his question. "They work well when you're stuck in a cave, too. Tell me about Road... Bingo? And Twenty Questions." Maybe he could distract Dean a while longer from all the troubles that waited outside for them.

 

“Road Bingo really only works in a car, but we could try Twenty Questions...” Dean sat up again, leaning his arms on his knees. He explained, “So, basically how it works is, whoever goes first, say it’s me, I choose something. An object, it can be anything. An actor, movie, food, whatever. You get twenty questions to try and figure out what it is. But you can only ask yes or no questions. Make sense?”

 

Cas nodded slowly before he added quietly, "But I don't know any movies or actors."

 

“Then it looks like I have a seriously unfair advantage.” 

 

"An advantage you will use against me?" Cas asked quietly. It wasn't just a question about the game. He still didn't know Dean very well. And it was dangerous to assume anything just because he really liked the Dean from the other universe.

 

Dean shook his head. “Nah. You played fair, it wouldn’t be cool if I didn’t. Alright, do you wanna try?”

 

Cas leaned back with a soft smile and nodded. "Okay."

 

There was a beat of silence. Dean appeared contemplative, before he smirked and said, “Okay. Start guessin’.”

 

“Are you organic?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Are you human?” Cas asked again, enjoying the way Dean’s lips twitched into a smile when he gave him a challenging look.

 

“Yes,” he answered, smug grin still plastered on his face.

 

“Are you a man?” Cas asked again.

 

Dean nodded. “Yep.”

 

Cas scratched his chin. He didn’t want to ask the next question, but he had to narrow it down. “Are you still alive?” he asked quietly.

 

That appeared to take Dean aback. He sighed and nodded again. “Yeah.”

 

Cas didn't know any humans that Dean would know that were still alive. So he asked, "Are you an attractive man with freckles, in the company of an angel with 'dick-sucking-lips'?"

 

Dean let out a sharp bark of laughter. “You know, this game doesn’t work when the only person you and I both know is me.”

 

“You could have chosen an item,” Cas countered with a shrug.

 

“You didn’t know what DSL was. How do I know you know what an aardvark is?”

 

“I know all the animals on this planet. And an aardvark is not an item. My turn?” 

 

Dean shrugged. “Go for it. Tell me when I need to start guessin’.”

 

Cas thought about it for a moment before he decided what to choose. He scrunched up his nose for a moment, wondering if it was a good choice, but decided to stick with it. At least it was a challenge. “I’ve got something.”

 

“Alright. Are you an animal?”

 

“No.” Cas shook his head. Answering all of Dean’s questions would be a challenge.

 

“Uh…” Dean pursed his lips in contemplation. “Are you a mineral?”

 

“No.”

 

“Human?”

 

Cas shook his head again. At this rate Dean would probably never guess it.

 

“Are you something that doesn't exist anymore?” His expression was determined and Dean appeared fully engaged.

 

Cas thought about that question for a while. “I can’t answer that with Yes or No, Dean. If you make it more specific, like existing here on Earth, I can.” 

 

Dean quirked his brow. “Okay are you something that exists on this earth?”

 

“No,” Cas answered quietly.

 

“Are you god?” 

 

Cas looked up in surprise. “You’re good at this game.”

 

“Well, you gave me a pretty big clue. God hasn't existed here for a long time.” Dean’s amusement was gone, his bitter and resigned tone a strong indication of that.

 

Cas could empathize. He looked down, playing with the hem of the shirt Dean had lent him. "At the beginning, I searched for him. In my naivety I thought I could find him, ask him why he abandoned us. Beg him to come back and stop the archangels... Now I’ve stopped wanting to ask him 'why'. I just want to punch him in his face."

 

“Welcome to the club.”

 

“Thank you,” Cas answered dryly. “Although I used to be in a much better club.”

 

“You did? ‘Cause from where I'm sitting, your other club is just as fucking worthless as the asshole who abandoned you.”

 

Cas scoffed and looked away. "Our numbers aren't infinite, Dean. In the first days when Michael and Raphael declared war against Hell on Earth, a lot of angels died to protect the humans. Thousands of my brothers and sisters died in those first few days. Disobedience isn't in our nature. But still, angels started to resist. They were tortured and brainwashed until they complied. You never met a worthy angel because all of them are gone."

 

Dean regarded him for a few moments, the uncomfortable silence making its return with a vengeance. He braced himself in preparation for whatever cruel thing Dean was ready to volley with, that he almost didn’t catch it when the man murmured a quiet, “Not all of them.”

 

Cas shook his head. “I don’t count myself among them.”

 

“Well, I do. So, do with that what you want.”

 

“You don’t know me. You have no idea what I’ve done.” Cas didn’t want Dean to get the wrong impression of him. Just because he was helping humans now.

 

With a crack of his knuckles, Dean shifted to sit cross-legged as he turned to face Cas more fully. “If you see no value in what you are or what you have become, then there’s nothing I can say or do to try and convince you otherwise. I  _ don’t  _ know you. But I was trying to get to know you. Guess we should just go back to not talking.”

 

Cas looked down and shook his head. "I'm sorry. I don't want that, Dean. I shouldn't let out my frustration on you. Forgive me." He bit his lower lip. "My problem is that I don't exactly remember what I did. I have massive memory losses from the time Heaven tried to 'repair' me."

 

“Like the reprogramming the other ‘decent’ angels went through when they tried to protect humanity?”

 

Cas nodded, he still remembered flashes of pain and the chair he was bound to. "I seemed to have failed my mission. I was used as a tool of destruction and there was nothing I could do to stop it." Cas's voice broke and he winced as he looked away from Dean. For all he knew, he could have been there when Dean's brother had died and would have done nothing. 

 

Dean braced his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward. “Can I ask you somethin’?”

 

Cas nodded, taking in a deep breath. “Of course.”

 

“What was it about the other Dean that made you change?”

 

For a moment Cas felt embarrassed, heat rising in his cheeks. "He believed in me."

 

“Why?” His question wasn’t rude, or accusatory. Dean sounded curious more than anything.

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck. "I suppose because I reminded him of his friend... And maybe because I helped him." He shrugged slightly. He wasn’t sure. It felt like such a long time ago.

 

“And if you’d never met him?”

 

“I would be dead by now,” Cas answered without hesitation. “I felt empty. I didn’t care if I died in the field. I sought it out.”

 

Dean nodded and cleared his throat before he asked, “And now?”

 

Cas thought back to all the people in the Citadel he cared for, that would be happy to see him again. And that he would feel happy to see again. Especially the children. “Now I have something to live for. I have people who care for my well being and need my protection. I have a mission again. Like I had before.” He gave him a soft smile. “I feel like an angel again.”

 

“And if you had to choose between your humans and the angels? If they wanted you back, but you had to destroy the Citadel?”

 

“That’s not a choice for me. I would die before I gave up the Citadel. It’s my home.”

 

Dean nodded thoughtfully and craned his neck, causing a cracking sound to echo through the cave. He stretched out his arms and repositioned himself. “Can you do me a favor?”

 

“Of course.” He noticed that he didn’t even hesitate to agree, even though he had no idea what Dean was going to ask. It was hard to say if the trust he felt was because he was getting to know this Dean, or it was leftover from his brief relationship with the other Dean.

 

“Don’t ever fuckin’ compare yourself to those other asshole angels. At least not where I can hear it. Okay?”

 

Cas was taken aback from Dean’s outburst. He lowered his head and nodded. “Alright.” 

 

Maybe Dean felt conflicted about his path of revenge against angels and not wanting to kill Cas. Dean knew by now that a lot of other humans depended on Cas. He wondered if Dean would have killed him, if that wasn’t the case. If he met Cas earlier, when he was just walking around, killing demons.

 

“Good,” he murmured and pulled his knees up to rest his chin against his arm. “So how much longer are we stuck here?”

 

Cas squinted his eyes at the entrance, listening to the sound of the storm. “The storm is nearly over. But we should still be careful about the incubi. Have you ever met one?”

 

“Would I be here if I had?” 

 

“You seem like you’ve had your fair share of fights and know your way around. I think you’re one the few humans I would think capable of defeating one,” Cas explained. It wasn’t a compliment, just an observation.

 

Dean shook his head and moved closer to Cas, presenting his torso as he pointed to a large scar on the side of his abdomen. “Never met an incubi, but this was from a nasty little imp.”

 

Without thinking Cas reached forward and touched the scar, following the line gently with his fingertips. "Did he poison you? Or was it a fire imp?"

 

“Poison, hence why that scar never went away.” He pointed to the jagged scar along his collarbone. “This was a puck. Got hit with some fucking spell. I can't even remember the spell.”

 

“How did you get away?” Cas asked when he touched the scar in the same way he had touched the other one.

 

“That’s how I met my priest friend. He saved my ass.” Dean tugged down his jeans and pointed to a deep red scar just above his groin. “This was an angel.”

 

Cas winced and leaned back from Dean before he looked away. “I’m sorry.”

 

“At least I lived.” Dean sighed and sat back on the ground, still remaining close to Cas. 

 

“I don’t have any scars,” Cas mumbled after a while. “I heal myself every time a demon tries to rip my skin to shreds.” 

 

“Not all scars are visible, Castiel.”

 

Cas couldn’t help the shiver that ran through his body when Dean used his full name. He liked when Dean addressed him directly. He liked how his name sounded on Dean’s lips.

 

He shook his head to clear his mind. “You’re right. I remember the angel that had tried to brainwash me. She told me that I was broken. That I had been on her chair so many times and that something was wrong with me. That I have never done what I was told. Sometimes I feel like I carry scars from the things I have done, that I can’t remember doing. Maybe a part of me still remembers, I don’t know. I wonder if I should be grateful for the memory loss.” 

 

“I would be. Fuck, there’s so many things I wish I couldn’t remember.” Dean let out a soft sigh. 

 

Cas bit his lower lip again before he looked up. “But aren’t those experiences the ones that shape our character? If we didn’t have our memories, would we still be us?”

 

“No. That’s bullshit. You can’t say that someone with a bad memory, with amnesia, with dementia isn’t themselves. You devalue someone just because they can’t remember? It’s a crock of shit. Besides, we all change. I’m not the same guy I was five years ago, five months ago, hell… five  _ days  _ ago.” Dean shook his head and added, “Our memories don’t shape us, they just guide us.”

 

"So without our memories, we would lose our direction, or path?"

 

Dean smiled. “Without our memories, we may end up on a new path.”

 

Cas returned the smile. He liked this new path. 

 

**…. :::: :::: …..**

 

Cas stopped in the middle of the woods on their way to the cabin Dean had mentioned. The forest was quiet and that was never a good sign. The hair on his neck rose as he conjured his angel blade. “Something is here with us, Dean.”

 

There weren’t many creatures that could sneak up on him undetected. He wanted to walk towards Dean, when suddenly he was jumped by a big, black skelk and shoved to the ground. Cas screamed when the claws of a creature ripped open his back.

 

“Fuck!” Dean cried out. Cas’s vision was blurred from the severity of the pain, but somehow the weight of the creature was no longer on him. 

 

Dean had managed to lure it away from Cas. He was backed up against a tree, waving the skelk towards him. “Come on, you ugly fuck.” 

 

As it drew closer, a pool of its poisonous saliva began to form a few feet from Dean. The man narrowed his eyes at it and started murmuring something in Latin. The skelk let out an unholy screech as it charged Dean.

 

He ducked the attack with a skill and precision that was remarkably impressive. Dean tucked his head as he practically somersaulted away from the skelk. The creature collided with the tree and screeched again, this time an angry and frustrated sound. Dean pulled out a short and serrated dagger. A demon knife. 

 

Dean managed to slide underneath the belly of the beast and slammed the weapon up towards the creature’s heart. It let out a terrible death rattle as it collapsed on top of Dean.

 

Cas’s heart was gripped in panic when he couldn’t see Dean anymore. He braced himself on his elbows, trying to stand up. “Dean!” He fell to his knees again, his head swimming and his muscles going lax. “Dean!”

 

He tried to crawl over when he heard a groan. The beast was shuffled and Dean began crawling out from under it. “Castiel?” he called out, voice gruff as he finally freed himself from under the skelk.

 

“Dean?! Are you injured? Can you get out?” Cas pressed out, between painful grunts as he tried to crawl closer.

 

Suddenly he was enveloped in someone’s arms.  _ Dean.  _ “He got you good.” There was something being pressed to his lips. “Eat this. It'll stop the poison from entering your bloodstream.”

 

Cas parted his lips, tasting juniper berries and Dean's fingers as they pressed them gently inside of his mouth. He tried to hold his eyes open, but for a moment everything went black and he felt weightless, like he was hovering over the ground.

 

The next time he opened his eyes again, it was darker and he noticed they were inside a cabin. He was lying next to an open fire on a few blankets. He tried to turn onto his back and hissed in pain before he rolled to his side again. His whole back burned, like it was on fire, and he was thirsty. He tried to brace himself on his hand to sit up, but he still felt weak and dizzy, so it took him a few tries. “Dean?”

 

“Hey,” Dean said, his tone calming and soft as he managed to appear at his side, almost out of nowhere. “Here.” He pressed a cup to Cas’s lips and softly said, “Drink.”

 

He didn’t need to be told twice. He quickly drank all of the liquid from the cup, which must have been some sort of tea, but he didn’t recognize the taste. “Thanks.” He winced at the rough sound of his own voice and the way his throat hurt. He looked up at Dean, blinking against the dim light. “Did you get hurt?”

 

Dean chuckled. “You’re somethin’ else. No. I’m fine. You, on the other hand…” He urged Cas to sit up with a gentle push of his hand. “I made a salve for the scratches, you think you’re up for me putting it on? It’s gonna hurt like hell.”

 

Cas nodded slowly. “Thank you for saving my life, Dean.”

 

“Now we’re square.” Dean moved to kneel as he pulled Cas forward. That’s when he realized he was shirtless. Dean must have done that when he was unconscious. Carefully, the human leaned into him, before he seemed to think better of it.

 

Dean drew back and quickly removed his t-shirt, before repositioning himself against Cas. “I’m not lying about how much this is gonna hurt, so if you need to, you can bite my shoulder. Okay?”

 

“I don’t want to hurt you, Dean,” Cas mumbled tiredly. It was weird to feel the need for sleep.

 

“I’m into it, so don’t worry about that.” Dean used his free hand to guide Cas’s mouth to his bare shoulder. “Okay, you ready?”

 

Cas had a strong suspicion that he had a fever, or was hallucinating, because he was pretty sure Dean just told him that he liked to get bitten. It would probably sound ridiculous to ask if he had really said that. Instead he pressed his face against Dean’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around him, mumbling something that sounded suspiciously like, “You’re such a beautiful human.” 

 

Dean hushed Cas and said, “Here we go.” 

 

Suddenly there was a sharp, stinging sensation lighting his skin on fire where the skelk had scratched him. Dean’s grip on Cas tightened as he said, “It’s burning the remaining poison out of your wounds.”

 

Cas pressed his face harder against Dean’s shoulder when the pain got worse. He started to breathe faster as tears sprung to his eyes, his body arched closer against Dean’s body and away from Dean’s hand that was applying the salve. 

 

“I know it fuckin’ sucks. I’m sorry,” he murmured in comfort as his hand made its way over the next scratch with the salve, starting the painful process all over again.

 

"Dean..." Cas pressed out between gritted teeth. He gasped when something felt like a bolt of lightning went through his body, burning everything in its wake. "Uh… D – Dean... I can't..." It hurt so much. He rubbed his face against Dean's shoulder, not knowing where to go with his pain.

 

“We’re halfway done, you’re doin’ great,” Dean comforted as he carded his other hand in Cas’s hair. “We can take a little break, but the sooner we finish this, the better.”

 

Cas knew Dean was right. But it felt like he was burning away on the inside and he just didn’t know if he could take it any longer. He tightened his grip around Dean, his fingernails pressing into Dean’s skin as he nodded tersely. “I’ll... try… gnnn.”

 

“I’m gonna do it again. Ready?”

 

No, but what choice did he have? So he nodded. When the pain hit him again, he thought he blacked out for a moment. Maybe he had. Something rang in his ears and he thought that maybe he had screamed, but he wasn’t sure. What he  _ was  _ sure about was that he actually had bitten Dean’s shoulder. His teeth were still against Dean’s skin. He didn’t break it, there was no blood, but it looked like it must have hurt. Without thinking, he licked over the area before he kissed it, mumbling a tired, “M’sorry.” 

 

_ “Mama told me, when I was young. Come sit beside me, my only son,”  _ Dean began to sing softly as he carefully continued coating his wounds in the salve, using his other hand to run it through Cas’s hair in a comforting motion.

 

Cas hummed against Dean's shoulder, closing his eyes as he tried to listen to Dean's beautiful voice and the soothing way he moved his hand through Cas's hair. Without thinking about it, he licked over the bitemark again, kissing it before he rubbed his face against Dean's throat. It still burned like hell, but it was starting to ebb away.

 

_ “Listen closely, to what I say. If you do this, it’ll help you, some sunny day…”  _ The melodic sound was a comfort he never anticipated. Dean had a rich and strong baritone, and even though he’d never heard the song before in his life, Cas was certain it was now his favorite.

 

Cas’s tight grip around Dean’s waist slowly loosened as it hurt less and less. Cas took in a few deep breaths, staying silent so he wouldn’t disturb Dean’s singing. He never wanted it to stop, never wanted to stop feeling the level of comfort that he was feeling in Dean’s arms. He would gladly take any pain, if he could just stay like this forever.

 

And just when he was getting comfortable, Dean started to draw back. “There. Done.” He pulled away to look at Cas’s face. “You okay?”

 

His first instinct was to nod, but then he shook his head. He already missed Dean's warmth. "I'm freezing." It wasn't a lie. His body was still running a fever.

 

Dean grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around Cas’s shoulders, gently rubbing his upper arms in an attempt to help warm him. “I could make you something hot to drink?”

 

Cas didn’t feel brave enough to make a different suggestion, so he just nodded quietly, trying to sink into the blanket. He felt pathetic. His eyes fell on Dean’s shoulder and he felt even more embarrassed for his lack of restraint. “I apologize for hurting you. I wasn’t aware I’d done it.”

 

Dean chuckled and moved to stand. “Told ya’. I like it.” He grabbed the cup he had given Cas earlier and smiled. “I’ll be right back.”

 

“Wait! You really said that? I thought I was hallucinating,” Cas added in a perplexed tone as he sat up straight.

 

That was met with another amused chuckle. Dean waggled his eyebrows. “Maybe you were…” he teased before disappearing into the other room.

 

Cas looked after Dean with a head tilt before he sank back into the pile of blankets, questioning his sense of reality. His eyes widened as he suddenly remembered that he hadn’t just bitten Dean, but he had also licked and kissed over his skin. 

 

His people skills were still rusty, but even  _ he  _ knew doing something like that was highly inappropriate. But Dean hadn’t complained. He wondered if that meant he would be open to Cas doing something like that again.

 

He rubbed the back of his head, feeling the temperature in his body start to rise again.  _ Stupid fever.  _ Cas pushed the blanket from his body, instantly regretting the action as he gasped out in pain from the still tender wounds on his back. He braced himself on his palm, hunched over as he tried to get his breathing under control. 

 

He wished he could just heal the stupid wound.

 

“Hey, hey,” Dean called out, tone gentle yet still reprimanding. He slid onto the mattress, placing the mug on the ground as he looked Cas over, concern engulfing his features. “What’s goin’ on?”

 

"I stupidly tried to move. Ugh, I'm sorry. I didn't want to worry you." Cas slid his arm around Dean's shoulder to hold himself up when he felt dizzy again. "My body switches between feeling hot and cold, and I feel dizzy."

 

“Didn’t think angels could get fevers, here…” Dean guided him down, carefully turning Cas to help him lay on his side. “Stay, I’m gonna grab something.” 

 

Just as quickly as he’d disappeared from his side, Dean returned, holding a switchblade. He pressed it into his own palm and swiped his thumb through the slow pooling of blood. Dean started painting another unknown sigil onto Cas’s upper arm. “This is supposed to help make the fever pass faster. I don’t know if it’ll work on an angel, but worth a shot, right?”

 

“Angels don’t get fevers, Dean. It’s my human body, since my grace is running low. So if this works for a human, it should work for me, too. Thank you.” Cas pushed at the blanket again because it felt too hot and itchy, but he started shivering again as soon as it was gone. “Did you learn all this…” His teeth chattered before he continued, “From the priest?”

 

Dean nodded. “Yeah. He’d studied Enochian and angel lore almost his whole life, and along with it came lore on demons, then witches... you get the idea. He basically became a one man library on everything that went bump in the night.” He grabbed the cup and moved closer to Cas, holding out the mug to him. “Basically he taught me everything but the song.”

 

Cas took a sip looking up at Dean. “Where did you learn that?”

 

“My mom,” he answered simply, with no move to say more.

 

He didn't need to. The pain in his eyes was telling a story on its own. "Would you sing it to me again?"

 

Dean looked incredibly unsure in that moment. As though torn, having already peeled back some pretty personal layers. Considering only a day prior he was snipping about not giving a damn about Cas’s life story, their shared journey had brought both of them to a place they weren’t entirely certain of. At least, that’s how it appeared as a war seemed to be waged behind bottle green eyes.

 

“Please,” he begged quietly.

 

With a resigned sigh, Dean grabbed the blanket and pulled it up over Cas’s shoulders. Softly, he continued the song,  _ “Take your time, don’t live too fast. Troubles will come and they will pass…” _

 

Cas closed his eyes and leaned against Dean’s body, resting his head on the man’s elbow, secretly pleased when he didn’t pull back. He had no idea how Dean did it, but just listening to his voice made him calmer and stopped the chills that were running through his body. Cas made a low, quiet humming noise before he was suddenly on the verge of falling asleep.

 

When Dean got to the second runthrough of the chorus of the song, his voice wavered. Cracking with a tremble before he let out a pained sound. Dean gasped and covered his mouth, trying to quell the sob that appeared to be trying to escape. He waved and murmured a soft, “I’m sorry.” Dean started to move away from him, but Cas wrapped his arm around Dean’s torso to hold him back. 

 

He pushed himself upwards, looking at Dean, seeing the pain and loss in his eyes. "Dean," he whispered as he cupped his cheek with one hand and rubbed the tear away. "Don't leave. I won't ask for the song again. I'm sorry. I didn't know."

 

His lip trembled as he left out a shaky exhale. “It was… it was Sammy’s favorite.” It was all Dean managed to say. He shook his head and looked away.

 

"It's a beautiful song. What's it called?" Cas asked carefully, his thumb rubbing soothing circles over Dean's arm.

 

Dean used the back of his hand to wipe at his nose and took a deep breath. “‘Simple Man’.”

 

Cas pulled him closer. "It reminds you of what you've lost." It sounded more like question than a statement. Cas had to know, he never wanted to accidentally hurt Dean again.

 

“Sorry, not tryin’ to be a bitch,” he mumbled as he nodded his head. “Shoulda just hurt your feelings and told you no.” Dean chuckled mirthlessly.

 

"I should have seen that my request made you uncomfortable. I was selfish. I’ll try to not let it happen again." Cas took in a deep breath. "Do you want to talk about it?"

 

Dean stared at him as though he’d grown another head, incredulous expression not borne out of anger, but something closer to disbelief. But then it shifted. His expression grew solemn, yet determined. Dean gently grasped Cas’s wrist and pulled his hand to the left side of his face. “See for yourself,” he said, no longer keeping eye contact.

 

Cas hesitated for a moment, but then closed his eyes and reached out toward Dean’s mind, trying to connect to him and see what he wanted to show him. He was engulfed in warmth when he felt the connection building up and he could feel what Dean was feeling.

 

As his vision slowly began to focus, he found himself in a dusty motel room. A child, no older than four, was sweating profusely, legs tangled in sweat soaked sheets as he groaned and fought against an unseen force with eyes screwed shut. 

 

The child was murmuring, calling out for someone, but his words were slurred. Suddenly another child appeared, only a few years older, holding a wet hand towel, a glass of orange juice, and a bottle of Tylenol. He rushed to the side of the bed, carefully placing the juice and pills on the night stand, before bracing the wet towel across the smaller child’s forehead.

 

“Shhh, Sammy. It’s okay.” 

 

Everything clicked into place. This was a memory from Dean’s childhood.

 

Sam continued to buck against the bed, groaning in pain. Dean, looking fretful, started softly humming. When it appeared to start to calm Sam, the young man grew bolder and continued his melody with the lyrics,  _ “And be a simple kind of man…” _

 

The tiny child stilled completely as Dean softly finished the song. He managed to coax Sam into sitting up to take the medicine, before sleepily smiling at his brother. A soft, “Dean,” was all the younger child managed before his eyelids fluttered closed and sleep overtook.

 

Suddenly Cas was in a whirlwind of different memories, all with a similar theme. Moment after moment, where Dean sang this song to his brother every time he was hurt, he was sick, he was frightened. A source of comfort for a pair of children orphaned at a young age. The loss of a mother and an aggravated and mournful father all but abandoning them. Losing himself to alcohol and selfishness, Dean became a father and a mother to his little brother. Shielding him from the terrifying monsters in the world. Both literally and figuratively.

 

When everything began to slow, Cas found himself staring down at the ruins of one of the first cities that ended up being completely obliterated during the apocalypse. Dean was an adult, only a few years younger than he was now. He was on his knees in a dank, dirty alley. 

 

Dean was cradling his dead brother in his arms, filthy face clean only in wake of the tracks of his tears. He was swaying back and forth, cupping his brother’s face, occasionally pressing a kiss to the crown of his head.

 

After several minutes of broken and ragged apologies, he took a deep, fortifying breath and, for the last time, sang  _ Simple Man  _ to his brother.

 

Cas gasped as he pulled back from the memory. His heart psychically hurt and he couldn't breathe, his face wet with tears. He scrambled to his feet with a pained groan as he suddenly felt sick and ran to the door. He pushed it open and fell to the ground outside, throwing up the sparse contents of his stomach.

 

He tried to breathe, but his throat felt constricted as he sobbed out a few more pained groans. He had never felt anything like it. Like he was actually dying from the pain in his heart. The tears kept falling and he still couldn't breathe as he clawed his fingers into his knees. Trying to redirect the pain somewhere to his physical body. Not even the wounds on his back hurt like this. How did Dean even survive it? 

 

It didn’t help. "Stop," Cas whispered, as he hunched over, his hands clenched into fists in front of his chest. His body swayed forward and backwards, in a rocking motion, as tears continued to wet the dirty ground beneath him. 

 

Suddenly he was enveloped in warm, strong arms. Dean was murmuring, “Shhh, it’s fine. You’re fine.”

 

Cas clawed at Dean, before he was able to wrap his arms around him and pull him closer. He shook his head against Dean's shoulder. "It hurts so much, Dean," he sobbed out; he couldn't stop crying.

 

“It’ll get easier,” he reassured, carding his hand through Cas’s hair while the other rubbed soothing circles on an area of his back that wasn’t wounded.

 

"I'm so sorry, Dean..." he pressed out. "I had no idea. I never imagined..." He couldn't finish the sentence. In a hateful, angry moment he wished that every angel and demon could feel this pain. Maybe they would stop this needless war once and for all. 

 

He took in another shuddered breath, trying to calm his breathing, but he still felt like he was suffocating. “Can’t–” He shook his head, trying to breathe again, but it was difficult. It felt like all of the air had been squeezed out of his lungs.

 

“You wanna bite my shoulder again?” Dean offered before letting out a soft chuckle.

 

Cas was so surprised over such a suggestion, that he started to cough violently before he could finally breathe again. After a few calming breaths, he looked up at Dean in shock. He didn't know what to say for a long moment. 

 

Cas rubbed the wet streaks from his face, looking up in confusion again. "What?"

 

Dean smiled and cupped his face. “Distracted you.”

 

For a moment, Cas got lost in Dean's green eyes, feeling closer to the man than he'd ever imagined. He blinked after a moment and leaned forward, his face gently grazing Dean's cheek before he rested his forehead against Dean's shoulder. He pressed a kiss where he had bitten him earlier, where the skin had started to discolor. "Thank you," he mumbled tiredly.

 

“Come on,” he murmured as he moved to pull Cas close, practically lifting him as he stood. 

 

Cas leaned against Dean as they walked back into the cabin. Without a word, he curled on the mattress in front of the fire. As Dean started to move away, he reached up to rest his palm on Dean’s arm. “Would you stay with me?” 

 

Dean regarded him for a moment before he nodded and said, “Scoot over.”

 

Cas shifted to make room for Dean on the mattress, hoping Dean wouldn’t lie down too far away from him.

 

The mattress shifted with the additional weight, causing it to dip in the center, bringing Dean right up against him. Dean chuckled and draped his arm over Cas’s side. “Guess we’re gonna have to cuddle.”

 

Cas hummed, "What a shame." He was glad Dean couldn't see his face.

 

The throaty laugh that followed his comment was almost as melodic as his singing voice. With a little more shuffling, and a few grunts, Dean appeared to get comfortable. Cas could feel his breath against the nape of his neck. 

 

“Night, Cas.”

 

Cas's breathing hitched as he heard Dean using the shortened version of his name for the first time. He smiled and pressed back against Dean's warmth, closing his eyes as he let sleep finally claim his consciousness. “Goodnight, Dean.” 

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

He had no idea how he managed it without waking up, but during the night Cas had turned onto his other side, and was now completely entangled with Dean. One of his legs was currently between Dean’s, his arm wrapped around the man’s waist. Cas had his nose pressed against Dean’s throat, his head resting on the arm Dean had slung around Cas’s shoulder.

 

It felt amazing. Warm, comforting, and like nothing Cas had ever felt before. He gently rubbed his nose over Dean’s throat, his lips grazing the soft skin in the process. Instinctively he tried to push closer, exhaling a contented hum against Dean’s shoulder.

 

There was a soft groan and a little shuffling as Dean’s grip around Cas’s torso tightened.  

 

Cas hoped he didn’t wake up Dean. If he woke up, this would probably end pretty immediately. He tried not to breathe or move, to lay absolutely still for as long as possible. After a moment of quietness, he nuzzled his nose against Dean’s throat again, trying to imprint everything he was feeling to his memory. When his lips touched Dean's throat, he instinctively kissed the skin.

 

This time the sound that rumbled from Dean’s chest sounded more like a growl. The tight grip on his side became almost painful from the way Dean’s fingers dug into the meat of Cas’s hip. 

 

Cas couldn't stop the groan falling from his lips as he tried to get closer. He wondered if Dean was experiencing a nightmare again. His method only worked if the dreamer wanted to stay away from a nightmare. But if the person wanted to punish themselves on a subconscious level, the trigger wouldn't work. Maybe he should try to wake him. He had promised himself to stop being selfish. 

 

“Dean?” he whispered carefully.

 

Another groan and suddenly the grip loosened. Dean drew back, blearily blinking his eyes open and when they came into contact with Cas’s, the man started chuckling. He rubbed his eyes and muttered, “If you’da told me a week ago I’d wake up in the arms of an angel, I’d’ve shot ya’ for being a damn liar.”

 

Cas instantly felt cold when Dean pulled back. He sighed deeply, trying not to feel disappointed. "I wonder how I ended up on this side without noticing. Sleeping is mysterious." He gave Dean a soft smile. "But it has nice side effects."

 

Dean shrugged noncommittally as he stretched out his arms above his head, arching his back in a rather hypnotizing manner. He sighed and cracked his neck. “You feelin’ better?”

 

"Mmm?" Cas wasn't sure what Dean had asked as his gaze followed the line of Dean's muscles up to his chest. 

 

Dean laughed, a wry smirk curving his lips. “Yeah. You’re feelin’ better. I’m gonna make some coffee. Do you drink coffee?”

 

Cas shook his head before pain suddenly shot through his skull like a crack of thunder. He groaned and gripped his forehead in pain. There were a million voices in his head for a moment and he gasped out in pain again, trying to focus on the one that tried to reach him.

 

It was Sarah. She was praying to him to come home. Hoping that he was alright and that the demon army had been spotted leaving the area. 

 

Cas massaged his forehead for a moment to get rid of the pain as he shut his mind off from all of the outside communication.

 

Gently grasping him by the elbow, Dean was suddenly closer than before, concern etched into his features as he asked, “Castiel?”

 

Cas sighed, feeling sad that Dean wasn't using the shortened version of his name anymore. He waved him off. "I'm okay. Sarah prayed to me. The demonic troops are leaving the area of the Citadel. She was worried about me and wanted me to come home."

 

Dean nodded and gave him a soft smile. “Well, if you’re up for it, we can probably start heading back.”

 

Cas carefully tried to move his shoulder to see how severe the pain in his back was when he raised a surprised eyebrow. "Dean? Are the wounds on my back still there?"

He leaned over Cas’s shoulder, his stomach coming into contact with Cas’s arm briefly, before he pulled back with a smile. “Wasn’t sure the salve would work on you, but it did.”

 

“You have to teach me how to make it, Dean. It sure won’t be my last encounter with those creatures.” Cas stood up slowly and grinned when he felt a million times better. No dizziness or temperature changes, no pain. He was as good as new. 

 

“I do, huh?” he asked, lips still curved up in a smirk. “I know you’re gunnin’ to turn me into a housewife, but I draw the line at takin’ orders.” He winked at Cas and let out a tired groan as he moved to stand.

 

Cas bit his lower lip when a part of his body reacted to Dean's groan. "Okay, let me try again. I know it's custom to trade things. If you teach me, I could do something for you. Whatever you want."

 

“Wouldn't make promises like that,” he murmured.

 

“I wouldn't offer this to just anyone. I–I trust you.” 

 

Dean had an unreadable expression on his face for a moment before he shook his head. “I'll show you, you don't need to do anything for me.”

 

Cas noticed that something about this bothered Dean. He didn’t want to upset Dean any further, so he tried lightening the mood with humor. “Are you sure? I give a very good shoulder massage. I can even draw coupons for them.”

 

Instantly Dean’s features softened as a smile split his face. “You're somethin’ else.”

 

Cas tilted his head. “I'm never quite sure if that’s a good thing.”

 

“Time’ll tell…” Dean started moving towards the other room. “Since this place has instant coffee, I'm gonna grab a cup and we can start heading to your Citadel.”

 

Cas nodded and gave him a smile before he looked for his clothes to put them on again. He couldn’t wait to get home. He hoped Dean would like the Citadel and would decide to stay.

 

“Your clothes are in the bathroom,” he called out from the other room. Dean was holding a mug as he returned and said, “Wasn't sure if there was poison on them, so I washed them. I'm hoping they're dry now.”

 

Cas couldn’t remember Dean undressing him nor washing his clothes. He gave him a surprised nod. “Thank you.”

 

Dean shrugged as he took a swig of his coffee, before pulling a face and shaking his head. “If we head out in the next hour, we should get to the Citadel before sundown.”

 

“And if we don't have to avoid trouble,” he returned before he went to the bathroom. 

 

He touched his clothes to repair them before he put them on. He looked in the broken mirror for a moment, trying to tame his hair, but he only ended up making it worse.

 

With a deep sigh he went back to kitchen and stretched his arms to show Dean how he looked. “Better?”

 

Dean’s expression was one he hadn’t seen on the man’s face before. There was a smile on his face, but he looked rather uncomfortable. He simply gave a muted nod and returned his attention back to his coffee. 

 

Cas let his arms sink and shot Dean a worried look. "Did I do something wrong?"

 

He shook his head, almost a little too emphatically. “Nah. So, uh... You ready to go?”

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck as he dropped his gaze to the floor, wondering what Dean had on his mind. "Yes. I'm ready." After a moment, he looked up with a shy smile and added, "I hope you will like my home."

 

“Anything’s gotta be better than my little rat nest,” he muttered and moved to grab his satchel. Slinging the bag over his torso, he looked pointedly at Cas. “Alright, let’s get E.T. home.”

 

“Who?” Cas looked around the room, wondering if he had missed something.

 

Dean chuckled. “It’s funnier because you don’t get it. If I called you Spock, would you understand what I’m saying?”

 

Cas felt completely confused now as he tilted his head. “Why would you call me ‘Spock’? That’s not my name, Dean.”

 

That caused the man’s grin to widen into a full-fledged smile. “If we ever find a working television, I’ll show you. Deal?”

 

“We have a television at the Citadel.” Cas gave Dean a proud smile. Only then did Cas remember that Dean had no idea Cas had repaired it. “I repaired it,” he added, hoping Dean would be impressed.

 

“And you guys have electricity to run it?” Dean’s tone sounded almost skeptical.

 

“Yes, we have solar panels on the Citadel roof and a wind turbine. And we have those…” Cas scrunched up his nose when he tried to remember the word before he shook his head. “The shiny disks that play movies. They have a weekly movie night.”

 

Dean chuckled. “DVD’s. Unless you guys went back to the stone age and found laserdiscs.”

 

“There were no laser disks in the stone age, Dean. But your kind had already created beautiful poetry,” Cas explained dryly. 

 

“Yup. You’re definitely Spock.” He smiled.

 

"You're infuriating."

 

“And yet you’re still trying to make a housewife outta me,” he sassed.

 

"Maybe you won’t be as infuriating once you're in a pink apron," Cas retorted with a grin as he walked to the door and held it open for Dean.

 

“Well, if you’re gonna force me into a frilly apron, you better get me a dress to match.”

 

"I'm sure that's something I can arrange. Although, you would look good in  _ just  _ the apron, too." Cas tried to let his voice sound emotionless, but he had a hard time containing his amusement.

 

He checked the area in every direction and when he couldn't detect any demonic activity, he nodded at Dean that they could go.

 

“You said you  _ didn’t  _ make your humans your sex slaves,” he quipped as he grabbed one of his knives and proceeded to follow Cas.

 

"I would make an exception for you." Cas looked away as soon as he said that to hide his grin.

 

Dean shrugged. “Well, there are  _ worse  _ fates, I suppose.”

 

Cas looked back and raised an eyebrow. "I think you would like that." He had to look away again before he added, "Especially when I bite you from time to time."

 

The man let out a bark of laughter. “Are all of you this flirty? Or is it another  _ you  _ thing?”

 

Cas stopped for a moment. He hadn't been aware that was what he was doing. Flirting. He rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly feeling insecure. "Actually, it's not very me. I never do this, it's just very easy with you and it's... um... fun." 

 

Dean grinned. “Well, now I’m curious if I have this effect on  _ all  _ angels.”

 

Cas didn't want Dean to flirt with other angels, but he didn't say that out loud. After a moment, he sighed deeply. "I had a good friend once. Balthazar. He flirted all the time and he was very outgoing. He was generally better in everything when it came to social interaction with humans. He would have understood your references." He looked at Dean with a sad smile. "Although your charm is extraordinary, there are no other angels left you should try it on."

 

“Don’t worry about it. You’re the only angel I’d even want to flirt with anyway.” Dean held his hand out against Cas’s chest and looked carefully around one of the trees. He cocked his gun and a couple of rabbits darted away from beneath a bush. He sighed and nodded for Cas to keep going.

 

Cas felt frozen, although Dean retracted his hand again, his words still lingered. His face suddenly felt warm and he looked down with a smile before he continued to follow Dean. "You're the only human I–"

 

He stopped himself, wondering if he had flirted with the other Dean. And if that counted as another human. Although both of them were different, they both were Dean Winchester. Whatever that meant. His heart told him they were different people. And he knew that deep down there had still been a selfish part of him that wanted the other Dean to stay. But he noticed that part was getting smaller the more he got to know the Dean from his own universe.

 

“You?” he asked, turning to look at Cas with a quirked brow.

 

For a second Cas was confused before he remembered that he hadn’t finished his sentence. "I'm sorry. I–it's not important."

 

He nodded, but his expression appeared incredulous. Dean rolled his eyes and continued walking. “So, tell me, Castiel. What do you hope to accomplish here?”

 

“What do you mean?” Cas asked carefully. Somehow there was a weird tension between them again. Cas didn’t like it. At all. 

 

“You’re immortal, right? What are you gonna do when all your humans die?”

 

"I'm not immortal. I can be killed, Dean. And should anything happen to my family, I will die with them." Cas answered without hesitation. There was no plan after the Citadel because he never wanted to leave it. 

 

Dean stopped walking, his back was turned to Cas. Before he could ask Dean what was wrong, the man turned to face him. His expression seemed torn. “You’re for real, right? This isn’t bullshit? You aren’t luring me into a trap to torture me for information or, fuck... for shits and giggles? Tell me now, tell me everything I’ve seen is legit. Because, so help me, if this is a fucking game to you…”

 

Cas knew he shouldn't feel disappointed and sad about Dean's doubt in him, but it still hurt. He tried to remind himself again that this wasn't  _ his  _ Dean. The one who had blind faith in him and believed in him.

 

This Dean had doubts and they were justified, growing up in a world like this. He walked up to Dean, carefully reaching out to his forehead with a questioning look. "Let me show you."

 

Dean seemed hesitant at first, before finally nodding as he stepped closer.

 

It wasn't easy to show Dean memories of his own. Angels perceived the world differently and he tried not to overwhelm Dean as he pressed two fingers gently to his forehead and pushed them through the connection. It wasn't quite as controlled, he shared images, feelings of the two days he had spent with the other Dean, their goodbye, memories of building and constructing the citadel. Sarah grasping Cas's shoulder to thank him with a tear in her eyes as the solar panels started to work. Kiera reading a goodnight story to Cas, trying to get him to sleep while Tommy painted his hand with glitter. Chris watering the plants with him. He tried to stop the flood of images when it came to more recent events, like the dread and fear he had felt when he thought Dean would die in his arms, the way he had felt being in his arms.

 

He quickly pulled back, making the separation painful for both of us. "I'm sorry." He tried to steady Dean, holding him up by bracing his hands against his shoulders. "Memory exchange is easier the other way around."

 

Dean clung to Cas’s wrists as he steadied himself. He looked up at Cas, eyes wide and questioning. “Why did your memories start when you met the other me?”

 

Cas looked away for moment. “I don’t have many memories before that.” And it was all he could think about, that’s why those memories were so prominent in his mind.

 

“An angel capable of feeling love. You're like a unicorn,” he murmured thoughtfully as he took a step back.

 

Cas glared at Dean. “I’m not a unicorn. Unicorns are not what you would think.”

 

“Neither are you, Cas.” Dean smiled and chucked his chin. “Come on. Let's get you home.”

 

Cas couldn’t help but smile when Dean used the short version of his name again. He hoped it would stick. He wasn’t even angry anymore that Dean had compared him to a unicorn.

 

But he wondered about Dean’s comment. About him being capable feeling love. He had never doubted that. Everyone loved something. It was like a universal rule.

 

He wasn’t so much wondering about the ‘if’ he loved something, but more about the ‘whom’ and ‘how much’. He tried to not think about it. Questions he couldn’t find answers to tended to unnecessarily distract him. It was probably one of those questions that would answer itself at some point down the road. 

 

But for the first time, he couldn’t wait to get there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, on a fun side note, that scene where they play I Spy and Twenty Questions? That was Any and I playing those games as our characters in real time. Hence the fact there being no hints in the narrative. We were actually playing the games. LOL.
> 
> We hope you enjoyed it and keep your eyes peeled! The second chapter will be uploaded soon! <3<3


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh. Chapter two, bitches!

**Chapter 2**

 

It had been a helluva couple of days. When the goddamn roof collapsed in the building he was searching for weapons, or any items he could use really, Dean had made peace with his fate in that moment. While he had expected to go out in more of a blaze of glory, as opposed to the quiet and sad accident that had been the reality of his impending death, he never, not once, expected to be saved.

 

And by a friggin’ angel of the lord, no less.

 

Dean glanced at Castiel as he made his way over the fucked infrastructure that used to be an actual road. Despite the angel’s forthright and weirdly optimistic attitude, they had a rocky start. And logically so considering Dean’s experience with the guy’s species… But now? As he watched the angel maneuver through the rubble and debris, trying to get back to his home, there was this pang of fondness tugging at Dean’s heart.

 

While he had never had faith in the winged bastards, Sammy always had. It was a fucking tragedy that Sam never got to meet Castiel. The irrefutable proof that his brother’s faith might not have been the mistake he’d always thought it was.

 

There was still reticence. Dean believed the creature’s earnesty. He  _ wanted  _ to believe it. And he was damn tired. Tired of running, of hiding, of constantly having to look over his shoulder. The Citadel and this rebellious angel was quite possibly the answer to a prayer he’d thought was long dead. A prayer that died with his brother.

 

But there was something about Castiel, and he hoped against hope that it was not in vain. Because the wave of hope that fluttered in his chest cavity had been missing for such a long, long time. He’d forgotten how uplifting and empowering that feeling was. Dean was still guarded, but with every shy smile, honest confession, and endearing head tilt, the walls around his heart slowly began to crumble.

 

_ Please don’t let this be a mistake. _ He thought as he stopped for a moment, watching Castiel continue to climb over random debris. When the angel slipped, without even thinking about it, Dean was at his side, grasping his elbow to steady him.

 

“For a guy with wings, you’re pretty damn clumsy,” he teased, unable to refrain from chuckling.

 

Castiel put his hand on Dean's shoulder to steady himself before his blue eyes looked at him with a puzzled expression. "I'm not sure what my wings have to do with it." 

 

Dean rolled his eyes. “Don’t worry about it.”

 

Castiel squinted his eyes at him. “You are aware that I can’t fly, aren’t you? If I could, we wouldn’t have to walk back to the Citadel.”

 

He had figured as much. If the guy  _ could  _ fly, all of the shit they’d been through the last few days would have been for nothing. Dean nodded. “Yeah. I figured. I was just giving you shit for being clumsy.”

 

"Walking through this debris isn't easy. It’s times like this when I miss flying the most." Castiel let go of him and started to climb the pile of rubble again. "It's not far now. You can see the Citadel from up here."

 

Dean followed Castiel as he made his way up to the top of the makeshift trash mountain. He wasn’t lying. Maybe a quarter mile ahead was... well, a fortress was what came to mind. It was a huge warehouse, stone walls surrounding the area, several different sigils and wardings visible from even how far they were. 

 

Barbed wire lined the tops of the walls, and he could see the turbine, clearly crafted together from pieces of metal probably scrapped from anything they could find. There was a also a makeshift watchtower on the roof of the building. It was one of the most beautiful things Dean had seen in a damn long time.

 

As they started descending the rubble, drawing closer to the Citadel, Dean couldn’t stop himself from blurting out, “Why can’t you fly?”

 

Castiel stumbled, but steadied himself again as he slid down the slope for a moment. He didn't look at Dean. "I don't have my flight feathers anymore."

 

“What does that mean?” He almost felt bad for the line of questioning, but considering all of the inappropriate questions Castiel had asked, it was probably a non issue for the angel.

 

Castiel's voice sounded flat as he answered, completely void of any emotion, “It's a public punishment for disobedience. To have one’s flight feathers ripped out by the rest of their garrison. The act is extremely painful and made public, as an example for other angels."

 

That stopped Dean in his tracks. He stared at Castiel for a few moments, hoping the guy would smile and tell him he was kidding. At Dean’s lack of movement, the angel turned back and looked at him, head tilted in confusion. 

 

“They ripped your fucking feathers out?” His voice was dangerously low. It was weird to feel so much anger on behalf of an angel.

 

Castiel looked away again, but not fast enough that Dean didn't catch the expression of shame. "Yes."

 

He couldn’t help the sympathetic wince. Dean didn’t have feathers, or wings, or whatever, but he couldn’t imagine that what Castiel had gone through had been remotely pleasant. It wasn’t fucking fair that the only decent angel in existence seemed to have incurred the wrath of his family, just for helping a few humans. 

 

And the fucked up part? Was the fact that Castiel clearly felt he deserved it, if the expression on his face was anything to go by. Dean gently clapped his hand on Castiel’s shoulder and said in the most serious tone of voice he possessed, “Fuck ‘em. You’re way more angel than they could ever be.”

 

Castiel gave him a wry smile. "I know, Dean. I haven't forgotten my place."

 

“Seriously. Hell, if more of your so-called family was like you, the demons would be facing down teams of humans and angels and the war never would have happened.” The crazy part was, that wasn’t just a platitude. He meant it.  _ Fuck. How depressing. _

 

Castiel looked incredibly sad though. “I wish you could have met more of my friends. There was a time where there had been more angels like me. The only reason I’m still alive is that I’m a soldier. I told you our numbers aren’t infinite. If they hadn’t needed me, they would have just executed me, like the others.”

 

Unable to stop himself, Dean clasped his hand over Castiel’s and squeezed it. “Were your feathers ripped out before or after you helped start the Citadel?”

 

"Before. I was hunting a group of demons away from the battlefield. I–I hoped I would die," Castiel admitted quietly.

 

“Why the hell did they punish you?” Dean refrained from rolling his eyes at himself for his indignance. It’s not like they were best friends or something.

 

"I can't remember," Castiel answered evasively. Dean could tell he was lying.

 

“Alright, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” Dean let out a sigh as he released Castiel’s hand and continued the trek down trash mountain.

 

Castiel didn't follow, he looked down at his feet before he looked up. "I could only save three children. Their parents begged me to save them. But I didn't make it in time to save their parents as well."

 

“Wait,” he said as he turned around. “Were your feathers ripped out because you saved three kids?”

 

He shook his head. “Because I left my post to save them. I saw the group fleeing from the demons.”

 

One thing was for sure. Castiel was the exact type of angel his brother would have fucking idolized. Dean let out an aggravated sigh. He looked at the angel for a moment and said the only thing he could that might be comforting, “Probably doesn’t make it worth it for you, but I’m sure for those kids, your sacrifice was worth it.”

 

Castiel looked up in surprise. "You misunderstand me. I would have sacrificed more for just one of them. It's ... It's just that I felt guilty that I couldn't save their parents as well. That those children have to grow up without them because I wasn't strong enough."

 

Talk about misunderstanding. All the shit Castiel had been through and the guilt he felt was because he didn’t save  _ enough  _ people? Dean shook his head as he chuckled, a somewhat surprised sound. “What happened to those kids?”

 

“They live at the Citadel. It wasn’t the Citadel yet when I brought them close enough to the compound, so they could make their way to safety without me.”

 

Dean smiled, feeling strangely warmed by that admission. “You really are something else.”

 

Castiel sighed and rolled his eyes. “A unicorn?”

 

“Somethin’ like that,” he answered with another chuckle.

 

“At least you don’t think I’m a fairy. I should count that as a win.” He slid down the slope and looked up with a wry smile. “Although, I think it’s disturbing that you confuse me with an ugly horned horse.”

 

The sharp bark of laughter was more of a compulsory response than anything. Dean waggled his eyebrows and said, “If you wanna get technical, your horn is just in a different location.” It should be illegal how much he enjoyed fucking with the angel.

 

Castiel squinted his eyes at him. “I don't have a horn. And before you ask, I don't have a harp either."

 

“Thought you said you  _ didn’t  _ have a ken doll situation?” It was official. Dean Winchester also enjoyed confusing the angel, Castiel. 

 

Castiel blinked at him before he looked down at himself and up again. Still looking totally confused. “Dean, that's not a horn.”

 

“Then you aren’t using it right,” he quipped, doing everything he could to not laugh outright. 

 

Castiel stared at him for a moment before he slowly shook his head. “I’ve actually never used it. For anything. But still I'm pretty sure it wouldn’t change into a horn if I did."

 

Before he could make an incredibly inappropriate suggestion, a couple of kids interrupted their moment, crying out for Castiel. He didn’t realize that they’d reached the entrance of the compound of the Citadel.

 

A little girl, blonde hair tied in braided pigtails, was jumping up and down, screaming Castiel’s name over and over, a pronounced lisp making the scene all that more endearing. But it was the angel’s face that got Dean. 

 

Blue eyes were lit up, he was just as excited to see the kids as they were to see him.

 

Castiel started to run and the kids screeched happily, climbing under the fence to meet him halfway. The girl in the pigtails jumped into his arms, whereas the others grabbed his trenchcoat and wrapped their arms around his legs. 

 

Castiel had a wide, bright smile on his face as he laid his palm on each of the kid’s heads to greet them, saying their names. When Dean got closer he could hear him saying, “I hope you looked after the garden while I was gone. You know I trust no one else with such a very important job.”

 

The kids laughed at that and the girl on Castiel’s arm was busy burying her little fingers in the angel’s hair, completely messing it up while yelling, “I’m your hairdresser!”

 

Dean couldn’t help but laugh. Their excitement was pretty damn infectious. A young boy, probably no older than eight, was clinging behind Castiel’s leg and gave him a shy look. He didn’t say anything, but he pointed at Dean as soon as he noticed him. 

 

That was when it clicked. These were the children from Castiel’s memories. Dean felt another tug of fondness for the angel.

 

The little boy tugged on Castiel’s pants and pointed again.

 

Castiel gave Dean a happy smile before he looked at the little boy. “This is Dean. Dean, this is Tommy, the girl here on my arm is Kiera and…” He pointed to the two other kids, a (probably) six year old boy with freckles and a lot of missing teeth, and an eight year old girl with red hair and a sassy smirk. “These two are Bobby and Lily. Don’t buy anything from them.”

 

“Hey,” Lilly complained, “you’re ruining our enterprise.”

 

“I want to keep my friend Dean alive,” Castiel responded dryly.

 

Dean kneeled down and asked Lilly, “What is this enterprise?”

 

"We sell plants and stuff we make." She gave Dean a charming smile and fluttered her eyelashes in exaggeration. "Not at all dangerous."

 

"You sold a poisoned plant to Mr. Adler and his cat nearly died," Castiel added calmly.

 

Lilly shrugged. “The stupid cat wasn’t supposed to eat it. And...” She looked back at Dean with a smile as she continued, “Nothing happened to the cat, because Castiel saved it. So everything’s good.”

 

Dean chuckled and waved her to come closer. As she leaned in, he whispered, “I can show you a few tricks.”

 

Castiel sighed. “Why do I get the feeling we’re walking into the next apocalypse?"

 

He looked up at Cas and feigned an innocent expression. “No idea what you’re talkin’ about.”

 

They were interrupted by voices from the gate as an older asian woman came through, giving the kids a stern look before her gaze softened when she noticed Castiel. “You’re back. Why do the children always know first? And you brought someo–” 

 

She froze, looking at Dean with a surprised expression. “Dean?”

 

With a furrowed brow, Dean moved to stand. “Do I know you?”

 

The woman gave Castiel a confused look and the angel took in a deep breath. “It’s not him. He  _ is  _ Dean, but from this universe. Dean, this is Sarah. She’s the leader of the Citadel.”

 

Sarah rolled her eyes at the angel and turned her attention back to Dean. “There are no leaders here. We’re all here to help each other. Hi. It’s nice to meet you… again.” 

 

Dean accepted the handshake and looked up. “You guys have done an amazing job here.”

 

“All thanks to our guardian angel,” she said, casting a smile in Castiel’s direction.

 

Castiel rubbed the back of his neck and looked away, mumbling, “I’ll get the children inside. Sarah will show you around, Dean.”

 

Lilly grabbed Dean’s forearm and gave Castiel a defiant stare. “I’m staying with him.”

 

Castiel tilted his head. "Don't you think you should ask Dean before you just decide something like that?"

 

Dean couldn’t help but chuckle as he looked down at the little firecracker. “Tours are no fun. Go with the other kids and I promise, I’ll show you all my tattoos later, okay?”

 

“I wanna zee the dadoo do!” Bobby yelled, pulling at Dean’s jeans.

 

Hunching forward, he ruffled the kid’s hair. “I’ll show all of you my tattoos if you’re all good and do what Cas says.”

 

Kiera raised both her hands in the air and yelled, “I always do what Cas says!”

 

Tommy nodded quietly, looking up at Dean with huge, round hazel eyes. Castiel took his hand in his and smiled down at the boy. “Come on. Show me what you did with garden while I was gone.”

 

As the rugrats practically dragged Castiel off into the compound, Dean turned back to Sarah. He shook his head in amazement. “The fucking resiliency of kids.”

 

Sarah nodded with a smile. “They brighten up every day, but don’t underestimate them. They look cute, but they are quite a handful.”

 

Dean chuckled. “I can tell.” He started following her inside and was impressed to see all of the spellwork and sigils at the gates, as well as on the wall. When he saw an anti-dremora sigil, or what was likely  _ supposed  _ to be an anti-dremora sigil, Dean halted Sarah. “That’s wrong.”

 

“The sigil?” Sarah asked in surprise.

 

“Yeah,” he said. Without even thinking twice, he pulled out a switchblade and cut into his palm, swiping the pad of his thumb through his blood as he fixed the sigil. “It was missing a line here. You basically had a painting.” Dean took a step back and tilted his head, making sure he got it right. 

 

Turning back to Sarah, he smiled. “Should be good now.”

 

Sarah gave him a long look. “You’re exactly what we need here, Dean. We would be happy if you chose to stay with us, teaching us the things you know. Spellwork isn’t Castiel’s forte.”

 

“Don’t I know it?” he murmured. Dean looked around the compound. There was a lot of ways to protect what they were trying to preserve. Even if he didn’t choose to stay, he was staying until he helped these people fortify the place to the best of their ability. “So I’m guessing Castiel doesn’t know there’s a spell to protect gardens from inclement weather?”

 

“I’m pretty sure he doesn’t. He was devastated when a sandstorm hit the garden and destroyed half the plants a few months ago. We have greenhouses, of course, but a few plants have to be out in the sun.” She pointed in the direction of a little plaza, full of people working on different things. “Let me show you around.”

 

Dean nodded and followed the woman into the building. The outside was a little misleading, cracking concrete and several sigils painted in different colors. The inside of the warehouse was surprisingly clean.

 

Sarah led them into the first room on the right. It looked like a large rec room. Several mismatched couches and chairs surrounding a solitary forty inch television, propped up on a wooden crate. In a corner of the room were some low seated tables and smaller chairs, with several art supplies and toys strewn about.

 

"This is the rec room, where people can watch DVD’s, or the children can create stuff. It's also used as a schoolroom, mostly in the mornings. We have a movie night every Thursday. It’s very popular. Without counting Castiel and you, we have twenty seven people living here. Six children, five teenagers, and the rest of us adults. Everyone has a job here and works for the community.” 

 

It was a helluva lot more impressive than he anticipated. Somehow, in the darkened despair of a friggin’ apocalypse, these people managed to create a little slice of humanity. “So, what movies do you guys have?”

 

Sarah chuckled and gave him a smile. "I feel you and our tech specialist will get along just fine. She has a shelves in the 'library' where you can get movies and books. Her name is Charlie. Follow me." 

 

She showed him the bathrooms, showers, and a locker room before they went to the kitchen. It was an accumulation of mismatched kitchen furniture and equipment, mainly large fridges, a few stoves, and a wide kitchen counter. There was a woman in there, with long, dark hair and tanned skin. She was busy cutting apples when she looked up and smiled at them. “Oh, a new face.”

 

She dried her hands on a towel and walked up to him, reaching out her hand. “Hi, I’m Lisa.”

 

Onyx eyes locked onto his own and Dean’s breath got caught in his throat. She was insanely beautiful. Like, movie star or model beautiful. Dean smiled as he took her hand. “Dean.”

 

“Nice to meet you, Dean.” Lisa gave him a flirty smile and Sarah cleared her throat. 

 

“I’m showing him around. I’m sure you’ll have plenty of opportunity to talk later.”

 

Dean released Lisa’s hand and winked at her. “Lookin’ forward to it.”

 

Sarah raised a surprised eyebrow at Dean, but didn’t comment any further as she ushered him out of the kitchen. They walked towards a heavy iron door with a staircase behind it. “Lisa is our doctor’s assistant, but she’s also responsible for provisions and food,” Sarah explained as they made their way down into a bunker. 

 

“This is the second floor. Here’s where our generator is and the controls for our water. We have weapons and storage rooms down here, a meeting room, and the control center.” 

 

When they entered one of the rooms, he noticed a young woman with long red hair, wearing a headset, sitting at a computer. She looked up when they entered and smiled up at them, pushing her headset down before she stood up from her chair. “Hi, I’m Charlie. You must be Dean.” Charlie grinned as she held out her hand.

 

He narrowed his eyes at her. “How did you know that?”

 

“The grapevine.” She grinned and nodded towards her computer. “Word travels fast here.”

 

Really fast if that was the case. He’d only been on the premises for less than twenty minutes. Dean shrugged and finally accepted her hand, surprised to find she had a firm and strong handshake. “So, are you like the Chekov, or the Scotty, of this place?”

 

She gave him a bright smile, "Scotty and Chekov. Why? Are you going to be our new Kirk? The way a certain someone talks about you, I guess you have a very charming side."

 

Dean chuckled. At least he now knew how Charlie knew his name. “Lemme guess. Spock was the one who said that?”

 

“I like you already, Dean. Let me introduce you to my sanctuary.” She grabbed his sleeve and pulled him over to a room full of bookshelves. And on the shelves above the books were, at least, a couple hundred DVD’s. “I saved my complete collection from home. Cost me a few runs into the danger zone, but it was totally worth it.“

 

“Woman with priorities. I like it,” Dean murmured appreciatively as his eyes raked over the titles. “Monster Squad?” He looked at her and smiled. “You’re kind of perfect, aren’t you?”

 

“Don’t fall in love with me though, or I’ll have to break your heart. I only have eyes for the ladies.”

 

Dean pursed his lips, feeling weirdly attached to this strange woman already. “I’ll try not to.”

 

“Good.” She held up her finger and squinted her eyes at Dean in a playfully stern look. "I also feel the need to give you my warning speech. The dreamy angel is my best friend. You probably know the rest of the speech... you know,  if you hurt him, breaking bones, format your laptop drive, blah blah."

 

He quirked his brow at her in curiosity. “Why would I hurt him? Guy saved my life a couple of times. I’ve got no intention of hurting him.”

 

Charlie shared a quick, confused look with Sarah, who shrugged slightly before Charlie looked at Dean again and clapped her hand on his shoulder. “Okay. Good. Holy Hermione, look at the time! I have to check on the generator. See you later, Dean.”

 

And with that she left the room like an excited rubberball on speed. Sarah folded her hands behind her back and nodded towards the door. “I’ll show you the rooms. You’ll get one for yourself. We have still a lot of space down on the third floor. We always hope more survivors will find us.”

 

Dean nodded. After having been alone for the last couple of years, it was all getting a little overwhelming. He was grateful he’d get his own room, because it was starting to get to him. He’d craved human contact for so long, he wasn’t prepared for the anxiety an onslaught of it would cause him. Thankfully, he was able to keep his cool in front of everyone.

 

“You’ve done so much here. It’s kind of amazing.”

 

“We try our best. We all do. It’s not just about surviving, but we try to  _ live  _ here.” She nodded towards the stairway to the third level. “You should sleep after I’ve showed you everything. Come up in a few hours to our evening meal. We usually eat together. Not everyone, sometimes people eat separately, couples mostly. It’s a good way to get to know everyone.”

 

Yeah. A nap was a good idea. Sharing a meal with everyone might push him over the edge. Dean nodded again as he changed the subject, “So, uh… Lisa… what’s her deal?”

 

Sarah gave him a perplexed look. “If you want to get to know her, you should talk to her tonight.”

 

“So, she won’t be, uh… off in a couple?” 

 

Sarah shook her head. “She’ll be there with her son, though.”

 

He caught the insinuation in her tone. Dangling the prospect of a kid in front of him like he’d tuck tail and bolt. Well, maybe if there hadn’t been an apocalypse and the bullshit expectations of society were still a thing. Dean learned a long time ago that wasn’t the case. All he heard was single and that was good enough for him.

 

Dean couldn’t even remember the last time he’d been with a woman. “Was her kid one of the rugrats that attacked Cas?”

 

“No, he was probably at William’s office. He fell today and hurt his leg. William is our doctor.” Sarah showed him through the hallway, past the larger kids’ rooms until they reached the end of it. “I have to be honest. I’m surprised you’re interested in her. But I guess you and the Dean we met from the other universe… you’re not much alike?” 

 

That was an interesting implication. From the way Castiel looked at him in disappointment half the time since they’d met, he kind of already expected it. “Yeah, well… the other Dean is from a dimension where all angels aren’t a bunch of fucking assholes.”

 

Sarah shrugged, watching him as she said, "At least Castiel seems to be very lovable in every universe."

 

Dean smirked.  _ So, that’s how it was?  _ This other Dean was in love with his Castiel. No wonder this Castiel was so fascinated with him. “Yeah. Hopefully this one finds himself a Dean.”

 

Sarah looked sad for a moment and took in a deep breath. “Yes, he could use someone nice in his life.”

 

_ Alright.  _ So maybe he  _ was  _ being kind of a dick. Between his anxiety and all the shit that hit him in the last couple of days. Hell, the last couple of  _ years…  _ Dean wasn’t about to lead anybody on. But he realized that there were better ways than being a jerk about it.

 

Dean sighed and said, “Look. I’m not tryin’ to be an asshole. Castiel is great. He’s nice, funny, awkward as Hell… But he’s an angel. And the thing is, while he’s the exact opposite of those fucks out there… I just… I know he’s got some sort of crush on me. But it’ll never happen.” 

 

“Then maybe you should tell him. He’s not very good at taking hints,” she suggested with a worried tone in her voice.

 

“Alright. When I get a chance to talk to him alone, I’ll tell him.” Dean’s anxiety was getting worse now that that was looming overhead. “So, uh… Which room is mine?”

 

“Ah, yes, the one on the right. I hope you’ll like it.” Sarah pointed to the door. “Castiel actually decorated it.”

 

Dean stepped up to the door, pulling it open, squinting his eyes to try and make out what was basically pitch blackness. Sliding his hand against the wall, he found a switch for a lamp. Dean’s jaw almost dropped. 

 

It was pretty ordinary, standard bed, nightstand, one chest of drawers. But on the nightstand was an actual record player. A milkcrate on the ground with a series of 78’s. There was also a painting on the far wall, the cover of his favorite album of his favorite band. It was clearly painted by a novice, or maybe a child, but the meaning behind it was pretty damn clear. Dean turned to Sarah and asked, “Cas chose all of this stuff?”

 

Sarah nodded before she added, “Which is strange, because I'm sure he doesn't know what half of this stuff is or means. But he was very clear when he described what he wanted.”

 

Dean stepped into the room, admiring all of the quaint details, the area specifically designed to hold weapons, the overall comfort of a little home away from home. He smiled at Sarah. “Thanks.”

 

She nodded and gave him a friendly, warm smile. “Sleep well, Dean. Welcome home.”

 

_ Home.  _ He hadn’t had one of those in a long damn time either. He nodded to Sarah and closed the door when she disappeared down the hall. Dean sat on the bed and took a cursory look around at the room again. He sighed and breathed out an awed sounding, “Home.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

"Do you also want glitter in your hair, Mr. Angel? I think it would look beautiful with your eyes," Kiera suggested while she combed through Cas's hair with a brush, up and down in different directions, making it messier than before. Which was always a challenge, but one Kiera managed to accept and win every time. 

 

Of course she thought it was an improvement. She wanted to become the world’s most famous hairdresser. At least that’s what she wanted to be  _ this  _ week. Last week she wanted to be Cinderella.

 

"Of course. I'm sure you know what you're doing," Cas answered. He knew the glitter bottle was empty and she was just using fantasy dye, fantasy water, and fantasy shampoo. He was safe.

 

He had not expected Kiera to somehow get the rest of the remaining glitter out of the bottle. It was too late to say anything when she smeared it into his hair. Cas sighed deeply. That stuff would be in his hair for a long time. Not even  _ grace  _ was strong enough to get rid of it.

 

“We need more glitter.” Kiera pouted before she jumped from the chair she was standing on and ran to the table where she usually sat to draw. 

 

“Are we finished now, Miss?” Cas asked when Kiera wasn’t looking back at him anymore, too busy cutting something from paper. 

 

“Yes. You can go now.” Kiera waved, not looking up when she yelled, “You look beautiful!”

 

Cas grinned and left the rec room before he made his way down to Charlie. She was engrossed in something on her laptop, so she startled heavily when he sat down next to her.

 

“Damn, Angel! I’ve told you so many times to not do that. What if I accidentally punch you?”

 

“Sorry.” Cas wasn’t sorry at all. He thought it was amusing when Charlie jumped like that.

 

Charlie removed the headphones and looked at Cas, narrowing her eyes at the crown of his head. “Is that glitter?”

 

“No. I think you’re imagining things.”

 

She rolled her eyes at him. “One of these days you’ll learn to say no to those kids…”

 

“She said it would bring out my eyes.” Cas shrugged and leaned back, his finger drawing patterns over the desk. “What are you doing?”

 

Charlie turned to him and quirked her brow. “You've never been interested in what I do before. Spill it.”

 

“That's not true." At Charlie's raised eyebrow he relented. "Okay, maybe a  _ little  _ true... um... so... did you see him?" he asked carefully.

 

“See who?” she asked in a feigned tone of innocence. 

 

This time it was his turn to raise an eyebrow. "Dean. And you knew who I meant."

 

“I did. Yes.” She smiled. “You weren't kidding about his smile.”

 

Cas mirrored the smile as he leaned forward, bracing his chin on his hand. “I hope he will stay. He was on his own for so long. Charlie – If I had known Dean existed in this world, too, I would have looked for him. I still can’t believe he’s alive.”

 

She placed her hand on Cas’s knee and nodded. “I know you would have. And now he's here! So is he like the other Dean?”

 

Cas swayed his head in a contemplative motion before he shrugged slightly. “In some ways, very different in others. And he hates angels. A lot.”

 

“We all did... ‘til we met you,” she said, giving him a pointed look.

 

Cas looked down for a moment, a sinking feeling in his chest. “I’m not sure he’ll ever get past the fact that I’m an angel. No matter what I do.”

 

“Well, he's an idiot if that's the case.”

 

Cas sighed deeply before he mumbled, “I don’t want him to be an idiot. Am  _ I  _ one for having hope?”

 

Charlie shook her head. “No. But try not to get your hopes  _ up.  _ I don't want you to get hurt.”

 

That was probably very good advice. He needed to stop projecting his knowledge about the other Dean onto this one. Just because the other Dean liked his Cas in a way he wished for, didn’t mean this Dean would.

 

But then he thought back on their closeness, on the night they had spent in the cabin. The way it felt to be in Dean’s arms. He longed to feel that again. Letting out another sigh, he said, “I think I have a problem.”

 

“What?” she asked, this time the confusion was genuine.

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck, looking away from his best friend. “Charlie, how do you know when you – what did you call it? Um... have a ‘crush’ on someone?”

 

The smile on her face brightened her eyes. “You have a crush on him? Oh em gee! I definitely ship it! I wish you two could have babies! You can’t right? Can angels have babies?” she gushed.

 

Cas gave her an incredulous look. “I’m not going to answer that. So let’s get back to the important part, Charlie. What should I do?”

 

“Well, seeing as he hates angels, you’ve got a hell of a barrier. And while gender doesn’t mean squat to angels, humans are finicky things. We don’t even know if he’d be down with your whole, uh…” She waved at his groin area and continued, “Boy bits.”

 

Cas never thought about that possibility. He had again assumed from his experience with the other Dean. He scrubbed his hand over his face in frustration. “I did it again.”

 

“You keep comparing them, don’t you?”

 

Cas nodded before he looked up at her. “It’s stupid. They aren’t the same.” He shook his head before he continued, “Maybe I don’t have a crush on him, but on the other Dean. It’s all so confusing.”

 

Charlie nodded. “That’s very possible. Just get to know him, and in the process, maybe find out if he likes boys or not.”

 

Cas leaned over and hugged Charlie. “You always have the best ideas, Charlie. Thank you.”

 

When Cas pulled away again, he noticed Charlie had glitter in her hair now, too. He decided not to say anything.

 

“It’s almost dinner time, wanna come with me?” she asked as she stood up and grabbed her jacket.

 

“Of course.” He held up his elbow for her to take, just like Charlie had taught him.

 

That was met with a bright grin and she took his elbow. “I really hope it’s something good tonight. Lisa keeps making healthy crap.” Charlie poked her finger in her mouth and feigned a gag.

 

Cas chuckled, feeling a little better now. “She is just worried about all of your health.”

 

“Easy for you to say, Mr. ‘I don’t require sustenance’. If you had to eat it, you’d take my side, like a best friend  _ should.” _

 

"You're right." Cas grinned at her. "Let me try again." He lowered his voice and imitated Jeff, the electrician, who was also a good friend. "The healthy food is crap. It tastes like nothing. I want something  _ real." _

 

Charlie giggled as she leaned into Cas. “That was so good!”

 

Cas took a little bow and grinned back. “So tell me… What did I miss while I was gone?”

 

“Sarah panicking like a lunatic when you didn’t come back that first night. Which was a pain, because we were trying to keep the kids calm, and she’d come in looking all fretful and we’d have to lie to them.” Charlie shook her head. “But other than that, nothin’. The sandstorm passed us and the demons never came close.” She reached out for the door to the eating hall that was attached to the kitchen. 

 

“I’m sorry I made all of you wo–” Cas froze.

 

They were just about to go through the door when he saw Dean standing a few feet away. What stopped Cas was that Dean looked like  _ his _ Dean from the other universe. Clean shaven and much shorter, clean hair. For a moment, he thought Dean had come back to him, but his other senses told him that wasn’t the case. He wanted to say something, but the words were stuck in his throat.

 

He almost startled when Charlie carefully grasped his chin and pushed his mouth closed for him. She shook her head. “Shit. I think I’m having a sexual identity crisis.”

 

Cas gave her a confused look before he looked at Dean again. “Dean. You look... different.”

 

Dean smiled broadly and opened his arms in a display. “I think I lost five pounds in just hair.”

 

Cas couldn’t stop staring. He looked so much like Dean. He shook his head, feeling confused again.  _ Of course he does. It is Dean. _

 

More than ever he thought his earlier assessment might be true. That he had feelings for the other Dean, and was now projecting them.  

 

Charlie’s eyes raked over Dean’s form appreciatively. “I think you’re prettier than my ex.”

 

That was met with a soft and melodic laugh, Dean’s green eyes almost shimmered from the amusement in them. He shook his head. “Thanks, Red.”

 

“Okay, I’ve had enough of questioning my sexuality. Come on, Cas.” Charlie grabbed his arm and started dragging him away from Dean.

 

Cas let her. He had no intention of embarrassing himself any further. He just nodded at Dean with a terse smile and tried to look anywhere other than him.

 

When they reached the table where all of the different foods were laid out in buffet style, Charlie looked over Cas’s shoulder quickly, likely to make sure Dean hadn’t followed them, and turned back to Cas. “He really  _ is  _ Captain Kirk.”

 

Cas looked back and froze again. He squinted his eyes at Dean, who was chatting with Lisa, leaning towards her and giving her a very charming smile. He hated the feeling in his chest that sight caused him.

 

He looked away for a moment, trying to not feel disappointed. Charlie had warned him and he should have known this would happen. Should have anticipated it. Lisa was a very beautiful woman. And she was human. Of course Dean would prefer her.

 

He sat down next to Charlie with a deep sigh, suddenly wishing he was on the roof – alone. Like he usually spent dinner time.

 

Charlie placed her hand over Cas’s and gave him a sympathetic smile. “At least we found out his sexuality without having to have an awkward conversation?”

 

He laid his palm over his face and hummed. "It's okay, Charlie. I'm okay. It's not _ Dean _ , anyway."

 

She stuffed a half a roll in her mouth and moved to stand, grabbing his hand. “I’m full. Let’s get outta here.”

 

Cas gave her a confused look, but allowed himself to be dragged out of the room, glad that he could leave. “But you barely ate.”

 

“I’m tiny. I don’t need much,” was all the answer she gave as she guided him outside. Charlie looped her arm through Cas’s and smiled at him. 

 

Cas gave her a long look before he understood what Charlie had done. He gave her a soft smile. "Thank you. Do you want to join me on the roof? I think I saw a pretzel stash up there."

 

Charlie nodded. “Sure. You can bemoan the fate of falling for a straight guy who hates your kind. And I’ll agree, and  _ then  _ I’ll do the shitty girl thing and say all the things that bug me about Lisa.”

 

“That’s very kind of you.” Cas felt slightly guilty, but he really wanted to hear Charlie complain about Lisa. It wasn’t fair to her and he knew it. He liked Lisa. But at the moment he just  _ didn’t. _

 

“It’s my duty as your best friend and hetero life mate. Now let’s eat pretzels and bitch about people.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Dean caught the way Cas and Charlie quickly ducked out after they saw him with Lisa. He felt a little guilty about it, but was more resolute than ever to break it to him before his feelings got too messy.

 

He liked the guy, he was nice and all, but… The angel thing. It was a dick thing to think, but considering how many angels had been responsible for the deaths of... hell, pretty much everyone he cared about. Whether directly or indirectly… Even if he  _ was  _ into Castiel, he couldn’t bring himself to get over that one factor.

 

Lisa, on the other hand… Was fine as hell, funny, and best of all?  _ Not  _ an angel. He hoped that lack of angelicness found its way to other aspects of her personality, too.

 

With a charming smile, he moved to sit next to her after spotting her at one of the tables. “We didn’t get a chance to really talk earlier,” he said as his reasoning for sitting down uninvited.

 

“I’m glad we’re getting a chance now.” Lisa smiled at him.

 

“So am I. How’s your kid? Sarah said he got hurt.”

 

Lisa raised a surprised eyebrow before she hesitantly nodded. “Yes, he’s fine. Just a sprain. The kids sometimes get a little wild, especially with Lilly around.”

 

“I bet.” Dean chuckled and leaned his elbows on the table. “So what’s your story? How’d you end up here?”

 

She fiddled with the hem of her shirt before she looked up at him through thick lashes. “I’ve basically been here since forever. Me and Ben were one of the firsts in the camp. We were lucky.”

 

That was one way of putting it. Although, Dean supposed still being alive, considering all the shit that had come down the pipe, would  _ have  _ to be considered lucky. He smiled at her again and said, “Look, this is gonna come off as forward, and feel free to throw your water in my face… But considering the way the world is… We both know life’s too damn short. You’re seriously attractive.”

 

She gave him a devilish grin. "You're not so bad yourself. How about you come by tomorrow and we spend some time together? I work in the kitchen tomorrow." She raised an eyebrow. “You could help.” 

 

Definitely  _ not  _ an angel. Dean waggled his eyebrows. “I’d be happy to lend a hand.”

 

“Good.” She dragged her fingertips over the back of Dean’s hand before she winked at him and stood up. “I need to get back to Ben, my son. I’ll see you tomorrow, Dean.”

 

“Lookin’ forward to it.” He watched her as she left. Trying to not be a creep, but at the same time appreciating the view of her walking away. Dean was  _ really  _ looking forward to tomorrow.

 

In that moment, he realized it would probably be best to rip off the Castiel bandaid as soon as possible. Dean stood up and decided to try looking outside first. During the tour it had been made pretty clear that the angel had a thing for the gardens. 

 

As he made it outside, the sun had already started setting, creating a beautiful orange and red hue over the horizon. It definitely made the Citadel seem like a little slice of paradise amidst a world of chaos. 

 

When he got closer to the greenhouse, he heard someone shouting, followed by the familiar rumble of Cas’s voice. It sounded soothing and when he got closer, he could understand what he was saying. “... Chris. I’m sorry. If there had been a wa–”

 

“Yeah. That’s convenient. If you want to ditch us all so bad, then you should just do it already!” The rugrat screaming at Cas was probably no more than fifteen or sixteen. The kid turned his back to Cas and crossed his arms in a petulant manner.

 

"I don't want to leave you. I love you. I love  _ all  _ of you. I would never..." Cas tried to calm him down.

 

“No, you don’t! You don’t even know what love is!” Chris shook Cas’s hand off of his shoulder and rounded on him. “You’re only here ‘cause you have nowhere else to go!”

 

"Chris..." Cas tried to step closer, but the teenager just scoffed and pushed him away.

 

“Just leave me alone!” he spat before he briskly ran out of the greenhouse, bumping into Dean’s shoulder when he passed him.

 

“Whoa,” Dean said, but the kid didn’t stop. He stormed out without so much a backwards glance. When Dean turned to look at Castiel, the guy looked like his puppy had been kicked.

 

“Hello, Dean,” he greeted with a devastated tone in his voice.

 

“What was that about?” He tried to keep the annoyance out of his voice, but from the way Cas almost winced, he clearly failed.

 

Cas sat down on the bench in the middle of all the tomatoes and other vegetables, combing his hand through his hair before he took in a deep breath. “I’m not sure. He is angry with me. He’s been angry with me for quite some time now, and it doesn’t matter what I do, I always seem to make it worse. Like he wants space and I respect his wishes, and then he tells me that I don’t care about him because I’m never there. I just–” He stopped suddenly and looked up with wide eyes. “I apologize. I didn’t want to unload on you. How was your first day?”

 

Dean moved to sit next to Cas, clapping him on his shoulder in a gesture of comfort. “It was good. Met a few of the folk here.” He rubbed his now clean shaven face. “Stopped lookin’ like a werewolf.”

 

Cas smiled for a brief moment. “And do you like it here? Think you want to stay and give it a try?”

 

He shrugged noncommittally. In all honesty, it would be damn stupid to move on. The Citadel had its shit together and just because years of being alone made him feel antsy around other people sometimes, didn’t mean it was logical to try and survive the way he had been. Hell, the fact they had running water was reason enough to stay. “The place definitely has a lot of positives, that’s for sure.”

 

Cas gave him an odd look before he nodded and grinned. “Hope you aren’t too disappointed I didn’t turn you into a housewife.”

 

Dean let out a surprised laugh. That was when he noticed something in the guy’s hair. He took a closer look and asked, “Uh, you sure you’re not part unicorn?” He reached out and touched Castiel’s hair, a little bit of glitter now sticking to his fingers as he presented them to Cas. 

 

Cas looked embarrassed and smiled sheepishly. "Kiera sad it would bring out my eyes. She’s a hairdresser this week."

 

The glitter was hot pink. He arched his brow and gave the angel an incredulous look. “I guess pink  _ can  _ bring out the color blue.”

 

"I’m just glad she dyed my hair with imaginary dye and not  _ really  _ in rainbow colors." Cas shrugged. "I think I got lucky."

 

“I don’t know… Rainbows suit unicorns.”

 

Cas shook his head and carded his hand through his hair before he rubbed the glitter from his fingers on Dean’s cheek. “Call me unicorn one more time and I’ll dye your hair with  _ real  _ color while you sleep.”

 

Dean gripped his wrist and held it. “You touch my hair, you won’t like what happens.”

 

“Oh, yes?” he challenged with a smile. “You will never see me coming.”

 

Leaning in to graze his lips on the shell of Castiel’s ear, he whispered, “Neither will you.” Dean drew back with a smirk in place before pointing at the new sigil with Castiel’s name on his abdomen.

 

Cas leaned back, looking away for a moment. “Was there anything you wanted? I should try to speak to Chris again. I don’t want him to go to bed still angry at me.”

 

“You think that’s a good idea? Kid seemed pissed.” Dean deflected the line of questioning. He knew he needed to break the news to Cas that they would never be a thing, but it seemed like a pretty dick thing to do with the scene he’d just witnessed. Maybe it just wasn’t the right time.

 

"Maybe not, but I need to try. I want to show him that I won't give up on him. Even if it means I’ll get the door slammed in my face again."  

 

Dean nodded. “You go talk to the kid, or try. What I wanted to talk to you about can wait.”

 

Cas gave him a concerned look. “Are you sure?”

 

“Yeah,” he said as he waved him off. “It doesn't have a deadline.”

 

Cas stood up and straightened out his trenchcoat. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Have a good night, Dean.”

 

“You too, Cas.”


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frankie here: I am legally obligated to apologize on our behalf for certain content in this chapter, but let's face it. I'm not even a little bit sorry. :D

**Chapter 3**

 

Cas ended up getting the door slammed in his face, but at least the next morning Chris had mumbled a grumpy greeting to him before he went to breakfast with the other kids. He hoped it was a sign that he did the right thing by showing up to his room, that it had shown Chris that Cas cared about him.

 

He completed his morning tour around the perimeter and checked with the night watch, Jill – an ex-marine, if anything had happened during her shift. Jill yawned and thanked him for the apple he had brought up to her, fresh from the garden. 

 

She grinned at Cas before he turned around to look in every direction. “Everything was calm. Too calm if you ask me. And see those clouds in the west?”

 

Cas nodded darkly. “It’s not a sandstorm. It’s a fight between angels and demons.” He couldn’t see it, but he could feel the screams of his dying brothers in his entire essence.

 

“It’s too far away, right? They won’t notice us?” Cas could hear the insecurity in her voice. It wasn’t often that he could detect fear in her. Jill was one of the bravest humans he knew.

 

Cas shook his head. “Don’t worry. It doesn’t look like one side is winning. Those battles usually end with everyone dying. When does your shift end?”

 

“In a few minutes,” she mumbled, looking incredibly tired.

 

“Go to bed. I’ll wait for your replacement.”

 

Jill gave him a thankful look and clapped his shoulder before she climbed down the ladder. Cas’s eyes wandered back to the cloud, trying to block out everything that was emanating from that direction.

 

He was interrupted from his thoughts by a deep, rough voice. “Man, Jill. You got fat.”

 

Cas rolled his eyes at Jeff. “You can clearly see that I’m not her.”

 

“No shit.” Jeff had a shabby folding chair under his arm, that he unfolded and dropped to the ground, even though the lookout had a perfectly fine bench to sit down on. He put a box with old technical equipment next to it before he sat down in the chair with a groan and started to dig through it. Jeff pulled out a screwdriver and a circuit board. “So what’s that ugly ass cloud over there?” he asked without looking up in the direction of said cloud.

 

“Nothing to worry about for now. But please call me immediately if it comes any closer.”

 

“Sure thing, Captain Ahab.”

 

Cas had given up correcting Jeff that that wasn’t his name a long time ago. Some humans were terrible with names. He had come to accept that fact over the last year.

 

When he made his way towards the ladder, Jeff held him back. “Sweetheart, would you do me a solid and get me a sandwich from the kitchen?” 

 

“Let me guess... With meat. No green stuff,” Cas replied dryly.

 

“I knew you loved me.” Jeff grinned and winked at him. Cas couldn’t help but mirror the grin before he playfully rolled his eyes, trying to come across as annoyed.

 

He climbed down the ladder and made his way to the kitchen to get Jeff his sandwich, wondering if he should do another sweep of the perimeter afterwards. Better safe than sorry.

 

When he got closer to the kitchen, he heard a strange noise, like someone was in pain. He quickly opened the door to see if Lisa was in danger, darting in with a frantic cursory look around. That was when he spotted her, sitting on the counter, moaning, someone kneeling between her legs. She screamed when she noticed Cas and he startled when Dean was the person who jumped up and away from between Lisa’s legs, wiping his chin with the back of his hand.

 

It took him a second to realize that Lisa wasn’t in any danger. Which was then followed by a painful stab in his chest as he realized  _ what  _ he just walked into. 

 

“Jeff needs a sandwich,” he blurted out before he blinked and turned around. “He’s on the roof.”

 

He ignored their cries and apologies as he left the kitchen, heading straight for the main door to get outside. Just as he grabbed the handle, a hand gently clasped his elbow. “Shit, Cas. I’m sorry you had to see that...”

 

Cas didn’t want Dean to touch him, so he shook off his hand. He just wanted to get outside. “I…” He shook his head and left the building. He desperately needed the air.

 

He could hear Dean’s footsteps as he followed him into the courtyard. “Cas, wait! Come on, buddy…”

 

He did not anticipate the word to hurt so much.  _ Buddy.  _

 

"What do you want, Dean?" he asked, his frustration and hurt bleeding into his tone as he turned around.

 

“I, uh… I wanna apologize. It must have been a shock and, uh…” Dean was rambling a bunch of words. Cas pinched the bridge of his nose, not really hearing anything he said. Not until he finished with, “It’s been a long time, and she’s very attractive and–”

 

“What? You don’t need my blessing to be with her. Why are you apologizing? She is a human and an attractive woman. I understand.” Cas bit his lip. “I was just surprised you found someone so soon.”

 

Dean furrowed his brow. “You’re not pissed?”

 

Cas squinted his eyes at him. “Why would I be angry?”

 

“‘Cause you have a crush on me.”

 

Cas scoffed and shook his head. “No, you misunderstood something. I have a crush on Dean. Not  _ you _ .”

 

Dean recoiled in surprise, rubbing the back of his neck in an awkward manner. “Oh. I… I just… Okay. So, you’re cool with me and Lisa?”

 

No, he wasn’t. Not even the tiniest bit of him was ‘cool’ with it. But he had no right to say anything. And even if he  _ could  _ tell Dean the truth, it wouldn’t change the situation. He took a few calming breaths before he nodded. “It’s not my place to have an opinion.”

 

“Okay, it’s just… You seemed really pissed. I just don’t wanna make things weird. I don’t know if something will come of this thing with Lisa, even if we just use each other to scratch an itch, you know?” Dean laughed, a nervous and uncharacteristic sound.

 

Cas glared at Dean. “Lisa is a nice woman and she has a good kid. Don’t hurt her.”

 

“No, no, no. I didn’t mean it like… Shit. I like her. I do,” he assured, raising his hands in a surrendering gesture. “It’s just you said I found someone like we were gonna run off and get hitched and I just don’t know if it’s that serious, I mean. We’ve only said a few words to each other before I ended up between her legs and–”

 

“Spare me the details,” Cas interrupted him. “And please do me a favor. The next time you both feel an ‘itch’, don’t do anything in the kitchen. We have rooms with doors.”

 

Dean nodded, head ducked in shame. “Yeah, yeah. You’re right. I’m sorry, Cas.”

 

Cas nodded tersely before he turned around to leave. He really wanted to do the perimeter check now and he hoped he would run into a demon just because he felt the need to kill something.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

_ Way to fuck up, Winchester.  _ Dean internally chastised himself as he watched Castiel storm off. The guy claimed it didn’t bother him, but he clearly  _ was  _ bothered. He should have had the conversation with him the night before. Maybe Cas walking in on him and Lisa would have been less of a shock? Less of a punch to the gut?

 

On the other hand, he said he had a crush on the  _ other  _ Dean. Not him. So maybe it was just all a big, confusing misunderstanding. And Dean had to admit, he felt a little bad for the guy. But what happened in the kitchen hadn’t been planned.

 

When he showed up that morning, watching her peel some potatoes from the doorway, she chuckled, called him over, one thing led to another and before he realized it, they were frantically making out against the counter. Cas probably wouldn’t understand the basic need humans had, the need for closeness, for sex.

 

Letting out a sigh, Dean made his way back inside, back into the kitchen. Lisa was making a sandwich at the counter, so he sidled up next to her with a small smile. “Need help?”

 

“Think you helped me enough, Dean.” She laughed good naturedly. “But how about tonight?”

 

Dean wrapped his arm around her waist and pressed a kiss to the nape of her neck. “Yeah, maybe somewhere with a door that locks.”

 

She nodded and giggled before she turned around again to look at Dean. “I’ve never seen Castiel so shocked before. I hope we didn’t crash his operating system.”

 

“Nah, I think he was just… He’s probably never seen two people in the throes, you know?”

 

She snorted. “Of course not. He’s an angel. They don’t have any feelings.” At Dean’s surprised expression, she clarified, “Don’t get me wrong. Castiel is nice and all. But he only does this because he thinks he’s responsible for humans and it’s his mission.”

 

Dean drew back from her with a quirked brow. “Didn’t peg any of you here being anti-angel. Everyone kind of falls all over themselves for the guy.”

 

She sighed and leaned back against the table. “I’m not against Castiel. I just don’t forget that he  _ isn’t  _ human. Just because he looks like one, we shouldn’t forget that he doesn’t see the world like we do. And he doesn’t feel like we do.”

 

That just wasn’t true at all. But he’d be damned if he got in any kind of argument with a woman he hoped to get to know biblically later. Dean shrugged noncommittally and tenderly traced his finger along her forearm. “Want me to take that sandwich to… John?”

 

“Jeff.” She smirked. “Yes, that would be nice. I still have a lot to do. He’s on the roof.”

 

Dean smiled and stepped closer, drawing her close, cupping her face with his left hand as he leaned in and kissed her. She arched into the touch and wrapped her arms around his neck as he deepened the kiss. When she let out a soft moan, the sound shot straight to his dick. His other hand slowly snaked under her skirt, in between her thighs. He could feel the wetness through her panties and he groaned as he slipped his index finger past them, gently spreading her folds to tease her clit.

 

Lisa let out a sharp gasp of pleasure before she murmured reproachfully into his ear,  _ “Dean…  _ Tonight.”

 

And then Castiel’s request echoed in his head. He’d promised the guy he wouldn’t fool around with her in the kitchen again and he went about five minutes before breaking that promise. Dean reluctantly withdrew from her, pressing another kiss to her lips. “Tonight,” he affirmed. “Jeff’s probably hungry.”

 

She nodded with a happy smile and pushed a plate with a sandwich into his hand. “See you tonight, bad boy.”

 

“Damn right.” He departed with an eyebrow waggle, holding the plate with Jeff’s sandwich up in salute. 

 

Dean kept replaying their encounter in his head. It had been so many years since he’d had sex. The prospect of getting laid was making him feel pretty giddy. So giddy, he could hardly feel guilty for kind of hurting Cas. But Cas insisted he didn’t care, so maybe Dean was being way more narcissistic than the situation required.

 

When he made his way to the roof, there was an older guy sitting on a pullout chair, binoculars glued to his face, so all Dean could see was almost white hair and a scruffy goatee.

 

“Uh, I’ve brought you a sandwich?” Dean offered as a means of introduction.

 

The guy turned, looking at Dean through the binoculars before lowering them and giving him a complete once over with a skeptical frown. “You’re the new boy.”

 

Dean nodded as he approached, holding the plate out to the guy. “Name’s Dean. You’re Jeff, right?”

 

Jeff took the plate and put it beside him before he shook Dean's hand in a firm, quick handshake. "Are you the reason our pretty flyboy is cutting down trees like a berserker, instead of bringing me my sandwich like I asked thirty minutes ago?"

 

With a furrowed brow, Dean looked out over the camp, trying to see if he could see Castiel. No luck. “I – I don’t know. He said he was fine.”

 

Jeff handed him the binoculars and pointed to some ruins in the south. “It’s quite the sight. He’s not even wearing a shirt.”

 

Dean brought the binoculars up to his eyes and suddenly Cas was clearly visible. Jeff hadn’t been kidding. The guy was cutting trees down with his bare hands, clad only in his slacks, muscles tensing as he moved swiftly and with a silent strength that was both terrifying and entrancing.

 

It wasn’t  _ his  _ fault the binoculars slipped slightly, so all he saw was the defined and toned torso, moving with such fluidity it rivaled a river. Dean’s mouth went dry and suddenly it felt a little too warm. Shaking himself of his inappropriate reaction, he wordlessly handed the binoculars back to Jeff. 

 

After a beat he repeated, “He said he was fine.”

 

"This ain’t the first time pretty boy has gone to chop wood. But usually he takes an axe." Jeff leaned back against his chair. "The last time he was actively hurting himself..." He shook his head. “Nevermind. Have you already talked to Sarah about a job, kid?”

 

Dean wanted to ask for clarification on the unfinished statement Jeff had started. For some reason, it left a bad taste in his mouth. The idea that Cas was hurting himself intentionally, especially if it had anything to do with Dean. But then, was it really his place to ask a guy he barely knew such a personal question? Maybe he’d try to talk to Cas again later. “Uh, no. But she liked that I fixed one of the protective sigils, so… Maybe something along those lines? I don’t know what a job title for that would be.”

 

“She’ll probably make one up,” he answered with a grin. “But that’s a good skillset to have these days. Glad the angel found you. We were more or less guessing here.”

 

He rounded on Jeff with an incredulous expression. “Are you serious? That could have ended really badly.”

 

Jeff scoffed. “Yeah, no shit. We had a lot of trouble with demons for quite some time. Our camp was often attacked. Castiel knew a few sigils, so it got a little better after that, but he does most of the work by keeping them off the perimeter every day. It’s not ideal. Having more protection will be a blessing.” 

 

“Shit. Do any of you guys even have anti-possession tattoos or items?”

 

Jeff nodded before he pulled down his shirt to show him his ink. “A few of us were already warded before we got here. Castiel made bracelets for the others, so they couldn’t get possessed. But the other demons, you know those ugly fuckers with horns and all, we only have the guy with the crazy sex hair for our protection. If he’s gone, we’re fucked.”

 

Dean sighed and shook his head. “I’m gonna talk to Sarah. There’s several different sigils and spells that would basically obliterate any demon that tried to cross the threshold.”

 

Jeff gave him his first smile then. “That’s something we really should have. Can you do me favor when you go down?”

 

“Sure?”

 

“Could you send up Chris? Tall, brooding teenage boy, brownish, long hair. Always glares at you when you look at him. You can’t really miss him.”

 

Dean chuckled and said, “Yeah. I’ve seen him. You got it. So, just tell a moody teenager that Jeff told him to come up here?”

 

Jeff raised a finger. “That’s my man. Good luck.” He turned away and took a bite of his sandwich before recoiling and scowling at it. “Fuck. I thought I told pretty boy  _ not  _ to put green stuff on it.”

 

“Uh, he didn’t make it. Lisa did…” Dean rubbed the back of his neck, feeling a little guilty for the overall fuck up. It wasn’t like it was Cas’s fault that the sandwich was wrong.

 

Jeff gave him a shocked look. “Why on Earth would he give such a task to that health nut? He knows I hate that she always puts salad in it. There’s not even meat on it.” The older man looked utterly disgusted, his eyes going back to the cloud on the horizon with a concerned look. “I need to eat something real if I have to watch a scary cloud for the next six hours.”

 

“Shit. That’s, uh... kinda my fault, too.” Dean grabbed the plate back from Jeff and said, “I’ll get you a new sandwich.”

 

“You do that. And don’t forget about sending up the kid. He’s probably in the greenhouse.”

 

With a nod, Dean made his way back to the kitchen. He decided he could probably kill two birds with one stone if he asked Lisa to make a meatwich and then asked the kid to grab the sandwich on his way up to see Jeff. 

 

It took all of his willpower to not stay and make out with Lisa when she gave him a playful pout, but he really needed to get on fixing the sigils and adding whatever protections the place needed. So he practically ran to the gardens. 

 

Jeff had been right, the kid was in the greenhouse, watering the plants. Dean approached him and said, “Hey, kid. Jeff wanted you.”

 

Chris didn’t react at all, just continued to water the plants. He even turned away from Dean, just to ignore him more demonstratively.

 

“Yo! My So-Called Life. I’m talkin’ to you!” Dean drew closer as his voice got louder.

 

He was met by fierce blue eyes and an angry scowl as the teenager looked at him with a scowl of disgust. “I’m not a kid!”

 

“You’re sure as hell actin’ like one. You know what a man does? A man, even if he’s in a shitty mood and pissed at someone or something, a  _ man  _ acknowledges when someone talks to them. And doesn’t get all pissy about being asked to do something. Wanna be treated like an adult? Then  _ act  _ like one.” Dean folded his arms against his chest, staring the kid down with a quirked brow.

 

"Who the fuck do you think you are? You don't even know me and you don't get to tell me anything!" Chris yelled. "I want to work here in the garden, like–" He pressed his lips into a thin line. "I'm not going up there."

 

“You’re right, I don’t know you. But all these other people here do, they’re protectin’ your ass, they care about it, they  _ know  _ you. And they’re the ones needin’ your help for whatever fucking reason. Do it. Don’t do it. But considering this is your life now, these people are your family, you’d think you’d be, oh… I don’t know…  _ tryin’  _ to get along with them?”

 

"I just don't want to be forced into doing something I don't want to do. It's not like I'm being lazy, I'm helping, alright?" He forcefully pulled down the bucket he was holding. "I wanna talk to Cas." 

 

Dean shook his head. “Cas is busy. Would it really kill ya’ to bring Jeff a fucking sandwich? See what he wants?”

 

Chris ignored the question, suddenly tensing up as his voice grew quieter, almost frightened. “Where is he?”

 

“He’s chopping wood. He’s not abandonin’ you, despite the fact that you talk to him like he’s a piece of shit.” Dean quirked his brow at the kid in challenge.

 

He did not expect a tear to fall from Chris’s eyes as he grabbed the plate from Dean. "You know nothing."

 

Dean sighed and relaxed his defensive stance. “You’re right. I don’t know anything. All I know is I lost my  _ entire  _ family and everyone I loved out there ‘cause of this stupid fucking war. I was alone for years, surviving. And then one day I fuck up and Castiel saves my life. And  _ no matter  _ how much I  _ hate  _ his species for their part in all of this, in the death of my brother, I still wouldn’t talk to him the way you do. And  _ I  _ barely know the guy.”

 

"And I hope it will stay like that," Chris growled at him. "I don't like you. So stay away from my Dad." He turned around with a scowl before he made his way to the greenhouse door.

 

“Dad?” he asked, feeling way more confused than he’d ever been.  _ Shit. _ Was Cas possessin’ this poor kid’s dad? No wonder he was so fucked up over it. That’s when it really occurred to Dean. Cas was possessing some poor bastard.

 

Chris stopped at the door. “Yeah, not our real one, obviously. But he saved me, Tommy, and Kiera. We’re a family.” Chris kicked the greenhouse door in frustration, trying to open the iron door with his elbow, balancing the plate in one hand and his bag in the other.

 

The three kids Cas lost his wings for.  _ Shit.  _ Dean approached the kid and grabbed the plate for him, while helping him with the door. “Shit, kid.” Dean shook his head apologetically and amended, “Chris. I mean, Chris.”

 

Chris sighed deeply, the fight seemed to have left him. Dean caught his gaze as he looked over to the warehouse roof, taking in a deep breath, like he was steeling himself on the inside.

 

Dean regarded him for a moment. Really looking at the kid. There was a vein popping out of the kid’s neck. He was tense as hell. The way he was breathing, the strain on his neck giving away an accelerated pulse. Chris was fucking terrified. With a deep breath, Dean decided to be blunt, just in case no one had ever outright asked. “You scared of Jeff? Or somethin’ else?”

 

Chris flinched at the question before he shook his head. “Jeff is like the nicest, funniest guy,” he said, trying to act cool. “Have you met him?”

 

It was a pretty convincing act. If Dean didn’t know better, he might have bought it. He decided to go with a different tactic. Maybe he’d be more forthcoming if Dean owned up to something. “Yeah, I have. So, you wanna know something funny?”

 

“What?” Chris gave him a skeptical look, his gaze wandering hesitantly towards the roof a few times.

 

“So, I’m in my mid-goddamn thirties. I faced down some of the ugliest, scariest creatures I’ve ever seen. And you know what freaks me out? Fuckin’  _ spiders.  _  A goddamn nezzla demon could be breathin’ down my neck and I’ll just gank the fucker. A daddy long legs crawls over my leg and I scream like a girl.”

 

Chris grinned for a second before he looked away to hide it. “Seriously? A spider?”

 

“I know. Crazy, right? Even those little tiny fuckers. Hopefully you guys don’t need me to fill an exterminator position, because I  _ won’t  _ be able to help.”

 

That’s when Chris suddenly took in a shuddered breath as he held the plate out towards Dean. “We could make a deal. If you get a spider in your room, I’ll come and get it. And you bring the sandwich up there.”

 

“Honestly, I’d totally take you up on the deal, but Jeff wanted to talk to  _ you.”  _ Dean gave him a pointed look. 

 

“Shit.” Chris bit his lower lip and shuffled his feet. “When did Cas say he’d be back?”

 

Dean shrugged. “No idea. He’s, uh... He’s working out some aggression because I’m an asshole and I, uh… hurt his feelings.” He wasn’t sure why he felt the need to be so upfront with Chris. Maybe it was because he felt guilty enough as it was, that he didn’t need to add the kid worrying that Cas might be avoiding him.

 

Chris looked confused for a moment. “Okay... I’m not going to ask what you mean by that. But I need him here. Can you tell me which direction he went? Did he go to the ruins?”

 

“Sorry, but maybe you should just go talk to Jeff? He can see Cas, he’d be able to tell you exactly where Cas is.”

 

Chris seemed to contemplate that for a moment, his gaze drifting towards the gates. He took in a deep breath before he looked at Dean. “You’re right. That’s a good idea.” He nodded towards Dean and slowly walked towards the warehouse.

 

Dean would be lying if he said he didn’t feel a little proud for getting through to Chris. Now it was time to talk to Sarah about upping their protection. He made his way out of the greenhouse and caught Sarah near one of the gardens.

 

He jogged up to her and called out, “Sarah, you got a minute?”

 

She rubbed and clapped her hands together to get rid of the dirt on her fingers and smiled up at him. “Of course. How are you, Dean? Are you starting to settle in?”

 

Dean returned the smile and nodded. “Yeah. Uh, Jeff told me your protection sigils are all kind of guesswork. So I wanted to see if you have a diagram or something of the different sigils you  _ do  _ have and add any you guys need.”

 

She sighed as she walked up to him, shaking her head. “It’s still all very improvised. It’s more like a growing structure where we’ve added everything we have found over time. But Charlie. She took some digital photos. She can help you get an overview.”

 

“Cool. So, uh, if you don’t mind, I’ll work on that and then you can give me a job?”

 

She put her hand on his shoulder as she walked to the little plaza with him. “You’re an experienced fighter, I’m guessing?”

 

Dean shrugged. “Experienced enough. You always figure out what you gotta do to survive.”

 

“I want you to meet two of our residents. Jill and Saeed. They coordinate security for the Citadel with Castiel.” She looked away with a worried expression for a moment before she added quietly, “We need to be able to defend ourselves should anything happen to Castiel.”

 

Dean furrowed his brow. The thought of the Citadel without Castiel seemed strange. Dean had only been there for a day and he could tell that Cas was kind of the core of the place. With a nod he said, “Yeah, I can help you guys with that. I know sigils and spells that keep out most of the big bads out there.”

 

Sarah smiled at him. "I'm happy Castiel found you. I believe you'll be a great help to us and the future of the Citadel, Dean." 

 

She guided him towards the gate, where a man wearing a kufiya was holding a shotgun, and a woman with short black hair, wearing a military uniform, was also holding the same weapon; the pair of them standing guard.

 

Sarah introduced them as Jill and Saeed, and they both greeted Dean with friendly smiles, shaking his hand. “Could you please tell Dean what your work is? I’m sure he’ll be a great asset to the Citadel.” Sarah clasped Dean’s shoulder again. “See me tonight and tell me if you think this will be a good fit.”

 

“Sure thing, Boss,” Saeed said, bowing his head in respect.

 

Sarah shook her head slightly and grinned. “I’ll see you later in the meeting. Oh, did Castiel say when he’ll be back?”

 

Jill shook her head. “I just spoke to him briefly this morning, slept two hours to meet up with Saeed at the gate, and he was already gone.”

 

Saeed took in a deep breath. “He just said he wanted to do another perimeter check and bring back some wood, and that it could take a while. But he looked… what’s the word? Grumpy?”

 

Sarah looked surprised for a moment. “Okay, just let him know I was looking for him when he comes back.” She gave everyone a nod before she turned around and left Dean alone with them.

 

“So, uh… what do you guys want me to do?” he asked, getting the vibe that neither of these two were big talkers.

 

Jill pointed to the ladder scaling up the wall. "Let's talk up there. Saeed you stay here."

 

The guy nodded, resuming his position at the gate. Dean followed Jill up to a platform on the wall where they could oversee the plains and ruins on the other side. "Can you shoot a gun? We have different ammunition; mostly iron, salt, and silver bullets."

 

Dean nodded and answered, “Yeah. I can shoot.”

 

"Awesome. We sadly don't have a shooting range and we try to save ammo, so I'll take your word for it." She leaned against the handrail. "Our work is mostly guard and defense duty when Cas isn't here. We have a quick meeting every night. Just us security and a bigger meeting with the Citadel 'council' once a week, where we talk about runs for provisions."

 

She turned to Dean with a lopsided grin. "That's when the job gets interesting. There are things we need that just don't grow in the garden, you know?"

 

Yeah, he knew. “I get you. I have more ammo and weapons at where I was… living, I guess. That might be an excursion we should look into comin’ up.”

 

Jill raised her eyebrow. "Definitely." She turned around, giving him a complete once over. "I'm not gonna treat you as a newbie. You lived out there and I respect that. You wouldn't have survived if you didn’t bring a certain skillset to the table. But if you work with us, you need to learn to work in a team. You're not just responsible for your own life anymore. Do think you can handle that?" There was no judgement in her voice, it was just an honest and direct question.

 

Working on a team wasn’t a problem for Dean, it was the fact that all his former “teammates” were dead because he wasn’t quick enough, or smart enough. Dean nodded. “Yeah. I can do it.”

 

"Good." She pointed over to the ruins that were visible from their position. "This was a city once. They have a hospital and a huge pharmacy. We’ll go there in a few days to stock up on medication and other supplies. If you want the job with security, we would be more than happy for an extra pair of hands."

 

“No problem,” he assured, looking out at a pretty barren wasteland. It was a little scary how accurate movies got what a post-apocalyptic world would look like. 

 

"Usually Cas brings stuff from his tours. But if we make a big run, we all have to go. Since this means we all have to leave, the guarding falls to our secondary crew. Which is Jeff and Kyle." She grimaced before she shrugged. “It’s less than ideal, but needed since we lost people in that critical time once, when we were out on a raid.” She closed her eyes for a moment, obviously remembering what had happened. “We even lost a kid in that attack.” She took a deep breath and looked at Dean with a questioning eyebrow. “I heard you’re gonna update the supernatural protection front, so maybe it won’t be as stressful now when we leave the Citadel behind us for a few hours.”

 

Dean nodded his understanding. He’d seen a lot of death, experienced personal, horrific loss. But there was always something about when a kid died. It was all the more awful, because the lack of fairness is even more poignant. He couldn’t imagine what that loss felt like. “Yeah, I’ve gotta talk to Charlie to see what you guys have and from there I’ll fortify this place with what you need, too.”

 

Jill smiled shyly, an expression that turned her rather hard lines into soft ones. “Yeah, she documented everything. Um… we mostly just covered the walls with everything we found. Cas helped a lot, but he’s not an expert on sigils. His expertise is tactics and, well... brute force.” She shrugged, her lopsided grin back in place.

 

“Luckily for this compound, I was trained by a legit jesuit priest, so I’m kind of familiar with, well… everything.” The funny thing was, he  _ wasn’t  _ bragging, That was the reality of his situation and he would never not be grateful for running into Father Finotti. The man saved his life, he only wished he could have done the same.

 

Jill looked down for a moment, bracing herself against the handrail. "Did you have a group? Or was it just you and the priest?"

 

“Just me and the priest for a little over a year, before a group of angels got him.” Dean tried to keep the anger out of his voice, unsuccessfully so.

 

Jill gave him an appraising look. "Is working with Cas going to be a problem for you?"

 

Dean shook his head. “We were stuck together for a couple days before he brought me here. If it was, trust me… he wouldn’t have come back to you.”

 

She pursed her lips as her tone dropped to glacial temperatures. "Well, then I guess we can count ourselves lucky." She turned away to look at the horizon for a moment before she sighed deeply. "Come on, I'll get you a weapon and a timetable for the week, and then you can go see Charlie."

 

“Hold up. What’s your deal?” he asked, brow furrowed in bemusement. 

 

She took in a deep breath before she shook her head. "Sorry. I didn't mean to... Some of us just feel really protective of Cas, you know? We were fucking worried when he didn't come back."

 

“I get that. Like I said. You don’t have to worry about Cas being a problem.”

 

“Good." She nodded before she guided him to the ladder. "’Cause this place has history. We had a guy here. He  _ hated  _ Cas for being an angel. And no matter what Cas did, he just couldn't see passed that. He hated him so much that he brought the whole compound into danger, ratting Cas out when he was out getting supplies for us."

 

“Ratting him out to who?” he asked as he followed her down the ladder.

 

“To other angels. He got himself killed for his effort. Not before Cas tried to save his sorry ass.”

 

Dean nodded and when they reached the ground, he grasped her shoulder and in his most serious tone, said, “Jill. Cas saved my ass twice out there. Three times if you count him bringing me here. He’s an angel, but I’m not the type of guy to forget that sort of debt.”

 

"Okay. It's nothing personal, Dean. I don't know you yet. I have to make sure you're not a security risk," she explained calmly.

 

“I get it.”

 

"Sarah already gave you the tour right?" she asked, now smiling. "Did she show you the weapon's room?"

 

Dean’s eyes lit up. “No. She didn’t.”

 

“Oh, you will love it. I can already tell. Because we were actually very lucky with this place. You know this warehouse used to be part of a factory that manufactured bullets? So we got equipment down there to produce ammunition.” She shrugged her shoulders. “The only hard part is to get the raw materials these days. So whenever we go for a supply run, we look for lead, iron, zinc, you name it. We melt those metals down and make what we need.”

 

They went to the second floor on the warehouse where Jill opened a heavy iron door with a key.  The room was bigger than he had imagined. A few shelves stocked with guns, rifles, and boxes of ammunition. In the heart of the room was a smelter with an anvil surrounded by workbenches and a press. A large guy was working there, cutting into a piece of metal with a saw, wearing safety goggles and a heavy plastic apron. He stopped when they entered, pushing his goggles up with a raised eyebrow.

 

He was probably in his mid-thirties, brownish hair that was nearly as messy as Cas’s, with dark brown eyes instead of the angel’s sky blue ones. He easily had five or six inches on Dean and his biceps were bigger than his head. The guy was a little intimidating. It didn’t help that he looked kind of grumpy, and sounded it when he barked a gruff, “Who are you?”

 

Before Dean could answer, Jill laughed. “Don’t be such a grinch, Kyle. This is Dean. He’s the new guy for security.”

 

Dean extended his hand out to the guy. “Nice to meet you.”

 

Kyle gave him a skeptical look before he grunted and shook his hand, with a grip that was harder than necessary. “Yeah, welcome to paradise,” he said in a sarcastic tone of voice.

 

Jill smiled at Dean. “He’s always rainbows and sunshine.”

 

“Fuck you, too, Jill.” Kyle smiled back, it was entirely false.

 

He was the exact opposite of Jeff. Where Jeff was funny, snarky, and a pretty likable guy, Kyle was the inverse of every positive personality quirk of Jeff’s. Dean shrugged as he looked at the guy. “Well, after living in an underground tunnel for the last year, surviving on rats and sleeping with one eye open, this place  _ is  _ fucking paradise, man.”

 

"Great. So you had a shitty life... You want a medal?" Kyle asked before he put his glasses back on and returned his attention to his work.

 

Jill put her hand on Dean's shoulder and quickly shook her head before Dean could say something. Instead she pulled him over to one of the shelves. "I suggest you take one that you're familiar with."

 

Dean nodded at Jill, eyes never leaving Kyle’s form as he did so. The thing was, they all had a fucking tragic backstory. They were all survivors of the goddamn  _ apocalypse.  _ Which meant, every solitary person here lost someone. A spouse. A sibling. A parent. Whatever differences they all had, that was something they shared. 

 

When the guy turned his back to Dean to finish what he was doing, Dean shrugged over the situation and actually focused on the task at hand. He looked at Jill and pulled his sig out of the back of his pants. “If you’ve got ammo, I’m actually good with my own.”

 

"Oh, okay. Good. Have you ever tried shooting with a sniper rifle?" She grabbed one from the shelf and raised her eyebrow.

 

Dean took the gun, balancing the weight out on his palm as he looked it over. “No. Is it like a regular rifle?”

 

"The recoil is the same, but you hold it differently. I could show you. If you’ve got good aim, maybe you could pick up on that weapon. We could use someone with a good eye and aim on the roof."

 

Dean held it up, cupping the butt of the gun in direction away from Jill and Kyle as he closed one eye to focus through the front, then rear sight. He nodded as he pointed it away as he handed it back to Jill. “I’m sure I could give it a shot.”

 

Kyle snorted and shook his head. “Look at that. New guy is a regular clown.”

 

Spinning to face Kyle, Dean quirked his brow at him. “You got a problem with  _ me, _ specifically, or did somebody piss in your cheerios this mornin’?”

 

Kyle shoveled some metal into the smelter before he looked up. "Got a problem with the world in general, and especially guys that are overconfident." He closed the smelter's door and rubbed the ash from his hand. "You sound like someone who thinks he can do anything. You survived and you got skills. Sure. And then you get cocky."

 

If he seemed tall before, he was positively gigantic when he approached. "So who are  _ you,  _ Dean? Do you still respect the monsters outside that can get you killed, or are you one of those hot shot cowboys that think they're the cherry on top?"

 

Dean scoffed. “I’m the guy that when this bullshit started, was desperately trying to keep his family safe and I fucking  _ failed.  _ If you notice, Cas only brought  _ me.  _ You do the math. I’m not over confident. I’m fucking hopeful, ‘cause I’ll be damned if I’ll ever be the cause of someone’s death,  _ ever  _ again.”

 

Kyle suddenly looked almost relieved before he nodded with a serious expression. "Good. Then let me rephrase. Welcome to the Citadel, Dean."

 

Letting out a relieved, slightly bemused chuckle, Dean nodded at Kyle. “Thanks.”

 

Kyle went back to his work without another word and Jill gave Dean an impressed look. “Come on, I’ll get you to… Charlie. Um–why don’t you take that rifle with you? Get used to it.”

 

Dean nodded and took it from her, slinging the strap over his shoulder and making sure the safety was on. Without so much a goodbye, they left Kyle and started back up to the tech room. When they reached it, Charlie was hunched over her computer, headphones on, completely oblivious to the two of them standing in the doorway.

 

Jill seemed to be frozen for a moment before she cleared her throat. When Charlie didn’t react, she threw a help seeking look to Dean.

 

He refrained from chuckling. Girl had it  _ bad  _ for Charlie. Dean looked at the redhead and barked, “Yo! Red!”

 

Charlie startled a little before she pushed her headphones off. “What is it with you guys sneaking up on me all the time?”

 

Jill tensed up and took a step back, starting to gesture behind her, mumbling. “I–I, uh... I need to… go.” She walked backwards and stumbled over something before she waved awkwardly and left the room.

 

Charlie grinned for a moment before she looked up at Dean with an expectant look. 

 

Dean shook his head and chuckled. Taking a step into the room, he said, “Sarah said you could show me an outline of all the sigils you guys have. So I can amp up your protection.”

 

"That's so cool and I can. Grab a seat, Dean-o." She pointed at a chair next to her.

 

Taking the proffered seat, he leaned over and looked at all of her monitors. Dean shrugged after a moment, not really understanding what he was looking at. Instead, while she was rifling through a couple of folders, Dean said, “Jill’s cute, huh?”

 

Charlie stopped for a moment, raising an eyebrow at Dean. "Smooth, Dean. And not at all obvious."

 

“Seemed less obvious than asking you when you’re gonna put that poor girl out of her misery,” he sassed as he leaned back in the chair.

 

Charlie chuckled. “You make it sound like I’m torturing her.”

 

“Aren’t you?” he challenged. Dean shrugged again. “I know it’s not my place, but if you aren’t interested in her, you should probably be upfront about it.”

 

“You mean like you were upfront with Cas?” Charlie returned.

 

_ Ouch.  _ He probably deserved that. Dean nodded. “I know it sucks, but at least he knows now, before shit got too… real for him.”

 

"Probably too late for that,” she mumbled before she gave him a cheerful smile. "But don't worry, he got over you once..." She suddenly stopped talking, looking worried like she had just remembered something. "No wait. He didn't."

 

There was an awkward pause. Before she smiled hesitantly at Dean again. "Awkward. I vote for a subject change. Yeah." She opened a laptop, logging into it and changing the settings to not require a login. "I can't print them out for you, but you can look at them here, if that's okay."

 

“Charlie. I’m not him. I never will be him. Once Cas understands that, trust me… He’ll laugh at himself for even  _ thinking  _ of me.” Dean took the laptop and pulled open the folder of pictures, clicking through them. Definitely a good base, but missing some pretty key sigils. 

 

“I think he got the message loud and clear.” Charlie leaned back and crossed her arms behind the back of her head. “I just hope one of these days he finds a stray out there and gets his romance. Fuck, he deserves one.”

 

“Don’t you think it’s strange that an angel would even  _ want  _ that?” He regretted the words the moment they tumbled from his lips.

 

Charlie gave him a disbelieving look. "Don't tell me after meeting Cas and spending time with him, you still believe that bullshit? You seriously think Cas doesn't have feelings?"

 

“That’s not what I meant. I know he has feelings, he just… I don’t think he understands what they are or what they mean.”

 

Charlie huffed in annoyance and shook her head. "Well, he  _ does.  _ I'm his best friend and I know him very well. Believe me when I say, he  _ does _ understand." She leaned forward against her desk. "Just because he's new to it and his expectations are still naive and weirdly romantic, doesn't mean he doesn't get hurt, or he can't understand real love."

 

Dean didn’t know what to say to that. He had needed Cas to simply  _ not  _ understand, because then he wouldn’t feel as guilty for hurting the guy. In that moment the realization struck. He genuinely liked Castiel. He didn’t realize it, because it had been so many years since he’d had one, but Cas had kind of become his only friend in a long time. And that meant something to him.

 

He knew what he needed to do. Dean needed to talk to Cas about this and not treat him like he didn’t have or didn’t comprehend feelings. “Can I take this?” he asked, holding up the laptop.

 

“Sure.” Charlie sighed deeply. “Just be careful with my baby.”

 

“I will. I’ll be careful with the laptop, too.” He winked at her as he tucked the device under his arm.

 

Charlie snickered and grinned at him. “Hey, tomorrow is movie night.  _ Invaders from Mars.  _ The original. Are you coming?”

 

Dean smirked. “Hell yeah.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Cas looked at his bleeding knuckles for a moment before he rubbed his fingertips through the blood and healed the broken skin. He felt much better now, more settled and calm. He threw the logs into the large sack and after a second thought, he also stuffed his trench coat and shirt into it before shouldering it. 

 

His grace was fluctuating and he needed to rest it before he could use it to repair his clothes. He had a change of clothes at the Citadel that he planned to wear for the next few days. A black shirt that he got from Charlie for his made up birthday. She had insisted that everybody needed one.

 

He had managed to stop thinking about Dean for at least thirty minutes and was quite proud of that. He knew he would need some time to get over it, but he was confident of being able to do so, as long as he remembered that  _ this  _ Dean wasn’t the one he fell in love with.

 

When he went through the gate, Saeed waved at him and he returned the man’s friendly smile. “You were busy.”

 

“We needed wood.” He didn’t want to make it sound like a justification, even though it  _ was  _ one.  “I’ll bring this down and meet up with you after that.”

 

Saeed nodded and returned to his post as Cas walked towards the warehouse. The good mood he had been in just moments ago was dampened when Dean came out of the entrance, eyes lighting up at seeing Cas before jogging over to him.

 

“Cas! Hey, can I talk to you?” he called out, waving with one arm, the other holding one of Charlie’s babies.

 

He stopped, looking away for a moment. “Actually, I–I need to take this to the storage room.”

 

“I can help,” he suggested, holding his free hand out for Cas to hand him the bag.

 

“It weighs over six hundred pounds, Dean.”

 

“Oh,” he breathed out in amazement. “Well, I can help you unload?”

 

“You don’t have to. You seem busy.” He nodded at the laptop in Dean’s hand.

 

Dean shrugged. “I just… I need to say something and I know you’re mad at me. But I just… I just need five minutes and you can go back to being angry, okay?”

 

Cas looked down for a moment, biting his lower lip. “I’m not angry, Dean.”

 

“Look,” he said, extending his free hand out palm upward. “How I talked to you about what’s... you know…  _ happening  _ with us. I was a dick. I treated you like you didn’t have feelings or whatever and that wasn’t fair. I’m sorry you found out about me and Lisa the way you did, and I’m sorry for making it all about me. Your feelings matter and I don’t want to be the asshole that hurts them. I consider you a friend, Castiel. I don’t want to hurt your feelings.” Dean looked down, rubbing the back of his neck in apparent nervous anticipation.

 

"Thank you," Cas mumbled disheartenedly. He hoped the conversation was over with, because he felt a strong urge to get away from Dean.

 

“Hey, what do I gotta do to get you to forgive me?” he asked, taking a step closer with an imploring expression. “Do you want me to wear a pink, frilly apron? ‘Cause if that’ll get you to smile at me again, I’ll do it. I’m sure Kiera can make me one.”

 

He couldn't help but smile at that for a moment. "It's not you. You did nothing wrong. I just... misinterpreted the signs. I thought–" He shook his head. He didn't want to embarrass himself any further. It was bad enough that he had thought there could be something between them. "There is nothing to forgive, Dean."

 

Dean gave him an earnest smile. “If it makes you feel any better, I  _ am  _ sorry I’m not him, you know?”

 

It didn’t make him feel any better, but he appreciated the effort Dean was making. He just nodded, feeling incredibly sad again. “Thank you.” 

 

“Can we be friends again?” Dean asked, sounding almost as quiet as one of the children when they were nervous.

 

Cas thought about that for a moment. He would like to have Dean as a friend, but he wasn’t sure if it would work. On the other hand, it couldn’t hurt to try. He immediately regretted that wording in his head, but before he could change his mind, he nodded. “I would like that.”

 

He didn’t get to hear Dean’s answer because they were interrupted by Lisa leaving the building. Cas hated that his mood drastically sank when he saw her. She walked up directly towards Dean, smiling as she pointed at him. “I have a message from Jeff for you. He said he hates you for doing the exact opposite of everything he asked.”

 

Dean furrowed his brow and shook his head. “What do you mean? I talked to Chris and he said he was gonna go take the sandwich to Jeff.”

 

Lisa raised an eyebrow. “He never showed.” 

 

The widened and panicked eyes of Dean was anything but good. Dean grasped Cas’s shoulder and asked, “Is Chris hidden from you? Or do you have the ability to sense his presence?”

 

It felt like his heart had stopped. He slowly shook his head. "Usually I can, but my grace is too weak to track him. Why? Maybe he is in the garden? Or in the rec room?"

 

“We better check, then. I’ll take the rec room, Lisa can you take the bunker? And Cas go to the gardens,” Dean commanded.

 

Cas didn’t even hesitate before he ran over to the greenhouse. He used the last of his withering grace to summon his black shirt and shrugged it on as he made his way straight for the gardens. He had a bad feeling, his thoughts raced with worry and dread that something could have happened to Chris. He called for him as he entered the greenhouse, only finding Kiera and Tommy. Kiera screeched and ran to hug his leg before he lifted her up. “Kiera, have you seen Chris?”

 

She shook her head before she kissed his nose. “No, he didn’t help today at all. Tommy and I did all his work.” He put her on the ground again and Kiera crossed her arms in front of her chest. “He’s not allowed to watch TV now.”

 

“When was the last time you saw him?” Cas asked, feeling sick with worry.

 

“When I brushed my teeth.” She showed him her teeth to underline her words.

 

Cas rifled his fingers through his hair before he looked at Tommy, who merely shook his head.  _ Damn it.  _ “I’ll be right back. I have to look for your brother,” he tried to explain calmly, but Kiera must have picked up on his fear. 

 

She furrowed her brow. “Is he gone?” 

 

Cas shook his head. “No. Don’t worry. He’s probably just in his room.”

 

He turned around and went outside again. Lisa and Dean were already back. His heart sank as he saw their expressions. “You haven’t found him?”

 

“Shit. Okay, my money’s on he went lookin’ for you. He really wanted to talk to you and I told him you were getting wood…” Dean’s expression became apologetic then. “Shit, Cas. I didn’t think he’d go off lookin’ for you.”

 

Cas's voice broke. "You're saying... he's  _ outside?  _ On his own?"

 

Dean chewed the inside of his cheek and nodded reluctantly. “He’s not on the compound. And if you didn’t run into him on your way back, my guess is he went the other direction. That’s where we should start.”

 

Cas took in a shuddered breath before he ran to the gate. "Saeed, has the gate been under watch the whole day?"

 

Saeed gave him a confused look. "Of course."

 

Cas rifled his fingers through his hair again. Chris must have found another way to get out undetected. He knew that Saeed would never lie to him and that he took his job very seriously.

 

"Chris is out there. I’m going to look for him."

 

Saeed's eyes widened before he cursed in his own language. "I swear, Cas I–"

 

"I know, Saeed. Hold the line as long as I'm gone."

 

He was surprised to feel a hand clamp down on his shoulder. “I’m comin’ with you,” Dean affirmed. 

 

Cas nodded shakily. “Thank you.”


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frankie here: So, like, this is a weird thing to warn for, but... WARNING: Het smut ahead! For realsies.
> 
> Any here: Ugh.... *cas is crying in the corner about it and I can't even comfort him*
> 
> Frankie here: Well, you're not gonna need to comfort him. Someone else will. ;)
> 
> Any here: Pssht! No spoilers.
> 
> Frankie here: It's not like I said who! For all the readers know, it could be Jeff who comforts him!
> 
> Any here: Or a unicorn...
> 
> Frankie here: ANYWAY! YEAH! Two chapters in one day! Like we said, we upload as soon as the chapter is edited! We hope you enjoy it and don't hate us too much!

**Chapter 4**

 

The sun was already setting and they hadn’t found Chris yet. Cas had tried to tap into his grace over and over, but he just couldn’t concentrate. His worry was overwhelming him and he felt like he was barely keeping it together.

 

He groaned in frustration, ruffling his hand through his hair as he failed to connect to his grace for the umpteenth time. Cas looked around the ruins, breathing hard. “I can’t lose him, Dean.”

 

Dean halted his movement. “Do you trust me?”

 

Cas nodded. “I already told you that I do.”

 

Without even asking, he grabbed Cas’s hand and turned it palm up. Dean somehow produced a silver dagger and sliced into Cas’s palm. Before he could ask, Dean did the same with his own right palm. Dean grabbed Cas’s unharmed hand and braced it against his own shoulder. “Hold on,” was all the explanation he gave before their bloody palms collided and he started murmuring a spell. 

 

At first he struggled with placing the language Dean was speaking. Castiel’s eyes widened when he realized it was Aramaic. Suddenly there was a wash of warmth encasing his grace. As Cas’s vision whited out from the mere strength of it, Dean’s voice grew stronger and louder.

 

And then it all stopped. Dean took a step back, expression unsure. “Did it work?”

 

Cas frowned. He could feel a surge of power coursing through his essence. He would be able to use his grace now. “Yes– ” Cas looked up at Dean in surprise. “Did you just use your soul to power me up?”

 

Dean chuckled. “Yeah. The hell do I care what happens to it considering my options? I’m glad it worked. It’s never been practiced, just theorized.” He looked around and asked, “Can you sense Chris?”

 

Cas grabbed Dean and pulled him into a tight hug. "Thank you," he murmured before he quickly closed his eyes and concentrated on Chris. He braced his weight against Dean's shoulder, feeling the way their closeness grounded him enough so he could concentrate.

 

And suddenly he felt him. He opened his eyes when Chris’s distress overwhelmed him in a matter of seconds. Something was wrong.

 

“We have to hurry. He’s in danger.” He looked to the north. “This way.”

 

He grabbed Dean’s hand without thinking as he started to run. The path was full of debris and rubble and it was hard to run through it without constantly stumbling over something. That was when he noticed he was still holding Dean’s hand. He let go of him with a mumbled, “Sorry,” before he concentrated on Chris again. “He’s close. I think he’s in that building there.”

 

Dean nodded and readied his gun as they approached the door. The man kicked it in and checked the perimeter before darting inside.

 

Cas felt all of his senses ringing like an alarm as he followed Dean, whispering, “There is a demonic presence in here, Dean.”

 

When they reached an open archway to a dusty, barren room, Cas gasped when he saw Chris sprawled out, up against the wall, eyes whited out as his body convulsed with unholy twitches. 

 

“No, no, no,” he murmured before he ran up to him, kneeling down and gathering Chris into his arms. “Fight it, Chris!” He looked for his bracelet, but it was clearly missing.

 

“Get him on the ground,” Dean barked as he pulled out a small vial. 

 

Cas didn’t think, he was just running on instinct as he followed Dean’s order. He lowered Chris’s body down on the ground before he grabbed his hand. “He’s possessed, Dean. Can you–”

 

Dean grabbed Cas’s free hand and braced it at the bottom of Chris’s sternum, before looking at him. “I need you to hold him down, and no matter what he does, or says, don’t let him up. Brace your other hand on his forehead.”

 

Cas did exactly what Dean told him, his eyes filling with tears as the feeling of helplessness overwhelmed him. He had only learned one way to get rid of a demon in his life, but he knew they could be exorcised. He also knew that the demons often killed their hosts in the process. “Please save him, Dean.”

 

With no more than a nod, Dean began speaking in Latin,  _ “Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus…”  _ As he splashed Chris with what he had come to realize was holy water, Chris hissed in pain and bucked against Cas’s hold.

 

“Just ignore it, Cas,” Dean stated firmly as he continued to say the exorcism prayer.  _ “Omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii…” _

 

Chris opened his eyes and they were pitch black. He hissed at Cas as he looked at him, growling, “What are you waiting for angel? Too limp to burn me out?" 

 

The demon cackled and Cas bit his lip, trying to keep it together, while still holding him in place. He continued to taunt him, "Awww, how cute. Are you pretending to be his Daddy? Guess what? The boy hates you, he thinks you're pathetic."

 

“Don’t listen to it, Cas. That’s not Chris,” he warned as he hit the creature with another face full of holy water.  _ “Omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica.” _

 

The creature hissed and screamed trying to get free when his eyes turned from black to the familiar blue. It was Chris, looking at him with pained, begging eyes. “Cas, please… It hurts… Please let me go…”

 

“Chris?” Cas asked slowly. As he was about to let go, Dean braced his hand over his to put the pressure back on Chris’s forehead.

 

“That’s not him, it’s fucking with you. Don’t listen to it,” he chastised before slowly drawing back. Without skipping a beat, he finished the exorcism,  _ “Ergo, draco maledicte. Ecclesiam tuam securi tibi facias libertate servire, te rogamus, audi nos.” _

 

The demon shrieked and suddenly Chris opened his mouth, black smoke rushed out of him, circling around them for a moment before it disappeared into the ground.

 

Dean pulled out a necklace from his jacket pocket and slammed it over Chris’s head. An anti-possession symbol.

 

For a moment Cas didn't know what to say or feel, until Chris slowly opened his eyes with a tired groan, mumbling, "Cas?"

 

Cas let out a relieved sob before he pulled Chris into his arms and into a tight hug. "Chris."

 

Chris made a protesting noise that sounded like, "Need to breathe," before Cas pulled back a little, still unable to let go of him. 

 

In that moment he couldn't even imagine of ever letting him go again. "I was so worried. Are you okay?"

 

Chris closed his eyes and leaned against Cas's chest. "Yeah. I'm so sorry."

 

Cas shook his head, carding his fingers through Chris's hair. "We’ll talk about that later. I'm just glad you're okay now."

 

He tightened his grip as he picked Chris up, carrying him as the boy wrapped his arms around his neck, resting his head against Cas's shoulder. 

 

Cas looked up at Dean, not knowing how he could ever thank the man. “Thank you, Dean. Thank you so much.”

 

Dean just smiled at him and said, “Let’s get back. You're probably exhausted, huh?” The last question was directed at Chris.

 

Chris hummed before he turned his head slightly and mumbled tiredly, “Thank you. You're okay. I’ll allow you to get closer to my Dad.”

 

Cas tilted his head, wondering what Chris was talking about. He looked up at Dean to see if it had made sense to him.

 

Dean let out a nervous chuckle and simply shrugged. “Punch drunk,” was all he said.

 

Cas accepted that explanation. It really looked like Chris was already half asleep. He smiled at Dean again and nodded before they carefully made their way back home.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Dean had never been more grateful that his little emergency exorcism kit was finally useful. He’d made it years ago, after Father Finotti and he had a run in with a cute little towhead named Lillith. Psycho fucking bitch. Since then, he’d always kept it on him and it hadn’t come into play once. Not until today.

 

When they reached the compound, people crowded them, worriedly checking on Chris and asking what happened. Cas told them Dean saved him, causing the influx of people to charge Dean, leaving Cas free to carry Chris inside, unbothered.

 

It had taken him about five explanations and ten minutes too long before he finally got away from the herd of appreciative onlookers. Dean wanted to make sure Chris was still okay before he got to work on the sigils, so he made his way down the stairs to the bunker, where all the kids slept.

 

He froze at the doorway, watching in silence as Cas was sat at Chris’s bedside, trying to assuage the other rugrats. Kiera had her arms wrapped around Cas’s throat, practically draped over Cas’s back, while Cas tried to calm down Tommy, who was still crying. Chris was on his bed, pulling Tommy into his bed, mumbling, “It’s okay. You can both sleep here tonight.” 

 

Kiera let go of Cas’s throat, sliding down from his back as she tiredly climbed into Chris’s bed, cuddling with him while Tommy pressed himself against Chris’s other side. The little boy still didn’t let go of Cas’s hand, pulling him closer with him. “Do you want me to stay, too?” Cas asked quietly.

 

They all nodded tiredly before Kiera asked for a good night story. “The one with the caterpillar,” she mumbled. Cas sat down on the bed with them, still holding Tommy’s hand, the other one loosely around the two other kids. When he started to tell the story, it sounded like he had told it a million times. His voice was soothing and calm, and Dean could see a soft smile on his lips as he watched over the kids, with so much  _ love  _ in his eyes.

 

Dean couldn't help but smile at the scene unfolding in front of him. He would have been content to stay there and watch them like a creeper, but his reverie was interrupted by a hand gently grasping his shoulder.

 

It was Lisa. He smiled and said, “Just wanted to make sure they were okay.”

 

She leaned over his shoulder, her lips brushing his ear. “You were so brave today.”

 

He brushed her off. “Any of us would've done the same thing.”

 

"Don't be so modest, Dean. Not everyone could have done what you did." Her voice sounded like warm honey.

 

“I'm just glad I was able to help,” he murmured thoughtfully as his gaze went back to Cas, making an exaggerated face when he played the caterpillar getting sick from all of the food it ate.

 

Lisa snaked her arms around his shoulders. “I’d like to thank you for what you did, personally. Upstairs…” 

 

Dean arched his brow at her. “That right?”

 

She just gave him a seductive smile and grabbed his hand, trying to pull him away.

 

Casting one more glance at Cas and the rugrats, Dean let Lisa guide him back up the stairs. His gaze lingered on Cas until the doorway hid him and the kids from view.

 

Lisa dragged him into a store room across from the kitchen. He had to bite back the chuckle that threatened to escape, at least she chose a place with a door. As soon as it was closed, Lisa’s eyes twinkled mischievously, even in the darkness of the small room. There was an old desk and some racks with kitchen supplies like rags, utensils, plates, and whatever else.

 

She pushed him against the desk, a smirk firmly in place as she went right for the button of his jeans. “Been dying to repay you,” she murmured as she pulled his half hard erection from its fabric prison. Without hesitation, she sucked his half-hard dick into the wet heat of her mouth, tongue teasing his glans with a practiced ease.

 

Dean let out a groan as she sucked him to full hardness. Lisa pulled off with a wet pop, lips now glistening from her saliva, as she waggled her eyebrows at him. “Next time I’ll suck you dry, for now…” she said with a smirk as she slipped her panties down her legs and yanked Dean into a fierce and needy kiss. 

 

Finally having his wits about him, Dean flipped their positions, hiking up her skirt as he lifted her to sit on the edge of the desk. One hand was braced under her left thigh, as he guided his now throbbing cock forward, teasing her slightly as he rubbed it through her folds, using the head of his dick to play with her clit. She was already wet.

 

Lisa moaned as she arched back, bracing her palms on the surface of the desk. “Don’t tease, Dean. Fuck me already,” she pleaded, voice almost husky from her apparent need.

 

As he sank into her tightness, they shared an appreciative groan, her inner walls attempting to strangle his shaft. Lisa wrapped her legs around Dean’s waist, forcing him in to the hilt in one hard thrust. Dean chuckled and not needing any more guidance, began to slam into her. Dean couldn’t take his eyes off of her, back arched, head throw back, and eyes screwed shut as little whimpers and sounds of pleasure escaped with every thrust.

 

The more turned on Lisa became, the more swollen her pussy became, clenching around his length. Dean grunted as he snapped his hips against her, free hand now slipping between them to tease her swollen clit. Lisa cried out as he expertly fingered the nub, never breaking his pace.

 

The cries turned into a litany of pleas and curses, until her jaw dropped and the soft moans turned into a loud cry of completion. Lisa’s muscles squeezed him even tighter, bucking against the thrusts as she rode out her orgasm.

 

Dean wasn’t going to last as she continued to shudder against him. His own eyes slammed closed as he began to fuck into her at a more brutal pace, her hips undulating against him to meet his thrusts. As an almost forgotten coiling of pleasure tightened in his groin. When the spring released, uncoiling in an intense shock wave, it wasn’t warm brown eyes blurring out his vision, but ice blue ones.

 

The gasp that escaped was more over the traitorous images in his head, than the fact that he’d just had some pretty amazing sex for the first time in years. Lisa drew him in for a dazed and lazy kiss, chuckling against his lips as he gently slid out of her. 

 

When Dean drew back to pull up his pants, Lisa hopped off of the desk and grabbed her panties from the floor. “Damn. I had a feeling you’d be a great fuck.”

 

Dean was still slightly dazed over where his thoughts had trailed. He nodded and smiled at her. “Yeah. That was awesome.”

 

Lisa giggled as she fixed her hair and slid her panties back on. “If you wanted to make this a regular thing, I wouldn’t say no.”

 

After straightening out his clothes and wiping his brow of the beading of sweat, Dean smiled. “Sounds good to me.”

 

Lisa pressed a kiss to his cheek and was gone before Dean could blink. The woman was something else. Oh, well. At least he had regular sex to look forward to. Although, he hoped with less fantasizing about certain blue-eyed angels while in the throes. Dean shook his head of those thoughts and opened the door.

 

Now that he had the time, he needed to get started on the sigils. 

 

It had taken him about an hour to figure out what was missing on the Citadel walls. Dean stretched out, cracking his neck, before tiredly making his way to the rec room. He grabbed some of the paints. Thankfully not all of the sigils he was going to paint would require his blood. Only a couple.

 

He decided he should see if Cas wanted to join him, seeing as he wanted to learn some of the spells and sigils Dean knew. Dean was tempted to check the gardens first, but he had a feeling the guy might still be with the rugrats. Making his trek quietly down the bunker stairs, he found himself stopped in the doorway for the second time that day.

 

Cas was asleep, Kiera and Tommy curled into either side of him. Chest rising and falling in a deep, even rhythm. He was  _ actually  _ asleep. Dean didn’t think that was possible, but then, Cas was continuing to prove that he was only an angel in name.

 

Dean smiled at their sleeping forms and reached in to turn off the light, before creeping back up the stairs. He was more than capable of painting the sigils on his own.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Cas startled awake when Kiera planted her foot in his face. For a moment, he felt disorientated before he realized he had fallen asleep next to his children. He carefully wrapped his arms around Kiera and turned her around again, placing her next to Chris, who reached out in his sleep and wrapped his arm protectively around his sister. 

 

Cas looked down at the three of them with a smile. It had been a while since they all had been together like that. When he had first found them years ago and hid them away from the angel army in an abandoned building, they had always slept like that.

 

He had been with them for nearly two years before he heard rumor of the human compound, where he eventually left them. As much as he cared for the children, he thought they would be in better hands living with other humans.

 

It had broken his heart to leave them, but they just weren't safe with him. Every day had been a risk. He had never believed he would see them again. Another reason why he would be eternally grateful to the Dean from the other universe.

 

Cas slowly stood up. He was on duty and he felt bad that he had fallen asleep when his task had been to relieve Saeed from his gate duty. Probably two hours ago. He quietly snuck out of the room, making his way through the quiet hallways and up to the wall without meeting anyone on his way. 

 

He noticed Saeed leaning against the gate and waved at him. “I’m sorry. I fell asleep w–”

 

“Don’t worry,” Saeed interrupted him, “I would have covered the rest of the night for you.”

 

“You’re too kind. But I’m here now. Go to bed.” 

 

Saeed clapped a strong hand on his shoulder and smiled tiredly. “I’m glad your children are safe. See you tomorrow.”   

 

Cas nodded and watched as Saeed vanished into the building. Cas climbed up the ladder and onto the wall to get a better view, making a three hundred and sixty degree turn once he was up there. He froze when he noticed Dean at the west wall, painting sigils. He wasn’t wearing a shirt. 

 

For a moment, Cas was entranced by the view, the way Dean’s muscles moved under his skin as he slid the brush over the wall. He climbed down without thinking, walking up to Dean at a hurried pace. “Hello, Dean,“ he greeted when he was within earshot.

 

Dean turned to face him, using the back of his arm to wipe his brow as his lips curved up into a genuine smile. “Hey, sleepyface. How’re you doin’?”

 

Cas rubbed his hand over the back of his neck, feeling embarrassed that Dean knew he had been sleeping. He noticed a streak of white paint on Dean’s cheek and reached out to Dean’s face to rub it away with the pad of his thumb. When Dean raised his eyebrow, he suddenly realized what he was doing and he retracted his hand. “Apologies. You had paint on your face.”

 

Dean chuckled, reached out his paint brush, and swiped it against Cas’s nose. “There. Now we’re even.”

 

Cas tilted his head as he scrunched up his nose. “I freed you from the paint. How does this make us even? Your way of counting is very flawed, Dean.”

 

He leaned forward and pressed his own nose to Cas’s. He drew back, a clear white spot now on the tip of his nose as well. Dean grinned and asked, “Better?”

 

Cas swiped his finger through the paint on the brush before he painted the Enochian letter for D on Dean’s cheek. He leaned back and admired his work with a grin. “Definitely better.”

 

“Well, that was a bad idea,” he said with a challenging smirk, before he took his brush and painted a stripe from Cas’s forehead, down the side of his face, to his neck.

 

Cas nodded calmly before he gripped the hem of his shirt and pulled it carefully over his head, throwing it over one of the crates nearby. He dipped his fingers into the paint bucket before he dragged the paint over Dean's chest with an equally challenging smile.

 

Dean chuckled, tonguing his bottom lip in feigned annoyance. “Alright.” Dean dipped his entire hand in the paint bucket and firmly pressed it on Cas’s abdomen, then his neck, then landing on his shoulder in a grip. When Dean released him, he stepped back with a smug expression. “Branded ya’.”

 

Cas looked down at himself, taking in all of the white handprints Dean had left on him. "Does this mean I'm your property now?" It took every ounce of restraint not to grin and ask that in a serious tone.

 

“Huh…” Dean hummed thoughtfully. “Guess  _ you’re  _ the housewife.”

 

Cas looked up in feigned dread. "But I don't own a frilly apron."

 

“You can borrow mine,” he sassed. Dean chuckled and handed Cas a paintbrush. “If you’re gonna be a little angel on my shoulder, might as well help me with the sigils.”

 

"Angels don't perch on someone's shoulder, Dean," Cas explained as he held up the brush, painting a dot on Dean's shoulder. "But I'll make an exception for you." He looked at the work Dean had done already and gave him a questioning look. “So what are you doing here?”

 

Dean pointed to a series of symbols at the base. “Those are different Norse runes of protection. Anti-demon, or any creature derived from a demonic line. So no more of those annoying ass imps, incubi, you name it...” He pointed at what he’d just painted. “This is just different protective sigils, this one…” Dean leaned down and swiped his finger under a circular looking symbol as he explained, “This will protect your gardens from the sandstorms.”

 

He smiled as he stood up and pointed at his journal open on the ground. “Those are what we have left. Some Enochian and Celtic sigils directed at each specific species we don’t want in here.”

 

Cas was still hung up on the sigils that protected the gardens from a sandstorm. “This sigil will protect against sandstorms?” he repeated, not trusting his own ears.

 

Dean nodded. “Yup. And the one next to it is an alarm. If you’re under eighteen and step outside of the Citadel, an alarm will sound that only adults can hear.” He bit his lip and looked up at Cas. “Shit, you think I should’ve asked everyone first before I did that?”

 

Cas stared at him for a moment before he stepped closer and pulled him into a tight hug. "I can't thank you enough."

 

That was met with a breathy chuckle against his shoulder. Dean clapped his hand against Cas’s shoulder blade. “It’s nothin’.”

 

When Cas pulled back, he noticed he had smeared the paint on his torso all over Dean and himself. “Oh. Um. Sorry.”

 

Dean looked down and laughed. “These are just special Enochian markings, right?” he asked in feigned sincerity, lips half quirked up in a pseudo smile.

 

"Yes." Cas grinned, dragging his finger through the paint on Dean's chest. "I'm pretty sure this means you're my housewife."

 

He missed these conversations with Dean. The easiness and fun they had. He felt confident now that they could still be friends.

 

Dean swiped his finger upward through the paint on Cas’s forehead. “Oh, look! A unicorn!”

 

Cas squinted his eyes at Dean in annoyance. “Dean. Seriously? What part of me even  _ remotely  _ looks like a horned horse?"

 

“Your soulful, dopey, wide-eyed expression?” Dean smirked.

 

“You have never seen a unicorn, have you?” 

 

“Yes I have. There’s one right in front of me.”

 

Cas pushed Dean softly against the wall behind him. "If I was a unicorn, you would already be penetrated by my horn."

 

“Not until you’ve bought me dinner first,” he threatened with a wink.

 

Cas tilted his head in confusion for a second before he realized how his sentence had sounded. He stepped away from Dean, rubbing the back of his neck. “Um. I–I didn’t mean it like that.” His face felt unnaturally hot, so he tried to distract himself with the images in the book on the ground. “Sigils! Yes! I’ll help you paint the rest.”

 

Dean laughed good naturedly and that was it, they got to work on the last set of the sigils.

 

Someone giggled behind them when they finished painting the last few strokes. Cas turned around and was met with amused brown eyes below two raised eyebrows. Jill was grinning outright when she asked, “What happened to you two? Did the paint brush fight back?”

 

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “Castiel had difficulty following basic instructions.” He winked at Cas as he said that.

 

Cas threw his brush at Dean’s head, splashing more paint on him. “You mean like that?”

 

“Yeah,” he said as he wiped a drop of paint from his right eyelid. “Exactly like that. Hate to see what would happen if you got ahold of something from IKEA.”

 

Jill was laughing now and Cas smiled, even though he had no idea what an ‘eye-key-a’ was. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

 

Jill shook her head. “I couldn’t sleep and I thought you could use a break after your day. I’ll take over for you.”

 

Cas gave her a soft smile. “I appreciate that. Thank you.” He would gladly spend the rest of the night with his children.

 

Clapping his hands against his jeans to wipe them off, Dean nodded at them both and said, “Think I’ll hit the showers. You probably should, too, Cas.” He chuckled and shook his head again as his gaze raked over Cas’s form.

 

Cas felt his body temperature rising again, but this time it didn't feel uncomfortable. He looked down at himself before he nodded and grabbed his t-shirt between two fingers, so he wouldn't  get any paint on it. "Good idea. I'll see you tomorrow, Jill. Thank you again."

 

"No problem, Cas. Go be with your kids." Jill nodded towards Dean before she made her way to the gate.

 

He followed Dean towards the building, grinning as he opened the door with his elbow, trying to avoid leaving traces of paint. Since the showers were on the top level, they didn’t need to touch too many more doors on their way there. 

 

It was a communal shower with a few benches at the front where people could leave their clothes. Cas tried to not look at Dean when he carefully undressed, trying not to get paint on his pants. He could hear Dean undressing behind him and it took a lot of willpower not to turn around.

 

When he was naked, he slowly padded to the shower and turned it on, holding his hand under it until the water turned warmer. He stepped under it when the temperature was acceptable, letting out a relieved groan when the water cascaded over his body. He loved showering and he needed it today more than he had thought.

 

There was an echoed groan of appreciation a few feet away from him. Cas risked opening his eyes and was rewarded with the sight of Dean, his back towards Cas and arched under the spray, his own hands raking through his now soaked locks. Dean murmured, “It’s crazy how you don’t realize how great something is until you don’t have it for a while.”

 

“Like showering?” Cas asked quietly, feeling slightly guilty with how he couldn’t look away from Dean’s body, following the water streaming over his beautiful freckled and tattooed skin.

 

Dean groaned happily again. “Yeah. Sometimes I’d go several weeks at a time before I could just… wash the grime off.”

 

Cas hummed, thinking about his own experience. “I understand the sentiment.” He noticed there was paint on Dean’s back, that stayed despite the water running over it. He bit his lower lip, contemplating saying something before his mouth decided to speak without consulting his brain first. “You have paint on your back.”

 

Dean craned his neck to look over his shoulder, trying to see it. It was in an awkward place where his arm could only partially reach. He laughed and asked, “Can you get it?”

 

Cas’s heart stopped. He was sure of it. Yet his body walked over in a trance like state as he reached out. Slowly and tenderly he rubbed his thumb over the paint to wash it away. He pressed his fingers into the tense muscles, feeling the knots and the tension there, before he massaged into them, trying to ease the knots out.

 

His ministrations were met with a growled moan of appreciation. “Holy fuck, Cas. You weren’t lying.”

 

“What do you mean?” Cas asked, surprised by how breathless his voice sounded.

 

“Your backrub coupons or whatever you tried to bribe me with,” he mumbled through periodic moans.

 

Cas smiled, getting braver as he used his second hand to start a full massage of Dean's shoulders. "Does that mean I could use this as a form of currency with you, now that you know they're good?"

 

Dean arched his neck back and groaned. “Whatever you want, just don’t stop.”

 

If it was his choice, he would never stop in a million years. He stepped a bit closer, putting his palm over the back of Dean's neck, massaging upwards into his hair. He pressed his thumbs into the tense muscles, massaging upwards when Dean groaned again. 

 

Cas felt too warm in his own skin and when he looked down, he noticed he was getting an erection. He tried to will it away, but it was impossible with the noises Dean kept making.

 

“Shit, Cas. Are you usin’ mojo, or are your hands just magic?” he croaked as he spat out some of the water that had apparently started filling his mouth with every moan that escaped half parted lips.

 

“Just my hands,” Cas breathed out, wondering what he should do. He should stop because he was clearly stepping over a line.

 

“Fuck, Cas, you gotta stop,” he groaned out in a plea, but his back was arching towards him in contradiction to his words.

 

He let his hands tenderly slide over Dean’s shoulders, resting them there. "Did I hurt you?" he asked, breathing hard now.

 

Dean chuckled, a dark and deep sound. “No, uh… I’m kinda reactin’ a little  _ too  _ much to it.”

 

It took Cas a moment before he realized that Dean was in the same position as he was. He didn't know how he should feel about that.

 

"I'm sorry," he murmured as he let his hands slowly slide off of Dean's shoulders. When he turned around, his breathing hitched as his erection briefly grazed Dean's backside.

 

For a second he froze, hoping that Dean hadn't noticed.

 

“Fuck, that was a bad idea,” Dean groaned and braced his hands against the wall, the spray of the shower cascading down his neck and back.

 

Cas's breathing hitched again as his gaze raked over Dean's body. He longed to touch him, but he knew Dean didn’t want that in the same way Cas did. “Should I… do you want me to leave?”

 

Dean chuckled darkly and said, “I don’t know.”

 

"Dean," he breathed out, his heartbeat now at an unhealthy pace. "Would you like me to continue?"

 

With a slow and muted nod, Dean fully turned his back to Cas again.

 

Cas stepped back under Dean’s shower, touching his shoulders with both hands as he slowly raked his fingertips down Dean’s back. He stepped closer, leaning in, his lips just inches from Dean’s neck, his shallow breathing ghosting over the soaked skin. His erection bumped against Dean again and he gasped quietly as he continued his massage, his fingers slowly wandering down Dean's back.

 

Suddenly there was a desperate grip in Cas’s hair. Dean had reached back to grab his drenched locks in an effort to shove Cas’s face toward the side of his neck.

 

Cas moaned as he let his teeth scratch over the skin, wrapping his arms around him to slowly drag his fingers down Dean's stomach and towards his hip. He hesitated only for a moment before he wrapped his fingers around Dean's erection, starting to stroke him.

 

“Oh, fuck,” he hissed as he bucked up into the strokes, fucking himself into Cas’s fist. The grip on Cas’s hair grew tighter as Dean urged, a little frantically, “Touch yourself, too.”

 

Cas gripped his own erection with his other hand, the head of it bumping against Dean's ass repeatedly as Dean fucked himself into Cas's fist. 

 

It was overwhelming and he felt that he was already close. So much that Cas bit down into Dean's shoulder, licking over it like he had done in the cabin.

 

“Harder,” Dean begged as he groaned at the onslaught of sensation. Cas wasn’t entirely sure if he was asking to be bitten harder, or pumped harder. So he just did both and was rewarded with a guttural and needy whimper.

 

It was too much. Cas felt himself coming with a gasp, shooting his load all over Dean’s ass and back as he bit down hard again. So hard that he broke Dean’s skin and tasted blood on his tongue.

 

Dean cried out as his orgasm struck, painting the wall of the shower in his seed as his body convulsed through the waves of pleasure.

 

Cas continued to stroke him through it, licking over the bitemark until it wasn’t bleeding anymore. He used his palm to gently wash his come from Dean’s back, trying to get his breathing under control. 

 

“Fuck,” Dean murmured with a chuckle. He slowly turned to face Cas and shook his head slightly. “I, uh… That wasn’t planned.”

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck with a shy smile, not knowing what to do now. “Yes, that was very unexpected. But I hope–I hope you don’t regret this.”

 

Dean shook his head, eyes widened in his post orgasm haze. “No, man. It’s just... “ He looked down and away as he said, “Lisa. Her and I… We...”

 

Cas’s heart sunk as he looked away. “Of course,” he said quietly. “I understand.”

 

“Yeah, so… One time thing, right?”

 

Cas nodded slowly. “Okay.”

 

Dean gently clasped Cas by his chin and turned his gaze upward. “You’re the best, Cas.” He leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek before turning back to the spray of his shower, rinsing the evidence of what they just did from himself and the wall.

 

He shouldn’t feel surprised, disappointed, or anything for that matter. It wasn’t like he hadn’t known. But that chaste kiss–

 

It felt like it had shattered his heart into a million pieces.

 

He tried to not let it show though. He just washed away the rest of the paint before he turned off the shower and went to grab his clothes. In that moment he realized that he could have just cleaned himself with his his grace, since Dean had recently gifted him with a, “power up”. 

 

He shook his head at his own stupidity before he reached the conclusion that it had been for the best. At least he got to experience such an intimacy with Dean, even if it was just one time. And just because it was a one time thing, didn’t mean it hadn’t been incredible. 

 

Cas turned around to Dean and tilted his head. “You haven’t really answered my question, Dean.”

 

Dean’s eyebrows were screwed in his apparent confusion. “What question?”

 

“Can I use backrub coupons to bribe you into doing tasks I don’t want to do?” 

 

The man’s eyes lit up in amusement as he let out a sharp bark of laughter. “Shit. If that’s the fucking outcome, then yeah. I’ll do whatever you want.”

 

Cas grinned before he used his grace to dry himself. He slipped into his shirt and said, “Good. I’ll start drawing a few tomorrow.”

 

Dean chuckled and shrugged on his clothes, even though he wasn’t completely dry. “You do that. I’m gonna catch a few Z’s in the meantime.”

 

“Good night, Dean,” Cas wished him in a soft tone of voice.

 

“Night, Cas,” the man murmured sweetly as he smiled and finally left the shower.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frankie here: 

**Chapter 5**

 

When Dean woke up the following morning, well, closer to noon, he winced with regret as his mindseye filled with the memory of what happened between him and Cas. Dean groaned and ground the palm of his hand against his left eye in frustration.  _ Stupid, stupid, stupid. _

 

His hormones had bested him. After years of no human contact, apparently slip Dean Winchester in a room of attractive adults and he’s down for any of them. With a sigh, Dean moved to sit up. However much he should sit there and chastise himself, he needed to get up and make sure he hadn’t missed any sigils.

 

Dean stretched out his arms and this time winced in physical pain. When he looked down at the area of the source, he groaned again.  _ Fuck!  _ Cas bit him! How could he be so stupid to not ask the angel to heal him? His goal today was to find Cas before Lisa attempted to undress him, and get him to heal the damage.

 

Even though he and Lisa had only hooked up once, and hadn’t really discussed what they were, if they  _ were  _ anything to each other, he still felt a little guilty about what happened. Mostly because he’d liked it so much. There had been a teetering attraction to the damn angel since they met. 

 

The guy he was possessing was seriously hot, and Dean wasn’t strong willed apparently. With another groan, he started getting dressed. His thoughts went back to Cas. It had been so easy to ignore his attraction, simply because everytime he looked at the guy, red fire alarms rang out in Dean’s head.

 

_ Danger! Angel! _

 

But last night… Shit, Cas had never seemed more human. That clearly drawn line had been his saving grace until it got blurred. Thankfully, Cas seemed okay with it being a one-time thing. And that was all it was going to be. A one-time thing.

 

Dean purged all thoughts of annoying ass angels with pretty fucking smiles from his mind and made his way down to the dining hall. Dean adjusted the collar of his shirt again before stepping inside, while Lisa was his main concern, he didn’t need  _ anybody  _ seeing the evidence of what he did.

 

He’d realized just how late he’d been when he found the room empty, save for Lisa and the scraps she was cleaning up.  _ Fuck!  _ Of course she’d be the first person he saw! Dean smiled at her, adjusting his collar again as he approached. “Guess that’s what happens when I sleep in.”

 

Lisa turned around and gave him a bright smile before she leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Good morning, handsome. Don’t worry. I saved you something in the kitchen. Would you help me carry those plates back?”

 

He instantly relaxed against her, grinning down at Lisa with a content smile. “Yeah, I can do that for you.” Dean pressed a firmer kiss to her lips as he reached around her back to grab the plates. He drew back with a wink and started heading to the kitchen.

 

Lisa slapped his ass when they went down the hallway. “Had a late night?”

 

Dean chuckled nervously, before he realized he was being a jackass. She knew he’d wanted to finish up the protective sigils. “Yeah. Got all the sigils done, so it was worth missing breakfast.”

 

“That’s great news. We’re really lucky to have you.” She opened the kitchen door for him and put the plates she was carrying in the sink. “Hey, would you go to the movie night with me?”

 

“Like a date?” he asked, arching his brow in amusement at her. 

 

She shrugged with a charming smile and pushed him against the kitchen counter. “Like a night that could be unforgettable. Do you want a preview?” She let her hands fall down to the hem of his shirt, slipping her fingers under it.

 

Dean halted her wrists, albeit begrudgingly, and leaned in to whisper, “As much as I wanna see your preview…” He drew back and gave her a serious expression as he continued, “I promised that we, uh… would try to  _ not  _ fuck in places we could get caught.” He closed his eyes for a moment, ignoring the outright hypocrisy of those fucking words.

 

“We could go to my room,” she suggested seductively.

 

And he wouldn’t have hesitated, if there wasn’t completely clear evidence that she wasn’t the only person he had sex with in the past twenty four hours. Dean let out an appreciative growl and shook his head. “Gotta check in with my team. But how about tonight? After the movie?”

 

Lisa pouted before she nodded. “Alright, Mr. Spoilsport. But it’s not nice to make a girl wait.”

 

“I won’t,” he purred as he gently pulled her earlobe between his teeth. 

 

Lisa pushed him away with a shake of her head. “No teasing.”

 

Dean chuckled and nodded. “Tonight.” 

 

With a good natured eye roll, Lisa turned away from him. Dean let out a breath of relief at the close call and knew he needed to find Cas before he did anything else. “Lisa, you don’t happen to know where Cas is, do you?”

 

She frowned and thought about it for a moment. “I think he has roof duty this morning, because I met Jeff and Saeed at breakfast.”

 

“Thanks,” he murmured and pressed a chaste kiss to her cheek. She handed him an apple and he nodded his thanks again. He was out the door, apple pressed into his mouth as he closed the door behind him and sighed in outright relief as he took a bite. 

 

Dean had finished the apple by the time he reached the rooftop. He let out another relieved sigh at seeing Cas. Alone. Dean smiled as he approached. “Hey, Cas.”

 

Cas startled, but returned the smile when he turned to face him. “Hello, Dean.”

 

“How’s it going?” Dean knew he needed to ask Cas to heal him, but the more he thought about it, the more guilty he felt. Kind of a dick thing.  _ Hey, can you heal the mark you left on me so the chick I’m seeing doesn’t get suspicious?  _

 

He squinted at the horizon, before he answered in a calm tone of voice, "It looks like a quiet day without any trouble so far." He paused for a moment before he smiled gratefully. "Chris is feeling much better. We had a long talk and I finally know what bothered him so much. I also found out that Lilly has dug a hole underneath the wall at the east side, behind the greenhouse. That's how Chris got out undetected. Jill is working on closing it at the moment."   

 

Dean nodded as he looked out over the horizon. “That’s good. So what was bothering him?” He hated how much of a coward he was being, avoiding the subject he needed to bring up.

 

Cas sighed deeply before he quietly stated, “He is afraid of heights. That’s why he wanted to talk to me. His work assignment was two days ago and I wasn’t there to help him, because I was out there with you. He has work at the greenhouse now instead of roof duty.”

 

The urge to smile smugly was overwhelming. He friggin’  _ knew  _ the kid was scared of something. Dean nodded again, rubbing the back of his neck, trying to steel himself to ask Cas what he needed to ask. “That’s, uh… that’s good.”  _ Fucking coward. _

 

Cas raised his eyebrow as he gave him a long look. “We have a meeting at noon for our new shifts. We need to change them now that you’re here. Can you be at the gate then?”

 

“Yeah, of, uh… of course.” He didn’t feel as bad for waking up late at least. One less thing to feel guilty over. Dean turned away from Cas to look at the surrounding trees of the Citadel. 

 

“Are you okay, Dean? Is something bothering you?” Cas asked after a moment.

 

With a deep sigh, Dean turned back to face him. “You, uh…” He pulled down the collar of his shirt, revealing the slowly healing puncture wounds in the shape of a certain angel’s teeth, marring the skin where his neck met his shoulder. “You marked me last night.”

 

Cas bit his lower lip and looked sheepish for a moment. "I'm sorry. I hope it doesn't hurt." He stepped closer, right into Dean's personal space before he rubbed his thumb carefully over the bitemark. Almost as though he were admiring it.

 

Dean felt a little hypnotized by the way Cas’s focus zoned in on the bitemark, bottom lip skewed from the angle it rested between his teeth. The beat of silence between them was palpable. A tension that made Dean’s breath hitch a little. “It doesn’t, but would you, uh… would you heal me?”

 

Cas's blue eyes met his and he felt immediately captured by them. His voice sounded low and out of breath as he said, "If that is what you really want, I'll heal you."

 

Why the hell was the urge to say no so prominent in his mind? Dean had to refrain from scoffing at his own inappropriate thoughts. “It’s, uh… it’s not like I can blame it on an animal attack…”

 

That was when Cas seemed to finally get it. He looked away for a moment, mumbling, "I understand." He retracted his hand before he touched Dean's forehead, quick and professional, and healed him.

 

Dean looked down at his now perfectly unmarred skin. Re-adjusting his collar, he looked at Cas and smiled. “Uh, thanks, Cas.”

 

He nodded and looked away again. “No problem. It’s like it never happened.”

 

Dean Winchester will never, at any point in time, understand why he said what he said next. He leaned in close to Cas and whispered, “Still got my memory.” Dean was going to go through his lore journal later and see if angels were related to sirens.

 

Cas wrapped his arm around Dean to keep him close, a conflicted expression on his face when he quietly asked, "Can I... ask a favor of you? Since all of this was a one time thing."

 

“Uh, okay?” 

 

Cas licked over his lips, looking everywhere but at Dean before he finally stammered, "Would you... um… kiss me?"

 

_ Mayday, mayday! Bad idea! Seriously bad idea! _

 

Dean winced. “I’d like to, but… No, Cas. I just kind of made out with Lisa. It’s… I’m sorry.” 

 

Cas let go of him and nodded. "Of course. My apologies. I shouldn't have asked."

 

“Look, Cas… I know I’m sending you seriously mixed signals here. I’m not trying to be an asshole. I’m confused, okay?” Dean sighed and looked away. This was not how he’d thought this day would go.

 

Cas took in a deep, shuddered breath. "It  _ is _ a very confusing situation." He walked over to the handrail before he sighed. "I don't want to make things any harder for you. We said we wanted to be friends and I would like that." 

 

Sidling up next to the angel, Dean braced his hands against the railing, too. His left hand maybe an inch away from Cas’s right. “My biggest issue is everytime I see you do something impressive, or hell… shirtless, I think some seriously dirty fucking thoughts.” Dean took in a deep breath before he continued, “And then I remember the body I’m lusting after is being possessed.”

 

Cas looked very uncomfortable for a moment, rubbing the back of his neck, before he mumbled quietly, “I'm alone in this body.” 

 

Dean shook his head in confusion, eyes locked on the angel’s face staring steadfastly straight ahead. “Angels use vessels. Your true form wouldn’t be a dude in his mid to late thirties.”

 

Cas nodded slowly. “It’s true. The man’s name was Jimmy Novak. His soul is with his wife and daughter in Heaven now.”

 

“Oh,” he murmured, feeling a little sheepish. Dean sighed and said, “Well… fuck.”

 

Cas turned around to him with a serious expression. "I can understand that this is a problem for you, Dean. I can't change what I am, but I  _ can  _ accept that what I am isn't something you can overlook. You have experienced so much pain from the hands of my kind and I know how lucky I am that you're still willing to be my friend. I don't expect more from you. How could I?"

 

He found himself at a loss for words. There was something about Castiel’s earnesty that made him seem all the more human, which was confusing the fuck out of Dean. And every time he felt this insatiable urge to get closer to the angel, a wave of guilt would wash through him. Guilt over his morals, guilt over his perseverance… guilt over Lisa. 

 

Lisa was the smart choice. Lisa was the real choice. But Cas was something forbidden and that made him all the more appealing. 

 

Dean knew he couldn’t give in. And Cas knew that, too. But he could give the guy  _ something.  _ “I, uh… I liked it. I really did.”

 

"Me, too." He looked up with a playful grin. "If you ever change your mind and want to become my housewife, you know where to find me."

 

Dean couldn’t hold back the laugh. He shook his head and smirked. “I don’t think you could handle it.”

 

Cas shrugged and leaned forward on the handrail. "I have a secret weapon though."

 

“That right?” he challenged.

 

Cas rifled through his coat pocket before he pulled out a folded piece of paper and handed it to Dean. Someone had drawn bees, hearts, and flowers on it, and in the middle stood the words, "backrub coupon," in colorful capital letters.

 

Dean looked down at the coupon and laughed. He shook his head at Cas and couldn’t help but tongue at the inside of his bottom lip in amusement. “Coupon’s missin’ something.”

 

Cas raised an eyebrow. “Really? What?”

 

He grinned and said, “A unicorn horn.”

 

Cas chuckled and looked away. "That's very inappropriate, Dean." He bit his lip before he faced Dean again. "And I would only offer those to very special people."

 

“Ouch. Guess I deserved that.” He tapped his chest in feigned pain.

 

"I probably should have added, 'special people who want the same thing'," Cas mumbled before he squinted his eyes at the horizon again.

 

He deserved that, too. Dean let out a sigh. A subject change was needed before he swallowed his foot to the ankle. “You goin’ to the movie thing tonight?”

 

“No. Why would I?” Cas answered absentmindedly as he straightened his stance, squinting his eyes at the horizon even more.

 

“Sounds fun,” he answered with a shrug.

 

Cas hummed noncommittally before he turned to Dean with a serious look. "Can you take over for me? I have to do a perimeter check."

 

“Sure. No problem.” 

 

“Perfect. Did Jill give you a gun?” he replied without taking his eyes from the horizon.

 

Dean nodded. “I left the rifle in my room, though. Just have my sig on me.”

 

“I’ll bring it to you before I leave. If you see anything suspicious,” Cas said and pointed to a rope, “pull on that. It will sound an alarm and Jill, or Saeed will come up here.”

 

“Got it,” he affirmed and moved to stand where Cas had been prior, casting his eyes over the compound.

 

“I’ll try to make it back in time for our meeting.” Cas walked closer to the handrail for another long concentrated look. “But it could take longer.”

 

He nodded again and looked down at his own hands. The coupon still pressed into the palm of his left hand. Dean surreptitiously pocketed it and said, “Be careful, Cas.”

 

Cas gave him a smile and nodded before he quickly left the roof and climbed down the ladder.

 

Now alone, Dean pulled the coupon out again and chuckled as he looked down at it. Cas had terrible penmanship. He sighed and tucked it into his back pocket. He forced his thoughts to go to Lisa, because he was pretty sure it was damn inappropriate to think about cashing it in.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Cas was late for the meeting when he stumbled through the gate with a quick wave towards Saeed. "Sorry, I was... held up."

 

Saeed crossed his arms in front of his chest and gave him a critical once over. "I can see that."

 

Cas didn't have enough power left to clean up his clothes. It happened more often than he cared to admit. The downside of being cut off from Heaven for such a long time was that he had to use his powers more economically. And even with Dean’s boost, he was already feeling a little drained. He clapped his hand on Saeed’s shoulder as he followed him to the bench at the gate, where Dean and Jill were already sitting at the table, hovering over the timetable. 

 

“Was everything quiet while I was gone?” he asked as he sat down opposite of Dean and Jill. Saeed took the seat next to him.

 

Jill looked up and raised her eyebrow. “Jeez, Cas. What happened to you? Did you run into a train?”

 

Cas looked down at himself with a frown. He didn’t think he looked  _ that _ bad. 

 

“My money’s on he got into a fight with a weed whacker and lost,” Dean quipped with a smirk.

 

"It wasn't a train, or a weed whacker. And I didn't lose. It was a group of husks." Cas shuddered, thinking back on his encounter with them. Husks were humans without a soul. They were scarier than most demons he encountered.

 

“You didn’t get scratched, did you?” Dean asked, smirk completely gone as his eyes raked over him in concern.

 

“I don’t think so. They tried to kill me with a shovel.” He gave Saeed a head tilt. “Does that even count as a weapon?”

 

“At least it wasn’t a spoon,” Saeed quipped with a grin, prompting Jill and him to start laughing before Jill grabbed Dean’s shoulder with a smirk. 

 

“Don’t worry, Dean. Even if they scratched Cas, he’s immune to them. He was bitten and scratched by husks so often, I can’t even keep count anymore.”

 

Dean looked relieved and he chuckled. “I wasn’t sure. He reacted to the damn succubi, so…”

 

Cas nodded and leaned forward on the table. “That’s different. Succubi can harm the angelic side of me because they are demons. Husks were humans at one point.”

 

“That makes sense. Guess I have something to add to my lore journal.”

 

“You have a lore journal?” Cas asked with a head tilt. He wondered if it was the same book he had seen the day before. The one they had drawn the sigils from.

 

Dean nodded. “Yeah, everything the Padre taught me and stuff I’ve picked up along the way.”

 

“Can you show it to me at some point? I would like to learn more about sigils and maybe I can even add knowledge. I know a lot about demons and my own kind.”

 

“‘Course. We could go to my room after the meeting and I can give you what I have.” Dean’s eyebrow quirked mischievously. 

 

Cas felt his face grow hot again and couldn’t help but grin when his thoughts headed a direction that had  _ nothing  _ to do with lore. He cleared his throat, trying to not let it show. "I would like that."

 

The way Saeed and Jill exchanged a surprised look indicated that maybe he hadn't been as inconspicuous as he thought. 

 

Dean just smiled slyly at him and returned his attention to the turntable. “You guys know it would be easier if we took twelve hour shifts, right? Longer hours, but less shifts.”

 

Jill agreed with a nod. “Yes, now that you’re here, it would be a good opportunity to change it up.” 

 

Cas leaned over to look at the plan. “You can write me up for every slot you need me. Except Saturday afternoon.”

 

Jill nodded and wrote down Cas’s name before she looked at Dean. “Any preferences, Dean?” 

 

He shook his head. “I’m good with anything. I don’t mind taking the night shift, was kinda used to it on my own.” Dean chuckled. 

 

Jill smiled at him, visibly relieved. “That’s actually awesome. I hate nightshift. So you would partner up with Cas. He mostly has roof or gate duty at night.”

 

Dean nodded, never breaking eye contact with Cas as he said, “Cool.”

 

Cas smiled shyly at him before he looked away. Somehow his heart was beating faster with the thought of spending all of his work nights with Dean from now on. He was interrupted by Saeed and Jill exchanging a high five when they decided to partner up for the day shift. Jill made a quick copy for the second crew, so that Jeff and Kyle could write down their preferred time slots before she looked up at them.

 

“That only leaves us to our raid this weekend. Since I know you have important plans on Saturday, Cas.” She winked at him and Cas couldn’t help but grin. He had been telling Jill how much he was looking forward to Saturday for several weeks now. Even when she started to make fun of him, he still couldn’t help but feel excited. “I suggest we do it on Sunday. With the added sigils thanks to Dean, I think we should all go and leave the guard duty to Kyle and Jeff.”

 

“Could we swing stopping by my tunnel, to grab my other books and weapons?” Dean asked.

 

Cas nodded as he leaned closer again. “It’s not a huge detour. If we leave early, we should come back in time before sundown.”

 

“Great. I’ve got a weapon you could use, since you regularly get your ass handed to you by husks. Slow,  _ uncoordinated  _ husks,” he teased, giving Cas a pointed look with an amused quirk of his brow.

 

Cas leaned back with a raised eyebrow. "A spoon?"

 

Jill and Saeed burst into laughter and Cas couldn't help but grin.

 

Dean chuckled, but appeared mildly bemused. “Well played, I guess? Alright so, is that everything?”

 

Jill knocked Dean's elbow with a grin. "Yes, we're through. Welcome to the nightwatch, Dean." She lowered her voice before she said, "Winter is coming."

 

Dean looked down at her and grinned. “You know, I bet Charlie has the entire  _ Game of Thrones  _ series. You should ask her if she does.”

 

Cas couldn't help but smile as he watched Jill's face turn bright red, resembling the tomatoes in the greenhouse. Dean probably had no idea that Charlie was a touchy subject for Jill.

 

He watched as Jill tried to stammer something that barely counted as an answer as he came to her rescue. “She knows, Dean. In fact, she probably knows every book Charlie has in her collection."

 

Judging by the painful kick in his shinbone he received for that, his comment hadn't been very helpful. 

 

Dean chuckled and gave her a sideways glance. “You ever borrowed one of her books? I bet she’d be willing to talk to you about which are her favorites.”

 

Jill shook her head. “I can’t talk to her.”

 

“Just ask her which  _ Star Trek  _ series is her favorite. You won’t have to do any talkin’.” Dean clapped his hand on her shoulder in comfort.

 

Which was a scarily accurate assumption, Cas had to admit. Jill shrugged and looked away. “I don’t know.”

 

He would have encouraged Jill to be more forward with Charlie, but he knew Charlie’s position. She wasn’t open for any kind of relationship at the moment, so he didn’t want to encourage Jill’s obvious crush on her. He didn’t want her to get hurt. 

 

As long as she was too shy to speak to her, she could still hope and dream. He tried to change the subject then, “So now that we’re finished, do you want to show me your book, Dean?”

 

“Is that what the youth is calling it now?” Saeed joked and earned himself a snicker from Jill. 

 

Dean rolled his eyes. “Come on, Cas. Ignore the judgy balcony muppets.”

 

“I’m Statler and you are so Waldorf, Saeed!” Jill laughed, causing both of them to engage in another high five. 

 

Cas just felt confused by the entire conversation. He got the feeling that the innuendos and pop culture references would increase exponentially now that Dean was on their team. 

 

Dean flipped the other two humans off and started walking up to his room, casting an expectant look in Cas’s direction. With a slight head nod, Dean quirked his brow and started walking. 

 

Cas followed Dean after saying goodbye to his friends, catching up to him by the main door. “Are you angry with them?"

 

Dean shook his head and laughed, giving him a confused look. “No. Why?”

 

Cas held up his middle finger. “I learned this was a rude gesture you show someone when you’re angry.”

 

That was met with a bark of laughter. “Yeah. It is. You also do it to your friends when they’re being jackasses.”

 

Cas thought about that new information for a moment. “So, it’s only rude when you do it to people you aren’t friends with?”

 

“Something like that,” he murmured as he made his way to the bedrooms. When they reached the room he’d designated for Dean, he hesitated for a moment. This was the room he’d prepared on the off-chance the other Dean returned to this dimension.

 

Dean held the door open for him and smiled, but there was a nervous twitch to it.

 

Cas slowly walked into the room, returning the nervous smile. He stopped in the middle of the room, casting a questioning glance towards Dean. “I hope you like your room.”

 

The man nodded as he closed the door, reaching his hand behind his back, the tell tale clicking of it being locked. Dean looked up from his downward gaze through dark blonde lashes. He drew closer and grabbed Cas’s tie. “So, the thing is… I’m really fucking confused right now…” He twisted his hand in Cas’s tie, eyes still downcast.

 

Cas's heart felt like it was jumping out of his chest. He felt frozen in place, an invisible force was keeping him paralyzed. Mostly he felt insecure because he wasn't sure what Dean wanted. He was getting a lot of mixed signals and Dean wasn't the only one feeling confused in that moment.

 

“Dean,” he breathed out. He had no idea what he was trying to say.

 

Slowly, Dean turned to look up as he gently pushed Cas backwards. “Lisa makes  _ sense.  _ Lisa’s the… smart choice. And for some fucking reason, I can’t get  _ you  _ out of my head. The fucked up part is the fact that I’m genuinely not sure if you put a fucking spell on me or something. Which is stupid, and I’m  _ not  _ accusing... I’m just saying that that  _ isn’t  _ a concern I have with a human.” 

 

Dean stopped pushing him when Cas’s calves came into contact with the frame of his bed. He sighed before he said, “What I’m about to suggest is fucked. It’s not fair to you, or Lisa, and you can shove me away and tell me to go to Hell, and I’ll never approach you like this again. But I’m gonna ask… Do you wanna keep this up? Full disclosure, I’m still gonna see Lisa, I’m not gonna tell her, though. Or anyone. It’s a shit deal, but if I don't ask, I’ll go nuts with regret.”

 

It felt like he couldn't breathe for a moment. He stared at Dean, trying to think, to process everything. It was impossible. He already felt hurt by Dean’s words. And he knew it would hurt so much more along the way. If he gave in, got a taste of what he  _ could  _ have, what he craved and longed for, but would never actually get...

 

He should say no.

 

But instead he leaned closer, his forehead nearly touching Dean's. "Can I – Can I think about it?"

 

Dean nodded, taking a step back and gently releasing his grip on Cas’s tie. “O – Of course. Yeah.”

 

The sudden space between them felt unbearable and Cas closed it again by taking a step forward without thinking twice. Leaning into Dean, he rubbed his nose over his cheek towards his ear. "I thought about it." 

 

He would never get another chance in his life to having something like this. And no matter how much it would hurt, Dean was worth it.

 

Dean gripped Cas’s chin and tilted his head upward. “And?”

 

Cas hesitated only for a second before he admitted, "I want you. And I accept your terms."

 

The storm that was being waged behind emerald orbs was fascinating. Dean purposely licked the seam of his lips and nodded. He drew closer, their chests now pressed together. As the man’s grip on his tie tightened, Dean’s hand trailed down Cas’s abdomen, until it reached the hem of his pants. Dean arched his brow and asked, “How bad do you want me?”

 

Cas felt a whimper fall from his lips. He had no idea how Dean was doing this to him. How one man could have so much power over him. "I would do anything," he whispered breathlessly. "Please."

 

“Please, what?” he purred into Cas’s ear as he started undoing his belt.

 

"Take me." He wanted to be Dean's, to feel like he belonged to him. He wanted Dean to claim him. 

 

He reached forward and grabbed the hem of Dean's t-shirt, quickly pulling it over his head. He needed Dean to be naked. Now.

 

Dean arched his brow and yanked down his pants. “Naked. Now.”

 

He would have smiled about the way they seemed to be in sync with their needs, but he was too busy quickly shrugging out of his shirt and the rest of his clothes. 

 

Cas wasn’t quick enough, by the time his pants were down to his ankles, Dean had pushed him onto the bed, crawling to follow as Cas adjusted himself to sit higher up on the bed. Dean sank between his legs and ground his naked erection against Cas’s sex. Dean started leaving soft love bites along his collarbone. 

 

“Tell me what you want, Cas.”

 

Cas shoved his pants the rest of the way off before he arched his body to get closer to Dean's, rocking his hips against the man’s for more friction. "Will you have sex with me?" he asked, feeling insecure about the desire, seeing as he had never done it before.

 

Dean drew back, his gaze intense as they locked eyes. “You ever had sex before?”

 

Cas shook his head before he added, "No... Is that a problem?"

 

“You know what you’re askin’?”

 

"Yes." He rocked his hips against Dean's again. "I know what sex is, Dean. I’m just not experienced with it."

 

Dean nodded as he leaned over the bed, rifling through the drawer of the night stand before he came back, presenting an unmarked jar. “This is a salve for bruises. I don’t have lube, so… if you’re okay with a little tingling?”

 

Cas bit his lip thoughtfully. The last thing he wanted was to remind Dean that he was an angel before they were about to have sex. "I have something that would work better. But I need you to trust me."

 

“Okay,” he breathed out. 

 

“Close your eyes. Don't open them until I tell you. It's for your own safety."

 

Dean did as instructed, eyelids fluttering closed as he stayed hovering over Cas.

 

Just to be sure, Cas gently laid his hand over Dean's eyes before he concentrated and pulled his wings to their plane. He knew that Dean could probably hear them, but he held still. Cas reached behind himself with his free hand, carding his fingers through his sensitive feathers until he reached his oil glands. He groaned at the sensation. His breathing came out in small gasps as he tried to reach up to his nearest gland. It wasn't easy with just one hand, but he managed to get some oil on his fingers, whispering, "I'm going to take my hand from your face. Please don't look."

 

Dean nodded against the makeshift blindfold, groaning as he shifted and the head of his leaking erection came into contact with Cas’s thigh.

 

Cas moaned deeply, looking at Dean's beautiful body as he slowly drew away his hand. As promised, Dean kept his eyes closed. He didn’t want to lie to Dean by telling him it was all for his own safety. He just didn't want to look like an angel, a species Dean despised. 

 

He used his second hand to gather more oil from his glands, moaning deeply in the process. 

 

Dean was breathing heavily, his eyes still firmly closed when Cas hid his wings on the other plane again, leaning back against the headrest to prepare himself with the oil on his fingers. He couldn’t repress a deep moan when he pushed one slick finger inside of himself, wishing it was Dean's. "You can open your eyes again," Cas breathed out between gasps.

 

Dean’s eyes widened, pupils dilated in lust as he looked down between them. “Fuck,” he hissed. 

 

Cas suddenly felt insecure and vulnerable, exposed. He couldn't look at Dean as he pushed a second finger in himself.

 

When a strong, firm hand clasped around his wrist, he gasped. Dean was gently guiding Cas’s hand, pushing him in and out at the wrist. Dean looked into Cas’s eyes. “Crook your fingers, reach for your navel.”

 

He did as Dean told him to, crooking his fingers as he suddenly rubbed over a soft bump that made him gasp out in pleasure. He looked up at Dean in surprise before he repeated the motion. It felt incredible.

 

Dean chuckled as he leaned in and sucked at Cas’s pulse point. “Someone’s found his prostate,” he murmured in heated breath against moistened skin.

 

Cas hummed, leaning his head against Dean's as he breathed out, "I had no idea it would feel so good... Do you think this is enough preparation?" He felt impatient and he couldn’t wait to feel Dean inside of him.

 

“Get a third finger in without resistance and then you’ll be good,” he groaned out as his hips jerked forward, his erection fucking into the space between them.

 

Cas nodded as he pushed in a third finger, trying to get a feel for the tight muscle surrounding his fingers. Since he couldn't feel any pain from what he was doing, he listened to Dean's advice about resistance. It still felt stretched and tight, but he wasn't sure if that was normal or the resistance Dean had talked about. Yet again he wished it was Dean's fingers. “I think I’m ready, Dean.”

 

“Guide me in,” he commanded in a breathy moan.

 

Cas carefully wrapped the fingers from his other hand around Dean's erection, spreading some of the oil that was still on his hand over the stiff shaft before he pulled the man down against him. He wrapped his legs around Dean's waist as he shifted his hips, the head of Dean's cock now pressed against his waiting hole. He bit his lower lip again, looking up at Dean, getting lost in his eyes.

 

“You sure?” Dean asked as he pushed forward, gripping his own erection as he used the head to tease Cas’s entrance.

 

Cas groaned, closing his eyes for a moment before he looked at Dean, pleading, "Please. Dean."

 

Dean chuckled as Cas arched up against him, still teasing his rim in a circular motion. “Please,  _ what?  _ Come on, Cas. Lemme hear you say it.”

 

Cas bit his lip again, swallowing dryly before he breathed out, "Please... fuck me, Dean. Fuck me hard. Make me yours."

 

That was met with an almost animalistic growl as he finally pushed past the tight ring of muscle. Dean was careful, slowly inching in, staring down at him with a surprised expression when he was able to sink in deeper and deeper without any resistance. When he bottomed out, he pressed his face into the crook of Cas’s neck and halted his movement. “Jesus, you’re fucking tight.”

 

Cas nudged his nose against Dean's cheek. "My name is still Cas." He rocked his hips slightly to encourage Dean to move. "Come on, Dean. Please fuck me." It was easier to say now that desire and lust started to overwhelm him. Now that he was mostly running on instinct. He just needed to  _ feel  _ Dean, fucking into him, getting deeper and deeper. Cas needed Dean to fill him with come. He groaned, locking eyes with Dean and silently begging for all of it. 

 

An embarrassingly loud whimper escaped when Dean withdrew almost all of the way out. Before he could question further, the man’s hips snapped forward, hard and fast, all the way in. They let out shared groans of pleasure before Dean started a brutal pace. 

 

The unintelligible sounds escaping his own lips were surprising as his vision started to spot from the onslaught of sensation. Dean slowed for a moment and sat back on his heels, still inside Cas. Dean gripped either hip and yanked his ass up a little higher, leaned forward to grab a pillow, and stuffed it beneath Cas’s lower back.

 

With a content smirk, he started thrusting again, the same brutal pace from before. Every few thrusts he’d strike that bundle of nerves inside him, causing a tingle of pleasure to course through Cas’s entire nervous system.

 

“Fuck, fuck,” Dean panted as his fingernails dug into the meat of Cas’s hips.

 

Cas braced his palms against Dean's headrest, moaning with the overwhelming pleasure. He wished he could bite Dean again. He had loved how that brought Dean over the edge the last time. It was almost stifling how much he longed to taste him on his tongue again. 

 

Dean was so deep and for some reason, just the  _ thought  _ of him shooting his seed inside of him, filling him up, nearly pushed him over the edge. He wasn't sure why the thought was especially arousing to him, probably because it felt like he was doing something forbidden.

 

The man leaned forward, causing Cas’s knees to be braced against Dean’s shoulders. He was now striking his spot with every delicious and fast thrust. “I’m not gonna last,” he moaned, eyes screwed shut as he picked up his pace.

 

Cas knew he just needed a final push to come. "Let me bite you," he gasped out in desperation.

 

Dean groaned outright as he braced his forearm against Cas’s mouth. “Bite,” he commanded, lust blown focus on Cas’s lips.

 

Cas didn't hesitate as he bit down hard enough to break the skin. He gasped out as his whole body tensed and as soon as he tasted the first drop of blood on his tongue, he came all over his stomach and chest.

 

“Fuck,” Dean hissed as his hips started to snap erratically, his own orgasm shortly following as he pressed his forearm against Cas’s mouth again, smearing his blood around his chin and lips.

 

Cas could actually feel Dean filling him; hot, wet spurts coating his inner walls. His own erection twitched at the sensation as he continued to lick and kiss over the bitemark. He had never felt this way before.

 

So content, so right, so...  _ himself.  _ He hummed contentedly against Dean's arm, his tongue circling around the puncture wounds, before he latched his lips on the skin and sucked the last drops into his mouth. It felt incredibly dirty, forbidden, and just so good. Dean tasted like perfection.

 

Dean collapsed bonelessly on Cas, heated breath tickling the side of Cas’s neck as his slowly softening erection slipped from Cas’s hole. Dean chuckled and said, “Holy shit, dude.”

 

Cas turned his head, rubbing his face against him. "Accurate description," he whispered, lips ghosting over Dean's hair. He wanted to kiss him, but Cas recalled Dean had already said that he wouldn't. Another reason why he loved to give the bite marks his full attention with his lips and tongue. He pulled the arm up to his mouth again, licking softly over the bruise.

 

Another groan and Dean’s heated breath drew closer, his teeth grazing the side of Cas’s neck. “You tryin’ to get me goin’ again?”

 

Cas craned his neck to offer it to Dean as soon as he felt his teeth. He hummed, "I really like biting you. I didn't know that about myself, but since I did it that first time... in the cabin... I can't stop thinking about it. You taste incredible."

 

Dean groaned again. “Fuck, Cas… If you don’t stop, I’m gonna have to fuck you again and I don’t have that kind of time.”

 

Cas didn't have that kind of time either, but it was hard to be responsible when he had Dean naked on top of him, groaning like that. He gave Dean an innocent look before he flattened his tongue against the bitemark, licking over it one more time. "Do you want me to heal it again?"

 

Dean nodded, looking a little sad about it. “Yeah. I’m meeting Lisa later.”

 

Cas kissed the mark a few times with closed eyes. “I don’t want to know.” He leaned back and rubbed his thumb over it, healing it in the process, thinking that he could always make new ones.

 

With a soft groan, Dean nodded his appreciation as he moved to sit back on his heels. He looked down at Cas for a moment, an indiscernible expression on his face before he slid off the bed and grabbed a t-shirt, wiping his groin clean before sliding next to Cas. He gently started wiping at Cas’s entrance as Dean’s seed leaked out.

 

“You sure you’re okay with this arrangement?” he asked as he cleaned Cas.

 

Cas wrapped his fingers around Dean's wrist to stop him from cleaning away any more of his come. "I made my decision, Dean. I want you. In whatever capacity you're willing to give." He sat up on the bed, looking down for a moment. "But it won't be easy for me. It helps if we don’t talk about Lisa when we're together."

 

Dean nodded. “Yeah, I can do that. And you can end it at any time. No judgement from me. Cross my heart.” He drew an invisible ex over the left side of his chest with his index finger.

 

Cas rubbed his thumb over Dean's cheek and gave him a soft smile. "That's good to know. But I like what’s between us very much. I want to keep it."

 

“Good,” he murmured as he gently bit the pad of Cas’s thumb when it caressed down to his lips. “So, uh… We got the night shift together…” 

 

A shudder coursed through his body when he felt Dean's teeth and lips against his thumb. He bit down on his lower lip, getting lost in Dean's eyes again before he answered, "I could give you a new bitemark. One you could carry on your skin through the whole night."

 

Dean groaned and nodded. “You’re only allowed to bite me when I’m in you now, I think,” he murmured thoughtfully. 

 

“You think?” Cas teased him. “So, you’re not sure?”

 

“No.” Dean’s expression grew serious. “You’re only allowed to bite me when you’re hanging off my dick.”

 

Cas leaned over, letting his teeth graze over Dean’s ear. “I’m sure that can be arranged.”

 

“Fuck,” he hissed, gently pushing Cas away. “Alright, you need to be out of my bed before I can’t stop myself.” Dean moved to stand and grabbed his boxers, shrugging them on with a slightly frustrated groan.

 

Although he would have liked to tease Dean a little longer, he didn't want to annoy him. He slid quietly from the bed and used his grace to clothe himself in a heartbeat. Dean looked confused as he turned around in his boxershorts, seeing Cas was already dressed. Cas grinned at him. "It's not very motivational to get out of your bed when you advertise a second round, you know?"

 

Dean chuckled and shrugged, pulling up his jeans after he pulled his t-shirt down. He padded over to the half desk in the corner and grabbed a battered looking leather bound journal. He opened it quickly, scribbled something, then handed it to Cas. “My journal of lore, on every species I’ve come into contact with.”

 

“Thank you. When should I give it back to you? Tonight at our shift?” he asked with a smile. He couldn’t wait to be alone with him again.

 

“You’ll be done with it by then?” he asked, brow quirked in surprise.

 

“I read very quickly.” Cas shrugged as he closed the distance between them again, unable to stay more than a foot away from him when they were alone. “I guess I won’t see you until eleven, when our night shift starts.”

 

“Unless you show to movie night. Lis – ” He stopped himself and shook his head. “I’ll see you at eleven.”

 

Cas gave him a grateful look for not ending the sentence and leaned forward to kiss his cheek softly. He lingered there for a moment, closing his eyes before he pulled back with sigh.

 

“I’ve never looked forward to my shift before. It’s a weird feeling.”

 

Dean chuckled, a mischievous sound as he leaned in close to his ear and whispered, “If you’re smart, you’ll be prepped.”

 

Another shudder ran through Cas before he grinned, hoping what he wanted to say to Dean would have the desired effect. "I’ll still have your come in me. Is that prepared enough?" 

 

That was met with an outright groan. “You’re a quick study.”

 

He couldn't help but feel proud at the praise. He was just following his instincts. And it seemed to work quite well. He turned around and walked to the door, slowly turning the key in the lock.

 

As his hand wrapped around the handle, he was halted by a soft, “And Cas?”

 

Cas raised an eyebrow as he turned around to Dean. “Yes?”

 

Dean’s lips curled up in a devilish smile as he said, “You don’t come again until I tell you to.”

 

Cas's breathing hitched and he gave Dean a shy smile before he nodded. Dean was giving him an order. He hadn't received an order in years and it felt  _ incredible.  _ "I understand."

 

“But…” he practically purred as he stepped closer. “If you feel the urge to touch yourself, you can. But you have to stop before you climax. Do you understand?”

 

"I understand, Dean." Cas looked up at Dean. "You tell me when I'm allowed to. I'm yours."

 

It felt freeing to say those words to Dean. Freeing in a way that he felt like an angel again. The angel he used to be. How angels  _ should  _ be. He couldn’t have found someone better to obey, someone he trusted with every bit of his heart.

 

Dean gently gripped his chin and swiped the pad of his thumb along Cas’s bottom lip. He nodded and said, “I’ll see you tonight.”

 

Cas left Dean’s room in a hurry, in search of a quiet corner where he could read Dean’s journal. He decided to hide out in Charlie’s office, because it was usually only her there and no one else.

 

His best friend was busy with scanning book pages and barely acknowledged him with a nod as he came in and sat down at one of the desks. 

 

He thumbed through the book, mostly wondering what Dean had added earlier. When he stumbled over the entry for angels, he had to suppress the urge to laugh out loud. Dean had added a word in the column for angel character traits. 

 

_ Bitey. _

 

“If I didn't know better, I would totally say you got laid!” Charlie suddenly announced before she sat down right across from him. 

 

Cas flinched back with wide eyes. “What? Why?”

 

Charlie smirked at him, making a weird gesture with her hand. “You have this after sex glow.”

 

Cas looked down at himself, but he couldn’t see himself glowing, nor was he aware that humans had fluorescent properties.

 

Charlie chuckled at Cas’s probably confused expression before she added, “Since that is the most illogical assumption though, what  _ is  _ the reason for your incredibly good mood?”

 

Cas hated having to lie to Charlie, but he promised Dean to keep quiet about it. “I just had a very good day.”

 

“Any particular reason?” Charlie asked, leaning forward with an evil grin. 

 

“A lot of reasons. Nothing in particular,” he answered evasively.

 

“Nothing parti-dean-cular?”

 

“That's not even a word.”

 

“You're evasive.”

 

“I'm not evasive. Didn’t you have a movie night to plan?”

 

“Don’t change the subject!”

 

“I'm not. I’m just reminding you of your responsibilities.”

 

“Did you have sex with Dean?” Charlie asked, squinting her eyes at him.

 

Cas looked at her in shock. How did she know?  _ No. No. No.  _ She didn't know. She  _ couldn’t _ know. She was just guessing. That was it. Time for, what his friends called, his poker face.

 

“I'm not answering that question.” Perfect answer because he wouldn’t lie to Charlie and wouldn't break the promise to Dean.

 

“You’re wearing your poker face and you’re evasive.” Charlie slapped her palms on the desk between them. “That’s it. You’re coming to movie night.”

 

“No.”

 

“Oh, yes. You owe me, Mister!”

 

“Why?”

 

“You broke the first best friend rule. Friends don't keep secrets from each other. I'll only let it slide if you come to the movie with me. As my date.”

 

“Hold on.” Cas squinted his eyes at her in suspicion. “Did Jill say she would come?”

 

Charlie fiddled with her fingers and Cas rolled his eyes. “Alright. I'll be your ‘buffer’ again. But only if you never ask anything about Dean and me again.”

 

“That doesn't sound very fair,” Charlie complained.

 

Cas shrugged. “Have fun with Jill.”

 

“Alright, alright. I’ll never ask anything about Dean and me again.”

 

“Nice try.”

 

“Dean and you.” She rolled her eyes, but grinned at him. “Happy now?”

 

“Not really. You’re worse than a crossroad’s demon.”

 

“Awww, thanks, Cas. That’s sweet.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Dean had spent a good thirty minutes locked up in his room after Cas had left. He was still in a post-orgasm haze. The sex had been… Fucking amazing. He had struggled to not think about Cas in that light since their impromptu shower sex and failed… miserably. 

 

After years of no contact with other people, within a week he was having regular sex with a gorgeous woman, and a fine ass man. Or… well, an angel in a fine ass man’s vessel. He never thought Cas would be okay with the arrangement. And while the guilt over sort of cheating on Lisa was a factor, it was quieted with every groan and sexy fucking sound that he was able to wrench from Cas’s lips. 

 

Lisa was the smart choice. But Cas was the fun choice. And the selfish part of him was grateful he wasn’t having to make an  _ actual  _ choice. As long as he didn’t get caught; no harm, no foul as far as he was concerned. 

 

Lisa was nice enough, she was pretty amenable, easy going, damn good in the sack. He was hoping that if he got to know her better, find more things in common, the itch that Cas seemed to be able to scratch would eventually lessen the more time he spent with her. Until that point was reached in their relationship, being with Cas physically was a great release.

 

And the fact that Cas was so ready and willing to be given orders, on and off the proverbial battlefield, was one hell of a turn on. For Dean, it made the sex that much better. Lisa hadn’t been as accommodating. She was fun and one hell of a lay, but she was almost too aggressive to be dominated. He was going to try, see if she’d get the message, but if it was outside of her comfort level, Dean wouldn’t push it.

 

He wouldn’t need to with having an obedient angel in his bed.

 

The rest of the day went by without any issue. He got his chore assignments, grabbed something to eat, got a quick nap in, and was five minutes early to meet Lisa for the movie night. She’d asked him to just meet her in the rec room so she could put Ben to bed. 

 

Thursdays were the nights the grownups got to watch movies, with Saturday mornings being reserved for the kids. He couldn’t remember what movie it was going to be, but he didn’t care. If he played his cards right, he was going to spend the majority of the evening making out with Lisa instead of watching the movie.

 

When he stepped inside the rec room, it was pretty barren, save for Charlie setting up all the equipment and…  _ Fuck. Cas said he wasn’t coming to this! _

 

Dean chuckled a little nervously and asked, “Thought you didn’t like these things?”

 

Cas sat down on a chair in the first row and gave him a grumpy look as he crossed his arms in front of chest. “I don’t. I was forced.”

 

Charlie chuckled, holding up a cable. "A little education in culture never hurt anyone."

 

Cas huffed, still looking grumpy. “You and I both know that’s not the reason you forced me here.”

 

Charlie walked over to Dean when she finished the setup, giving him an innocent look. “Dean, be honest. Do I look like I can force an angel to do anything?”

 

Dean looked Cas over, brow furrowed in feigned evaluation, before looking back up at Charlie and answering with a simple, “Don’t know, Red. You’re kinda scary.”

 

"Damnit! I need to work on my innocent look," she mumbled before she sat down on Cas's left side on the last chair in the front row.

 

Cas leaned over to Dean and whispered, "She _ is _ scary."

 

“Don’t doubt that. I’ve seen how she terrifies poor Jill.” He winked and grinned smugly at the unamused expression on the redhead’s face.

 

In that moment, Jill entered the room, looking very different from how she usually looked. She had ditched the military uniform in favor of a pair of blue jeans and a sexy, black tank top. She had even styled her hair. When she spotted Dean, she waved at him and joined them, looking surprised and a bit disappointed when she spotted Cas. “Oh, hey, Cas. Since when do you like movie night?”

 

“I do–” he started, but was interrupted by a kick in his shin from Charlie. He cleared his throat and smiled. “I was invited. Charlie said it was too good to miss and I need to broaden my…” He gave her a squinty eyed look, before Charlie finished the sentence for him.

 

“His pop culture horizon.”

 

_ Ah.  _ Now Dean understood. Cas was a buffer. Because Charlie was a fifteen year old girl, apparently. Well, two could play that game. With a broad grin, Dean let out a wolf whistle and raked his gaze over Jill appreciatively. “Damn, girl. You clean up nice. Don’t you think, guys? Jill’s fuckin’ smokin’.”

 

Jill looked rather embarrassed with the compliment and Cas gave her a confused look. "I thought you quit smoking?"

 

"Just an expression, Cas," Jill explained to him, her eyes darting towards Charlie, who gave her a shy smile and nod.

 

Jill sat down on Cas’s other side and leaned back with a sigh. “It’s a good thing you’re giving this movie a try, Cas. I’ve only watched the remake, but the story is really creepy.”

 

Dean noticed that Jill was much more relaxed with Cas next to her. Hell, she could even finish a whole sentence without stuttering.

 

“I don’t understand. If this is a scary story, why would you want to watch it?” Cas looked to all of them for an answer.

 

“Being scared causes an adrenaline rush for some people. It can be exciting. Hell, some people get turned on by the idea,” Dean answered simply, making sure to catch Cas’s eye when he said it.

 

Before Cas could say anything, Charlie leaned over and waggled her eyebrows. "Speaking from personal experience, Dean?"

 

“Sure, kitten. Nothin’ gets my engine roaring more than being scared out of my mind, tryin’ to get the fuck away from demons,” he sassed, quirking his brow at her in amusement.

 

"I knew you were a kinky one." Charlie laughed as Cas leaned back against his chair with a very thoughtful expression.

 

Jill put her hand on Cas's shoulder. "Guys, stop talking about sex. You’ll only confuse our little angel."

 

Dean barked out a laugh.  _ If these guys only knew.  _ “Only one way to learn, right?”

 

Cas didn't look at him before he mumbled, "I wouldn't know."

 

Charlie gave Cas an empathetic look and wrapped her arm around his shoulder, her fingers accidently touching Jill's hand on Cas's other shoulder. She didn't pull away though. "Don't worry, honeybear. One day you will get the romance you always dreamed of."

 

“Aren’t all the dream romances ones that end in tragedy, anyway?” Dean challenged.

 

Jill slapped Dean's forearm. "Don't listen to him, Cas. You know better, right?"

 

Charlie gave Jill a smile and Cas just looked very uncomfortable between them. "Do I really have to watch the movie?" 

 

Dean shrugged and said, “Do you need back up? I bet I can distract Charlie long enough for you to escape?”

 

Both women chuckled and wrapped their arms around Cas to hold him in place. “He stays,” Charlie said with a broad grin. “There’s no way he gets out of here.”

 

Cas gave Dean a wide eyed look, whispering, “Help!” It would have looked more dramatic if his lips hadn’t twitched into a smile for a moment.

 

“One cute girl I might have had a chance to defeat, but not two, Cas. You’re stuck,” he teased, trying to hide the smile from his face. The angel really was loved by almost everyone.  _ Damn.  _ He really missed Sammy in that moment.

 

Cas sighed deeply, surrendering to his fate. "It's okay. Just leave me behind. Save yourself."

 

Jill carded her fingers through Cas's hair. "Did you see the glitter, Charlie? It's so adorable."

 

“Yes, Kiera is such a talented young hairdresser.” Charlie grinned back at Jill, their fingers touching again when she messed up the other side of Cas's hair.

 

Dean chuckled as he watched the scene. Cas looked thoroughly mortified, slumping against his chair in defeat. He knew what would get them to back off. “You know, you guys don't have to use Cas as a stuffed toy to cuddle each other. No judgement.”

 

Both women suddenly drew back and sat in their own seats, looking just as mortified as Cas  had a second ago. Cas leaned back with a content expression before flashing a grateful smile in Dean's direction. 

 

"Cas looks like a teddy bear though," Charlie mumbled after a moment.

 

Dean smiled back at Cas and before he could say anything, two arms wrapped around him from behind and a kiss was pressed to his cheek.

 

“Hey, bad boy. You're early,” Lisa purred in his ear.

 

_ Fuck.  _ He shot Cas an apologetic look before turning his attention up to Lisa. “Yeah, figured annoying Charlie was more fun than standing outside.”

 

"I hope that isn't your new hobby, Dean." Charlie laughed and when Dean turned to her, he caught how tense Cas appeared, the sharp way he was sitting on his chair, looking away from them, lips pressed into a thin line.

 

He chuckled nervously, turning back to Lisa to ask, “Wanna grab a couple of seats in the back?”

 

“Sure, baby. Want to be undisturbed?” She smiled at him.

 

Dean nodded and gently kissed her lips. “That’ll be great.” 

 

“Have fun, you two,” Jill wished them before she turned to Charlie and Cas. “They look really cute together.”

 

Lisa giggled and waved them off as she headed to the back of the rec room, snuggling into a loveseat that was off to the side, patiently waiting for him. Dean moved to stand, making it a point to clap his hand on Cas’s shoulder, who stiffened even more at the contact. He leaned in, and surreptitiously whispered into Cas’s ear, “Sorry.”

 

Cas didn’t react. He didn’t even look at him.

 

Dean let out a soft sigh and turned to head back to where Lisa had started to get comfortable. As he slumped down into the open space next to her, she draped her legs over his lap as she rested her head on his shoulder.

 

His eyes were still fixed on Cas. If the guy didn’t start moving soon, acting like a normal person… or, well,  _ angel,  _ he was going to make Charlie and Jill suspect something was up. Dean sighed and wondered if…  _ Huh.  _ Worth a shot.

 

_ Castiel, if I pray to you can you hear me? Just slightly nod if you can. _

 

Cas suddenly reached out to his temples, massaging them like he had a headache. Charlie startled next to him before she leaned closer and whispered something in his ear. Cas hugged her tightly, nodding before he quietly left the room.

 

Dean pressed a kiss to Lisa’s cheek and murmured, “Gotta take a leak, be back in a sec.”

 

“Be quick. I don’t want to watch this cheesy trash movie by myself.”

 

Dean smiled and said, “You won’t. And that’s assumin’ we do any actual  _ watching.” _

 

Lisa giggled at the innuendo and waved him off. Dean steeled himself with a deep breath and crept out of the room, trying to see what direction Cas had gone. The entrance door was just finishing closing, so he slipped outside and saw the guy’s form heading straight for the greenhouse.

 

He jogged to catch up to him and called out, “Cas!”

 

Cas startled before he turned around, looking surprised. “What are you doing here?”

 

“I, uh… I didn’t want to run you off. I was tryin’ to apologize, but I’m not sure you heard my prayer back there.” Dean managed to catch up to him right in front of the greenhouse. Damn, the guy was fast.

 

Cas gave him a pained look as he opened the door and slipped inside. "You didn't 'run me off'. I had no intention of being there in the first place." He rubbed the back of his head. "And please never pray to me again unless it's an emergency."

 

Dean followed him into the greenhouse. “Okay, sure. Sorry. I just… I feel bad. I didn’t think you were gonna be there tonight.”

 

Cas turned around and stepped right into his personal space. His voice sounded a bit breathless and quiet as he said, "You shouldn't be here with me. Go back."

 

Dean gently grasped Cas’s chin to tilt his head up. “I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I’ll leave… if you want me to.”

 

Cas leaned closer, pressing his face against Dean's hand. "I–I don't want you to leave," he murmured.

 

Swiping the pad of his thumb over the angel’s cheek, Dean drew closer, even with every instinct telling him not to. Dean needed to go back. Back to the rec room. Back to Lisa. But for some reason, he was more worried about Cas in that moment. Wanting to change the air between them, he decided to go for some levity. “You know, your comment earlier about not knowing what sex is like was  _ almost  _ believable.”

 

Cas raised a challenging eyebrow. "Almost? I thought it was  _ very  _ believable."

 

Dean chuckled, leaning in closer to growl into Cas’s ear, “Maybe to someone who hasn’t fucked you.”

 

Cas wrapped his arms around him, rubbing his nose over his shoulder, before he grazed the side of Dean's throat with his teeth. "Dean. You should really go now. I'll wait for you on the roof."

 

“Yeah,” he breathed out, the angel’s proximity already fucking with his libido. Cas had barely brushed slightly chapped lips against his neck and he was at half-mast. When Dean drew back, he looked down at the angel, enjoying the slight pinkish hue tainting his cheeks. “Fuck, you’re sexy.”

 

Cas smiled shyly at him, looking up through thick black lashes. He slowly licked over his bottom lip. “I’m counting the seconds.” He looked down again with another shy smile before he added, “And I will be ready for you.”

 

Dean groaned outright and nodded. The angel was gonna be the death of him at this rate. “I’ll see you in a couple hours.” He was surprised his voice was as steady as it was, considering half his blood flow was in the lower half of his body.

 

Cas nodded with a smile, a smile that grew wider when his gaze fell to Dean’s groin area. “I can’t wait to feel you inside me again.”

 

Palming his erection with a frustrated groan, Dean looked down at Cas with a quirked brow. “You tryin’ to kill me?”

 

"I'm pretty sure no one in the history of humankind ever died of an erection." Cas grinned smugly.

 

Dean let out a shaky exhale and crowded Cas against the door. He beared down on the angel with a stern expression. “You gotta stop teasin’ me. I only have so much restraint.”

 

“You say that like I don't want you to lose your control," Cas breathed against his throat.

 

In one swift movement, Dean flipped Cas around, pulling his right arm behind his head as he pressed him against the door, growling in his ear, “What are you hopin’ happens if I do?”

 

Cas's breathing hitched and Dean noticed that the muscles under Dean's grip were completely lax. He didn't struggle against Dean's hold at all. Not even on instinct. Instead he rocked his ass softly against Dean's erection. "I'm hoping that you will take me."

 

_ Motherfucker  _ was he good at being submissive. Dean rewarded him by grinding his erection into the malleable and pants covered flesh. “Say it how I want to hear it,” he commanded. Dean tightened his grip against Cas’s wrist as his free hand snaked to his front, fingers slipping between the buttons of his shirt to rake his nails along the angel’s chest.

 

Cas groaned, arching his body against him. "I want you to fuck me."

 

Dean groaned again, the growled and scratchy words going straight to his dick. “Here? In your precious greenhouse?” he purred into the angel’s ear before pulling the lobe between his teeth.

 

"Anywhere you want," Cas breathed out, nearly whimpering against him as he canted his ass against Dean's cock. "I'm yours."

 

With a shaky exhale, Dean slipped his hand inside the shirt and pinched Cas’s nipple between his thumb and forefinger. At the sharp hiss of pain (or was it pleasure?), Dean chuckled. “I can’t wait to fuck you again.”

 

Cas groaned and leaned his head back against Dean's shoulder. "Dean. Please."

 

Dean couldn't resist, he mouthed at Cas’s pulse point before sinking his teeth in. Sucking the pliant skin into his mouth, the breathy whimpers escaping Cas was making his dick twitch. He hated to leave, especially with how needy Cas was in that moment, but Lisa was bound to start looking for him, or think he ditched her.

 

As he released the angel and stepped back, there was a bruise of busted capillaries already forming on his neck. Dean stepped back and turned Cas back to face him. “I've gotta go,” he said in a resigned tone.

 

"I know." Cas gave him a soft smile as he touched the bite mark. "Don't worry about me. I’ll just wait on the roof."

 

Dean nodded as he raised his right hand to gently touch Cas’s fingers trailing the mark. “Don’t forget to heal that.” 

 

“Do I have to?” Cas asked quietly.

 

The urge to wince was overwhelming. Dean chewed the inside of his cheek and sighed. “You know why you can’t keep it.”

 

Cas sighed deeply before he asked carefully, "Maybe you could leave one somewhere it won’t be noticed next time?"

 

Dean couldn’t help but chuckle. “Alright. I promise to mark you somewhere that can’t be seen.”

 

He didn't expect the bright, grateful smile before Cas healed the bite mark on his throat. "Thank you. See you later, Dean."

 

With a resigned nod, Dean made his way out of the greenhouse and started the short trek back to the warehouse. He palmed his erection again, willing the damned thing to go away. Stupid, sexy angels making him revert to his base most instincts. Or the instincts of a friggin’ teenager. Whichever made more sense.

 

Dean was really playing with fire and while he knew he should put a stop to it, he just  _ couldn't.  _ He needed to work out whatever weird physical hold Cas had on him, he figured once they got whatever this was out of their systems, he could focus on having a nice, normal,  _ human  _ relationship.

 

The movie had already started by the time he crept back inside, sliding in next to Lisa without making too much noise. At her questioning look, he shook his head and whispered, “Thought I heard something outside, but it was nothing.”

 

Lisa smiled and cuddled up against him. Dean pressed a kiss to the crown of her head and proceeded to spend the next couple of hours pretending to pay attention to the cheesy sci-fi flick.

 

He'd just blame his uncontrollable libido as the reason his thoughts kept drifting to ice blue eyes looking up at him in ardent affection.


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter here, but after this, shit starts getting interesting. :D

**Chapter 6**

 

Cas tried to calm himself down after Dean had left the greenhouse. He sat down on the bench and took a few deep breaths. He didn’t allow himself to think about what Dean was doing at the moment. He felt a profound jealousy, like needles pricking at his heart, and he hated himself for it.

 

He didn’t want to go there. Dean had been clear that this was just a physical thing and he wanted to get used to it, trying to squish any hope that this could become more in the future. Hope was unrealistic. Lisa was a human. It wasn’t a competition he had any chance of winning, so he tried to be content with what he had.

 

And that would involve trying to not think about Lisa and Dean, what they did together, and avoiding situations where both of them were together.

 

He looked up in surprise when the door to the greenhouse opened again and he noticed Charlie’s worried expression as she stood in the doorway.

 

He stood up, titling his head. “Are you okay?”

 

She scoffed and looked at him in disbelief. “I should be asking  _ you  _ that. What  _ was _ that?”

 

“What was what?” Cas asked slowly. 

 

Charlie drew closer, her expression worried, yet angry. “I saw him shove you up against the door. What's going on? If he hurt you, I swear…”

 

Cas bit his lower lip as he approached her. He braced his hand on her shoulder, feeling touched by her concern. "He's not strong enough to move me an inch if I hadn't let him, Charlie. There's nothing for you to worry about." He gave her a reassuring smile. "He's my friend." 

 

She narrowed her eyes at him in suspicion. “Then why’s he getting all handsy and pushy? You’re my best friend and I’ve never done that to you.”

 

"It was nothing, Charlie." He tried to come up with an excuse to explain what she had seen. “Um... we just talked about… fighting and he, um… showed me his skills in hand to hand combat."

 

_ Perfect.  _ Why hadn't he thought of that sooner?

 

Charlie’s suspicious look didn’t dissipate. In fact, it worsened. “So, right after coming to watch the movie, his date showing up, and you leaving; he decided to come out to the greenhouse and show you some moves?” Even though sarcasm wasn’t his strong suit, he definitely caught on to the sarcasm in her line of questioning.

 

Cas squinted his eyes before he pursed his lips. "Well, not right away. He wanted to see if I was okay." He smiled softly, because that technically was the truth. His smile grew wider when he realized out loud, "I think he was worried about me."

 

Her expression softened at the way his dawning realization caused him to smile so hard. Charlie sighed and gave Cas a pointed look. “Do you promise me that’s all it was? Cross your heart, hope to die?” she asked as she drew an invisible X over her chest.

 

“He didn’t hurt me,” he repeated. “I promise you.”

 

Charlie sighed and pulled him in for a hug. “If that changes, you promise me – _ promise  _ me that you’ll tell me.”

 

He pressed her a bit tighter to his body, suddenly feeling the need for her comfort, as he nodded. His voice quieter than before. “I promise.”

 

With a gentle clap on the back and a kiss to his cheek, Charlie drew away and smiled at him. “You know that promise applies to if you get laid, too? As your best friend, you’re legally obligated to tell me when that happens.”

 

Cas looked away for a moment. “I’m sure that there isn’t a law about that and you’re just making it up.”

 

“On my honor as a girl scout, it’s true,” she assured. 

 

“But it gets overruled when I already promised not to say something. For example, when Chris tells me a secret and he makes me promise not to tell anyone, I can’t tell you either. No matter if you’re my best friend,” he said, feeling a little insecure. He didn’t want to lose Charlie, his best friend, because of this.

 

And apparently, she heard only one part of what he said. Her eyes grew large and she asked in an excited, yet hushed tone, “Cas. Did you get laid?”

 

Cas looked away again, taking in a deep breath. "Charlie answer my question first. What if I can't tell you something because I already promised  _ not  _ to tell? Will you get angry with me when I respect this person’s wish?"

 

“I won’t. I’ll just poke and prod until you do. But if you just answer my question with a yes or no. No names, no details, I promise I won’t bug you about it,” she said with a sincere smile.

 

He thought about it for a moment. No names. Dean just didn’t want anyone to know that he was involved with him. He took in a deep breath before he answered with a quiet, “Yes.”

 

“Shut up!” Charlie squealed as she started jumping up and down, firm grip on his upper arms. “Okay, okay,” she said, starting to calm down. “I know I said no details, but was it good? Did you like it?”

 

Cas couldn't help but smile before he looked away again. "Very much so." He shuffled his feet. “But I can’t tell you more than that.”

 

Charlie squealed again and pulled him into a fierce hug. “When you  _ can  _ tell me more, you better!” she chastised, but the broad grin on her face was a clear indication her threat held no genuineness.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Thankfully, Lisa had been too tired to want to do anything after the movie, so after a quick makeout session in front of her door, Dean made his way back to his own room. After donning the black t-shirt and black tactical pants, grabbing the sniper rifle, and his sig, as well as a couple of emergency anti-demon kits; Dean took a deep breath and started his trek to the roof.

 

His heart was thumping with every step. There was a sort of sick exhilaration he was getting from knowing what was going to happen. Cas was so fucking willing, and it wasn’t so much that he was willing to fuck. No, Lisa had that down, too. He was just so willing to submit to Dean’s will. That sort of power was intoxicating and the fact that it was an angel he was controlling…

 

Well, it almost felt just. 

 

Dean hated that he liked it so much. He hated that he liked the way Cas moaned his name like it was the first word he’d ever uttered. He liked the way Cas’s breath hitched when Dean got stern, when Dean ordered him around. He liked the way Cas seemed almost innocent and naive, yet deep down, had this insatiable and sexual need. Like he might just collapse if he didn’t get Dean’s dick in him fast enough. 

 

He hated that he liked all of it.

 

The erection that had taken a good half hour to finally go down, was back and twitching with anticipatory excitement. Dean was going to fuck Castiel’s brains out. 

 

When he reached the door to the rooftop, he took a deep breath and opened it. Stepping outside, the air was mildly cool, but not unbearably so. He wouldn’t regret only wearing a t-shirt. And he was banking on getting pretty damn sweaty soon.

 

Cas was standing at the handrail, like he had been earlier that day. Dean was unable to restrain the sigh of relief at seeing him where he said he would be.

 

“Heya, Cas.”

 

Cas startled so much that he even pulled his angelic blade on Dean. "Oh – um. Hello, Dean. I'm sorry." He took in a deep shuddering breath and put his blade away with an embarrassed expression.

 

Dean chuckled and shrugged. “Don’t be. You should be on your guard.”

 

Cas nodded, still looking embarrassed. "I depend too much on my angelic sense when I'm up here. I should learn to listen to my human instincts, too."

 

“Couldn’t hurt,” he said as he drew closer, resting his hip against the handrail as his eyes soaked in Cas’s appearance. Dean smiled as he looked down at the angel’s body. “You wear far too many layers.”

 

"Do you want me to undress?" Cas asked with a soft, seductive smile.

 

Dean’s smile turned feral. “For starters.”

 

Cas slid his hands over his shirt and slowly started to open the buttons, never breaking eye contact with Dean. He pushed the shirt from his shoulders before he opened his belt buckle,  button, and zipper of his pants. He had already been barefoot, so when his last item of clothing was stripped from his body, he stood naked in front of Dean, the moonlight highlighting his hard muscles and perfect hipbones.

 

The way Dean licked his lips was entirely involuntary. Dean beckoned him closer with a wave of his finger. As Cas drew closer, Dean said, “First things first…” He pulled Cas close, grip firm on both of the angel’s arms. “Where should I mark you?”

 

Cas bit his lower lip and looked down at himself, obviously thinking about the question before he rubbed his fingers over his right hipbone. "Here."

 

Dean nodded and sank to his knees, letting his hands slide down Cas’s sides until they rested at his hips. He looked up through dark blonde lashes and smiled before leaning forward and sucking the soft and unmarred skin between his teeth. The angel’s appreciative hiss spurred Dean on, lapping and nipping at the skin. When he pulled off with a wet pop, Cas’s dick twitched and Dean smirked.

 

“Anywhere else?”

 

"Where do you want?" Cas asked with a playful smile.

 

Instead of answering, Dean said, “Spread your legs.”

 

Cas followed his command without hesitation, but he could see how his cheeks heated with a pinkish hue. Dean tongued the corner of his mouth and didn’t waste a moment. He pressed his lips to Cas’s inner thigh, seriously enjoying the hitch in Cas’s breathing when the side of his face grazed the angel’s balls. 

 

He spent a little longer on this mark, unable to get enough of the soft, almost whimpers that echoed in the night sky. When Dean drew back, he purposely kept his lips near the tip of Cas’s erection. “You can have one more.”

 

"Can I save the last one for later?" Cas asked breathlessly.

 

Dean chuckled. “Alright.” He slowly stood up, trailing his fingers up Cas’s hips to his waist, firmly planting them there until he held his height over the angel again. “I know you want me to fuck you again, but is there anything else you want?”

 

“What do you mean?” Cas tilted his head. “What else is there?”

 

Without hesitation, his right hand slipped to Cas’s groin, fingers wrapping around his girth. At the sharp intake of breath, Dean smirked and said, “There's lots more.”

 

Cas reached out for Dean's arm hesitantly, sliding his fingers over his shirt before he asked, "Would you teach me?"

 

Dean nodded and started stroking Cas. “This is called a handjob. When you do it to yourself it’s just masturbating.”

 

Cas let out a beautiful moan before he clearly bit his lower lip to silence himself. "I can't imagine, um… this feeling as good without you."

 

He leaned in and licked a trail around Cas’s collarbone as he chuckled. “Not as good, but if you have the right kind of fantasies, it can be  _ almost  _ as good.” Dean picked up his pace, his other hand sliding down to cup the angel’s balls before tickling along his perineum. At the surprised gasp, that sounded more like a moan, Dean said, “There’s more to sex than just stripping your dick. There are sensitive areas all over your body that intensify the pleasure.”

 

Cas growled and pushed Dean against the handrail, leaning in to lick over his throat, grazing his teeth over Dean’s ear. "I think I’ve learned enough for today. Get naked and fuck me now."

 

Dean let out a half groan, half chuckle at his impatience. He released his hold on the angel and stepped back. “Want me naked?  _ Get  _ me naked.”

 

Cas didn't hesitate for even a second before he grabbed the hem of Dean's t-shirt and pulled it over his head. His palms slid down Dean's chest and Dean could see how affected Cas was, gaze fixed on his torso, pupils blown in his appreciation.

 

Cas licked over his own lips and quickly opened Dean's pants, shoving them down until he had freed Dean's cock. He wrapped his fingers around it, cupping Dean's balls with the other, mimicking exactly what Dean had done.

 

Letting out a hiss of pleasure, Dean pulled Cas closer, using his fingers to memorize every curve and dip of the angel’s body as his hands trailed lower and lower. When they reached his hips, the sharp bones jutting out in temptation, Dean started nipping at the angel’s neck. He groaned when Cas started stroking him faster. “Whoa, whoa,” he said with a chuckle. “It’s not goin’ anywhere.”

 

Cas slowed down before he let go of him and gently pushed him over to the bench. “Sit down there, please.”

 

As soon as Dean sat down, Cas slipped onto his lap, bracing his weight on his knees on either side of him. He wrapped his arms around Dean’s shoulders before he softly started grinding against him, his face buried in Dean’s hair. “Dean,” he whispered, his lips grazing Dean’s forehead. 

 

“How prepped are you?” he groaned into the friction, fingers digging into the meat of Cas’s cheeks as he kneaded them in rhythm with the angel’s grinding.

 

“I'm ready for you, Dean,” Cas moaned before he lifted Dean’s chin, the blue in Cas’s eyes was barely visible. “I did as you told me.”

 

_ Fuck. Why the hell was that so hot?  _ Dean nodded and almost growled his next command, “Then fucking ride me.” He gripped his erection and adjusted himself to line up to Cas’s hole. “Just sink down on me. Go slow, don’t hurt yourself.”

 

The tightness, the  _ heat _ slowly and surely constricting his cock, was strangling the breath out of Dean. His head lolled back as his grip tightened on the angel’s hips. The urge to hold him in place and fuck up into that tight heat was getting more and more overwhelming. Dean needed a distraction before he lost all control. He knew he probably couldn’t physically hurt the angel, but Dean wasn’t about to test that theory. 

 

Dean pressed his palm, at his thumb joint, against Cas’s mouth. “Bite.”

 

Cas licked over his palm, dragging his teeth over it before he bit down hard, swallowing a deep guttural moan as he sucked at the flesh.

 

He hissed at the sharp spike of pain radiating up his arm. Dean had always had a thing for biting, and being bitten specifically. The pain always intensified the pleasure by bringing him back from whatever ledge he was barely gripping. It worked, Dean was focused on Cas’s teeth bearing down on his palm when he finally bottomed out. “Oh, fuck,” he groaned out, unable to take his eyes off of Cas. 

 

Cas started to slowly rock his hips, bracing himself with his palms against Dean's shoulders. He licked against Dean's palm again, circling his tongue around the bite mark before latching his lips to it again. He didn't break eye contact with Dean the whole time, just once his eyes strayed towards Dean's lips before he kissed Dean's palm.

 

It shouldn’t have been as goddamn erotic as it was, but lust blown pupils disintegrating ice blue irises, reddened lips wrapped around his palm, the pressure of an almost virgin tight hole encasing his already leaking dick. Dean had never been more turned on in his fucking life. Maybe it was the overall dirtiness of doing something forbidden.

 

Fucking an angel of the lord. 

 

Dean’s other hand trailed to Cas’s groin and gripped him, starting a slow and steady stroke to match the pace of the angel’s undulating hips. For someone who’d never had sex until a day ago, he was a quick study. “You’re so fucking hot,” he panted.

 

Cas smiled against Dean's palm for a moment before he started to ride him faster. He groaned and gasped with every thrust downwards, kissing and nibbling Dean's palm. A sudden whooshing sound, followed by a gust of wind, tipped over the rifle Dean had leaned against the handrail.

 

For a moment Cas looked behind them, before he latched his lips against Dean's palm again, mumbling something that sounded like, “Sorry.”

 

Dean shook his head and groaned, getting lost in the sensation of everything. The familiar tingle of heat started coiling in his groin, he wasn't going to last. “Bite me harder,” he tried to command, but it came out more like a plea.

 

Cas complied with a moan and started riding him harder. He sank his teeth into him again, this time breaking the skin. 

 

It didn’t quell the heat that was slowly starting to consume him. Dean bucked up into Cas, speeding up the strokes on his cock, to get him teetering on the proverbial ledge. Dean would be damned if he came embarrassingly fast  _ alone.  _ “Fuck, fuck… Cas…”

 

Cas whimpered before he pressed his forehead against Dean's, breathing hard and fast. He could feel their breaths mingle in the small gap of space between them. “I'm so close, Dean. Please.... Please allow me to come."

 

_ Fuck.  _ How could he forget? Dean had to refrain from laughing outright at his own idiocy. “Come for me, Cas. Let me feel it.”

 

Cas gasped out, making a noise between a broken whimper and a moan as his whole body went tense, the tight heat around Dean's dick increased and white, hot streaks of come painted Dean's stomach and chest. Cas was breathing heavily, turning his head and pressing his lips to Dean's palm again, kissing the bite mark.

 

The clench was enough to shove Dean off that damn ledge, barrelling down into the abyss of pure, white hot pleasure. Dean groaned, the sound echoing around them as his other hand slid from Cas’s softening dick to grip his hair, shoving the angel’s mouth harder against his palm. As a shudder coursed through him, Dean’s head lolled back as he tried to get control over his breathing.

 

Cas nibbled and licked over Dean's palm for another moment, before he let go of it in favor of sucking a mark into Dean's exposed throat.

 

Dean let out another, much softer moan. Still seated inside of the angel, the attention to his neck was making his spent and softened cock twitch involuntarily. He hissed out another expletive as the grip he had on Cas’s hair tightened, a silent urging for more.

 

Cas gasped, his hands slipped from Dean's shoulder and around his body, tenderly stroking over the skin of his back as he scratched his teeth over the sensitive skin. He pressed his palm against Dean's back before he slowly sank his teeth into Dean's throat.

 

“Fuck, Cas,” he groaned out, feeling slightly dizzy on the high of sexual satisfaction and pleasure all mingling together. 

 

Cas sucked at his throat, licking at it before he leaned back to look at Dean, breathing heavily. There was blood on his lower lip and Dean watched as his tongue darted out, licking at it. "Are you okay?"

 

“More than okay,” he murmured as his hand slid down to cup the angel’s cheek, using the pad of his thumb to wipe away the remaining blood on his lip. Dean watched his thumb, slowly and surely caress Cas’s bottom lip, wondering if those lips felt as soft anywhere else on his body. His dick. His own lips.

 

Dean chewed the inside of his cheek as he steadied his resolve. Kissing was off the table. There was an intimacy to kissing that would make what they were doing too real. Sex was sex, fucking was fucking. Kissing was something else entirely and he wasn’t going to blur the lines anymore than he had. No matter how fucking tempting it was.

 

Cas licked over his thumb before he wrapped his lips around it and sucked. There was another gust of wind and whooshing noise when he slid closer on Dean's lap.

 

“You tryin’ to kill me?” Dean groaned, his spent dick twitching again, bordering on an almost painful oversensitivity. “Not all of us have the refractory time of an angel,” he teased, unable to stop his lips from curling into a soft smile.

 

Cas kissed the tip of Dean's thumb and returned the smile. "You are very irresistable." He let his hand gently slide over the bite mark on Dean's throat before he looked at him again. "Can I kiss you here without killing you?"

 

With a contented chuckle, he shook his head. “We should probably actually get to the  _ watch  _ part of being the nightwatch.” Dean shifted slightly, his flaccid cock slipping from Cas, causing a shiver to run down his spine. “You okay?”

 

Cas nodded with a soft smile before he laid his palm on Dean's neck and healed the bite mark there. Then he grabbed Dean's hand and held it to his lips, kissing the mark before he rubbed his thumb over it and healed it, too. 

 

He slipped off Dean's lap and walked over to the handrail, picking up his clothes as he started to dress himself.

 

When Cas was half dressed, Dean finally snapped out of his daze and got up to shrug on his own clothes. Now came the awkward part of a purely sexual hookup, the aftermath. Was it going to be awkward? Was Cas going to get weird about things? Was Dean going to inevitably ram his foot in his mouth and cause the angel to stop speaking to him altogether?

 

Dean really  _ did  _ like the angel. Realizing they were friends wasn't ever connected to his weird sexual pull towards the guy. He didn't want what was happening between them to fuck it up, but he was too selfish to give up the sexual part as long as Cas was so willing.

 

Cas rubbed his thumb over the mark on his hipbone with a bright smile before he slowly buttoned up his shirt. He combed his fingers through his hair when he was done, messing it up completely before he leaned against the handrail and squinted his eyes at the moon for a moment, taking in a deep breath. "It looks like a quiet night."

 

“Which is a nice change.” Dean chuckled and sidled next to him, his hands bracing the rail as he looked further out, surprised to find not a single flash of light to indicate one of many brawls between angels and demons that had been every human’s lullaby for years.

 

Cas stepped behind him, leaving a kiss on the back of his neck before he wrapped his arms around him and pointed to the horizon. "I'm not sure if you can see it. The city ruins behind that forest – that's where I hid the children for nearly two years. I had no idea this compound even existed. I stumbled over it by accident when I was looking for food."

 

Dean craned his neck to look at Cas, ignoring how warm he felt being embraced in such a way. “You genuinely love them, don’t you?”

 

Cas smiled softly and nodded. "Yes. Although it took me far too long to understand that I do." Cas tightened his grip around Dean, resting his chin on his shoulder. "I always tried to rationalize my feelings. That I wasn't worried or scared for them every time I had to leave them in their hideout. I always thought it was just because I was trying to help them, because that was what I was supposed to do."

 

He kissed Dean's shoulder before he sighed. "I felt so guilty when I left them here after I found it. I missed them so much that I wanted to take them back and I didn't understand how I could have those selfish thoughts. They were with other humans, who could give them a better life. I didn't realize how much I loved them until the day I got them back."

 

Dean turned around in the embrace, Cas’s arms now draped around his shoulders as their foreheads pressed together. “That’s why you love him, isn’t it?” It seemed strange that an angel could feel such a spectrum of emotions at all, but the more he got to know Castiel, the more everything started to click into place.

 

Cas didn't answer for a moment before he pulled back with a deep sigh. "I don't know. I'm very confused on that matter."

 

“Because he’s not yours to love?” he asked, keeping his gaze locked on Cas’s.

 

Cas stared back at him, looking uncomfortable before he nodded tersely.

 

Dean sighed. He knew he was making the angel uncomfortable. He decided to change the subject. “Think he saved his Cas?”

 

Cas gave him a wry smile before he answered, "Charlie thinks I'm a hopeless romantic because I believe he did. It's strange, but something in me is certain he made it."

 

“Hey, sometimes it’s nice to have faith in something. Even if it’s something as hopeless as love.” 

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck, looking up at him shyly. "And it distracted me from rather selfish thoughts, wishing he would come back." He shook his head and let go of Dean again, walking up to the handrail to lean against it. "Is there anything you still have faith in?"

 

Dean scoffed outright. He followed Cas’s movement, bracing his hands on the rail, craning his neck to look at the angel. He sighed and said, “The last ounce of faith I had died with my brother.”

 

Cas didn’t say anything for a while after that. He just stared at some point on the horizon before he mumbled, “I wish I had met him.”

 

“He would’ve liked you,” he responded honestly. Dean sighed again and turned his head to keep his eyes straight ahead. 

 

Cas turned to face him, bumping his shoulder into Dean as he gave him a soft smile. "Thank you."

 

With a soft chuckle, Dean put his hand on Cas’s face and playfully pushed him away. “Angels aren’t supposed to be cute.”

 

Cas made a playful grumpy face and stood up straight, lowering his voice. "Better?" His hair still looked like he had sex with a tornado.

 

_ No.  _ Somehow it made him cuter. “How the hell are you cute one minute and a fucking siren the next?”

 

Cas furrowed his brow. "Can you please stop comparing me to other supernatural creatures?"

 

That made him laugh. Dean smiled and clarified, “I’m not calling you an actual siren. What do sirens do?”

 

Cas squinted his eyes. "They lure you in with sexual hormones before they eat you alive."

 

“Minus the eating me alive part, that’s basically you. It wasn’t meant as an insult.”

 

Cas tilted his head for a moment before he seemed to understand. "Oh. Um. Thank you?" He shuffled his feet before he gave him another thoughtful look. "That reminds me. I read your lore book. I think I can help you contribute to it. Especially the section about angels."

 

He smiled suddenly, his cheeks turning a pinkish hue. "The recent addition might just be me."

 

Dean grinned. “So, biting a guy who’s balls deep in you isn’t an  _ all  _ angel thing?” he asked with a smirk firmly in place.

 

Cas slid closer, playfully nudging Dean's cheek with his nose. "All of what you just said is  _ definitely  _ not an angel thing."

 

His hand snaked up to Cas’s neck, pressing his thumb against the angel’s pulse point as he growled, “So, begging to be fucked isn’t an angel thing either?”

 

Cas leaned into him, closing his eyes just for a moment as he licked over his own lips. "No. Definitely just me."

 

He wrapped his arms around Dean's shoulders, leaning in closer, as he dragged his soft lips over Dean's throat. "It's also not an angel thing to want to drop to my knees in front of you." Cas dropped a kiss under his ear. "Begging to taste you."

 

Dean’s brain short circuited. At the rate they were going, he was going to be passed out from exhaustion before the first couple of hours of their shift would be up. “I'm surprised you didn't try to jump me back in the cave, considering how insatiable you are…” He purposely kept his hands at Cas’s waist. Any lower and he'd be bending the angel over the rail and fucking him senseless. Again.

 

Cas bit his lower lip as he looked up at him. "Am I being too forward?"

 

“No, it's not that. But…” Dean ducked his head as he finished, “You make it difficult to be professional, when all I can think about are the different ways and different places I want to fuck your brains out.”

 

Cas’s breathing hitched and he smiled. "I feel like I should apologize, but I don't feel sorry in the slightest." 

 

Dean chuckled. “Don’t be sorry, but I promise, if we spend most of the shift doing what we’re  _ supposed  _ to do, we can do whatever you want before Saeed and Jill relieve us.”

 

Cas quirked his brow before he nodded. "That's more than I hoped for." He gave him another shy smile before he picked up Dean's rifle from the ground and handed it to him. "Sorry for pushing it over. I hope I didn't damage it."

 

“You’ll have to answer to Jill if you did, not me,” he quipped, chucking Cas’s chin. 

 

"She would skin me alive. We don't have enough weapons." Cas leaned against the handrail again. "For future shifts, we shouldn't put anything that could get damaged behind me when we have sex."

 

“That was you?” he asked, brow furrowed in amused confusion. 

 

"Yes, but it was an accident," Cas explained. "What we do feels so incredible that I lost control for a minute. I can't guarantee it won't happen again."

 

Dean would be lying if he said the fact he fucked an angel so good it caused objects to move didn’t stroke his ego a little bit. He gave Cas a cocky smile. “I’ll try to not fuck you as hard next time.”

 

Cas furrowed his brow. “Or we can just not put anything within reach of my wings. That’s a much better plan.”

 

His eyes widened as he looked at the creature before him in awe. “It was your wings?”

 

Cas seemed surprised at Dean‘s question. “Um, yes. I thought you knew I have wings.”

 

Dean shook his head. “No, I  _ know _ you have wings. I just didn't realize… you know… that they're  _ here.” _

 

Cas looked stunned for a moment before he gave him a thoughtful look. “Dean – where do you think I got the oil from when we had sex the first time?"

 

_ Holy shit.  _ While the idea sort of freaked him out, he was mostly intrigued by it. “I guess I just thought maybe angels, uh… self lubricate?” Dean looked at the space around Cas and asked, “Can I see them?”

 

Cas gave him a hesitant look. “Are you sure you want to see them? Wouldn’t that–” Cas looked down and he didn't finish the sentence for a moment. "I don't want to remind you of what I am."

 

Dean closed the distance between them, grasping Cas's chin to tilt his head up. “Hate to break it to you, but I'm not really gonna forget you're an angel.” He gave him a warm smile. “I'd like to see them if you're comfortable showing me.” It was strange how true that was.

 

Blue eyes thoughtfully searched Dean's for a moment. He had no idea what Cas was looking for, but he seemed to have found it when he sighed deeply and nodded. "Okay. Um – I should tell you that... um, they aren’t what they used to be."

 

Cas gently pushed Dean back a little before he opened the first few buttons of his shirt and pulled it over his head. He took in another deep breath and closed his eyes, before Dean felt wind blowing around him and heard the whooshing sound he had heard a few times before. 

 

And then they were just there. Majestic and huge black wings that appeared almost blue where the feathers were struck by the moonlight.

 

Dean couldn't repress the gasp that escaped. Staring up at them in awe, he finally managed to look at Cas after a few moments. He still seemed hesitant and insecure, the way he was worrying his bottom lip. “Cas, they're beautiful.” He'd never wanted to touch something more in his life.

 

Cas looked up in surprise, his wings spread higher, making the feathers rustle in the wind. “You think... You like them?"

 

“I…” Dean’s fingers itched to reach out and touch, so he purposely placed his hands behind his back. “How can I not?”

 

Cas looked away for a moment, before he answered quietly, "They're mutilated and… black. I'm a disgrace to every other angel."

 

Dean shook his head and drew closer, cupping the angel’s face in his palms. “You might see the ugly duckling, but from where I'm standing, you're all swan.”

 

Cas tilted his head, a questioning expression marring his features. "Is that another one of your references?" He folded his wings behind his back with a slight wince.

 

Ignoring the question, he looked at Cas in concern. “Are you okay?”

 

Cas took in a shuddered breath and nodded. "When I have them on the other plane, I don't feel any physical pain from them, but when they are corporeal, like this… some movements still hurt. They are very sensitive."

 

Dean’s hand reached out of its own volition and he retracted it quickly with an apologetic smile. “I, uh… I don't know if it'll help, but I could make you something that should heal your wounds?”

 

Cas looked surprised before he nodded. "Do you want to take a look?" He bit his lip, smiling shyly. "You can touch them if you want to." 

 

Hell yeah he wanted to. Dean nodded and pointed to the bench. “Straddle it, let me see if they're fixable.”

 

Cas did as Dean asked of him and sat down on the bench. As soon as he sat down, he unfolded them carefully, gasping and hunching over the back of the bench for a moment.

 

With a gentle approach, Dean hushed him. “If I hurt you, tell me.” At the muted nod, Dean reached out and touched the feathers nearest the base to his shoulders. They were as soft as silk and just as beautiful. 

 

He carefully carded his fingers through the silky mass, to the tips where his flight feathers were supposed to be. There were tiny gaping wounds littering the bone. When Cas let out a soft hiss of pain, Dean gently carded his other hand through the angel’s hair to comfort him. “Why are they still bleeding?”

 

"It's a wound made by an angelic weapon. I can't heal it and it won’t heal on its own. It's supposed to hurt," Cas explained quietly.

 

After gently palming his lower feathers, Dean took a step back. He moved to stand in front of Cas and said, “I don't want to make any promises, but there's an experimental potion we could try. Kinda like when I beefed up your grace. If you want? You won't be able to fly, but if it works, the bleeding and pain will stop.”

 

"And if it doesn't work? Could something go wrong?" Cas asked slowly and Dean could see that he was trying not to get his hopes up.

 

Dean offered him a soft smile and shrugged. “It's experimental, but it's not deadly. Think about it. There's no rush if you're able to stay pain free when they aren't corporeal.”

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s not like I have much use for them on this plane. Except that one time. For practical reasons.”

 

Dean chuckled. “I'll stock up on Vaseline when we hit the hospital, just in case.”

 

Cas nodded and closed his eyes for a moment. A second later his wings were gone. He stretched his arms over his head and groaned before he fished his shirt from the ground and looked down at the ruins in front of the Citadel. “It’s time for my perimeter check. It’ll only take an hour and then I will be back. Jill usually follows my rounds through the scope to have my back. You know, in case I overlook something.”

 

“Sure, Cas. I got you.” 

 

Cas smirked at him. “I know.”

 

He cupped Cas’s cheek and gave him a pointed look. Dean wanted to make a joke, but the only words that came out were, “Be careful.”


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, to make up for how short the last chapter was, this one is RIDICULOUSLY long. Also also, I'm sorry (not really) for whatever emotions this chapter causes you to feel. <3<3  
> Also we use an Enochian word in this chapter, its definition is in the end notes. Hope you enjoy it! <3

**Chapter 7**

 

Cas stood on a pile of rubble, glancing through the night. As far as his senses could reach, he couldn’t detect anything malicious, nor any of his brethren. He also couldn’t detect Dean, but even without looking in the direction of the Citadel, he knew that Dean was watching him.

 

He felt a little stupid after he had turned in that direction and waved to Dean. Dean was probably laughing now. 

 

Too bad he couldn’t hear it. He loved when Dean laughed. Cas shook his head over his own thoughts. There it was again, the word ‘love’. He had no idea what he was feeling for Dean, other than the fact that he was completely confused by him.

 

He had no idea how much of his feelings were just a projection of what he felt for the other Dean. But the more he got to know  _ this  _ Dean, the more he started to find differences between them. Differences that he actually liked.

 

It wasn’t just the physical connection they shared, the way they could bring each other to amazing heights of pleasure. It was things like the easy banter between them, the way Dean made him smile and laugh, the way he cared about him. 

 

And the way he looked at him. Cas still couldn’t believe Dean liked his wings and had even touched them. He had expected Dean to be disgusted by them.

 

Cas noticed his steps getting quicker on his way back home. He couldn’t wait to be close to Dean again. He couldn’t get enough.

 

Of course, there was a voice in him, that wished for more. Wished Dean could wear his marks without Cas needing to heal them. But he couldn’t change the fact that he would always be an angel. And this Dean wasn’t for him either.

 

He shook his head again in an effort to get rid of those thoughts. It was night. And Lisa might have Dean’s days, but Dean would be  _ his _ during the night.

 

When he reached the Citadel’s gates without any incidents, he quickly made his way up to the roof again. 

 

“Hello, Dean,” he already greeted when he took the last step off of the ladder.

 

Dean smiled and lowered his gun. “Are we safe?”

 

"At least for tonight. Everything seems quiet." Cas smiled and walked up to Dean, leaning against the handrail.

 

“So do you wave to Jill with a dopey grin when you do perimeter checks, or am I special?” he asked, an amused smirk in place.

 

Cas could feel his face getting warm before he looked away. "You're special," he admitted softly. 

 

Dean chuckled and leaned against the rail next to Cas. He folded his arms over his chest and, with a teasing smile, said, “You know, I’m not gonna lie. I was hoping for some Three Stooges level clumsiness. You disappointed me.”

 

Cas raised his eyebrow. "You wanted me to stumble and fall?"

 

“You’re usually clumsy and it’s kinda boring out here,” he said, eyes sparkling with amusement.

 

"So you want me to do something entertaining next time?" Cas didn't specify anything on purpose, just smiled with the implication. He had a few ideas that came to mind. And the thought of Dean watching him from afar, made those thoughts very exciting.

 

Dean shrugged. “It’s only fair, don’t you think?”

 

“Because you wait here, being bored, while I have fun running around in circles outside?”

 

“Exactly,” he said as he pointed at Cas. “Flittering around, occasionally getting all glow-y. You’re my primary source of entertainment. I’m gonna need you to be more amusing to watch.”

 

"Getting all glow-y?" Cas retraced his steps in his mind of what he had done outside before he remembered. "Oh, yes. I burned a skelk nest with eggs."

 

Dean furrowed his brow. “The fuck is a skelk?”

 

Cas gave him a surprised look. "Skelk, the lower demon that injured my back." That's when it hit him. "Of course, you probably call them by a different name. Charlie named them and it stuck." 

 

Dean’s expression grew bemused for a moment before his eyes widened with realization. “Do you mean sharmons?”

 

"Sharmons?" Cas repeated slowly, trying to understand why Dean called them by that name.

 

Dean’s grin was bright and dopey. “I didn't know their real names, and since they look part shark and part demon, I started calling them sharmons.”

 

_ That actually made sense. _ "That's a very good name for them, Dean."

 

Somehow Dean’s smile got even wider at the praise. “So I gotta ask, how'd you and Charlie end up besties?”

 

Cas smiled when he remembered how he and Charlie had met. "She had found the compound one day after I returned to it. It was our first day and she didn't know anyone and I only knew my children. I think we bonded over being the ‘new ones’." He looked at Dean with a grin. "And she basically came up to me and said we were best friends from that moment on. It wasn't a choice."

 

That was met with a sharp bark of laughter. “Why am I not surprised?”

 

“I’m glad she didn’t give me a choice. I hadn't planned on interacting with anyone.”

 

“Why not?” he asked as he turned to face Cas.

 

Cas shrugged before he leaned against the handrail. "I felt like I was reminding people of what they lost, and didn't want to cause additional pain. I just wanted to help. I didn't expect anyone to want to be friends with me."

 

“And now you’re one of the most protected people here,” he said with a wink.

 

That took him aback. "What do you mean?"

 

“Dude, I was threatened to not hurt you by like, four people, on my first day.” Dean looked at him, brow furrowed in bemusement. “You didn’t know?”

 

Cas gave him a long look. "No." He shook his head in confusion. "I'm confused. Why would they do that? And who threatened you?"

 

Dean reached out and clapped his hand on Cas’s shoulder in a comforting gesture. “It’s okay, Cas. And if you wanna get technical, Charlie was the only one who  _ actually  _ threatened me. Everyone else kind of just said it with their eyes and their talk of how important you are to them and the Citadel.”

 

"I didn't know," Cas mumbled before he smiled. He knew Charlie cared for him and he was liked by a few people here. He had no idea they felt protective over him. "I'm happy–" He cleared his throat before he looked up at Dean again. "I'll tell Charlie she shouldn't threaten you though."

 

“It’s alright,” he said as he waved him off. “Although… now that I think about it, I think I misunderstood her meaning…” Dean looked thoughtful then. “Huh.”

 

"Dean?" Cas asked slowly. Charlie knew a lot about Cas's feelings for the other Dean, and for a moment he was afraid she might have said something to  _ this  _ Dean. "What did she say to you?"

 

“Just the cliche, ‘you break his heart and I’ll break your face’ line. But at the time I thought she meant  _ physically  _ hurt you.”

 

Cas bit his lower lip and gave Dean an apologetic look. "She knows about my feelings for the other Dean. Maybe she assumed you were interested in me, because the other Dean had liked his Cas that way."

 

Dean chuckled. “That’s my guess.” The chuckle turned into a laugh. “No wonder she looked so confused when I told her you saved my ass, I didn’t plan on hurting you.”

 

Cas took in a deep breath and let his gaze wander over the ruins outside. "At least after tonight she  _ knows  _ that you're not interested in me."

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Cas gave him a sideways glance. “Because she saw you with Lisa.”

 

He let out a groan and smacked his own forehead. “Sorry, of course.”

 

“What did you think that I mean?”

 

Dean shrugged. “Not sure if you said somethin’ to her.”

 

Cas looked away for a moment before he quietly confessed, “She saw us in the greenhouse, but I–”

 

“What?” Dean demanded, his eyes widened as he grasped Cas by the upper arms. “She saw us?”

 

Cas nodded, wondering if he could have started that sentence in a more diplomatic way. "Don't worry. I managed to find an excuse for our behavior.”

 

The man’s shoulders sagged in relief. He released his grip on Cas’s arms and sighed. “So, what’d you tell her?”

 

"I don't think she suspects you of having any kind of positive feelings towards me. She thought you threatened or hurt me, because she only saw you shoving me against the greenhouse door. I told her that we are friends and you were just showing me some hand-to-hand combat skills." Cas still felt incredibly proud that he had thought of such a good excuse.

 

“Great, so if she didn’t buy it, she probably thinks I’m the Ike to your Tina.” Dean groaned and rifled his hand through his hair. He shook his head and asked, “Did she say anything else?”

 

“She reminded me of the best friend rules, but Dean – I don’t think she believes you even like me. She didn’t look very convinced when I told her that you and I were friends.” He licked over his too dry lips before he looked up at Dean. “I’m sure she is far from thinking we are having sex.”

 

“No, but she probably thinks I lied about not hurting you physically now.” Dean sighed and turned to lean his back against the handrail, arms folded across his chest.

 

Cas sighed deeply before he turned around, sliding next to Dean until he bumped his shoulder. "I bet if she sees you and me being friendly with each other in the coming days, she won't think badly of you anymore."

 

“Or she’ll think I’m threatening you to make it seem like I’m not abusing you.” Dean let out another resigned sigh and braced his palms on the rail behind him. He turned his head to look sideways at Cas. “Fuck, this sucks. I know you don’t wanna hear it, but I  _ am  _ sorry.”

 

Cas slid his hand over Dean's on the handrail. "About what?" he asked quietly.

 

Dean gave him a pointed look. “You  _ know  _ what.”

 

"You mean because you can't be with me?" Cas asked slowly before he turned around again, facing the outside world. "Don't be. You were honest and upfront about what you can give to me."

 

“Still a shitty deal.” He sighed and stared up at the sky. “Maybe I should just end things with both of you. Stop being such a selfish asshole.”

 

Cas squeezed Dean's hand, before he leaned closer. "I want you, Dean," he whispered, "and I know what I agreed to. I’d rather have these stolen nights with you than nothing."

 

Dean regarded him for a moment, seemingly conflicted. “Even though you want romance and I can’t give you that?”

 

Cas tried to repress any thought that came close to how this might hurt him in the future, but he knew he couldn't say no to Dean. It would hurt much more if he didn’t have this. He rested his chin on Dean's shoulder and looked up at him with a soft smile. "Even though. You're worth taking anything I can get."

 

Bottle green eyes raked over Cas’s face, expression unsure and almost sad. After a beat, he shook his head and looked down. “You know when you say shit like that, it makes me feel the complete opposite of worth it.”

 

Cas stood up straight and grabbed Dean's hand again. "Dean, you're overthinking this. What we did – it felt incredible and I want to experience it again. I like being physical with you. Very much."

 

“Promise you won’t fall in love with me?” he asked, looking up at Cas through dark lashes.

 

He knew that wasn't something he could promise, but he didn't want to lose Dean. So he buried the last spark of hope and took in a deep breath. "I gave up on having a romance of my own. The man I fell for went back to another universe, loving someone else. He isn't coming back. You're not him. You grew up in this world, you're human and I'm an angel. Those are facts that I cannot change, and I know it will keep us apart. I'm not naive enough to have any unrealistic hopes."

 

Dean looked at him for a moment, expression entirely unreadable. He sighed again and said, “I don’t really think love exists. It was this stupid, Disney fucking expectation that somehow became, I don’t know... programmed. But because we’re innately sad and angry, when something makes us happy, we mistake it for love, because that’s what we’ve been  _ told  _ it is.”

 

Cas frowned deeply. It was strange to hear Dean talk like that. A human who had the capability to love so deeply. He had felt it when Dean had showed him his memories of his brother. "What about Sam?"

 

Instantly Dean withdrew from Cas, stepping back and looking at him with an arched eyebrow. He looked up at the sky and took a deep breath before locking eyes with Cas again. “Don’t use my brother against me, ever again.” His tone was quiet and dangerous.

 

Cas looked down, feeling guilty that he had hurt Dean unintentionally with his question. "I'm sorry. I won't."

 

With a frustrated groan, Dean rounded and approached the wall by the door, slamming his fist against it once, the sickening crack of knuckles fracturing echoed in the unbearable silence between them. “Fuck!” He clutched his injured wrist to his chest.

 

Cas walked up to Dean and took his hand in his, healing his injury without asking. "Dean. Don't hurt yourself. If you want to punish someone, use me." He couldn't stand seeing Dean in pain.

 

He scoffed and shook his head. “Don’t do that. Don’t ever,  _ ever  _ fucking do that. It’s one thing to... Cas. You don’t let someone you’re whatevering with hit you. You get me?”

 

"Why not?" Cas tilted his head in confusion. He couldn't see the problem. "I was being practical. Humans tend to feel better when they hit something. And you're angry."

 

Dean charged Cas, clasping his hands around his face, forcing Cas’s gaze to lock with Dean’s intense one. “You don’t let people hit you because they’re frustrated, especially someone you have a… thing with. You understand? It’s not okay. You don’t take aggression out on people. If I was an angel, would you be okay with taking your aggression out on me?”

 

"But you aren't an angel, Dean." Cas's chest felt strange as he remembered the feelings he had felt from Dean's memory. How devastated Dean had been by the death of his brother. He just felt like someone should be punished for that. And why not him? He was an angel and his brethren hadn't done anything to help Sam. Cas could have been the one who stood there, doing nothing. He was just as guilty as every other angel. And the fact that he had caused Dean to hurt himself, bringing him pain all over again by talking about his brother...

 

"You can't hurt me if you're worried about that," he explained softly. "I can always heal myself."

 

Dean shook his head as he let out a mirthless chuckle. “How are you not getting it?”

 

Cas let out a frustrated huff of breath. "I don't... Dean, if you aren't worried about me getting hurt, then what’s the problem?"

 

He let out a sigh and withdrew his hands, intense gaze still locked on Cas’s. “Pretend Kiera is an angel.”

 

Cas furrowed his brow and mumbled, "That's hard to imagine, but I'll try."

 

“Okay. So, Kiera’s an angel. Can I hit her? Can I yank her out of her bed right now, and slam her against a wall and throw punch after punch into her little face?”

 

Cas glared at Dean and growled, "Of course not."

 

Dean nodded. “Exactly.”

 

Cas shook his head. "But that's hardly the same, Dean. I care for Kiera, that's why I wouldn't want anyone to hurt her, no matter if she could heal herself afterwards."

 

With an aggravated sigh, Dean pinched the bridge of his nose. “I know you can’t possibly be this dumb.” He turned to look Cas in the eye again. “You don’t hurt people you care about. And that includes annoying ass angels who sometimes put their foot in their mouth.”

 

Cas was taken aback. He took a step backwards, blinking at Dean before he squinted his eyes at him. The insecurity he was feeling made his voice quieter than usual. "You care about me?"

 

“You’re my friend,” Dean said, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

 

In that moment, Cas forgot all about the arrangement and possible pain in the future. Dean was his friend and he cared for him. That was all that mattered. Up until now he had believed what they shared had just been a physical thing. That Dean found him attractive, but didn't care for him, because he was an angel. 

 

And now he called him his friend. He smiled at Dean. "I'm glad you see me as such. I didn't know."

 

Dean returned the smile. “Did my apology the other day just not even register?”

 

Cas looked down for a moment in embarrassment. "I thought you were just a very decent human being for apologizing to me, even though you don’t like me that much."

 

That was met with a half chuckle, half snort sound. Dean took a step closer to Cas, their distance being closed again. He cupped the side of Cas’s face and shook his head at him. “You’re an idiot.”

 

"Somehow you say that as if it means something nice," Cas whispered because he felt breathless, captured by Dean's eyes and the strange invisible force between them.

 

Dean rolled his eyes, but the amused smile seemed to be firmly in place. “Gotta say, I’m impressed. Soon you’ll get sarcasm.”

 

Cas squinted his eyes at him. "I understand sarcasm." He thought about a few different incidences in the past few months where he didn't and corrected his statement,  _ "Most  _ of the time."

 

“Your programming is almost complete. Soon you’ll be craving cheeseburgers and trashy television shows.” The glint in his eyes was sparkling with his amusement.

 

Cas furrowed his brow. "Dean, I don't eat and there have been no television shows since the beginning of the apocalypse."

 

Dean started laughing, shaking his head as he drew back from Cas. “There’s the angel.”

 

Cas's heart sank, thinking he had said something wrong. He turned away slowly and walked up to the handrail, leaning against it. The moon was setting and they only had two hours of their shift left.

 

“You okay?” Dean asked, moving to lean his side on the handrail next to Cas, craning his neck to try and make eye contact. 

 

Cas didn't know how to answer the question, because he couldn't even answer it himself. So he just told Dean what was on his mind, allowing the man decide for himself, "I wish I wasn’t an angel. It’s not a new wish, but since I met you, I wish for it even more." He gave Dean a sad grin. "It's stupid to wish for something impossible, but we already established that I'm an idiot."

 

Dean stared down at the ground for a moment, before tonguing the corner of his mouth and taking a deep breath. “So, when my mom left, my dad never talked about it. Or Mom. Sammy learned real quick not to ask Daddy about Mommy. Anyway, he started asking me. So I told him Mommy was an angel. ‘Cause to a four year old, an angel is a symbol of strength, and hope, and everything that was good. And you’re…” Dean looked away again and finished, “Maybe there’s something  _ to  _ that symbol.”

 

Cas had no idea how long he had just stared at Dean, his mind completely blank. He had no idea what to say, because it was just too much, too overwhelming. He had no idea how Dean always managed to do this to him. To take his insecurities and crippling guilt, and just wash them away with so much faith. It almost felt like he could fly again.

 

That's when he realized that this time, the faith was coming from  _ this  _ Dean. Not the Dean he had fallen for. Not the Dean that  _ hadn't  _ experienced the world's end, the one who didn’t learn that angels were on the same level as demons, capable of cruelty and mass destruction.

 

Dean had faith in him. As an  _ angel.  _

 

He couldn't look at Dean, so he turned his face to his stare at his feet again. He licked over his dry lips, taking in a deep breath. "Dean." It was the only word he could utter for a while. And somehow, it seemed to say everything he wanted to say.

 

Suddenly he was enveloped in strong, warm arms, as they circled his waist and drew him flush against Dean’s chest. 

 

He pressed himself closer without thinking, wrapping his arms around Dean to draw him tighter as he buried his face against Dean's throat. His lips grazed the skin near his pulse point when he mumbled, "Thank you."

 

The rumble of Dean’s light chuckle vibrated against his ear. “You’re welcome.”

 

He couldn't let go of him. He didn't want to. He needed Dean on such a profound level, that it quickly turned into something akin to desperation. Cas hummed against Dean's skin before he kissed Dean's throat, carefully, trying to gauge if Dean was okay with it.

 

Dean’s hand carded through Cas’s hair, the other clutching at the fabric of his coat just above his waist. The fingers in his hair grew firmer, pressing him deeper into Dean’s skin.

 

Cas took it as an invitation to bite down, licking over the skin before his kisses trailed higher. He wanted to feel Dean's lips, wanted to taste him, to be as close as possible. 

 

He carefully kissed along Dean's chin, the light stubble scratching over his lips as he mouthed at the side of Dean's cheek. He was breathing heavily when his lips slowly trailed closer to Dean's, until his movement was halted by a soft tug at his hair.

 

Dean gently drew Cas’s head away, fixing him with a stern quirk of the brow. After a beat, he said, “You never said where you wanted your last mark.”

 

Cas took in a shuddered breath, trying to calm down his beating heart. He should have known Dean wouldn't kiss him, and he was annoyed with himself for believing, even for just a moment, that things were starting to change between them. He needed to stop assuming things, it clearly wasn't his forte.

 

"On my chest?" Cas asked breathlessly.

 

Drawing back, Dean slipped his hands inside the shoulders of Cas’s coat, gently pushing it off of his shoulders. He closed sure and steady fingers over the top button of his shirt. Dean smirked as he unbuttoned it for him, just enough to open the shirt and pull it down, trapping Cas’s arms in the shirt. Dean trailed his index finger along Cas’s sternum. “Where?”

 

Cas couldn't move his hands to show Dean, but he suspected that he had done that on purpose. He seemed to like it when he spelled things out for him. He swallowed dryly, feeling embarrassed with his wish now. It was far harder to say it, than to simply show him. "Right side, um, just above my... nipple." 

 

Dean smirked as he leaned down, warm lips pressing against his pec, above and just to the right of the nipple. Cas let out a soft hiss as the skin was pinched between teeth, then gently soothed with a heated, wet tongue. When Dean finally pulled off, it hadn’t felt long enough. Bottle green irises were the tiniest slivers around lust blown pupils. “Sun’ll be up in about an hour.”

 

"I would like to use the time we have left to try something," Cas suggested breathlessly.

 

“Yeah?” Dean asked, his voice somehow getting four octaves deeper.

 

Cas didn't break eye contact as he slowly sank to his knees in front of Dean, his fingers fumbling with the button and zipper of Dean's pants. He was nervous because he had never done this before. But he wanted to. He had thought about it the entire time he circled the Citadel on his rounds.

 

Dean’s breath hitched, the pad of his thumb gently caressing the side of Cas’s face. With a muted nod to proceed, Dean’s hips twitched forward. 

 

Cas slowly pulled Dean's pants down to free the man's already hard erection, leaning forward to carefully kiss the tip of the head. He was still looking up at Dean, hoping that what he did was correct. 

 

He opened his lips and carefully licked at the slit, trying to taste the tiny drop of precome. His breathing hitched when the wetness grazed his lips and tongue, the slightly bitter taste made his heart beat faster. This was a part of Dean he was taking into himself and the instinctual side of him roared with the thought of it. 

 

And then he couldn't wait any longer. He wanted his mouth to be filled with Dean’s essence. With slight trepidation, he leaned forward and wrapped his lips around the girth, licking and sucking Dean's erection deep into his mouth.

 

Fingers tangled themselves in his hair as Dean bucked his hips slightly. “Oh, fuck,” he hissed, the hitch in his breath music to Cas’s ears.

 

Cas leaned in closer, sucking Dean's cock deeper into his mouth. He dropped one hand down from Dean's hip to cup the man’s balls, stroking over them.

 

The way Dean’s hips shuddered was pure instinct, grip tightening as he gasped out a needy, “Cas…”

 

Cas hummed before he drew back and mimicked the same motion with his head that Dean had used when he fucked him earlier. A slow pace that he slowly quickened with long drags of his tongue over Dean's hard length. 

 

He loved feeling Dean so deep inside of him, wishing he could keep him there when he swallowed the precome. 

 

The breathy moans that escaped Dean sounded more like a whimper. When his hips bucked forward in urgency, Cas nodded up at him, in silent invitation. Or was it begging? Either way, Dean started thrusting forward, fucking himself into the heat of Cas’s mouth.

 

Cas couldn't take his eyes off of Dean’s face, the way it contorted in pleasure as he proceeded to fuck his mouth. The hooded gaze locked on Cas’s face, fingers buried in his hair, gripping for purchase.

 

His own cock throbbed in need as his imagination went into overdrive, dirty thoughts gaining more and more traction. The thought of how he was  _ servicing  _ a human. The fact that he was on his knees, obeying said human’s needs. The thought of it, the proverbial angelic forbidden fruit, nearly made him come. 

 

The taste of Dean's precome on his tongue, the feeling of it sliding down his throat, as his mouth was filled and stretched by Dean's length. It spiked his arousal to a heightened intensity. Cas dropped his hand from Dean's hip to palm his own erection.  

 

“Wanna come with me in you?” Dean groaned and gasped at the same time.

 

He didn't understand the question at first, his mind foggy from lust, so he nodded before he shook his head. He was torn because he wanted to get fucked again, but he also wanted Dean to come in his mouth.

 

Dean laughed and murmured, “Got enough juice for the  _ Amgedpha?” _

 

Cas should have stopped being surprised by the breadth of Dean's knowledge by now, especially after seeing his lore book. He tried to concentrate for a second to assess his power levels before he nodded. He could use his grace to revitalize Dean. To make him come again.

 

“Then both, stretch yourself while I fuck your mouth.”

 

Cas quickly opened his pants and pulled them down before he used two fingers on himself to get his muscles used to the intrusion. He didn't feel any pain, but he was too dry to make this enjoyable for Dean. For a moment he pulled off of Dean's cock to spit into his palm, before he returned to the task of stretching himself while letting Dean use his mouth.

 

Dean groaned and bucked forward. “Lemme see your wings,” he ordered as he gently carded his hand through Cas’s hair.

 

Cas looked up in shock for a moment. He was hesitant, before he pulled back a little. "Why?" he asked, suddenly feeling vulnerable and insecure.

 

“Please,” he urged, giving him a faint nod.

 

Cas looked down, closing his eyes and nodding before he complied, pulling his wings onto the visible plane. He couldn’t help but wince slightly when he spread them out. Now totally exposed, he found himself too shy to look up again, focusing instead on taking Dean into his mouth. Cas let out a soft groan as he resumed licking and sucking Dean’s erection. 

 

Dean’s thrusting grew faster as he let out a guttural moan, his eyes fixed on the wingspan behind Cas.

 

Cas's wings twitched with his wish to hide them. He knew Dean didn't perceive them as ugly, but years and years of taunting, the pain that he received for having them. It instilled a shame that wouldn’t simply go away with a complimentary word here and there. 

 

And more than that, he didn't want to display something that encompassed the reason why Dean couldn't be with him. Why Dean's choice for more would always go to Lisa, because she was human. She didn't have wings.

 

He whimpered before he quickened his pace, sucking Dean's erection deep into his mouth, swallowing around him when he tasted fresh precome on his tongue.

 

“Fuck, Cas… I’m gonna – ” was all the warning Dean managed before he succumbed to his orgasm. 

 

Cas groaned at tasting Dean's come as it filled his mouth, he swallowed around him, trying to get every drop. He licked Dean clean as he tried to calm down his breathing, not wanting to waste any of it, feeling greedy about every drop he could swallow.

 

When he was finished, he carefully looked up again.

 

Dean nodded at him and urged him to stand. “Do the spell.”

 

Cas carefully stood up and closed his eyes, dutifully trying to concentrate his grace. He touched Dean's forehead with two fingers to allow his grace to revive every cell in Dean's body. 

 

He looked down again as he retracted his hand, still feeling vulnerable about the exposure of his wings. He hoped Dean would allow him to put them away soon.

 

With a smile Dean stepped back, taking his softened erection in hand as he started pumping it, slowly, purposefully. “Show me what you did to prepare yourself last time.”

 

Cas's breathing hitched and his face felt like it was burning with heat. But he nodded obediently as he reached behind himself, dragging his fingers over his oil glands. 

 

He moaned when a fresh wave of lust overwhelmed him, he bit his lip in an attempt to suppress his noises of pleasure. It was one thing to do this with Dean’s eyes closed, but allowing him to watch, made it a much more intimate act. 

 

“Does touching them turn you on?” he asked in a breathy whisper, his flaccid cock slowly perking back to life as he kept stroking it.

 

Cas nodded slowly before he breathed out, "My wings are very sensitive, Dean."

 

Dean took a step closer, never faltering on his strokes. “Do it again.”

 

Cas’s breathing was now bordering an unhealthy rate as he readily obeyed with a quick nod. He reached back to touch his glands again, stroking over and pinching them to get them wet with oil. He moaned again, unable to stop it.

 

“Fuck,” Dean breathed out as the pace on his dick quickened. “Stretch yourself.”

 

Cas retracted his hand carefully and pushed two oil slicked fingers into himself before he looked up at Dean. With a broken whimper, he pleaded, "Dean." He didn't know what he was begging for.

 

He nodded and stepped closer. “Put some on me,” he commanded, voice shaking with need.

 

Cas used his other hand to quickly gather more oil before he rubbed it over Dean's now hard erection. He looked up at him again, hoping that everything he had done was still okay with Dean. "How do you want me?"

 

Dean moved to grab Cas’s shirt off the ground and started pushing him back towards the wall. “You might wanna tuck those bad boys away.”

 

Cas nearly sighed with relief as he folded his wings and quickly tucked them back to the other plane, stepping on his pants to get them off completely as he was walked backwards.

 

With a swift move, Dean wrapped Cas’s shirt around his shoulders, guiding each arm through the sleeves. Before he could ask what Dean was doing, his shoulders collided with the scratchy stucco wall. The fabric served as a barrier between his skin and the scratchy aggregate. Dean then wrapped his hands at the underside of Cas’s cheeks. “Hop up.”

 

Cas gasped when he felt Dean's fingers on his ass. He wrapped his arms around Dean's shoulders and allowed himself to be lifted from the ground as he jumped into Dean's arms, using his legs to help hold himself up. He pressed his face into Dean's throat, inhaling deeply as he closed his eyes to enjoy the feeling of being close, of being held.

 

“Tell me what you want,” he purred into Cas’s ear. Dean shifted to brace Cas on the weight of his left arm, as his right hand gripped his leaking erection, guiding it to his entrance. The tip of Dean’s cock was stroking over his slick hole.

 

Cas gasped at the intensity of the need to be filled in that moment. He knew now what Dean expected of him. "Please, Dean. I need your cock inside me. Fuck me, please. Fuck me hard."

 

Without hesitation, Dean’s cock pushed past his loosened hole, the friction against the tight ring of muscle as the man bottomed out was breathtakingly good. Dean groaned as his hands held onto Cas’s waist and started his pace. Rough and hard, making Cas grateful for the fabric on his back as Dean fucked him against that wall.

 

Cas lolled his head back against the wall, moaning in pleasure every time Dean's length struck his prostate. And with the aid of the spell, Dean would soon fill him again, after already filling his mouth with come. 

 

Cas groaned at the thought. He loved this, more than he had ever thought he could love something.

 

"Dean," he gasped out as he leaned forward, pressing his forehead against Dean's. "I'm so close." 

 

“Good,” he growled, thrusting into him a little faster. “Come, I wanna see you come.”

 

Cas leaned back against the wall again so Dean would get a better view. He didn't know why his erection throbbed and twitched at just watching Dean stare at him. 

 

_ He wants to see you obey, he wants to see you come for him. Show him that you're his. _

 

Cas gasped out as his orgasm hit, painting his stomach and chest in hot, white streaks.

 

“Oh, fuck,” Dean groaned as he bucked up in a rough shudder and his hips stilled. Once again succumbing to his own pleasure. Dean’s arms were shaking, holding Cas up as he tried to catch his breath.

 

Cas could feel Dean's come dripping from his hole and he bit his lower lip in pleasure again, looking at Dean with a soft smile. "Do you want to let me down? I'm sure I'm not easy to hold up."

 

Dean nodded, still attempting to catch his breath as he lowered Cas to plant his feet on the ground. His hands rushed Cas’s face, cupping his cheeks in both palms as he pressed his forehead to Cas’s again. “You’re fucking amazing.”

 

The urge to kiss Dean was overwhelming, so he opted for a smile and a shyly mumbled, "Thank you." He just stared at Dean for a moment, getting lost in beautiful green eyes before he admitted, "I like this a lot. What we do. It feels... indescribable, to feel you inside me."

 

Dean let out a shaky exhale as he nodded again, foreheads still pressed together. As the sun started warming the sky in both color and temperature, Dean turned his head only slightly and sighed. “Saeed and Jill will be here soon.”

 

"I’ve never felt disappointed at the end of a night shift before." Cas leaned forward and kissed Dean's throat gently before he rocked back on his heels and started buttoning his shirt.

 

“Yeah,” he murmured thoughtfully as he pulled up his pants, shaking out his t-shirt, then shrugging it back on. “Only twelve more hours ‘til the next one.”

 

Cas fished his pants from the ground and slipped back into them before he grinned. "I bet those twelve hours will pass much slower than I want them to."

 

“Unless you fall asleep again,” Dean teased with an amused smile.

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck and looked away for a moment. "That doesn't happen very often, but to be honest... I wouldn't mind sleeping for awhile. I need to be very awake this afternoon."

 

“What’s this afternoon?” Dean’s brow was furrowed as he buttoned up his pants. 

 

"It's a talent show. It was going to be on Saturday, but they moved it to today, that way everyone can have a day of rest before our raid on Sunday.” Cas let out a soft sigh and smiled. “The children have practiced for weeks. I have no idea what they’re doing." Cas couldn't help but feel proud and excited. He had been looking forward to this event for weeks.

 

Dean chuckled. “Who are the judges?”

 

"Mr. Adler, he teaches music and arts. And Mrs. Ramirez. She’s a geologist."

 

“You know, it’s kind of awesome that you guys all band together to make this as normal as possible for them,” he murmured in a sort of awed tone.

 

"I still hope they will live in a normal world when they get older." Cas raked his fingers through his hair in an attempt to smooth it down. "It's probably naive."

 

Dean shrugged as he leaned against the handrail. “It is. But if you can keep them as far away from the bad shit as possible, for as long as possible, that’s all that matters.”

 

Cas nodded before he walked up towards Dean, right into his personal space. He leaned forward to leave a soft kiss on his cheek before he slid next to him, leaning his arms on the handrail, looking over the ruins.

 

"They’ve already experienced way too much in their short lives. Tommy doesn't even speak, I don't know why. He isn't injured, he just chose to be silent. They all lost their parents and I can't even imagine how this must feel for them."

 

“Considering everything they’ve had to face, I’m surprised they’re as happy as they are.” Dean’s hand slid along the rail to touch Cas’s elbow, before sliding down and grasping his own dangling hand. Dean intertwined their fingers, even at the slightly strange angle, and smiled at him.

 

Cas smiled back at him, his heart beating faster, followed by a weird fluttery feeling in his stomach. He squeezed Dean's hand gently, rubbing his thumb over the back of his hand. "If you want to, um… I mean, if you don't have anything else to do. Um – or you're sleeping, um..." Cas scratched his forehead with his free hand before he continued, "You could come and watch them?"

 

Dean’s smile grew softer as he asked, “When and where?”

 

"Two p.m. in the rec room. They even made tickets and I've got two, because all my children are taking part in this." He used his free hand to go through his pocket before he pulled out the extra ticket he would have otherwise just handed to someone who wanted to go.

 

With a chuckle, Dean reached over to grab the ticket with his free hand. “I’ll be there.”

 

When their fingers met, Cas felt a little tingly feeling, like sparks going off between them. He pulled his hand away with a smile, that suddenly vanished when he remembered something. He gave Dean a shocked look. "Oh. I forgot... Um. I'm sorry. I, um... Ben is in the show, too."

 

“Shit,” he murmured. Giving Cas an apologetic smile. “I can just  _ not  _ come?” Cas knew what he was saying. Lisa was going to be there and Dean was giving Cas an option to make the event far less miserable for him.

 

He shook his head. "It's okay. I want you to come. Just... keep my ticket." 

 

Dean nodded and pocketed it. He moved to lean his elbows against the railing as Cas had done. “If you really want to sleep, I have something that might work. I could whip it up real quick.”

 

Cas gave him a sideways glance and a grin. "I don't think I will have any problems falling asleep after tonight. But thank you, Dean. That's good to know."

 

“If you’re sure? The ingredients are in my  _ room _ . It won’t take long,” he offered, giving him a pointed look.

 

Cas raised an eyebrow at the weird way Dean had enunciated that particular part of the sentence. He wondered if he was trying to tell him something, though he had no clue what  _ it  _ could be. So he decided to do the only logical thing, he nodded, even though he wasn't in need of any spell. "Okay, I'll come with you."

 

Dean chuckled and before he could respond, Jill opened the door from the stairwell with a cheery greeting, “Mornin’, guys!”

 

Cas turned around in surprise. He hadn’t heard her coming up. “Good morning, Jill. We had a very quiet night with no incidents.”

 

_ Why did that feel like lying?  _ Cas cleared his throat and pointed in the northern direction. “I did burn a skelk nest over there, so you might witness them getting angry when the adults return to it.“

 

Jill readied her rifle. “That sounds entertaining. Had a nice, boring first night, Dean? I bet you already regret taking night shift with Mr. No-Fun-At-All.”

 

Dean laughed and never once took his eyes off of Cas as he said, “I’ll survive.”

 

Cas glared at Jill. “I have fun. On occasion.”

 

“I’ve seen it,” Dean confirmed, smirk in place.

 

"Then you got a rare, special treat, Dean. Cas is usually only funny with spoons." She chuckled.

 

"When will you guys ever drop it? One time, Jill. It was only  _ one  _ time," Cas complained as Jill’s chuckle evolved into a full blown laugh. 

 

"Aww, don't be like that, Cas." She winked at him. "Have fun with your kids today."

 

Cas smiled and nodded. "I will." He turned towards the ladder, giving Dean a questioning look, waiting for him to follow.

 

After a beat, Dean clapped Jill on the shoulder and followed him.

 

Cas followed Dean quietly once they were on the ground. Most people were still asleep and they only ran into Mr. Adler, who was preparing the rec room, and shooed him away as he drew closer. “No peeking.”

 

Cas just waved at the old man and followed Dean down the hallways, to his room. His heartbeat was racing when they drew even closer, recalling in vivid detail what they had done the last time they were in there.

 

When they reached the dormitories, each step to the end of the hall where Dean’s room was seemed too far and too close, all at once. Dean sidestepped and opened the door for Cas again. When he closed the door behind him, this time there was no telltale sound of the lock clicking into place.

 

Dean stepped to his nightstand drawer and started picking out different jars with ingredients. He sat on the edge of his bed and started dropping them into a mortar, grinding them together with a pestle. When he finished, he put them in an empty jar and poured a strange blue liquid into it. 

 

He shook the jar and approached Cas again. “You’ll sleep like a baby. Just make sure you’re in a bed when you take it.”

 

“Will I be awake in time?” Cas asked with a skeptical look.

 

“Yeah,” he said with a nod. “It lasts four hours. Humans will sleep as long as they need to after. I’m guessing angels will just wake up when it wears off.”

 

Cas raised an eyebrow at Dean. “Are you sure you aren’t using me as a test subject?”

 

“If you’re that concerned, take it here and crash on my bed.”

 

"With you?" Cas asked before he could stop himself. He rubbed his palm over the back of his neck. "So you can save me, if something goes wrong?"

 

Dean shrugged. “Yeah. No different from when the sharmon got you.”

 

Cas smiled softly at the memory of waking up in Dean's arms. He had longed to do it again. If drinking some suspicious liquid would put him into a similar situation, then he would gladly drink all of it. "Alright, promise me you'll wake me up if I sleep longer than four hours." 

 

With a nod, Dean stripped his t-shirt and pants, crawling into the bed clad only in his boxers.

 

"Thank you for taking care of me," Cas murmured before he followed Dean's example and stripped down to his boxers, folding his clothes over the chair. He walked to the bed and picked up the jar from the nightstand, giving it one last skeptical look before he pressed it to his lips and drank it in one gulp.

 

Dean patted the pillow next to him and said, “Lay down. You might get dizzy.”

 

Cas quickly followed Dean's suggestion as the liquid started to unleash its effects. He knelt down on the bed, feeling dizzy and foggy, before he started to chuckle without even knowing why. A second later he was in Dean's arms, his lips pressed to the man’s bare chest. "You are very attractive," he told the freckles.

 

The way the man’s chest rumbled with his laugh was mesmerizing. Suddenly deft fingers were massaging into his scalp. “Come on, lay your head down.”

 

The moment his head made contact with whatever was under it, darkness engulfed him.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Dean woke up almost four hours later, blinking his eyes until they adjusted to the darkness. When they finally focused, the pressure against him made sense. Cas was somehow now laying sideways, his face against Dean’s thigh, one leg draped over the side of the bed, while his right hand was teetering dangerously close to Dean’s groin.

 

He couldn’t help but chuckle as he ruffled Cas’s hair.  _ Awww, ain’t he a little angel…  _ Dean chuckled again at his own stupid joke. He was glad the potion worked. Cas needed to sleep if he wanted his grace to replenish itself naturally, especially after using that spell. But he had a feeling that’s why it was regularly low. There was no way he even tried to rest.

 

Carding his hand gently through the soft locks Dean couldn’t help the smile that curved his lips. Flashes of everything they’d done so far kept playing in a loop in his head. His dick perked up in interest.  _ Fuck.  _ How the hell was that even possible? He sighed and decided he should probably wake Cas. Get the temptation out of his room, maybe catch a few more Z’s before the talent show. 

 

“Cas?” He caressed the side of the angel’s face before gently shaking him.

 

Cas made a protesting noise and shifted his position, pressing his face into Dean's stomach, causing his hand to slide up and rest over Dean's cock.

 

Letting out a soft groan, his hips arched up into the touch without his permission. “Oh, fuck…” Dean’s hand gripped into the angel’s hair and he pushed Cas’s face closer to his groin. “Cas, wake up,” he ordered, voice gruff from lust.

 

Cas startled and suddenly sat straight up on the bed, looking thoroughly confused. "What happened?"

 

“You’re teasing me in your sleep, so you either gotta leave, or get up on me,” he said, voice husky and demanding. Dean hoped to hell the angel chose the latter.

 

Cas looked at Dean's tented boxers for a second before he quickly pulled down his own and threw them on the ground beside the bed. Dean used the time to get rid of his own, watching as Cas crawled over Dean’s body, breathing heavily.

 

“C’mere,” he murmured, lifting his hand to reach out for the angel’s neck, guiding his face to his collarbone. “I want you to bite me as you sink down on my dick.” He needed to get the angel’s mouth preoccupied, to resist his own temptation to taste those damn lips.

 

Cas nodded against Dean's palm as he positioned himself over Dean cock, kissing and licking over the collarbone.

 

“Grab that salve,” he ordered, nodding to the jar on the nightstand. Dean took it from Cas and carefully removed the lid to use two fingers as a scoop. Reaching between their legs, he coated his cock, the tingling already starting. He couldn’t wait to see how Cas would react to the bruise salve. It would heal any internal tears and if the tingling affected the angel at all, he couldn’t wait to see the way it would break Cas down in pleasure.

 

“Come on, Cas. You want it? You need to  _ take  _ it.”

 

Cas licked over Dean's collarbone as he wrapped his fingers around Dean's cock and lined himself up. Without hesitation he sank down, surrounding Dean in an incredibly tight heat as he bit down on his collarbone.

 

The prickle and burn of the salve made the blood flow tingle from his dick up through his extremities when Cas started riding him. Dean’s hands found their way to Cas’s cheeks, clamping around them and spreading them slightly as he bucked up into the almost virgin-tight heat. How the fuck was that possible? Dean had fucked this hole so many times in the last twenty four hour period. 

 

“Fuck, Cas. Ride me faster. Fuck yourself on my dick,” he half-commanded, half-begged.

 

Cas let go off his collarbone and sat up straight, arching his body back as he pressed his toes against the mattress to ride him faster. His face and chest were flushed, lip skewed from the way he was biting it. Dean found it very distracting, all he could think of was wanting to kiss the area where Cas’s teeth were worrying the skin. The little broken moans that escaped Cas were hypnotizing. Dean couldn’t get enough of the way the angel groaned out his name in soft, broken pleas. 

 

“Dean… feels so good,” Cas managed to gasp out. Cas’s cock was glistening with precome, bobbing against his stomach while he fucked himself on Dean’s cock. 

 

Slightly mesmerized by the view, and completely overwhelmed by sensation, Dean gripped Cas’s hips and started fucking up into that insane heat. “I wanna see you come.”

 

Cas slid his hands over Dean’s biceps, holding himself up as he picked up the pace. Dean nearly lost it when he let one hand slide back over Dean's chest and down his stomach, his fingers tracing his own name on the hiding sigil before he slipped further back and gripped his own cock, letting out a deep moan. 

 

It took only a few strokes before Cas came all over his hand, and Dean’s stomach and chest.

 

The clench combined with the sight was enough to wrench Dean’s own orgasm from him, fingers digging into Cas’s hips as his thrusts eased into jerking shudders. When his hips stilled, Cas collapsed against Dean. He somehow managed find the strength to wrap his arms around the angel’s back.

 

With a breathy chuckle, Dean murmured, “Goddamn, Cas.”

 

Cas braced himself on his elbows and smiled at him. “I know it doesn't mean much coming from me, but this was my favorite means of waking up I have ever experienced.” He looked surprised and thoughtful for a moment before he sat up on Dean’s lap again. He dragged his palm over his arm with a head tilt. “My power is back at full strength,” he stated in surprise.

 

Dean chuckled as he propped himself up on his elbows. “Good. It worked.”

 

“I don’t understand. Was there something in the liquid?” Cas asked before he carefully slid from Dean’s lap, cleaning them both up with a simple touch to Dean’s shoulder.

 

"Yeah. You needed your grace juiced up after using that spell." Dean rubbed the back of his neck. He probably should have asked.

 

“I wasn’t aware you could do that.” Cas gave him a bright smile that would have put the morning sun to shame. “Although, I should know better by now. Thank you, Dean. This has been bothering me for a while. I'm cut off from Heaven, so my grace tires fast.”

 

Dean rested his hand over Cas's for a moment. "Don't hesitate to ask me for something if you need it. Hell, I could show you how to make some of the potions?" It was weird how hopeful he felt, that the thought of spending more time with Cas was so appealing.

 

“Yes. I would like that very much. This would be a great help.” Cas looked incredibly relieved as he squeezed Dean’s hand. “I must confess that I was worried what would happen if my power vanished completely. That I wouldn't be any use to the Citadel anymore. A weapon without ammunition is useless. I couldn't defend them anymore.”

 

Dean fought the urge to call him a baby in a trenchcoat, seeing as it seemed to be something he was genuinely worried about. "So, if you got cut off, you'd basically be human? You know, like the rest of us who protect this place?" He arched his brow expectantly at Cas.

 

Cas sighed and gave him a pointed look. “Yes, I would basically be human and I know what you're trying to say. But you can't deny the fact that having healing powers and the ability to obliterate hundreds of demons in one go, doesn't have its advantages.”

 

Dean shrugged, trying to keep his expression straight, but a small smile still found its way to his lips. "It's got, uh... other perks, too."

 

“It does?” Cas asked in confusion, tilting his head. Before he could give him a pointed look, Cas seemed to finally get it. “Oh.” He smiled shyly. “I guess you're right.” He furrowed his brow after a moment and said, “I guess I should go now. It's day.”

 

Dean grabbed his watch from the nightstand. He held it up. “It's 12:43. I'm gonna try and grab a quick nap before the talent show.” He smiled as he crawled more into his bed.

 

Cas gave him soft smile before he quickly dressed himself. He walked back to Dean and before Dean could stop him, Cas kissed his forehead. “Sleep well.”

 

Dean watched dazedly as Cas turned around and departed so quietly it was almost as though he had hallucinated the last thirty minutes. He curled onto his side and set his alarm on his watch for thirty minutes. He was surprised how much he was looking forward to the rugrats' talent show.

 

**… :::: :::: ….**

 

Nerves had always been a human emotion that angels could not relate to. He had fought against dozens of demon armies. He remembered on the nights before a great battle, there were many emotions among the garrisons. Resigned acceptance, determination, contempt. But nervousness was never among them. What had been a difficult concept then, he totally understood now.

 

Cas shuffled on his seat for the umpteenth time, feeling antsy and nervous because his children were about to perform something in front of an audience.

 

Mr. Adler had outdone himself. They had decorated the room with blue fabric that they had covered with cut out yellow paper stars. Chairs had been brought in from the mess hall and kitchen so as many people as possible could squeeze into the room. And they had erected a little stage and curtain where the television set usually was. 

 

Kiera had looked through the curtain at some point and waved at him, before she had been pulled back behind it again. 

 

He sat in the front row and was one of the first to go in. The parents of Bobby and Lilly, Joe and Rita, greeted him with a proud smile as they sat down in the front row, as well. They left the chair next to him empty.

 

A warm hand clasped over his shoulder and he had to repress a shudder as heated breath was exhaled over the shell of his ear in a pleasant chuckle. “If I didn't know any better, I'd think  _ you _ were the one performing,” Dean said, lips tilted in a smirk as he sat down in a chair behind Cas.

 

Cas looked down with a smile before he shrugged. “I don’t know why I feel nervous.” 

 

When Cas turned around slightly, he was met by brown, kind eyes. Lisa.  _ Of course.  _ She was sitting next to Dean. “Hey, Cas. I'm excited, too. Ben made a big secret out of his performance. Do you know what your children are doing?”

 

Cas shook his head and returned her friendly smile. He had to remind himself that his situation wasn't Lisa’s fault. “I have no idea.”

 

“How is Chris feeling?” Lisa put her hand on his arm and squeezed it and Cas couldn’t help but glance up at Dean.

 

“He’s doing much better. Thanks to Dean.” He gave Dean a quick smile, that was interrupted by Lisa’s quiet laugh. 

 

“Yeah, he’s a blessing for all of us here. I'm glad Chris is oka– oh, they’re starting.”

 

Cas turned around and watched as they dimmed the lights in the room and the curtain started moving, as though the children were excitedly running into it in preparation.

 

Cas startled a bit when Sarah took the seat next to him. She gave him a friendly smile and patted his shoulder with a wink before a spotlight lit up the curtain. When Cas turned around, he saw that all twenty seats were taken.

 

Kevin Tran entered the stage and greeted the audience with a little bow and a speech about how long the children had practiced for the show and how it was intended as a thank you for all of the work the people in the Citadel had done over the last few months to make it a safe place, a  _ home, _ for all of them. 

 

Cas felt an incredible warmth in his chest when Kevin thanked Saeed, Jill, and him for protecting them. He even welcomed Dean and thanked him for being a part of the Citadel's defense.

 

When Kevin was finished, he introduced the first act on stage. 

 

Lilly stepped through the curtain, wearing a labcoat that was far too big on her tiny frame, taped together glasses without the lenses in, her wild red hair pulled back in a ponytail. After the applause, she approached a small table set in the center of the stage.

 

With a broad smile, she pulled out two eggs and announced, “My talent is my brain! So, what you see here are two eggs, right? No way to tell them apart, right?”

 

All of the adults murmured affirmative responses. Lilly nodded and said, “Right! Can I have a lovely volunteer to help me?”

 

Dean shoved at Cas’s shoulder and grabbed his arm, raising it for him. “This guy, right here!”

 

The little girl nodded and waved for Cas to come to the stage. “You, sir! In the trench coat!”

 

Cas gave Dean a quick glare before he cleared his throat and made his way to the stage. Lilly reached her hand out for him to take and guided him to stand in front of the table. 

 

She carefully placed the eggs on the table and pointed to them. “Without using your Superman x-ray vision, can you tell me which one of these eggs is raw and which one is hard boiled?”

 

Cas gave her a smile before he shook his head. "No, I can't."

 

“Will you spin them for me?” she asked, a small twinkle in her eye from her excitement.

 

Cas nodded and reached over, carefully making both of them spin with each hand, hoping he wouldn't break them.

 

As one of the eggs started spinning in a cool circle, the other egg was wobbling. Lilly grinned even wider. “As you can see, one of them spins, while the other just wobbles.” She touched each egg with her index finger on each hand, causing one egg to stop, while the other still sort of kept spinning. “The raw egg was the wobbly one. Because of the way the yolk and the white move, the center of gravity changes, causing that weird motion. And why it couldn’t stop, the inertia is taking a while to change its direction.” 

 

Lilly looked out at the crowd and extended her arms to indicate she was finished. 

 

The audience applauded her and called her name as she bowed. Cas smiled at Lilly. "That was very educational. Thank you." 

 

“You’re welcome! See? Not all my experiments are bad!” Lilly smiled and wrapped her arms around his waist to give him a quick hug before she darted off stage.

 

He made his way back to the chair, grateful that he could sit down again. Standing on a stage wasn’t very comfortable. He thought the children were very brave to do this.

 

Kevin made it back to the stage, with Ben and Chris taking the table and carrying it off the stage behind him. “Our next act is Kiera and Tommy and they will dance, ‘Pas de Deux’ from Tchaikovsky's  _ Nutcracker.” _

 

Cas's eyes widened. He knew Kiera loved dancing, but he had no idea Tommy could dance, too. Soft music started to play from the boombox next to the stage as Tommy and Kiera entered. They both wore costumes, Kiera was wearing a white skirt with mirror shards stitched into it, and Tommy was in a simple black suit. 

 

They both looked serious, young faces determined and concentrated as they elegantly jumped and danced together across the stage to the music. Cas was entranced. He was sure he had never seen anything so beautiful in his existence. He could have watched them dance forever.

 

Suddenly there was a firm hand clasped against his shoulder, the pad of a thumb gently caressing the side of his neck. When Cas turned around, he made eye contact with Dean, who gave him a smile and slowly retracted his hand again. 

 

Cas returned the smile before he faced the stage again, feeling proud of his children and happy that Dean could witness their talents. When the music started to quiet down, Tommy and Kiera danced to the front of the stage, ending their performance with a deep bow on the last note of the song.

 

Cas couldn't stop clapping and smiling, a smile that exponentially grew when Kiera hopped off of the stage to hug him and kiss his cheek before she announced she had to go back. Tommy reached out his hand to help her on stage and they slipped back behind the curtain, holding hands.

 

After a couple more acts, including a “magic” show by the Banes twins, Cas was going to have to remind himself to ask Dean if he knew if they were using real magic; there was a brief intermission. All the different adults got up, starting conversations about the kids, filling the air with an overall contentment. 

 

Dean was off to the side, holding a conversation with Lisa and Jill. He slightly turned his head and smiled at Cas again. The sort of smile that made Cas’s breath catch in the back of his throat. Suddenly there was a warm hand on his shoulder and he found Saeed grinning at him.

 

“They were very good, don’t you think?” he asked. Saeed didn’t specify who, all of the children had been great, but he had a feeling he was talking about Kiera and Tommy.

 

“Yes, they were incredible. I still can’t find the words.” Cas smiled before he realized something. “Why are you and Jill here? Aren’t you on gate duty?”

 

Saeed grinned and clapped his hand. ”Kyle took over for the time slot of the show. Sarah insisted we come. I had no idea the kids did this to thank us.” Saeed shook his head with a sad smile. “These children give me a reason to fight, to hope for their future. I’m not sure I would have found this motivation just for myself. In a way, they saved me, and I’m grateful they’re here.”

 

Cas knew exactly what Saeed was talking about. He could feel it in his heart. How much helping others defined himself, making him see his own importance, giving him a goal and a purpose in life. He needed them, exactly as they needed him.

 

"I'll be right back, Saeed." He nodded as he decided he wanted to sneak backstage and tell them how wonderful they were. Cas made sure that Kevin and Mr. Adler weren’t paying attention as he snuck around. What he saw immediately put him on edge.

 

Tommy was off in the corner, sniffling, while Bobby was standing there, laughing at him. “You’we a girl!”

 

Before he could even think to move, to intervene; a strong, familiar voice barked out a, “Hey!”

 

Dean approached from the other side, never even seeing Cas. He folded his arms and looked down at Bobby. “Not cool, kid.”

 

Bobby looked up at him defiantly, but before he could argue, Dean knelt down to be at eye level with Bobby. His expression was stern, yet kind. “Let me ask you somethin’.”

 

With an uneasy air, Bobby nodded, eyes narrowed at Dean as though trying to evaluate him.

 

“Do you love your sister, your mom?”

 

Bobby looked at him for a moment, before answering with a defensive, “Yeah. I do.”

 

Dean nodded and his expression turned even more kind. “Do you think they’re worth less than you just because they’re girls?”

 

That was met with a firm shake of the head. Dean chuckled and continued, “So why you tryin’ to hurt Tommy by calling him a girl, if you don’t hate girls?”

 

Bobby looked a little flustered and stammered out in his little speech impediment, “Ballet’s fo’ girls, not boys.”

 

Dean quirked his brow and said, “You know the science thing your sister did? Some people might say that’s only for boys.”

 

“Dat’s dumb. Girls can like science,” he automatically defended. His little eyes widened and Dean chuckled.

 

“And boys can like ballet. So, you’re gonna tell Tommy you’re sorry and go give your sister a hug, you get me?” Dean threatened, but there was no bite to it.

 

Bobby murmured a genuine sounding sorry to Tommy, before he ran off in the other direction. Cas’s focus was still on Dean, who had now turned to Tommy. He’d moved to stand and held his hand out to Tommy. “Don’t listen when people are mean. If you like dancing, you dance, kid.”

 

Tommy appeared hesitant, looking up at Dean in concern. Dean didn’t appear to take offense to it. He simply smiled and said, “I thought you were great. I know I sure couldn’t do what you did without falling on my ass. I woulda broken the stage. Maybe even knocked over a lamp or two.”

 

At that, Tommy was clearly trying to hide a giggle behind his hand. 

 

Dean’s smile widened and he knelt down again. “You laughin’ at me?”

 

Tommy shook his head adamantly, still trying to hide his laughter. 

 

Dean quirked his brow, poking a finger gently into Tommy’s side. “You a tough guy?”

 

That was met with a nod of confirmation and Dean grabbed him, swinging him over his shoulder. The squeal of surprised laughter out of Tommy’s mouth was captivating. He’d never heard a more beautiful sound.

 

Dean finally put Tommy on the ground and fake kicked at him. “Alright, tough guy. Get outta here.” 

 

Tommy ran to the other side of the “backstage” area. Dean was chuckling at his retreating form. 

 

"Dean," Cas murmured softly to get his attention.

 

Dean turned to the sound of his name being called, he smiled and just as he was about to approach Cas, Lisa seemingly came out of nowhere and pulled Dean flush against her.

 

“You were incredible,” she murmured.

 

He chuckled and attempted to brush her off, starting a protesting, “Nah, all I – ” He was unable to finish his sentence because she yanked him forward into a heated kiss. Dean made a surprised sound, before basically melting into the kiss, his arms wrapping around Lisa’s waist as he deepened it.

 

Cas turned around to look away. He hadn't anticipated how much seeing them kiss would hurt. Especially since Dean had never kissed him. 

 

He took in a deep, shuddering breath as he snuck away from them and back to the seats, sitting next to Sarah again.

 

"Are you alright?" she asked in a concerned tone of voice.

 

Cas looked up in surprise because he wasn't aware that his distress had been visible. "Yes, of course," he mumbled.

 

Sarah didn't look very convinced, but she thankfully dropped it and changed the subject, “Kiera and Tommy are very talented.”

 

Cas took in another deep breath before he tried to smile at Sarah. He wasn't sure if it was working because the frown on her face deepened. "Yes, I never expected this. They are incredible. I could have watched them the whole day."

 

“Maybe we’ll have to make this a regular thing,” she commented casually, brow still furrowed in concern as she looked at Cas. Sarah braced her hand on Cas’s knee and asked, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

 

Cas looked up and nodded before he shook his head. "I just... have a lot on my mind lately," he lied before he tried to hide his feelings behind another smile. "You don't have to worry." 

 

That appeared to appease her, meeting his gaze with an understanding smile. Sarah patted his knee before folding her hands in her lap. “Okay. But if you ever need someone to talk to…”

 

Cas nodded gratefully, he knew Sarah would always have an open ear for him. But this wasn't something he could talk about. "Thank you."

 

He looked away for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts before he said, "We really  _ should  _ do this more often. This show the children have organized is incredible."

 

Sarah nodded again. “I was half-expecting to have to pretend to act like they were doing a great job, but they’re all surprisingly talented. And it’s just so nice to see them get to be children.”

 

“Yes.” Cas smiled finally, a real smile when he remembered Saeed’s words. “Seeing them makes everything seem easier.” He looked around at the other people and all he could see were genuine smiles. Sarah had apparently noticed it as well, and gave him a knowing smile.

 

Cas’s smile vanished when he noticed Dean and Lisa coming back to their seats.

 

When Dean made eye contact with him, he smiled, but a half-smile as though he were trying to apologize without saying the words. 

 

Cas was torn. A part of him didn’t want to make this difficult for Dean. He knew this was the terms of their situation, and it wasn’t like Dean hadn’t warned him, or given him enough chances to back out. Another part just wanted to... he wasn’t really sure. He wasn't going to win if he fought. It was a battle where the winner had been chosen from the start.

 

So he just opted for a nod in Dean’s direction, that had probably looked as sad as he felt.

 

Dean looked just as sad, for a glimmer of a second, until Lisa grasped his hand, getting his attention. She was rewarded with a genuine smile and they walked hand-in-hand back to their seats.

 

A fight he couldn’t win, he reminded himself, and one he had chosen to join anyway. He had no right to feel hurt. Dean wasn’t his, as much as he wanted to believe in the illusion of their shared intimacy.

 

He could feel Dean’s marks on his skin because he let himself feel them. What had once been an exciting comfort was now just a new form of hurt, it felt more like a taunt.

 

Sarah’s hand on his knee interrupted his thoughts as she gave him a comforting smile and a nod towards the curtain. The break was over.

 

Cas really enjoyed watching the kids on the stage. Lilly did another experiment, thankfully without his assistance, and Bobby juggled a few balls with surprising skill. He had almost forgotten about the ache in his heart, about the fact that Dean and Lisa were sitting behind him, probably holding hands.

 

When Kevin announced the last act for the night, Cas's heart beat faster. He knew it was Chris's turn now and he had no clue what he was going to do. He felt excited and nervous, and he could feel Sarah's hand on his shoulder, squeezing it to calm him down. 

 

"Citadel's first band," Kevin announced proudly, "Zara, Chris, and Ben will be the last act for tonight. And they'll rock this house."

 

When the three adolescents entered the stage, the audience started clapping and Cas became immersed in the shared excitement. He couldn't stop smiling, his eyes on Chris and the guitar he had in his hands. Ben was playing bass and Zara had a small percussion set, but he couldn't stop looking at his... at Chris.

 

Chris looked nervous and he wished he could be there for him, to reassure him, to tell him that everything was fine and that he was proud of him. When he looked up, their eyes met and Chris gave him a smile before he said, "This song is for my Dad."

 

At first, Cas thought Chris was talking about their real parents, the ones he couldn't save and he felt a sting of remorse in his heart over. But then Chris continued, "Kiera, Tommy, and I... we lost a lot. But we wouldn’t be here today without him. A lot of us wouldn’t be here without him. He took care of us, and risked everything to keep us safe. I lost my family, but over time I gained a sister, a brother, and a father. So thank you, Dad. We love you."

 

Chris cleared his throat and tuned his guitar, looking to Ben, who did the same with his instrument. Cas felt frozen in his seat when he suddenly realized he had forgotten to breathe, his body shaking as he finally took in a shuddered breath. 

 

He felt overwhelmed and there were tears threatening to spill over. While sometimes, in his mind, he allowed himself to refer to Chris as his son, he’d never expected the thought to be reciprocated. And while it wasn't the first time Chris had called him ‘Dad’, hearing Chris say it in front of everyone...  _ That  _ was new.

 

Zara and Chris started singing in harmony and Cas felt completely blown away. He leaned back and listened to the lyrics of a song he had never heard before, but somehow managed to touch something, deep within him.

 

_ “Carry on my wayward son. There'll be peace when you are done. Lay your weary head to rest, don't you cry no more…” _

 

They started playing the music and when Chris started singing again, Cas couldn’t stop the solitary tear from falling. He rubbed his palm over his eyes, wiping any traces of wetness away, when he felt Sarah’s hand on his shoulder again, squeezing it. He gave her a quick, grateful smile before he looked back up at his son.

 

He couldn't be more proud.

 

They all earned cheers and never ending rounds of applause when they finished. Kevin invited all of the other kids on stage and they bowed together, earning them even more cheers. 

 

Cas had never seen all of them so happy and hopeful before. 

 

Kiera and Tommy ran down to him as soon as it was over and he hugged them both tightly. "You were incredible. I'm so proud of you," he mumbled into Tommy's mop of hair. 

 

Kiera smiled brightly at him. "Did you see my pirouette? Mr. Adler said it was beautiful." 

 

Cas returned her smile and nodded. "And he is right. You both were amazing. I hope I can see you dance again." 

 

Chris joined them after a moment and Cas instantly pulled him into a tight hug, murmuring a soft, "Thank you. Thank you so much." 

 

“I love you, Dad,” he replied as his hands twisted into Cas’s trench coat, as though he were terrified of letting go.

 

"I love you, too, son. I love all of you. So much." When he leaned back, he gave Chris a happy smile. "I'm so proud of what you all did tonight. I still don't have any words. I had no idea you could do something so beautiful." 

 

There was a pink tinge to Chris’s cheeks as he ducked his head. He shoved at Cas’s shoulder and whined an embarrassed sounding, “Dad!”

 

"Did I say something wrong?" Cas asked with a head tilt and Kiera laughed before she tapped her finger on the tip of Cas's nose a few times while Tommy hid himself inside of his trench coat to hide his laughter.

 

“Cut the guy some slack, he doesn’t understand teenagers being embarrassed by their parents,” Dean said, appearing behind them. Lisa was off to the side of the room, hugging and pressing kiss after kiss to Ben’s cheek. Dean smiled and looked at Chris. “You gave Brian May a run for his money, kid.”

 

Chris’s cheeks grew even more pink, if that were possible. “You’re just sayin’ that.”

 

“No,” he said, expression serious. “If I thought you weren’t that good, I would have probably just said somethin’ like, ‘good job’.”

 

Chris’s eyes lit up and he smiled. A rare and genuine thing. “Thanks, Dean.”

 

Dean nodded to him and locked eyes with Cas. “I’ll let you get back to your proud papa moment.”

 

Cas couldn't help but smile. He  _ was  _ proud. And he was happy that Dean seemed to like his kids. "Thank you, Dean."

 

Kiera suddenly scrambled higher on his arm and reached over to Dean so he wouldn't leave. "De-e-a-a-an. I made you something."

 

“Whoa! Alright, munchkin.” Dean chuckled when Kiera had climbed from Cas’s arm to his. He lifted his arm higher, now with Kiera dangling from it, causing her to squeal with laughter. “What did you make me?”

 

She let go of him and hopped to the ground. "You have to wait here for a moment," she announced in a serious tone before she turned and ran behind the curtain.

 

Zara called for Chris from the direction of the stage and Chris nodded towards Cas with a shy grin. "I’ll see you later, Dad. I’m just gonna help Zara pack up."

 

Cas nodded and smiled down at Tommy, who had rolled himself into his trench coat, now almost completely hidden.

 

Dean chuckled again and looked down at Tommy. “Think you’ve got a big growth on your left leg, Cas.”

 

Cas looked down for a moment before he glanced up at Dean with a raised eyebrow. "I have no idea what you're talking about. I see nothing unusual here."

 

The man waved his hand around his own hip and leg, brow quirked with an amused smile as he asked, “No discomfort or anything in this area?”

 

Cas shook his head, trying to bite back his grin. "Not at all. Everything looks like it always does. You must be mistaken."

 

The trench coat shook with quiet laughter.

 

“Huh,” Dean murmured thoughtfully as he tapped his chin. “Maybe I need to get my eyes checked.”

 

More chuckling escaped from the trench coat as Cas bit his lip to keep himself from laughing. Aiming for a serious tone, he said, "That's a very good idea, Dean. Because there is nothing here. I would know."

 

“Yeah, I mean… It’s  _ your  _ leg, you  _ would  _ know.” Dean tilted his head and smirked, clearly far better equipped at keeping a straight face with a giggling trench coat present. 

 

Finally Tommy unfolded himself and looked out with a smile. Cas gave him a playfully surprised look. "Oh, Dean! You were right!" Cas grabbed Tommy and lifted him into his arms. Tommy instantly wrapped his arms around Cas's neck and buried his face against his throat. 

 

Cas knew Tommy must be very tired. "You were always the best at hide and seek," he mumbled, remembering the time before the Citadel, when they had used this game so the children wouldn't be too afraid when they had to hide from demons, or other angels.

 

Dean ruffled Tommy’s hair and laughed. “Guess I don’t need to worry about gettin’ my eyes checked, huh?”

 

Tommy shook his head and gave Dean another shy smile. Cas felt his chest grow warm with the sight of it. Tommy didn't interact with many people and he rarely smiled. It was nice to see that he seemed to like Dean. 

 

In that moment Kiera came running back to them, holding a piece of paper that she gave Dean with a proud smile. "I drew that for you."

 

The picture was of a painting of the Citadel, that had a stick-figure with wings standing on top of it. The sky was full of stars and it said, “Welcomm Deen!!!” in colorful letters.

 

Dean’s smile was entirely genuine, and if it wasn’t, he was very good at acting. He knelt down and said, “I love it, munchkin. Thank you.” He extended his arms for a hug and Kiera almost knocked him over with how hard she jumped into his embrace. Dean grabbed her and threw her over his shoulders, her little legs braced on either side of his head.

 

Cas looked away for a moment. "I'm going to take Tommy down to his room. I think he would like to take a nap. What about you, Kiera?"

 

Kiera yawned loudly and nodded. "I'm sleepy, too."

 

“Want a hand?” Dean offered.

 

Cas looked over to Lisa who was engaged in a conversation with Joe and Rita before he turned to Dean again. “If you want to and have… time?”

 

“Yeah, of course.” Dean adjusted his grip on Kiera’s legs and nodded. “Let me just go tell Lisa.” He craned his neck to look up at Kiera and asked, “Wanna say goodnight to Lisa?”

 

Kiera grabbed Dean's hair and messed it up as she rifled her fingers through it before clinging on. "Giddyap, horse-y."

 

Cas tried to hide his grin before he nodded at Dean. “I’ll wait in the hallway.”

 

Dean made a whinnying noise in response and started galloping towards Lisa, Kiera giggling and yanking on his hair the entire way.

 

For a moment Cas looked after them, but he didn't want to wait around to see Dean saying goodbye to her. Instead he tried to be happy with the fact that Dean was coming with him instead of staying with Lisa; that he wanted to spent time with  _ him _ .

 

Tommy made a humming sound and a quick glance downwards showed Cas that the boy was nearly asleep. There was a time before the Citadel when this was the only way he would fall asleep. He had come a long way since then. But sometimes he wondered if he would ever get Tommy to talk again.

 

He didn't even stir when Dean and Kiera came galloping out into the hallway. Dean chuckled and said, “Alright, munchkin. Let's get you to bed.”

 

Cas grinned at him. "Kiera, you found yourself a unicorn? I'm sure you should invite Dean to your hair salon and dye his hair with glitter."

 

Kiera squealed and it was a wonder that Tommy still didn’t wake up. “Yes, I have all the colors!”

 

Dean surreptitiously flipped Cas off without Kiera seeing it and gave him a falsely pleasant smile. He drew back and looked up at Kiera. “Did you know Cas is part  _ real _ unicorn?”

 

Kiera giggled and messed up Dean’s hair even more. “He’s not. He’s an angel. You’re funny, Dean.”

 

“I dunno, are you  _ sure  _ he’s not a unicorn?” he teased, winking at Cas as he said it.

 

Kiera giggled again. "Yes! He has wings. Unicorns don't have wings!"

 

Cas shrugged with the smile. "There you go, Dean. You can't argue with that logic."

 

“But a pegasus has wings,” he argued, smirk firmly in place.

 

“But a pegasus isn’t a unicorn!” Kiera explained. “If Daddy was a pegasus, his name wouldn’t be Castiel.”

 

Dean chuckled and grabbed Kiera’s waist before swinging her down into his arms to carry her the rest of the way. “Maybe Daddy doesn’t  _ know  _ he’s part pegasus.”

 

Cas cleared his throat as he gave Dean a sideways glance. "I'm pretty sure I would know if my father was Poseidon."

 

“Would you be a mermaid then, Daddy?” Kiera asked and Cas shrugged with a smile.

 

The look of pure and utter mischievous glee on Dean’s face was startling. His smile grew feral. “Maybe his real name is Ariel?”

 

Kiera's eyes grew wide and she leaned forward. "Are you Prince Eric, Dean?"

 

His eyes widened then, clearly unsure how to answer her question. Dean chuckled a little nervously as he leaned and opened the door to the bunker where the children’s bedrooms were. “Uh, I’m kind of the farthest thing from a prince.”

 

Kiera squinted her eyes at Dean. “Does that mean you are Ursula?”

 

Cas had no idea what those two were talking about anymore, nor why Dean seemed to be embarrassed about being called a prince. But it was very fun to watch.

 

Dean pursed his lips and said in a sort of melodic rhythm, “He’s got his looks, his  _ pretty  _ face…”

 

Kiera made a squealing noise that sounded like a mix of being disgusted and excited. “You will not steal Daddy’s voice, will you?” 

 

With a contemplative sound, Dean hummed and finally said, “Well, if he finds his prince, I'll need payment of some kind, won't I?”

 

"Not if he gets his kiss first," Kiera explained thoughtfully when they reached the their bedroom.

 

“He’d have to get his kiss, then he can get his voice back,” Dean countered as Kiera just pointed to her bed and he took her to it. Carefully he plopped her onto the mattress. 

 

Kiera looked confused before she climbed under her blanket. "But he still has a voice."

 

"Yes. And I assure you, Dean cannot steal it from me." Cas laid Tommy down on his bed, who was still fast asleep. He kissed his forehead and pulled the blanket over him before he walked over to Kiera and sat down on the edge of the bed. "You think you can sleep?"

 

"Can I get a good night story even though it isn't night?" Kiera asked tiredly, her eyes already drooping, before they went wide again as if she didn’t want to sleep. “Can Dean tell me one?”

 

Dean shrugged at Cas and smiled down at her. “Any requests?”

 

Kiera rubbed her hands over her eyes before she mumbled, “Daddy always tells the one with the caterpillar, or the one with the brave little toaster. Do you know another one?"

 

Dean nodded and moved to sit on the edge of the bed next to Cas, putting him between Dean and Kiera. “Yeah. I got a great one. My brother loved it when I told him this one.” He adjusted himself and smiled. “This is the story of one of the world’s  _ greatest  _ heroes. Captain James Tiberius Kirk. A mere human born in Iowa. After living some time on Tarsus Four, an evil and terrifying planet, kind of like how it is here now. He came back to attend the Starfleet Academy. That was when he came up against his next enemy. The Kobayashi Maru…” His eyes widened and he made an ‘ooh’ sound at Kiera. 

 

Kiera gave him a wide eyed look. "What's a Kobashimaru?"

 

His expression grew serious as he continued to explain, “So, the Kobayashi Maru was a simulation the cadets of Starfleet had to do as part of their classes. A simulation is like, really real pretend. It looks and feels real, but it isn’t.” He nodded to her in silent asking if she understood. 

 

When Kiera nodded, Dean continued, “Anyway, the cadet is placed as a pretend captain of the flagship, the USS Enterprise. They’d receive a distress call, a cry for help, from the Kobayashi Maru, a ship of people that was in the Klingon Neutral Zone, which was off-limits.”

 

Dean leaned forward a little, his hand brushing up against Cas’s. When Dean’s index finger started gently caressing the side of his hand, Cas made eye contact with him and all he received was a smile as Dean kept telling the story, “The klingons were like the demons here, and they did  _ not  _ like Starfleet. So, the captain had to choose between answering the call and violating all kinds of rules and laws to try and save the people on that ship, or not helping them. And if they chose to rescue the people, they’d get attacked by Klingons. If they chose to not help, those poor people on the other ship would get attacked. They called it the no-win scenario.”

 

Kiera looked a bit distressed now, her eyebrows furrowed as she squinted her eyes at Dean. "What did Kirk do?"

 

Carefully and surreptitiously returning the soft caress of Dean’s ministrations, Cas leaned forward until he could whisper in Dean’s ear, “Are you sure this is a good bedtime story?”

 

Dean leaned in, in return, to whisper back, “Of course, Sammy loved it when he was her age.” Carefully, on the side that Kiera couldn’t see, Dean moved his hand to start tapping feather light touches over Cas’s palm.

 

He returned his attention back to Kiera, not waiting for Cas’s response as he continued, “Kirk cheated! He’d lost to this simulation twice, so before the third time, he snuck in and reprogrammed the simulation, giving him a third option. He was the first cadet in Starfleet history who defeated the no-win scenario!” 

 

Kiera looked at him with big eyes. “Did he get yelled at because he cheated? Mr. Adler once scolded me because I cheated. He said cheating wasn’t very nice.”

 

Dean shook his head. “No, it isn’t. But he didn’t get caught. You see, Kiera… the thing is, he didn’t  _ believe  _ in a no-win scenario. The reality is, you’re never going to know what you would have to do in a situation like that, until it happens to you. And whether or not it’s real life, or a simulation, there is  _ always  _ a third option.”

 

"Dean?" Kiera asked slowly before she pulled the blanket a little bit higher, so that just her eyes and hair was showing. "You don't look like Ursula. You look like Prince Eric," she murmured, voice soft and sleep logged. "You must kiss Daddy so he gets his voice back."

 

That was met with a soft chuckle. Without breaking eye contact with her, while now flattening his own palm against Cas’s, Dean said, “Ah, but he said earlier I couldn’t  _ take  _ his voice.”

 

“Just to make sure,” Kiera mumbled from under her blanket.

 

Cas leaned over Kiera and braced his hand over her forehead. “You’re already sleeping.”

 

Kiera hummed with her eyes closed, her breathing slowly evening out. Cas leaned back with a smile before he turned to Dean and whispered, "We should leave."

 

The look on Dean’s face was perplexing. His bottle green eyes were hyperfocused on Cas. Occasionally darting downwards to the lower half of his face, then back up to hold his stare. His free hand cupped Cas’s cheek, before licking over his bottom lip. Dean let out a deep exhale before giving him a small, almost nervous smile. “Uh, can’t, you know… disappoint a kid, right?”

 

"Dean," Cas whispered before he shook his head. "You don't have to. She's sleeping." He hated himself for saying it. All he wanted was for Dean to kiss him. But he told himself not to make this any more difficult. 

 

And this was making it exceedingly difficult. 

 

As though he were snapped out of a trance, Dean withdrew, nodding his head as he cleared his throat. “Right. You’re, uh… right. I’m gonna…” He stood up and looked away for a moment. “I’m gonna go. Maybe see, uh… If Jeff or…” Dean took a step away from the bed, but Cas wrapped his hand around his wrist as he got up to stop him. 

 

He stepped right into his personal space, pulling him so close that he could feel Dean's breath on his lips. "Dean."

 

He didn't know what he wanted to say.  _ Stay? Kiss me?  _ Something along those lines. Cas cupped Dean's cheek and leaned his forehead against Dean's. Their lips only separated by a small gap of hyper charged space.

 

“Cas?” Lilly called out from beyond the doorway.

 

Dean immediately jumped away from Cas, both of their eyes darting for the door. Lilly appeared a moment later and exclaimed, “Here you are!”

 

Cas lifted his finger quickly to his mouth before he pointed at Kiera and Tommy. He snuck out to the hallway, giving her a questioning look. “You were looking for me?”

 

“Yeah. Charlie said she needs you ASAP. She wouldn’t say what for.”

 

Cas nodded and quickly ran up to the “bridge”. It wasn’t really a bridge, but for some reason Charlie called the room she worked in the “bridge”. Dean had followed him as he walked into the room, noticing Charlie watching the outside wall camera footage with a serious expression. 

 

“We have a problem, Cas,” she said without looking up, pointing at the screen.

 

Cas walked towards her to see what she was talking about. At first he saw nothing, but suddenly scratches on the wall seemed to appear out of nowhere. It was hard to say from the screen, but it looked like... “Skelks?”

 

Charlie nodded. “I think so. They’re damaging the sigils you and Dean painted a couple nights ago.”

 

“I’ll go out. Are Saeed and Jill at the wall?” Cas asked as he already turned to leave the room.

 

“Yes, they’re waiting for you.”

 

Cas nodded and quickly made his way outside, turning towards Dean for a moment. "Do you have your rifle? I might need you on the wall with Saeed and Jill."

 

“I can grab it,” Dean said as he stopped following Cas. “Let me hit my room, I’ll be up there in a couple minutes.”

 

"I'll probably be outside by then. Be quick," Cas said as he continued to run towards the wall.

 

When he reached the northern wall, he quickly climbed up the ladder to Saeed and Jill, who were aiming in the general direction of the skelks. Cas could hear them now, but even his angelic senses couldn't make them out. They were fast apex predators, not very smart, but dangerous because they usually worked in a pack. 

 

"Any idea how many we got down there?" Cas asked after a moment, squinting his eyes at them as he readied his blade.

 

"More than two. They’re using a random pattern to attack the wall from different sides. We tried shooting them every time they scratch, but they’re fast," Saeed replied calmly, his focus never leaving the wall.

 

Cas nodded. "I'll go down. Maybe you can get a better sense of where they are when they attack me."

 

Jill nodded as she readied her gun. "Good luck."

 

Cas walked a few feet along the top of the wall before he jumped to the ground, trying to hear where the skelks were. It was almost spooky how quiet they were.

 

He grabbed sand from the ground as he drew closer to the sigils and threw it in the general direction of the wall. The falling dirt highlighted the features of the skelks for a moment and Cas nearly froze when he realized it wasn't just two or three. It was a lot more.

 

Saeed and Jill started shooting the moment they could see them, but the skelks were already jumping and sprinting apart. The last Cas saw of them was their circling of him.

 

He closed his eyes for a second, trying to hear them on the ground, but they weren’t making any sound. The only thing he felt was a swift change in the air before they attacked. He plunged his blade forward, cutting into one of the creatures, its blood spurted everywhere.

 

His arm burned like fire when he noticed he got scratched again. He shook the blood from his hand, noticing seven more skelks sneaking up on him, uncovered by patches of blood that had hit them from the one he managed to kill.

 

He could hear Dean on the wall and more shots were fired, causing the skelks to jump away from him. But it was no use. He couldn't kill them all like this. He could feel all of them getting ready to pounce again. He lifted his palm towards them before he yelled, "Close your eyes!"

 

He gave the humans another few seconds to follow his command, before he concentrated his grace and unleashed it on the demons in a high pitched wave of light. Cas sank to his knees when he was done, charred skelk remains lying in a circle around him. Ten. He counted ten of them.

 

The next thing he heard was a sharp, “Dean!” being called out by Jill. The man had grabbed ahold of the gutter system and slid down it until he reached a point he could jump down. Once on the ground, Dean darted straight for Cas. 

 

They almost collided with the force in which Dean grabbed his arms. Bright green eyes were widened in concern. “The fuck were you thinkin’, huh?” Dean looked down at Cas’s right arm and frowned. He shook his head as he helped Cas back towards the main gate to go back inside the Citadel. “Do you guys have juniper trees here?”

 

Cas shook his head tiredly. “But William will have something.”

 

Dean practically growled as he lifted Cas bridal style and finished the rest of the trek to the gate and through it. “Well, if someone has a good gin, then we can use that.”

 

"Don't worry, Dean," Cas mumbled. He could hear that he was starting to slur his words. "I'm just a little tired." He let his head fall against Dean's shoulder, pressing his face against Dean's throat, closing his eyes.

 

The last thing he heard before darkness started to overtake was a half-hearted, “Friggin’ angels.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amgedpha: “Begin anew” in enochian, a spell used with grace to revitalize someone


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More than halfway, folks! Doing what we can to get this beast completely uploaded by the end of this week, if not sooner! Thank you so much for the amazing comments so far. Hopefully you still like us after this chapter. :D

**Chapter 8**

 

Dean had taken Cas immediately to the medical bay of the Citadel. To Dr. William. When Dean heard the place had a doctor, he was half expecting an old, fat guy who wore glasses. Not a handsome black guy, near his own age, who was sitting at a cot with one of the rugrats, he believed her name was Zara, showing him her arm. Apparently she’d injured it doing her chores and was terrified she wouldn’t be able to drum again.

 

While the guy was consoling the teen, Dean put Cas on the cot and barked, “You got any gin or anything with junipers?”

 

“I’m a doctor, not a bartender,” he snapped back with a quirked brow in Dean’s direction.

 

Dean rolled his eyes at the guy. “Clearly we’ve got a situation here. Cas said you would have somethin’. He got scratched by those ugly shark demon things and juniper berries will stop the flow of the poison.”

 

Dr. William patted Zara on the head and told her she’d be fine, before going to his desk, yanking open a drawer, and pulling out a syringe and small bottle of something Dean couldn’t quite make out. He tapped it and sat on the side of the cot. “Hold out his arm,” he commanded.

 

Fighting to bite his tongue, Dean did as instructed. “What’re you gonna do?”

 

Not paying any attention to Dean, now focused on Cas’s arm, he said, “This is a concentrated liquid form of a gastrointestinal mass drawn from a goat.”

 

“Wait, wait. Seriously?” Dean held his hand out over Cas’s to halt the doctor’s movement.

 

The guy let out an annoyed sigh. “Damnit, man. What the hell do you think we did in the past when Superman got hit with kryptonite?”

 

The worried, concerned for his friend, part of Dean was inclined to be snippy and pissy. The sardonic and immature part of Dean wanted to make this man his new best friend. Dean reluctantly retracted his hand and let Dr. Will do his job.

 

In under a few minutes, Cas sat bolt upright and gasped. The relief Dean felt in that moment was palpable. He cupped the guy’s face, looking him over. “You stupid asshole,” he chided, but the relief in his tone destroyed any chance of his comment being taken as angry.

 

Dr. Will chuckled as he tossed out the syringe. “I actually agree with your friend on that point, Cas. When’re you gonna stop throwin’ yourself to the wolves?”

 

Cas gave them both a tired but pointed look. "When the apocalypse is over and no demon or other creature will pose a threat to the Citadel. Thank you, William." He looked at the scratch on his arm and rubbed his palm over the scratch to heal it. Dean noticed how his light was fluctuating again.

 

“Got enough juice, or do you want me to make that potion again?” Dean ignored the curious look from the Doc, finally realizing he still had his hands so near Cas’s face.

 

"I don't think that's necessary." Cas shook his head slightly and stood up from the bed when he suddenly seemed to lose consciousness again. 

 

Dean caught him and helped him back on the cot. “I thought you fixed him!”

 

“The poison is gone, but it's gonna take a good half hour before he's back to his old self.” Dr. Will had moved to the sink and started washing his hands.

 

Cas rubbed his hand over his forehead before he tiredly blinked up at Dean. “Would you take me to Chris’s room? I sleep there sometimes, when this happens.”

 

And before he could friggin’ stop himself, he asked, “Wanna crash in my room? That way you aren’t bugged by the rugrats?”  _ Smooth, Winchester. Real smooth.  _ He hated how worried he was for Cas in that moment. The dude was an angel of the friggin’ lord. 

 

Cas gave him a surprised look before he asked carefully, “I don’t want to be… in the way of any plans you might have.”

 

Dean shook his head. “I just wanna make sure you’re okay.” It was weird how vulnerable saying that out loud made him feel. 

 

Dr. Will interjected then, “You should be fully recovered in the next thirty minutes, Cas. Sixty tops. You can stay here if you’d like.”

 

Well,  _ there  _ went Dr. Will becoming Dean’s new best friend.

 

Cas gave Dean an insecure, shy look before he turned to the Doc. “Thank you. But I think I'll leave now.” 

 

Cas stood up a second time, but this time he braced his weight on Dean’s shoulder. Without hesitation, he looped an arm under Cas’s and around his back. As they started walking out, Dean barked a, “Thanks, Doc!” in the guy’s direction.

 

It was met with a grumble and as they reached the door, Dean looked at Cas. “So, uh… Chris’s room, or mine?”

 

Cas licked over his lips before he looked up at Dean. “If you’re sure I won't bother you, I'll gladly take your offer.”

 

Dean smiled. “I don’t mind. You can crash in my bed whenever you need to.”  _ Goddamnit, Winchester. He’s a grown ass angel, he can take care of himself.  _ Dean pinned his overt and intense concern on the fact that Cas was the first friend he’d had in years, and he’d be damned if he would let anything bad happen to anyone he cared about, ever again.

 

Cas furrowed his brow. “That’s very nice of you, but I'm not sure how practical that would be if there's the possibility of me disturbing… private moments.”

 

“Right,” he murmured.  _ Lisa. Right.  _ In all his concern he’d kind of forgotten about her. Dean shook his head at himself and cleared his throat. “Could always do the, uh… dorm rules. Sock on the doorknob means, uh… you know. Do not disturb.”

 

Cas sighed deeply and closed his eyes for a moment before he shook his head slightly. “Yes, that sounds like a good idea.”

 

Dean chuckled and continued to help Cas all the way to his room, even though there was a pretty good chance that the guy was strong enough to walk a little further. When they reached the door, flashbacks of what happened that morning came rushing to the forefront of his mind and suddenly he felt incredibly warm.

 

Shaking his head of his incredibly inappropriate internal reverie, he got Cas into his room and helped him sit on the bed. “I can make another one of those sleeping potions for you?” He needed the distraction. 

 

Cas looked like he was contemplating the offer. “How much of the ingredients do you still have? I don't want to be wasteful when I may just fall asleep on my own. I feel very tired.”

 

Dean rifled through his drawer.  _ Shit.  _ The run on Sunday couldn’t come fast enough. “I have enough for two, maybe three, more potions. I’m gonna need to restock.”

 

"Maybe we should save this for emergencies. You never know what will happen," Cas murmured as he rested his head on his elbow, curling in on himself.

 

Without thinking about it, he sat on the side of the bed and leaned over, carding his hand through the angel’s hair. “You sure you’re okay? No fevers? No hallucinations of you biting me?” he asked, a small smile on his face.

 

Cas hummed softly before he smiled back at him. "Sadly, there are no hallucinations about that. Although, now I wish there were."

 

He couldn’t help but chuckle. Now that Cas was here, okay, in his bed, Dean’s earlier panic was ebbing away. He chucked Cas’s chin. “You were pretty badass out there.”

 

"That's a good thing, right?" Cas asked after a moment.

 

Dean nodded. “When I’m not pissed at you for puttin’ yourself in danger… yeah. It’s a good thing.” 

 

Cas braced himself on his elbow to sit up a little. "What can I do so you aren't 'pissed' at me anymore?"

 

_ Don’t fucking die on me.  _ Dean shook his head and braced his hand over Cas’s. “Just be more careful. That’s all.”

 

Cas intertwined their fingers before he looked up again. "I'll try, but my work here is dangerous. I get injured a lot. But better me than anyone else, because I don't have enough power to bring anyone back to life. But I can heal most of the wounds demons inflict on me."

 

And the reality of their situation struck again. It was almost scary how easy it was to forget they were all living in the middle of literal Hell on Earth. With things like flirting, relationship drama, kid talent shows, and general amusement and lightheartedness, suddenly it was as though they all weren’t in an actual nightmare come true.

 

Then something like a friend getting hurt while trying to protect everyone becomes an unwanted wake up call, highlighting the fact that they  _ were  _ still in the middle of a fucking nightmare. Dean sighed. “I know, Cas. I just… I don’t want to see anything bad happen to you.”

 

Cas pushed himself higher in an upright position before he pulled Dean into a tight hug, resting his head on his shoulder. "Thank you, Dean. That means a lot to me."

 

Wrapping his arms around Castiel, he let out a shuddery sigh. Maybe it was a testament to how lonely he'd been the past few years, but at that point, Cas was his best friend in the entire world and Dean was terrified of what that meant. About caring for someone so intensely again. Dean drew back and gently swiped the pad of his thumb along the angel’s jaw. “I'm gonna see if Jeff or Kyle are willing to cover your shift tonight.”

 

"It's at least five hours until the night shift. I will be as good as new by then, Dean." Cas licked over his lips and swallowed before he shyly looked up at him. "Would you... stay with me? I mean, um, just until I fall asleep?"

 

Dean wanted to refuse, considering everything going on outside, but faced with imploring baby blues, he was helpless to say no. “Scoot over.”

 

As Cas shifted to the other side of the bed, Dean crawled to lay down, then thought better of it as he reached over and shut off the lamp. Now ensconced in darkness, he could barely make out Cas’s shape. The urge to crawl closer and hold onto him was overwhelming.

 

The decision was taken from him when Cas turned around and wrapped one arm around him, pressing his face against his chest with a low and tired hum, murmuring, “Thank you, Dean.”

 

He wrapped his arm around Cas and smiled. “Anytime, Cas.”

 

Cas's grip on Dean's shirt tightened for a moment before he felt the angel gradually relax. After a while, Cas's breathing started to even out and Dean was sure he’d fallen asleep.

 

“Cas?” he whispered, gently rubbing his arm.

 

The only response he received for that was Cas sliding closer, pressing his face against Dean's chest.

 

Dean was torn, he really needed to go check in with Jill and Saeed, but didn't want to disturb Cas. “Damnit,” he murmured to himself as he carefully extricated himself from Cas's death cuddling.

 

He managed to get out of his grasp, gently swiping the hair from Cas's face as he looked down at him. “You weren't supposed to make this so difficult.”

 

Cas stirred and suddenly looked up at Dean. "I'm sorry," he slurred. "I'm selfish. I'll let you go." His hand let go of Dean's shirt and fell to the side.

 

Dean couldn’t help but chuckle. Cas was way off base. He hadn’t been talking about trying to get free from the grip on his shirt. No, he’d been referring to the grip Cas seemed to have on Dean’s heart. “Sorry I woke you.”

 

"Not awake," Cas mumbled, before he turned around and away from Dean.

 

There was nothing more that he wanted than to crawl back in the damn bed and try to coax the guy into cuddling him some more, but the real world beckoned. Dean leaned over, a purely instinctive move, as he drew close. He was just about to press a kiss to Cas’s cheek when he stopped himself.

 

This shit needed to stop. It was bad enough that he was cheating on Lisa with Cas physically. The last thing he needed to do was make it more complicated with things like feelings. And in Dean’s book, a kiss was way more intimate than… hell, anything else.

 

Instead he rubbed Cas’s shoulder and said, “Get some rest. I’ll come get you when our shift starts.”

 

Cas just hummed in acknowledgment before his fingers reached out for Dean's blanket to pull it into his arms, pressing his face against the fabric.

 

_ Fuck it.  _ Dean sighed and pressed a soft kiss to the crown of the angel’s head. At least that was still relatively platonic. 

 

So, why was his heart hammering inside his chest? Dean shook it off and pulled the blanket up and around Cas before quietly creeping out of his room. When he reached the roof, Jill and Saeed were in the middle of some casual conversation. He waved at them as he approached. “Hey.”

 

They both stopped talking and gave Dean an equally surprised look. Jill was the first to greet him back, “Hey, how’s Cas? We thought you would stay with him.”

 

Dean quirked his brow at them. “Dude’s a grown adult, or… well, angel. Besides, he’s sleeping it off.”

 

Saeed and Jill exchanged a quick look before Saeed shrugged. "I restored the painting the skelks scratched off. Can you check, make sure I didn’t make a mistake? I painted it from the new photo reference Charlie showed me."

 

“Yeah, I’ll head down and check. Everything else okay?” 

 

"Yeah, it's spookily quiet out there since Cas burned the skelks. We left the remains down there. Hopefully it scares away others," Jill said while she looked through her binoculars. "We haven't had a such a large encounter in a while."

 

Dean nodded. “Think it’s ‘cause he destroyed their nest last night?”

 

Jill shrugged. “Would be my guess. I don’t believe in coincidence.” She looked at him after she lowered the binoculars. “It’s good he destroyed the nest though. Skelks lay hundreds of eggs. It’s not something you want in the neighborhood.” 

 

“Had them for neighbors for a minute. Trust me, I know.” Dean chuckled. He looked out over the side, grasping the handrail. The carcasses were still smoking from whatever mojo thing Cas had done to them. 

 

A quick look back to them showed him that both Saeed and Jill were going to have his back with their rifles trained on his six.

 

“I’m gonna make sure the sigils are good and I’ll check in with you guys before I go grab a nap or somethin’.” 

 

Dean didn’t wait for them to respond. He made his way down the stairwell and out of the side door closest to the gate. He shook his head as the smell of the dead creatures wafted through the air. One of the many downsides of demonic creatures, they decomposed faster, thus the smell of death and decay set in much quicker.

 

As he shoved the gate open, even the smell of fresh paint couldn’t hide the dead skelk smell. He pulled his t-shirt up over his nose and tried to not pass out from the stench. When he looked at the wall, checking the sigils, they were pretty much spot on. One of the runes was painted upside down, so he pulled out a switchblade and used his blood to correct it.

 

Dean took a step back to get a better overall look at them and gasped. The way the scratches came down, in certain determined and purposeful swipes, he shook his head. The fuckers were  _ gunning  _ for the sigils. 

 

Skelks, or sharmons, whatever they wanted to be called, were essentially wild animals. They shouldn’t know what or how to target something like a sigil in a language they couldn’t possibly understand. But they had. They’d specifically targeted the sigils for demonic creatures. The other sigils were in tact.

 

That was anything but good. Dean basically ran back inside, darting up the stairs to Jill and Saeed. When he reached the rooftop, Dean was panting slightly from the exertion of running up stairs, he figured it would be faster than the ladder. He caught his breath and said, “You guys saw what they did, right?”

 

“They tried to destroy the sigils.” Saeed gave him a worried look. “It almost looked like… but that can’t be possible, right?”

 

“They only got the sigils that deflect demons and demon like creatures. They knew what the fuck they were doing.” Dean shook his head and sighed.

 

"Could it be–" Jill started thoughtfully before she shrugged and changed course, "I don't know, could they  _ feel  _ the way the sigils affected them and that's why they went for them?"

 

Dean shook his head. “I don’t think so. The only thing they should feel is agonizing pain if they cross the barrier the sigils provide.”

 

Saeed rubbed his chin. "So why were they doing this? What do you think? I mean, they aren’t very smart."

 

That was the question. They were not smart enough to know which sigils were which. Not to mention, to perfectly avoid the other sigils? Dean sighed again and chewed the inside of his cheek. “I have no idea, but when we go on the raid on Sunday, I’m definitely gonna need to hit my tunnel. I have a few darker magic spell books that could probably be better protection. I don’t think we should take the risk.”

 

Jill nodded. “I agree. The more protection we have, the better. I don’t like this. Something smells fishy and it’s not the ugly fucks down there.”

 

“Okay. So what’s the plan on Sunday? How many of us usually go?” Dean started mentally calculating how much he could bring back from his makeshift “home”.

 

"The four of us," Saeed explained. "Kyle and Jeff will be on watch on Sunday."

 

Dean nodded. Four was good. They could grab a lot of supplies with four pairs of arms. Not to mention, having an angel that can carry six hundred pounds of wood like it weighed nothing. “Perfect.” He sighed and looked over the edge again. “I’m gonna check in with Charlie. See if we can’t set up an alarm system, too.”

 

Jill patted his shoulder. "Good idea, but don't forget to relax. You have a long night ahead."

 

“Yeah, but my watch partner can revitalize me,” he said with a smirk. 

 

Jill frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. "You saying you use our Cas as your personal battery?"

 

Well, putting it like that, it sounded pretty dickish. Dean sighed. “Fine. I’ll stop using the guy as my Energizer bunny.”

 

Jill shook her head. "There is something you should know about him. Cas is like really,  _ really  _ bad at taking breaks and resting."

 

Saeed nodded and murmured in confirmation, "So bad."

 

Jill sighed deeply. "He sucks at resting and he needs to sleep from time to time to recharge his batteries. Especially after something like what happened today."

 

Saeed scratched his head. "He has taken on a lot of the responsibilities of the watch, since he usually doesn't need to sleep. He works night shift, but he also does perimeter checks throughout the day. He takes care of the garden, he uses his powers to clean the water we use and the soil we grow our food in. So even when he should rest, he has a hard time actually doing it because he feels like he isn't done with his duties."

 

Jill nodded. "We had to guard him a few times to make sure he sleeps, because he just wanders off after a few minutes and works in the garden, or goes out." 

 

“Shit.” And it probably wasn’t helping that they were fucking like rabbits when they got the chance, or when Dean had him use his grace so he could go another round. He kind of felt like the worst person on the planet in that moment, and that company included demons and asshole angels. “I’m gonna make sure he’s still sleeping.”

 

Dean nodded to them and made his way to the rooms, not sure what he was going to do if Cas  _ was  _ missing. It wasn’t really his place to berate the guy, it’s not like Dean was  _ actually  _ his housewife. When he reached his room, he carefully opened the door, so as not to wake Cas if he was still in there.

 

And thankfully he was. Cas was still on Dean's bed, seemingly dead to the world.

 

The sigh of relief that escaped was almost deafening in the quiet of his room. He smiled at the guy’s still sleeping form and gently closed the door again. As he made his way to Charlie’s bridge, he contemplated whether there was a sigil he could create that would alarm them that Cas was up doing something he wasn’t supposed to, kind of like the kid alarm he painted. But then, that was probably too ambiguous and could put a damper on their sex life.

 

The door was open and he knocked on the frame as he poked his head inside. “Scotty. Got a question for ya’.”

 

Charlie looked up at him with a grin. “Anytime, Kirk. How’s Spock?”

 

Dean nodded and said, “Sleeping like a good, little vulcan. So, uh… Those fucking skelks or whatever you call them? They specifically targeted demonic sigils. Something’s goin’ down and until we can figure out what, I was wondering if there’s like… an alarm system we can set up when any of those evil bastards come near?”

 

Charlie patted on the chair beside her. "We already have an alarm bell for our people on the roof. But I'm guessing you’re talking about something more sophisticated, maybe something with magic." She played with a Hermione figurine in her hand as she paused with a thoughtful hum. "Would it be possible to lay traps outside along the perimeter, that would trigger an alarm?"

 

Dean nodded as he took a seat. “Yeah, I'm hoping to grab my spell books and journals on Sunday. I'm sure there's something I could work out.”

 

“It’s pretty creepy to think the skelks did this on purpose,” Charlie contemplated aloud after a moment.

 

“Yeah. If Cas didn't use his mojo the way he did, they would have gotten far. Maybe even on the grounds.” Dean shook his head and looked at the monitors for a moment. Just more black boxes with white text. He gave up and sat back into the chair. “I'm half tempted to go get my stuff now. Not sure we should wait.”

 

Charlie raised her eyebrow. “So when Cas wakes up, if he hasn’t already, you want me to tell him that you left on your own? Any guesses what he’ll do when he finds out?”

 

“Uh, maybe you can tell him I went to grab a pack of smokes?” he suggested with a smirk.

 

Charlie flicked Dean’s nose as an answer. “Thought I warned you about not hurting him.”

 

“I’m not tryin’ to, Charlie. He’s like… he’s the best friend I have. And I survived for years on my own. I can manage a night. Would you mind seeing if Jeff or Kyle would cover my shift?” Dean decided then, it wasn’t worth not trying to get his shit as fast as possible. The sooner they fixed the security issues, the better.

 

“Sure, I can ask. But just for the record. If Cas goes out on his own and is gone for… let’s say almost half a day. How would you feel about that?”

 

Dean sighed. He got what she was trying to say. “Look, Charlie. I’d be worried as fuck, but he’s tough. If he thought it was the right thing to do, I’d support him. Maybe…”  _ Fuck.  _ He hated to suggest it, but there was a surefire way to make sure Cas wouldn’t do something stupid like come after him. “Maybe tell him I’m with Lisa.”

 

Charlie practically glared at him. "I'm not gonna lie to my best friend. If you want to go, go. I'm just telling you, you should at least wait until he's a hundred percent again. Maybe take him with you. Or at least tell him where you’re going."

 

“He needs his rest and you know it.” The glare he received was weird. Dean looked at her for a moment. “You know Cas knows me and Lisa are a thing, right?”

 

"Are you sure  _ you  _ know that, too? Because you two were pretty handsy when you painted those sigils on the wall." Charlie said as she leaned back against her chair, arms crossed over her chest in challenge.

 

_ Fuck.  _ The fucking cameras.  _ Shit.  _ There was no way to ask her how much she’d seen without being totally obvious.  _ Fine.  _ Playing dumb it was. “So we had a paint fight. Not exactly a proposal.”

 

Charlie stood up from her chair, stepping up to him. She was a lot smaller than Dean, but there was fierceness in her appearance. "You can play dumb all you want. I'm just saying this once. Stop playing with him. He might be tough on the outside, but his heart isn't. If you care about him, end this. Now."

 

Dean quirked his brow at her and stared her down. “He knows what he’s doing and he doesn’t need you to play bodyguard. He knows where we stand. That’s all I’m saying. So, if you’re done trying to threaten me?”

 

Charlie was taken aback. “So I  _ was  _ right–” She held up her hands and walked past him towards the door. The tone in her voice was hard to interpret, “I’m going to take your shift, Dean.”

 

“Whoa, whoa! You're gonna take my shift  _ why?  _ So you can tell Cas something he already knows?” Dean was instantly on edge. Red wasn't stupid. But he wasn't about to give her the satisfaction either.

 

"No, I'm taking your shift because Kyle and Jeff both worked all day and I still have enough energy left." She turned around and let out a deep sigh. "And yes, I'm going to talk with my best friend. Sue me."

 

Dean halted her by a gentle grasp at the shoulder. He took a deep breath and decided to be as honest as he could. “Charlie. I don't know what's going on with me and him, and I get you wanna keep him safe, but… This is  _ our  _ thing to figure out.”

 

"I'm not making any promises, Dean. Cas is too important to me and to the Citadel. If I see that he suffers from what you’re doing to him, I  _ will  _ talk with him," Charlie told him with a determined tone of voice.

 

Dean sighed. “I can't stop you. But…” He looked down and shook his head. “I know what I'm doing is shitty, but I just… I don't know how to stop.”

 

Charlie sighed and looked down for a moment. "He deserves better than to be used. I think you should decide what you want."

 

“What do you think I'm trying to do here? And I'm not using him. If anything, we're using each other, and that's fine. Well, not  _ fine,  _ but…” Dean looked pointedly at Charlie and said, “I know how I sound. Some friggin’ asshole makin’ excuses, trying to spin this so I get to have my cake and eat it, too. But it's fucked me up, if that's any consolation. So talk to him, talk him out of it, do whatever you gotta do to make yourself feel better. Hell, maybe he'll wisen up and ditch my ass.”

 

He was kind of done with this conversation and if he hadn't already planned on getting his stuff, he'd definitely find a reason to get the hell outta dodge after this.  _ Fucking coward.  _ Dean slid past her and through the doorway. “Cas is a lot stronger than you think. I wish I could give him more, wish I could be  _ his _ Dean, but I'm just… not. And I can't promise that shit won't come down, ‘cause it always does in these situations, but I  _ can _ promise I'll do what I can to minimize the collateral damage.”

 

Charlie scrubbed her hand over her face. “Can you at least not just leave without talking to him first?”

 

“You make it sound like I'm leaving for good. I'll be gone a half a day, if the dark is an issue I'll crash there for the night and I’ll be back tomorrow.”

 

Charlie shrugged and turned around, sounding resigned as she said, "Good. Fine. I’ll tell him you'll probably be back tomorrow." She faced him one more time before she left, giving him a genuine worried look. "Be careful out there. Come back in one piece."

 

Dean sighed. She was already gone and he had to grab his kit from his room as quietly as possible, so as not to wake Cas. The angel was not going to understand. When he reached his room again, Cas was still out cold. And the fact that Dean managed to grab his stuff without disturbing him was probably a testament to how much Cas needed the rest. 

 

Tearing a blank page from his lore journal, Dean wrote a quick note, giving Cas a heads up on what he was doing. And that Charlie knew. He folded it in half and scribbled Cas’s name on it, placing it on the nightstand. Hopefully he saw it when he woke up.

 

With a steeling breath, Dean cast one last look at Cas before ducking out of his room and gently closing the door behind him. He even managed to get through the Citadel without running into anyone, or anyone that might have questioned him. That was, until he reached the gate, where Jill was standing guard.

 

He waved at her and said preemptively, “I know the run is Sunday, but I don’t think we should wait to amp up the protection here.”

 

Jill just grinned at him and stepped aside before she yelled up at Saeed on the wall, "You owe me your next apple."

 

Saeed looked down with a frustrated sigh. “Every time! How do you do it?”

 

Jill shrugged. “It’s a gift.”

 

Dean narrowed his eyes at them. “Alright. For whatever reason  _ this  _ was a bet. So you guys are cool with me going, then? I don’t have to fight with you or anything?”

 

"Dean, you're not the first person that made it outside on his own for such a long time. Most of us have had the urge to go out after a few days because it's almost too much. That’s normal. This isn't a prison, no one is forcing you to stay. If you need some fresh demonic air, go for it." She patted his shoulder. "Just try to come back." 

 

He laughed, unable to stop himself. “I ain’t runnin’ ‘cause I’m overwhelmed. I wasn’t kidding about the books and stuff I have that will help this place. Haven’t had a real home or contact with humans for a minute, I’m kinda dreading the silence. But I don’t want this put off any longer than it already has been.”

 

"Dean, we have to change our schedule because of your leaving. You know how it is out there. Something unforeseen could leave you stuck somewhere for days and we would need to go on our raid with one less man. Even if you're back in time, you will probably be too tired to be of any help. Your leaving means that you leave your responsibility to your duty and to the safety of this place." 

 

She held up her finger to stop Dean from retorting. "Yes, getting your stuff is important. But you have to learn to work in a team. You're not a lone ranger anymore. I know you still believe what you're doing is the right decision, and we won't stop you, even though I don't share your opinion. But I have to inform you that if solo runs keep happening from your end, we’ll have to take you off guard duty. For the safety of the Citadel."

 

_ Fuck.  _ She had a goddamn point. Dean let out a sort of scoff of surprise. He looked her over, a little dumbfounded for a moment. And it was on the damn tip of his tongue, his defense. Why this was important. But she was probably closer to the truth than he cared to admit. Maybe he  _ was  _ trying to escape?

 

Dean tongued the corner of his mouth and sighed. “Fine. You’re right. But I’ll be back. And this won’t be a habit.”

 

Jill nodded and clapped his shoulder good naturedly. “Be careful out there.” 

 

He nodded and just as he was about to turn away and start out toward the tunnels, Dean chuckled to himself and looked back at Jill one more time, a smirk on his face. At her bemused expression, he said, “Oh, you don’t have to worry about this solo mission exhausting your guards. Charlie’s gonna cover for me. She’ll be coming to relieve you guys with Cas.”

 

Jill smiled shyly. “That’s nice of her. Kyle had a pretty long day.” She rocked back on her heels and raised her eyebrow. “Although I’m pretty sure he would work an extra shift if he knows it’s with Cas.”

 

Dean let out a disbelieving snort of laughter. “Kyle doesn’t like anybody. I had to slit my wrist in front of the guy to get him to say hello to me in a less than hateful way.”

 

Jill laughed and nodded. “Yeah, that’s Kyle. But you should see him with Cas. Maybe I should tell Kyle about tonight. I wanted to ask Charlie about a book anyway.”

 

At that Dean quirked his brow, giving her an impressed smile. “Gotta say, I was wondering if you were ever gonna grow a pair.”

 

Jill shrugged. "I'm trying to. Life is short. Carpe Diem."

 

Dean chuckled. That was for damn sure. He shrugged and waved to them as he began the trek back to the tunnel system. The tunnels were only a few miles away, and where his particular… hideout was, was maybe a twelve or thirteen mile journey. In theory he could be back before nightfall, but living in a world where anything could kill you at any moment, your journey is cut short from hiding, or taking cover, or running in a different goddamn direction because something is chasing you. 

 

Which was what happened. By the time he reached his stupid tunnel, he’d had to outrun a frigging nezzla demon, and spent a good two hours hiding in a fucking port-a-john. Dean was so fucking pissed. But he was determined to get back to the Citadel in time. He could probably make it if he was quick.

 

Grabbing a sack, Dean started throwing the important shit he needed in it. Four of his books and journals on lore, more of the ingredients for Cas’s potion, and a few more of the holy and demonic weapons he’d accrued over the years. He was about to dart out of the room, when he remembered he forgot something.

 

Reaching into his pillow case, Dean pulled out an old and battered photo of him and Sammy when they were kids. One of the last times he remembered them being happy. He pressed a kiss to picture Sammy’s face and sighed. “Let’s get home, Sammy.”

 

Dean made his way back through the tunnel system and it was still sunny when he reached the outside. He could definitely make it back in time. Feeling a surge of confidence, Dean braced the bag over his other shoulder and started his trek home.

 

But, of course, shit was never going to go down that easy. When the scratchy, heated breath of a creature caused a shiver to course down his spine, Dean didn’t even think twice about running. Fucking sharmons. He hated those fuckers and they prowled everywhere like fucking cockroaches.

 

When he reached an abandoned gas station, Dean ducked inside and immediately pulled his salt out to put a barrier along the door frame and quickly scratched an anti-demonic sigil into it. He was grateful for the foresight to grab the glasses Father Finotti had given him. The old guy had gotten them years ago, he never told Dean where or how, but they were able to make you see the shadowy outlines of demonic creatures that were otherwise invisible. Sharmons weren’t invisible, but they  _ were  _ fast and hard to see.

 

Pulling them on, he jumped back. Three of those fuckers were stalking in circles around the door.  _ Fuck! _

 

The familiar sound of a gun being cocked behind him distracted Dean from the goddamn sharmons. He turned around and a larger, Hispanic guy was holding him at shotgun point. “What are you? A witch?” he barked.

 

Dean raised his arms in surrender and shook his head. “Human. I’m human! I just know spellwork from a priest. I’m on the level.”

 

The guy narrowed his eyes at Dean, still holding the gun up, he demanded, “Prove it.”

 

With an understanding nod, Dean took a step closer. “You got silver and holy water?”

 

With an annoyed sigh, the guy finally lowered the gun, before quickly procuring an angel blade. It’d kill two birds with one stone. He didn’t even ask, just grabbed Dean’s wrist and cut along his forearm. Dean let out a hiss of pain, but the lack of sizzling or screaming in agony appeared to appease him.

 

Wiping the blade off on his pants, he tucked it away. He looked at the sack and asked, “You got any medical supplies? My partner got injured pretty badly. That’s why we’re here. Been using the old, shitty first aid crap that was left over. But I don’t think it’s helping.”

 

Dean nodded. “I have some stuff, but more, uh… witchcraft than modern medicine.”

 

“Don’t care. I’d take anything at this point.”

 

He followed the guy to the back of the gas station, where a younger white guy was leaning against an old, non functioning freezer door. There was a deep wound in his abdomen, from the amount of blood there was. Dean knelt by him, looking him over. He was pale and clammy. He pressed a hand to the forehead of the guy. He definitely had a fever.

 

Dean pulled his sack open and looked at what he had.  _ Shit.  _ There wasn’t much he could do other than make a numbing potion that would ease the guy’s pain. “We need to get him back to the Citadel.” He stood up and looked outside.  _ Shit.  _ It was dusk and the sun was setting. 

 

“The Citadel? That’s not a real place,” the unharmed guy argued.

 

“It’s real. I live there. We need to… Shit. Grab a door, let’s see if we can make him a gurney.”

 

“No. It’s getting dark. You don’t go out there in the dark.”

 

Dean sighed and looked the guy in the eye. “Look… uh?” He looked at him, silently asking the dude’s name.

 

“Cesar,” he offered.

 

“Cesar, great. I’m Dean. I’m from the Citadel. I was on my way back there when those asshole sharmons followed me. I think I can get rid of them and we can make a run for it. But your partner isn’t gonna make it staying here.”

 

Cesar looked over to his friend, before turning back to Dean with a resigned sigh. “How far is it?”

 

Dean smiled. “A mile and a half. We can get there in forty minutes.”

 

With a muted nod, Cesar went to grab stuff while Dean got to work on a banishing spell for the asshole sharmons. He sat by the door and flipped off the one with its nose pressed against the glass, heated snorts fogging it up. “Sayonara, suckers.” He relished the screech of pain as his banishing spell ran them off.

 

By the time Dean had gotten rid of the sharmons and Cesar had made a makeshift gurney out of a door, some straps from crates, and even some anti possession sigils; it was dark outside. The sun had set maybe an hour or so prior. 

 

Dean was impressed they’d gotten that much done in that amount of time they did. It was time to try and get back to the Citadel. They braced either side of Cesar’s partner and when the injured guy hissed out in pain at Dean sliding an arm behind his back, he drew back.

 

“You okay, uh?”

 

“Jesse,” Cesar offered.

 

Dean nodded a thanks to Cesar and looked at Jesse, who shook his head, looking even more pale than before.

 

“It’s really cold.”

 

_ Fuck!  _ Dean looked up at Cesar and shook his head. “We can’t move him. He’ll go into shock.”

 

At the utterly crestfallen and heartbroken expression on Cesar’s face, Dean took a deep breath and clapped a hand on the guy’s shoulder. “I have an idea.”

 

Without thinking about it, Dean pulled out one of his blades and lifted his shirt. He rolled it up to his chest and pressed the rolled hem of the fabric between his teeth and let out a shaky exhale before cutting into the sigil on his abdomen that hid him from Cas.

 

When he finished, Dean dropped the blade and braced his hand on a shelf as he tried to control his breathing. At Cesar’s shocked and slightly scared expression, Dean waved the guy off and prayed,

 

_ Castiel, I know you said to only pray to you in emergencies, so I hope this counts as one. I found a couple of survivors and one is injured real bad. I need you to come and heal the guy so we can come back. You, uh... you’ll be able to sense me again. _

 

Dean nodded at Cesar and grabbed some old gauze to press it against his wound. Now they just had to wait.  _ Fuck.  _ He hoped Jesse would make it.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

When Cas woke up he felt disorientated at first. He was surrounded by the smell of Dean before he realized that he was sleeping in Dean’s bed. 

 

He groaned and sat up, noticing a note on the nightstand.

 

_ “Cas. Grabbing my books and stuff now. It’s a solo mission and I promise, I’m okay and I will be back. Also, Charlie knows. About us. She’s probably gonna tell you to cut me off, which is your choice, but if I’m honest I hope you don’t. I know it’s selfish, but I kinda don’t wanna give you up. I’ll be back tomorrow at the latest. Promise.” _

 

Cas scrubbed his hand over his face and read the note again, before he let out a resigned sigh and folded it into his pocket. He got up and stretched before he went up to the gate, meeting Charlie on the way, who greeted him with a tight hug.

 

“How are you feeling?” she asked with a worried tone in her voice.

 

Cas looked up at the evening sky, surprised by how long he had slept. “Rested. What time did Dean leave the Citadel?”

 

Charlie gave him a surprised look. “Early afternoon. He told you?”

 

“He left a note,” Cas replied quietly.

 

Charlie followed him up to the tower, releasing Saeed a little earlier from his duty, who thankfully took the chance to go to bed.   

 

Cas leaned against the handrail, hoping he would spot Dean on his way back. But there was nothing outside. The sun was setting, accompanied by a spooky silence, disrupted only by the howling of the wind and dust.

 

“Are you feeling okay, Cas?” Charlie asked as she moved to stand beside him.

 

Cas wasn’t feeling anything since he had woken up. Just a weird numbness. He nodded. “It’s not like the last time.”

 

“I didn’t say it was,” Charlie said, resting her head on his shoulder. “But you can’t blame me for being worried. I was there for you after the other Dean left. I don’t want you to ever go through something like that again.”

 

Cas wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close. “You need to let me get hurt, Charlie. Nothing in life is easy or comes without a price to pay. I’d rather have something than nothing. Even if it hurts. It’s worth it.”

 

Charlie sighed and shook her head. “You’re a hopeless romantic.”

 

Cas turned towards her, grabbing her hand. “I know you just want to protect me, exactly like you’re protecting yourself right now. I understand why you choose to be alone after what happened with Gilda and why you keep pushing Jill away. But I’m not you. I want to risk it. I know I’m going to get hurt in the end, but it would hurt more not to try. I want this.”

 

Charlie wrapped her arms around him and pulled him in tight. “Alright, okay. I support you and I’m not going to tell you to leave the asshole because you deserve someone better.” She leaned back with a soft smile. “And to show you that I mean it, I’ll go and talk to Jill. Kyle said he wanted to take the shift with you anyway.”

 

Cas gave her a surprised look. “Okay. Then I hope you will have fun with Jill.”

 

Charlie left him with a smile and a kiss on his cheek before Cas went back to staring outside, trying to make out any movement.

 

“Hey, Cas,” Kyle greeted him with a smile as he joined him by leaning against the handrail.

 

Cas gave him a soft smile. “Hello, Kyle. It’s nice of you to take over Dean’s shift. You must have had a long day.”

 

That was met with a simple shrug as he rolled his hands over the railing a few times. “Not tired. And I mean… Charlie’s great and all, but she’s, uh… She’s better off behind a computer than a gun.”

 

Cas chuckled and nodded. "She once shot a demon on accident. That was very amusing."

 

Kyle laughed, still keeping his focus on the grounds outside of the Citadel. “So, what’s got pretty boy wanting to try and play hero? He just tryin’ to impress Lisa, or does he have a hero complex?”

 

Cas gave Kyle a wry smile. "I think she is already very impressed with him." He shook his head after a moment. "He just wants to help."

 

That was met with a disbelieving snort as Kyle turned around to now lean against the handrail. “Yeah, I forgot. He’s your guy’s twin.”

 

"In a few capacities. But the other Dean never had to live in a world like this." Cas felt a weird need to defend Dean’s behavior to Kyle, so to offset that need, he gave Kyle a teasing smile. "I remember when you felt the need to leave the Citadel once or twice when you were new here."

 

“Yeah, well… There was this annoying angel. Kept following me around like a lost puppy, or a mother hen. That guy was so annoying! What was his name again? Carter? Or, uh… Carissa, or... fuck.” Kyle finally looked at Cas, a smirk firmly planted on his face.

 

"That doesn't sound like anyone I know." Cas smirked back, remembering that Kyle was probably the sole reason why he finally started to grasp the concept of irony. He gave Kyle a sideways glance before he added, "I was worried about you. I was afraid you would leave again."

 

“Yeah, what would you guys do without your blacksmith?” He crossed his arms over his chest as he looked down. The smirk was gone, his tone wasn’t teasing. 

 

Cas braced his hand on Kyle's shoulder. "Are you alright? You’re not thinking about leaving again, are you?" 

 

“Nah,” he mumbled with a soft chuckle. “Got nowhere to go. Might as well try to die as a normal human ‘stead of demon bait.”

 

"Kyle..." Cas started. He wasn't sure what he wanted to say, but he just couldn't stand seeing him sad. So Cas did what he had learned from Dean when he had visited their dimension. He wrapped his arms around Kyle and pulled him into a hug. "I had hoped you would have found more reasons to stay here by now."

 

Kyle was stiff in his arms, not reciprocating the hug. When Cas drew back, the expression on Kyle’s face was confused. He furrowed his brow and said, “You’ve, uh… You’ve never hugged me.”

 

Cas tilted his head thoughtfully. "You're right." He squinted his eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

 

He waved Cas off and shook his head. “S’alright. Just, uh… warn a guy, next time.”

 

Cas leaned against the handrail, biting his lip. "I won't do it again, if you don't like it." He noticed that Kyle hadn't hugged him back. Maybe some people didn’t like hugs.

 

“It’s fine, Cas. I just wasn’t expecting it.” Kyle crossed his arms over his chest again and leaned on the handrail next to him. After a beat he looked up and asked, “So, uh… what’s the deal with pretty boy, anyway?”

 

Cas faced him for a moment before he watched the horizon again. “What do you mean?” he asked carefully, wondering why Kyle was so interested in Dean. Maybe Kyle liked Dean? He  _ had  _ called him “pretty” twice in the last couple of minutes.

 

Kyle shrugged again. “He like your boy enough that you’re gonna get your... the hell did Charlie call it? Your whirlwind romance, or whatever?”

 

Cas sighed deeply before he shook his head. “I think it is pretty obvious that he chose Lisa for a ‘whirlwind romance'.”  He didn't want to hurt Kyle, but it was better he didn’t get his hopes up, if he  _ liked  _ Dean.

 

“Still hung up on the guy, huh?” Kyle let out a mirthless chuckle as he looked down.

 

“I hope that Dean made it back to his Castiel and they are happy now. He wasn’t for me. It’s over.” And Cas felt for the first time that those words rung true in his heart. He wasn’t pining after the other Dean anymore.

 

Kyle tilted his head slightly, giving him a sideways glance. After a beat, he smiled. One of the rare, genuine smiles that rarely graced the man’s face. “I’m glad you’re feeling better about the whole thing.”

 

Cas returned the smile and nodded. “Me, too. It feels freeing to know I'm finally over it. It was a very confusing situation.”

 

“I bet.” Kyle sighed and stretched out his arms. “How was the talent show?” he asked as he now braced his hands on either side of himself on the handrail.

 

“I wish you could have seen it. It was so good that Sarah said they plan on doing it again.” For a moment Cas thought about the fact that he had given his extra ticket to Dean, who went with Lisa instead. In a moment of weakness and jealousy, he looked up at Kyle with a smile. “You should come with me the next time. I mean, if you want to.”

 

Kyle nodded. “I’d like that.”

 

Cas gave him another smile before he nearly toppled over with the headache that struck. He groaned as he grabbed his head, wincing with the pain of a splitting migraine when a million voices suddenly started in his head. He could feel Kyle’s hand on his shoulder and that he was saying something, but he couldn’t understand what it was. And suddenly all he could hear was Dean’s voice, praying for his help, telling him that he was able to sense Dean now.

 

He gasped when the prayer stopped, his wings beating on instinct even though he couldn’t fly anymore. “I have to go. It's an emergency.”

 

“What’s going on?” Kyle asked, panic evident in his voice, hands still on his shoulder, squeezing in a subtle silent urge to stay and explain.

 

“Dean found survivors. One is gravely injured. I have to go, Kyle,” Cas explained quickly.

 

Kyle released his hold on his shoulder. “I’ll ring the alarm, get everyone ready for them. You get them.”

 

“Thank you.” 

 

Cas clapped Kyle on his broad shoulder before he more or less jumped down to the wall and then over it to the other side, before he started running as fast as he could. 

 

Dean was right. He  _ could  _ sense him now, which was weird because he had tattooed the warding in his skin. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know how he got rid of it.

 

There was a very strong, longing sensation coming from him and he groaned when the familiar feeling hit him. It was the exact same longing he had felt from the other Dean. But this time it wasn't reaching him accidentally because the other Dean had longed for  _ his  _ Cas.

 

This time it was  _ his  _ Dean and the longing was for him alone. His wings beat and twitched while he ran. It was uncomfortable how much he wanted– no,  _ needed  _ to fly. He had never missed his wings this much before.

 

It took him thirty minutes to reach an old gas station and he could feel Dean was inside the building. “Dean?” he yelled, trying to make him aware that he was coming, in case he had put up traps around the building.

 

“Back here, Cas,” Dean called out from the back corner of the building. 

 

He found Dean kneeling over a man with a huge gaping wound in his abdomen. The man had his head rested on another man's lap, who was carding his fingers through the injured man's hair, talking to him in a soothing voice, barely looking up at Cas.

 

He knelt beside Dean, holding his hand over the injured man. He had lost a lot of blood and suffered from internal injuries. There were traces of poison in his system that was slowing the blood loss, but making it a very excruciating and slow death as well.

 

“I can only heal the physical injuries, Dean. Not the poison.” 

 

“What kind of poison?” Dean asked.

 

Cas squinted his eyes at the wounds. "Looks like the poison from a serparvo Demon."

 

Dean nodded and slowly removed his hands from the injured man’s body. “I can throw something together for that with what I have at the Citadel. But we can’t move him ‘til his injuries are healed.” He looked up at the other man and said, “Cas here’s an angel. He’s gonna heal Jesse.”

 

The other man withdrew an angel blade and held it in Cas’s face. “Get him the fuck away from Jesse.”

 

“Whoa, whoa, Cesar! Stop!” Dean cried out as he stood up and raised his hands in surrender. “Cas is a good guy. I can vouch for him.”

 

Cesar narrowed his eyes at Cas and after a tense beat of silence, finally lowered the weapon. “You hurt him, I’ll take you both out without thinkin’ twice.”

 

Cas knew it was better not to say anything, lest he aggravate the man any further. He just nodded and concentrated on the injured man, holding his hand over him to heal his internal injuries and his external wounds. They closed under his hand as he replenished the blood cells, so the man could make the journey to the Citadel without dying from shock, or the poison.

 

“That’s all I can do,” Cas said to Dean when he was finished. “We should get back now.”

 

Dean held his hand out to Jesse and he took it, standing up and touching at his stomach, turning to look at Cas with widened eyes. “Th – thank you,” he said, tone sounding a little awed. Cesar embraced the man, yanking him into a fierce hug. When Jesse drew back, Cesar was cupping his face gently.

 

“Don’t scare me like that, ever again,” Cesar chastised gently.

 

Jesse shook his head and leaned in to press his lips to the other man’s. 

 

Cas turned to look at Dean, who just rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged at Cas. Dean looked at the two guys and said, “We, uh… We’re gonna need to book it, guys. Cas using his grace like that’s gonna attract some unwanted attention.”

 

That appeared to instill a sense of urgency, as the three humans grabbed their things and rushed out the door.

 

Cas looked in every direction and shook his head at Dean to signal that he couldn’t sense anything. “We should still hurry though.”

 

Dean nodded. “Yeah, should I lead and you trail? Which is safer?”

 

“You lead. I’ll keep a little distance from you. If we get attacked, they will focus on me.” Cas turned around and attempted to get some space between them when a strong hand halted him at the elbow. 

 

The look on Dean’s face was difficult to decipher. It seemed almost frightened, but determined. Humans had a bizarre range of emotions. He chucked Cas’s chin and said, “Be careful, Castiel.”

 

Cas furrowed his brow at Dean's use of his full name. He had liked it before, but now it felt weird hearing him say it. Like they had taken a step back. "Of course. You, too."

 

He quickly ran a few feet in the opposite direction, readying his blade as he waited there for a few minutes, staring at the horizon. A quick glance back showed that Dean had started to run in the direction of the Citadel with the two men. He gave it a few minutes before he followed them.

 

He could still feel Dean’s longing in the back of his mind and he tried to not get used to it. Whatever Dean had done to make himself visible to Cas again probably wouldn’t be a permanent thing. 

 

He still couldn’t feel any demonic presence and that alone was disconcerting. Usually there was an immediate consequence for using his powers. The encounters with higher class demons had lessened in the past few weeks. Maybe… No. He didn’t dare hope that this was a sign of anything.

 

After a few minutes of nothing, he turned around and followed them. It took a little longer to get back because he wasn’t running. 

 

He didn’t follow Dean or the others to the medbay. He couldn’t do anything for them anyway. And it was important for new people, especially ones afraid of angels, that they saw this was a  _ human  _ camp.

 

Dr. William, Lisa, Sarah, and Jeff were waiting for them at the gate. He greeted them quickly before he made his way up to the roof, getting back to his duty and to see how Kyle was holding up after his long day.

 

He found the man sitting on the bench, his chin braced on his palm and expression tired. “Hello, Kyle. You look very tired.”

 

Kyle waved him off as he moved to sit upright. “I’m good. I got it.” He crossed his arms over his chest and slowly blinked a few times. “They okay?”

 

Cas sat down next to him with a soft smile. “Yes, I think they will be okay. One of them was poisoned and I couldn’t help with that. But they’re with William and Dean right now. I’m sure they will save him.”

 

“Glad to see you made it back in one piece. No husks, or skelks. Or spoons,” he said, a soft smile playing around his lips.

 

Cas returned the smile, that quickly turned into a chuckle. “This spoon thing will follow me for the rest of my life.”

 

“Oh, yeah. Never escapin’ that.” Kyle leaned back, bracing his right arm along the backrest of the bench behind Cas. “You got back here a lot faster than I thought you would.”

 

“They weren’t far and I ran. It was an emergency.”

 

That was met with a chuckle before he shook his head. “Figured you’d wanna make sure your pretty boy was okay.”

 

"He isn't  _ my  _ 'pretty boy'," Cas said without thinking and he could feel the sting in his heart because it was true. "He's helping with the two new men now and they don't need me around." 

 

Cas looked down for a moment. He had never before felt hurt when new people were afraid of him. It was an understandable, normal reaction. But now? It suddenly hurt. 

 

Because being an angel was also the reason why Dean could never be with him. His voice was quiet when he added, "I'm an angel and they don't know me."

 

“Well, just like the rest of us, they’ll get used to ya’.” Kyle slid his arm downward and patted Cas on the shoulder. “Don’t take it personal, Cas.”

 

Cas turned to Kyle with a deep sigh. "What if it's something they never get used to? What if... me being an angel will always stand between them and me?" He knew he wasn’t talking about the two survivors anymore, but he still needed an answer.

 

“Well…” Kyle seemed contemplative for a moment, before smirking at him. “Fuck ‘em. I’ll still like ya’.”

 

Cas couldn't help but return the smile. Kyle was right. Even if everything went south with Dean, he always had his friends. Friends who accepted and liked him the way he was. Who didn't see him as an angel, but as a person. 

 

"You said I should warn you before I hug you again." He felt incredibly grateful to Kyle in that moment.

 

Kyle chuckled and opened his arms for him to close the distance between them. Cas smiled and wrapped his arms around his broad shoulders, smiling even more when Kyle hugged him back this time, engulfing him tightly in his strong arms. He felt weirdly protected in that moment.

 

They drew apart from each other when there was a throat being cleared. Dean was standing there, an unsure smile on his face as he said, “Figured Kyle should be relieved. Thanks, man. For covering for me.”

 

Kyle nodded and moved away from Cas rather quickly. “Yeah, uh… No problem.” He made his way to the ladder and mumbled a soft, “Night, Cas.” before disappearing down the side.

 

Cas looked after Kyle for a moment with a head tilt before he gave Dean a surprised look. “Aren’t you tired after today? It’s okay with me to take over the rest of the night alone if you want to sleep.”

 

“Little too amped up on adrenaline. I can hang for a while.” Dean moved to take the now vacated seat next to him. “How’s your grace after that? Still good?”

 

Cas nodded, giving Dean a quick smile. "Yes, I still feel very good." He let his gaze travel over Dean's body before he frowned. "Were you hurt? You have an injury–"  _ Where his hiding sigil was.  _ "Oh. you did that to yourself so I could find you?"

 

Dean shrugged. “Figured it was easier than trying to direct you blindly through prayer.”

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck. "Do you want me to heal it?"

 

Another shrug as Dean leaned back against the bench. “If you want. It’ll heal on its own in a few days, too.”

 

Cas thought it was better if he didn’t get used to feeling Dean's longing for him. Better to get rid of it quickly. He reached forward and touched Dean's forehead to heal the skin. When he leaned back he frowned. He could still feel Dean.

 

Dean pulled his shirt up to look at the now healed wound, that had the tiniest break in the line of the sigil. “Thanks, Cas.”

 

Cas shook his head slightly, tilting his head as he squinted at the sigil. “What did I do wrong?” he wondered out loud. “I think my powers aren’t working as well as I thought.”

 

“Oh, that. I’ll have to do a new sigil for that. Once a hiding sigil is broken, it’s broken for good.” Dean pulled his shirt back down and added, “I’m gonna wait until I’m, uh… more rested before I do that sigil again.”

 

"Oh." Cas nodded. "I see." Cas took in a shuddered breath and walked towards the handrail, trying to pull himself together because he did not expect Dean's words to hurt as much as they did. He thought Dean would trust him by now. After everything. But he still wanted to hide himself from him.

 

“Unless, uh… Unless… I mean, like it makes sense to  _ not  _ put myself through that pain again when, it’s, uh… Not an issue anymore.” Dean was wringing his hands the entire time he spoke, elbows braced on his knees as he only darted the occasional quick glance in Cas’s direction.

 

"You did it because you didn't trust me," Cas said slowly. "If you feel different about it now, I would be happy if you wouldn't feel the need to hide from me anymore."

 

Dean sat up again, looking at Cas with a smile. “At this point, the only reason staying hidden from you would have a point is, uh... probably not an appropriate use for it.”

 

Cas tilted his head in confusion. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

 

“Sneaking up on you. Surprising you.” 

 

Cas leaned back against the handrail with a raised eyebrow. "The rest of your wardings still hide you pretty well. But it will be more difficult for you to startle me in the future."

 

With the swift grace of a panther, Dean was up and off of the bench, suddenly invading Cas’s personal space. Dean grasped the handrail at either side of Cas’s waist and chuckled at the way his breath hitched. “That’s just too bad.”

 

"I'm starting to think you like to startle and confuse me, Dean." Cas smiled at Dean, hooking his fingers into the belt loops of his jeans to pull him closer.

 

“Gotta keep you on your toes. You’re clumsy.” Dean pressed the side of his face against Cas’s cheek as his hands slipped from the rail to his hips. 

 

"So, this is all for my benefit." Cas chuckled lowly, enjoying the feeling of Dean so close again. He had missed him. And since the sigil was broken, he could feel him even more. Not only on a physical level, but a profoundly spiritual one. Dean’s soul was reaching out for him. It felt incredible and it made him dizzy with want and need.

 

Dean drew back and smirked. “Exactly. I’m just tryin’ to keep you vigilant.”

 

Cas looked up at Dean with a shy smile. "I–I didn't get a chance to thank you again. For your bed today. I don't think I have ever slept so long and deep."

 

“You’re welcome,” he murmured, his other hand now caressing a trail up his cheek into the hair behind his ear. “Sorry I wasn’t able to, uh… wake you up like I did this morning. Or was it yesterday now?”

 

"Yesterday. It's past midnight," Cas hummed, closing his eyes for a moment. "It's okay. You had good reason."

 

Dean sighed and drew back. “Right. I should, uh… Shit, I should get on that actually.”

 

Cas pulled him back again and before he could say anything, he kissed Dean under his ear. "You should go to bed after that. You'll need the rest."

 

There was a sharp intake of breath before he pushed Cas up against the railing. Dean scraped his teeth along the skin covering Cas’s almost vibrating pulse point. “What I tell you about teasin’ me?”

 

A gasp fell from Cas's lips and his body arched against Dean's involuntarily. "I'm sorry– I just missed feeling you."

 

“How much?” Dean practically growled as he ground his, apparently rock hard, erection against Cas’s thigh.

 

Cas groaned as he rocked his hips against Dean's. "I need you, Dean. So much. Would you–" He knew what Dean wanted to hear, but it still wasn't easy to just say what he wanted. "Would you fuck me?"

 

That was met with another growl, this time unintelligible as Dean spun Cas around, now facing the handrail, over the unending blackness of a mostly starless sky. He shuffled Cas’s pants down past his hips for him without any sort of finesse. When the fabric was stopped at just above his knees, he heard a tear and Dean spitting something out.

 

Suddenly, a rough index finger was probing at his hole and Cas repressed a groan. Dean chuckled. “Grabbed some vaseline from that gas station.” As the man’s finger breached him, there was a soft groan of satisfaction, but Cas wasn’t entirely sure if it came from himself or Dean.

 

Cas rocked back against Dean's finger. He hoped they would get the preparation over with quickly so he could finally feel Dean in him again. "Please, Dean. I need more."

 

He could feel Dean’s grin on the skin behind his ear. Dean started sucking on the skin as a second digit slipped into him. The scissoring motion he began was causing Cas’s breathing to become ragged. 

 

Cas moaned between broken and heavy pants. Dean's fingers felt incredible, but it wasn't enough. He realized that he had been worried about Dean when he had gone out alone. Something he hadn't allowed himself to feel, but was hitting him in that moment. And he needed to remind himself that Dean hadn't left him. Dean came back to him. "Please, Dean," he begged. "Please let me feel you."

 

The urge to whimper when Dean withdrew his fingers was palpable. Casting a glance over his shoulder back at Dean, the man was stroking the lubrication on his erection, the head almost purple with the intensity of his lust. 

 

Dean gripped his cock and guided it to Cas’s hole, teasing his rim with the head of his dick before just pushing in. Dean groaned as he slowly sank in. “Fuck, Cas.”

 

Cas breathed through the intrusion, letting himself feel everything. The stretch, the burn, the way Dean filled him when he completely bottomed out. His grip on the handrail tightened when Dean started to move, rockhard erection brushing over his prostate with every thrust. Cas leaned his head back, trying to press his whole body against Dean to feel closer to him. "Dean," he moaned out before he he bit down on his lip.

 

“Tell me what you want,” he purred through slow and methodical thrusts that were going to drive him to madness.

 

_ You. Everything about you. _

 

Cas shook his head. "Fuck me hard. Come inside me."

 

Dean groaned and thrust harder, his hands slipping down to Cas’s hips as he began to fuck into him at jackrabbit speed, angling his own hips to make sure he was striking Cas’s prostate with every movement.

 

Cas thought he was losing it. He couldn't stop moaning, gasping out Dean's name. "Dean. Oh... I'm so close." 

 

“Touch yourself, I wanna feel you come on my dick,” Dean moaned, never once breaking his speed or rhythm. 

 

Cas slid one hand off the handrail and wrapped his fingers around his throbbing erection with an appreciative groan. He teased himself for a moment, trying to prolong the feeling, but it was so overwhelming that he lasted a matter of seconds before he gripped himself harder. It only took a few strokes before he gasped out, throwing his head back against Dean's shoulder and allowing himself to get washed away by pure, ecstatic sensation, all combined with a heady mix from the longing he felt from Dean's soul. He wasn't sure, but he might have blacked out for a moment.

 

Dean’s hips stilled and his fingernails dug into his skin as he shuddered against Cas. Riding out the waves of his own ecstasy by using Cas as a life preserver. When the movement finally stopped, Dean chuckled, a dazed and content sound. “I swear the sex gets better every time.”

 

Cas turned his head and kissed Dean's throat, grinning against his skin. "I like that thought."

 

When Dean drew back and slipped out of him, he refrained from groaning in protest. Dean was tucking himself back into his pants when he turned around. “I really should go work on all the spellwork we need to get this place better protected.”

 

Cas looked down at himself for a moment. His pants still hanging around his knees as Dean was already moving towards the ladder. "Yes, of course."

 

He had a strange feeling in his chest and stomach that he couldn't quite pinpoint as he slowly pulled up his pants.

 

As Dean climbed onto the ladder, he called out, “Hey, Cas?”

 

Cas looked up, buttoning his pants. “Yes?”

 

“If you, uh… If you wanna crash with me again…” Dean smiled, his expression almost shy as he finished with a soft and quick, “I wouldn’t mind.”

 

And with those few words, the weird feeling was gone and Cas smiled up at Dean. "I would like that."

 

Dean almost looked relieved. He nodded at Cas and wordlessly made his way down the ladder.

 

Cas leaned back against the handrail with a frown before he turned around and watched the horizon. He felt confused. Either Dean was giving him mixed signals about the nature of their relationship, or Cas wasn’t very good at interpreting them. 

 

He wanted to join Dean in his bed again, but he noticed that he was starting to hope that this could evolve into more. He had promised himself he would never let himself hope for something like this again. 

 

The other Dean had said he would go back to his Cas and he did. And still Cas had hoped he would come back to him. And the hope had almost crippled him.

 

Dean had told him that there wasn't anything for them in the future. He couldn't even kiss him. Dean had made himself very clear about the limitations of their relationship.

 

He couldn't allow himself to hope again. So when the sun finally started to rise, indicating the end of his shift, he didn't go to Dean. Instead, he started some much needed work in the greenhouse.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Dean had been grateful for the distraction of working on all of the different spellwork and other forms of protection he could hopefully help implement for the Citadel. The distraction from all the shitty things he’d been doing since he came here. The cheating. The selfishness of trying to have an emotional relationship with Lisa, while having a physical relationship with Cas. 

 

And that was the thing, despite how much he genuinely liked Lisa… hell, if he wanted to, he was pretty sure he could feel something akin to love for her. Not that he really believed in romantic love. But whatever could come close to that, he was sure he could feel that for Lisa.

 

Apart from the fact that he was pretty much addicted to the physical aspects of the relationship he had with Cas. There was something there, between the playful banter and flirting, the mind-blowing sex, and the fact that he did genuinely consider the angel to be a good friend. So why the hell would he try to risk it all, possibly even ruin it all, just for sex? It wasn’t like he couldn’t and wasn’t getting sex somewhere else.

 

When Dean had finished working out all of the possible areas and ways he could work some spells and sigils into the actual foundation of the Citadel, and hopefully, with Charlie’s help, connect it all to the alarm system they already had; he left a copy of his plans on her desk and was finally crawling into his bed at six a.m.

 

Cas would be relieved within the next thirty minutes and Dean wasn’t sure if he wanted him to show or not. Lines were starting to blur, emotions were starting to get messy, and he should honestly end things with Cas. But every time he found himself in the proximity of the damn angel, his tongue would get tied, and to hinder the damn weird feelings that kept confusing the hell out of him, he’d fuck Cas and just try to not think about it.

 

And that shit wasn’t fair. To Cas. To Lisa. Dean had spent years alone and apparently, wasn’t going to be happy until he forced everyone at the Citadel to hate his guts, ultimately leaving him alone again.  _ Shit.  _ Maybe he should have let Charlie try to talk Cas out of it. Maybe he should end things with both of them and just try to find his place in the new little world they were attempting to create. 

 

_ Leave it to Dean Winchester to turn the apocalypse into an episode of Days of our Lives.  _ He thought ruefully. 

 

When Dean checked his watch, it was almost seven and Cas hadn’t shown up. He ignored the pang of disappointment he felt and shut his lamp off. Exhaustion was finally winning the battle for his consciousness and as he started to drift asleep, it was ice blue eyes occupying his thoughts, instead of the chocolate brown ones that it should have been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, one of the things that's great with creating original characters, is their appearance is completely subjective dependent on the reader. That's why we intentionally don't go into excessive detail on OC's appearances. We don't want to take away that magic. You guys get maybe a race, gender, and a few features, but no other details, that way it's up to you.
> 
> Well. Not with Kyle. We're sharing what Kyle looks like in our heads because reasons.
> 
> This is Kyle. You're welcome, ladies and jellyspoons.  
> 


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frankie here: HOLY CRAP TWO UPDATES! lol. Anyway, yes. We hope we lured all of you into the conflicting Kyle/Cas ship that consumed me and Any while writing this. So much so, we actually wrote a few of the scenes in a divergence that highlighted this pairing, which we will share on our joint tumblr after we've completely uploaded this fic.
> 
> The funny thing is, even though we hardcore shipped them, and the outtake fics were more cathartic than anything else, they still ended up turning into Destiel. Which, in our opinion, is proof that even though we're terrible shippers, Destiel is and always will be our OTP.

**Chapter 9**

 

Time always seemed to fly when Cas spent time in the greenhouse, his fingers combing through the fresh soil as he planted new tomatoes and strawberries. Kiera and Tommy had helped him for a few minutes before leaving for their school lessons, and Chris came in a little later because he hadn't slept very well. 

 

Chris was sitting on one of the crates, a pen and some paper in his hand, that he had been staring at for over twenty minutes. Cas almost wondered if he was sleeping with his eyes open.

 

He looked up from his where he was kneeling on the earth when the greenhouse door opened. For a moment he felt angry with himself that he wished it was Dean, until his gaze fell on Kyle. He smiled brightly at his friend, happily surprised that Kyle was visiting him.

 

“Hello, Kyle.”

 

The man was carrying a small bundle in his hands, wrapped in a towel. “Cas, I’m so glad I found you,” he said, tone relieved and grateful. Kyle approached Cas and held his hands out with the little bundle. “This baby bird fell out of her nest and I think her wing is broken. Can you help her?”

 

Cas stood up and wiped his hand on a towel before he approached Kyle to look at the bird. Kyle was right, the wing was broken. He touched the bird's head and healed it, watching with a smile as the bird started to spread her wings, moving them like she wanted to fly, but was too young to do so.

 

He wished he could heal his own wings like that.

 

Cas looked up at Kyle with a soft smile. "She is okay again. We should bring her back to the nest though."

 

Kyle nodded, a relieved and almost elated smile curving his lips. “I knew you’d understand. Jeff told me to snap her neck so we’d have some meat.”

 

Cas scrunched up his nose and shook his head. "There aren't many animals left. We should preserve every life that we encounter." He returned Kyle's smile after a moment. "Thank you for saving that bird."

 

“You saved her, not me,” he replied as he wrapped the little bird back in the towel. “I’ll take her back, sorry for disturbing you.”

 

"You didn't disturb me. I'm always happy to see you." Cas walked towards the greenhouse door with him, holding open the door. "Um. Would you mind, um... showing me the nest?"

 

Somehow seeing this bird brightened his mood and he wanted to watch over it as long as the baby couldn't fly.

 

“Sure.” Kyle nodded his head in the direction of the lone tree at the back of the grounds of the Citadel. He braced the bundle in the crook of his left arm, smiling at Cas as he did so. “Anything happen after I left last night?” he asked, clearly making casual conversation. 

 

Cas looked away for a moment when his thoughts involuntarily drifted to the great sex Dean and he had yesterday. But since Kyle couldn’t possibly know that, he probably just wanted to know how his shift went.

 

"It was a quiet, long night." Cas scratched the back of his head. "I would love to take the quietness as a sign that this war will be over soon. But somehow it just feels like the calm before the storm." He gave Kyle a sheepish look. "I apologize. I didn't want to be negative."

 

That was met with a firm shake of his head. “Don’t apologize. We’ve all seen first hand what not being prepared for the worst possible scenario can do.” Kyle sighed as they reached the tree, looking up at the branch approximately four feet higher than either of them could reach. He turned to Cas and shrugged. “If I lift you, could you put her back in her nest? That should work.”

 

Cas nodded and squinted his eyes at the tree. "Where is the nest?"

 

Kyle leaned in close, a hint of whatever the man used for aftershave invaded his nostrils. It was a very pleasant smell. Cas’s reverie over Kyle’s scent almost completely distracted him from what the man was saying. He was pointing at the branch on the right side of the tree. “Can you see it? The little bundle of sticks and feathers?”

 

Cas followed the line of Kyle’s arm to search for the nest when he noticed it. He nodded. "Yes. I think I can reach it when you lift me."

 

Carefully moving the bundle from his arm, Kyle handed her to Cas and smiled. “Ready?”

 

Out of the blue, Cas suddenly thought that Kyle should smile more often. He liked how it made his eyes shine brighter, almost the color of amber when the sunlight hit his face. He returned the smile and nodded, carefully holding the bird in one hand.

 

It was almost unexpected, despite their prior discussion, when the man bent down, pressing his shoulder against the back of Cas’s thighs as a strong arm wrapped around his legs and lifted him effortlessly as he stood upright. Kyle looked up and asked, “Can you reach? Should I bring you closer?”

 

Cas reached for the closest thick branch to hold himself steady before he looked down. "Can you go two steps forward?"

 

Kyle stepped forward, bracing his free hand on Cas’s hip to keep him steady with the movement. 

 

When they were directly under the nest, Cas carefully pulled the branch down a little to lower the bird into it again. He touched her one more time to get rid of the human scent that they had left on her, so the mother would still accept her baby when she came back to the nest. Cas carefully let go of the branch, signaling Kyle with a nod that he was finished.

 

He hadn’t been prepared for the man to lift his legs and basically swing him down into a bridal style hold. Kyle chuckled at the surprised expression on Cas’s face as he clung to the man’s neck to brace himself. “You alright?” Kyle’s expression was amused and it was a nice change to his usual angry expression. Charlie referred to it as his, “resting bitch face.”

 

"Yes." He smile up at him shyly before he grinned. "Did you want to see how it feels to catch me if I fell?"

 

“Maybe,” he teased as he released Cas’s legs and let him stand on the ground again. “You’re usually the one doin’ the saving. Wanted to see what it felt like.”

 

Cas still had his arms around Kyle's shoulders, not wanting to let him go just yet because he was enjoying this relaxed side of his friend. "And? Do you think it felt good enough that now you would happily save me should I fall out of a tree? I would understand if you would let me fall. Can't be good for your back, catching falling angels."  

 

Kyle laughed and rolled his eyes. “You weigh about the same as that baby bird as far as I’m concerned. Pretty sure I can make an exception for one clumsy angel.”

 

Cas scratched the back of his neck, his smile slipping. Dean always called him clumsy. Was he really that bad?

 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, arms still around his waist even though he drew back slightly to look him more in the face.

 

Cas shook his head slightly and gave Kyle a quick smile so he wouldn't worry. "Nothing. Just... Am I really that clumsy?"

 

“You are. It’s kind of adorable,” he affirmed. There was no bite or teasing in his tone. Kyle was remarking on his coordination with an almost fondness.

 

Cas sighed deeply.  _ Great. _ He had been a fierce soldier, the rank of a commander on the battlefield. He had been feared and respected by angels and demons. And his humans saw him as an adorable, clumsy angel. 

 

Still better than a unicorn. But not much.

 

Kyle finally withdrew from him, clapping him on the shoulder as he cleared his throat. “Uh, thanks again, Cas. I look forward to disappointing Jeff.”

 

“Anytime.” Cas couldn’t help but chuckle when he imagined Jeff’s face. Before Kyle could go, Cas wrapped his fingers around his wrist to stop him. “Kyle... I just wanted you to know that, um, you can always come to me when you want to talk or–” Cas shrugged because he didn’t know how to finish the sentence. He looked down to the ground, feeling embarrassed by his lack of eloquence. 

 

He missed Kyle as a friend. For a while Kyle had been very secluded, even towards him.

 

“Or?” he asked, eyebrow quirked in curiosity.

 

Cas shrugged shyly. “Or if you feel like having company.”

 

“I’m not as fun as everyone else,” he murmured as he looked away.

 

Cas pulled Kyle a bit closer, before he put his hand on his shoulder. "We used to spend far more time together in the beginning. I miss that." 

 

Kyle shook his head, letting out a soft sigh. “I’m sorry. I kinda, just… stopped. Been busy, you know? My free time, when I’m not enlisting angels to help me save birds, I’m usually sleepin’.”

 

Cas nodded slowly. "I understand."

 

“But, uh… I miss it, too.”

 

Cas looked up at him in surprise and gave Kyle a shy smile before he rubbed the back of his neck. "If you're done with sleeping, maybe we could hang out today? Or I could help you with your work? I don't have anything to do until tonight and my children all are busy today."

 

Kyle smiled and rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh, yeah. Gotta work on a couple of weapons, and then I’m free? You probably can find somethin’ more useful than watching me bend and manipulate heated metal.” 

 

Cas rocked his head to the side before he explained, “Chris basically told me he would burn my coat if I show up in the greenhouse later today again, the others are relaxing because we’re going on a raid tomorrow, and Sarah told me this morning I should stay inside because Charlie is working on a new alarm system for the Citadel with Dean. I’m pretty much unwanted everywhere, so you would be doing me a favor.”

 

“Not unwanted with me, Cas. If you don’t mind bein’ bored watching me work, I’d, uh… you know.” 

 

Cas rubbed his fingers over his chin. “You wouldn’t perhaps have the time to make a spoon for me?”

 

That was met with a genuine bark of laughter. Kyle smiled and shook his head. “No more spoons for you. Sarah made me sign a contract.”

 

“She did not!” Cas gave him a playfully shocked expression.

 

“I’ll show it to ya’. Come on.” Kyle nodded at Cas to follow him as he started his trek to the weapons room.

 

Cas was incredibly grateful for the distraction and that he could spend time with his friend. He didn’t want to run into Dean and Lisa, and he needed the space to get back on track with his feelings. It was just sex. Nothing more. As long as he was clear about that, he couldn’t get hurt.

 

He sat down on one of the work tables as Kyle pulled a paper from a drawer. Cas’s eyes widened. “I can’t believe she really did this.”

 

**….. :::: :::: ….**

 

Dean woke up in the afternoon, slightly disoriented from a bizarre dream he’d had. He was trapped in what looked like a crypt and Castiel was there, hurting him, trying to kill him. Thankfully, because of the trigger, Sammy showed up and rescued Dean. He sat up in his bed, rubbing his eyes as he shook himself of the incredibly vivid dream.

 

Tossing his blanket aside, he pulled up his watch and sighed. No point in trying to get more sleep, and he needed to check in with Charlie anyway. Grabbing his nightwatch gear and shrugging on a black t-shirt and black tactical pants, he made his way to Charlie’s den. He was grateful when he arrived and she was alone.

 

She pulled down her headset and gave him a friendly smile. “You were busy.”

 

“Well, if I’m gonna run away for half a day to deal with my shit under the pretense of amping up the protection here, might as well follow through.” He chuckled as he leaned against the door frame.

 

She grinned before she leaned back in her chair. "Any revelations while you were wandering through the desert?"

 

Dean hummed thoughtfully and smirked. “Like whether or not I wanna change my hairstyle?”

 

Charlie snorted and shook her head, opening a program that looked like a library of sigils. "Just so you know, I talked to Cas. He's actually pretty good with whatever arrangement you have, so I won't try and talk him out of it anymore."

 

That took him aback. He didn’t know what to say to that. Dean knew Cas was good with it, but there was an almost… disappointment in the fact that she said it in such a nonchalant way. Maybe he was reading too much into Cas’s behavior and the guy was legitimately just into him for the physical side of it. But then, the things he’d say sometimes. He was probably putting up a front for Charlie. That must be it.

 

Dean shrugged and said, “Told you. Anyway, so what can you do on your end to work with my end?” He moved into the room and took the seat next to her. “Spells and science, or whatever. We can make it work, right?”

 

She pointed at her program. "So I wasn't just lazing around with Jill, I actually digitized the new sigils. I came up with a program that registered them via the camera and will sound the alarm system."

 

“Really? That’s fuckin’ cool,” he said as he leaned over to look closer at the screen. “So, what do you need me to do?”

 

"You just need to tell me which ones I should use, which ones you are still going to add, and if we need to install more cameras to catch all of them. It's a bit of work, but if you have time now, we should get it over with quickly.”

 

Dean nodded. “Yeah, I can do that.” 

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Dean felt a little better after figuring shit out with Charlie. He planned to spend the rest of his afternoon before his shift getting everything ready. Best bet was to start outside of the Citadel, using Charlie’s laptop to identify and code the spellwork and connect it to the alarm system. Essentially, if he was able to pull it off, if any of those damn skelks stepped within fifty feet of the property, an alarm would sound.

 

Since he missed breakfast  _ and  _ lunch, he decided it was probably best to sneak into the kitchen and grab something to tide him over, since he’d probably miss dinner trying to get all of the systems and spells working in sync. Dean crept into the room quietly, not wanting to startle anyone, if they were there.

 

The first sound that met his ears was a soft, familiar moan. Narrowing his eyes, Dean crept through the dining hall into the main kitchen. He almost laughed at the sight that met him. 

 

That sound was  _ definitely  _ Lisa, who was sitting on the counter, legs wrapped around the guy who was presently balls deep inside of her. Dean cleared his throat and she yelped before pushing the guy off. It was Jorge. One of Charlie’s tech minions that she forces to do the labor she hates.

 

The guy bounced, darting past Dean as he pulled up his pants, looking pretty damn guilty. Lisa, on the other hand, hopped off of the counter completely nonplussed, straightening her dress and giving Dean a curious look. “I should probably stop fucking in here. I keep getting caught.”

 

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “That’s all you’re gonna say?”

 

She folded her arms and gave him a defiant look. “What do you expect me to say? Do you want me to apologize? Seeing as we weren’t exclusive, I didn’t think you’d have a problem with it.”

 

With a bemused head shake, Dean approached her, trying to figure out if she was actually saying what she was saying. “Well, we never said we were exclusive, but –”

 

“But I figured we  _ weren’t  _ when I found you half naked in bed with Castiel,” she interrupted, eyebrow arched in challenge.

 

_ Damn.  _ Dean let out a snort of surprise, any ire or annoyance, or semblance of betrayal that he may have felt, dissipated. The wind successfully knocked out of his sails.

 

Lisa approached, gently cupping his face. “It’s fine, Dean. I mean, I’m a little annoyed you tried to hide it from me, like you actually  _ were  _ cheating, but… I get it. This isn’t the type of world where we get to run off and get hitched, pop out a few kids, grow old together. We’re lucky if we see another day, so why not enjoy every part of it we can? Even if it’s fucking an angel in your bed instead of meeting up with me.”

 

Dean winced in regret. He hadn’t been fair to Lisa at all. He knew that, but he did genuinely like her. And considering her reaction to… well, everything. He liked her even more. “I’m an asshole.”

 

“Yeah. You are. But you’re fucking great in the sack, so if you ever have an itch you need scratched… You know where I am.” Lisa leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. “But for now, I’m grabbing Joe again. Help yourself to food, which is why you’re here I’m guessing.  _ My _ itch being scratched was  _ rudely  _ interrupted.” She departed with a sly smirk on her lips and another kiss being pressed to his cheek.

 

As the door closed behind her, Dean shook his head, in a sort of daze.  _ Holy shit.  _ That was a hell of a lot of information to process. One: he and Cas were nowhere near as fucking sly as they thought they were. Two: Lisa and him were over? Not that they were really actually together. He felt a semblance of relief, before dread kicked in.

 

While the guilt factor of cheating on Lisa was now gone, he realized in that moment how much of a buffer she was. A buffer against whatever weird connection he had with Cas. And when Cas would inevitably find out Dean was, technically, available again, the guy would probably want to try and…  _ damnit. _

 

Lisa made a great point, too. This wasn't the type of world where the apple pie life was possible. Falling in love was basically a guarantee of heartbreak and why spend what time they had left miserable?

 

Dean grabbed a couple of granola bars and decided he would just  _ not  _ tell Cas. Let him think shit needed to stay on the down low as long as he could get away with it. 

 

With an aggravated sigh, Dean made his way to the weapons room. He wanted to pick up a couple of things before stepping outside of the walls of the Citadel.

 

Dean had a mouthful of granola bar when he barked a, “Kyle, you got any silver bullets? I'm out.”

 

He froze as he saw Kyle leaning over Cas with an amused smile as he showed him something. The pair of them turned to look up at Dean in surprise before Kyle’s usual angry grimace returned to his face.

 

“Yeah, in the drawer of the hutch in the corner,” he said, tone annoyed and bored at the same time.

 

Dean nodded, pushing down the weird feeling in his chest. He had no idea what was happening, but he had this overwhelming urge to separate Kyle from Cas. And that didn't make a damn bit of sense, considering he just walked in on Lisa  _ fucking  _ someone else and none of those feelings surfaced.

 

He went to the hutch and pocketed a handful of bullets, ignoring the murmurs and soft chuckle he heard from their direction. Dean’s right hand clenched into a fist and he took a deep breath. Punching Kyle in the face was probably a bad idea. 

 

Especially considering the guy towered over him and had biceps bigger than his head. Dean was tough, he could hold his own in a fight, but he also knew a guy Kyle’s size could easily wipe the floor with him.

 

When Dean turned back around, Kyle was still leaning over Cas, pointing at something on the workbench, the angel looking up at him with a sweet smile. The urge to punch Kyle was getting worse and worse. He needed to try something different. He approached them and said, “Uh, Cas? I, uh… wanted to thank you for doing that trigger thing with my dreams again. It really helped me out.”

 

Cas gave him a quick smile and Dean noticed it wasn't as free and open as the one Kyle had gotten earlier. "I'm glad I could help."

 

Kyle chuckled as he looked down at Cas. “Yeah, it was a godsend. No pun intended.”

 

Cas gave Kyle a shy glance before he rubbed the back of his neck. "You were the first person who trusted me enough to do it. I'm glad I could help you."

 

_ Fucking great. _ Well, so much for that plan. Punching Kyle in his face was becoming more and more appealing. Dean clicked his tongue and sighed. “Right. Uh, thanks for the ammo.” 

 

At the inattentive wave from Kyle, Dean turned his back to them as he made his way to the door. He was held back by a soft whisper of his name. Grabbing the handle, Dean partially turned back to them. “Yeah?”

 

Cas gave him a real smile now. “Can you make it tonight to our shift?”

 

“Don’t see why not… Why?”

 

"I want to show you something," Cas said with a soft smile and a shrug.

 

Dean furrowed his brow and shrugged his shoulders. “Could always show me now?”

 

Cas blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Tonight’s better."

 

That made his lips curl up in an amused smile. Dean liked when the angel got all nervous. And at least he didn’t get that way around Kyle. “Okay. I’ll see you tonight.”

 

Cas gave him another smile and nod before he turned around and joined Kyle at the workbench, who had watched the interaction with a frown on his face.

 

It took all of the willpower Dean possessed to not poke his tongue out at Kyle in immature retaliation. He chuckled to himself and walked out of the weapons room. Less than a week and he already had a friggin’ nemesis. Apparently, the Citadel was doing a damn fine job of making this place seem like a real society amidst the damn apocalypse.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Cas leaned against the workbench with closed eyes. He always thought he was bad at understanding innuendo. Dean seemed to have that talent, too. He felt embarrassed and by the looks that Kyle was throwing him, his friend was suspicious. Not that that was a problem. Kyle wasn't one to spread gossip. He knew his friend could keep a secret.

 

“He seem fidgety to you?” Kyle asked, eyebrow arched in bemusement.

 

"Was he?" Cas asked carefully. He hadn't noticed. He hoped everything was okay with them. He wasn't sure if Dean might have been angry with him for not showing up and basically avoiding him.

 

Kyle shrugged. “Got an agitated vibe from him. He didn't seem to like you smiling at me. Maybe I'm seeing something that's not there.”

 

Cas tilted his head. "Why would he have a problem with that?"

 

“No idea. He seemed kinda like a kid who doesn't like sharing. Plus side of not talkin’ much, you learn to read people’s body language easier.”

 

Cas thought about Kyle's words for a moment. If Dean didn't like sharing him, wouldn't that imply Dean would see him as  _ his  _ in some way? That maybe this was starting to mean more to him than just sex. He shook his head at his own thoughts. That was exactly the kind of thinking he was trying to avoid. But he had to ask, because he wanted to make sure he didn't misunderstand Kyle's implication. "You think he might be jealous?"

 

“Maybe?” Kyle shrugged again and moved to sit next to Cas as he continued, “Like I said. It was just a vibe. I'm probably misreading the situation.”

 

Cas shook his head slightly. "Since I’ve known you, you've never been wrong about those things."

 

The way Kyle quietly observed him for several moments was a little disconcerting, as though he were looking through him, into him. After a beat he said, “What's up, Cas?”

 

Cas sighed deeply. Of course Kyle would notice. He was spookily good at reading people. Cas pondered if he should tell him, he could use his insight on such a situation, and he knew Kyle wouldn't go to Dean and punch him, like Charlie would most definitely do.

 

"I–I shouldn't talk to you about this, because I promised, but I could use your insight," Cas murmured after a moment.

 

“You know I don’t talk about people’s business. If you want a soundboard, I don’t mind,” he offered with a soft smile. 

 

"I know." Cas gave him a quick smile before he chewed on his lower lip. "Dean and I... we kind of… We’re having sex."

 

Kyle’s eyes grew wide, he clearly hadn’t been expecting, out of all the possible things to tumble out of his mouth, a sexual relationship with Dean being one of them. Then his brow furrowed and his expression grew serious. “I thought he and Lisa were… you know… a thing.”

 

Cas scrunched up his nose. "They are."

 

The continued scrutiny was making Cas’s ears burn, worried that maybe this might be the one thing Kyle wouldn’t be understanding about. When Kyle tilted his head slightly, he asked, “Are you guys basically having an affair?” There was no judgement in his tone, it was a genuine question.

 

Cas shrugged, giving him an insecure look. "It's just physical. There are no feelings involved. At least from his side." Cas sighed deeply before he scratched his chin. "Should I end this? I don't want to hurt Lisa's feelings."

 

Kyle appeared contemplative for a moment before he sighed. “I can’t make that call for you. If it’s making you feel… bad, I guess. Why do you keep doing it?”

 

"Because it makes me happy. Spending time with him in that way. I can't imagine– I don't want to stop." Cas looked down and took in a deep breath. "I'm afraid though. That I’ll fall for him. I think it's already happening."  His chest hurt when he spoke the words out loud. He had tried to suppress any thoughts about it. But now they were out in the open and he could no longer ignore them.

 

The silence that lingered between them was agonizing, but was thankfully short-lived. Kyle quirked his brow and said, “So… Make him fall in love with you. Problem solved.”

 

Cas tilted his head and arched his brow. "Dean had a very traumatizing experience with angels. I'm not sure he will ever be able to see past the fact that I'm one of them."

 

“More traumatizing than my own?” Kyle challenged. 

 

On Kyle’s second night at the Citadel, he’d broken down and, with the aid of alcohol, divulged his own terrible experiences to Cas and Sarah. 

 

A few years prior, near the beginning of the angels slowly and surely becoming no better than the demons they were fighting, there was a band of rogue angels, who wreaked havoc on human populations because there were no repercussions. Kyle and his daughter were making it through the apocalypse, always on the move, finding places to hide. She was thirteen years old.

 

They’d gotten cornered by these rogue angels, who decided to torture the pair of humans for no reason. They didn’t have any information, they weren’t aiding the demons or Lucifer. When the physical torture wasn’t enough for them, they decided to go for mental torture. One of the angels snapped his daughter’s neck, like a twig branch. Kyle couldn’t hear anything above his own screams of agony. And then, one of the other angels, now seeing an empty vessel, took possession of it, replaying her death over and over for hours.

 

Strangely enough, it had been a band of what was known as Hunters who saved him. Well, physically anyway.

 

"I'm in no position to compare Dean's pain to yours. Just–" Cas looked down for a moment. "I understand that me being an angel disqualifies me for a romantic relationship. I don't know why you decided to be my friend. I couldn't be more grateful for that. But it's probably easier to just like me, as opposed to fall in love with me."

 

Kyle barked out a laugh and shook his head. “Liking you and falling in love with you are basically the same thing, Castiel.”

 

Cas chuckled and looked away. "That's very nice of you to say, Kyle. But we both know it's not the same. If that were true you, Charlie, Saeed, and Jill would love me."

 

“They do, Cas. Maybe not in a romantic sense, but everyone here loves you. It won’t be long before Dean falls under your spell, too. I wouldn’t worry about it.” 

 

“What makes you so sure?”

 

Kyle sighed and leaned back in his chair. “I just know.”

 

Cas crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Is that human intuition?"

 

There was a beat of silence and resigned sigh before Kyle looked down and said, “More like speaking from experience.” 

 

Cas wondered for a moment if Kyle meant from his personal experience or someone else’s, but since he had been very vague about that information, it was probably nothing he wanted to talk about. He gave him a long look. “I tried not to get my hopes up. I don’t want to get hurt again, if this isn’t ever going to happen.”

 

“You're gonna get hurt either way, right? Might as well try to take him down with you. Worst case scenario, the hurt that you're expecting, happens. Best case? Maybe you can carve yourself out a little piece of happiness for a small time.”

 

Cas scrubbed his hand over his face before he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "Why couldn't this be simple for once? You’d think I would have learned my lesson the first time."

 

Kyle chuckled and shook his head. “Love don't work like that. My suggestion? Just go with it, see where things go, and remember that if he ever hurts you, I'll snap his tiny ass in two,” he said with a small smile.

 

"Thank you, Kyle." Cas smiled gratefully. "I may take you up on that offer."

 

“Only thanks I need is you getting your happy ending.” 

 

Cas was taken aback with how genuine Kyle had sounded. He gave him a bright, grateful smile before he asked with a sheepish grin, "Can I hug you again?"

 

Without any hesitation, he opened his arms in invitation for Cas to close the remaining distance between them. Cas wrapped his arms around him tightly, pressing his face against Kyle's broad chest. "Thank you for being my friend."

 

The man’s large arms tightened around his back and he murmured, “Anytime, Cas. And you don’t have to keep asking me if you can hug me.”

 

Cas leaned back a little to grin up at Kyle. "You said I should warn you."

 

“It’s an expression, Cas. You caught me off-guard. I’m getting used to having an armful of angel now.”

 

"I like hugs. It's my favorite thing about humanity."

 

Kyle barked out a laugh. “No it isn’t.”

 

“No. You’re right. It’s spoons.” Cas chuckled wryly. “Are you sure you can’t make me one?”

 

“You want to incur the wrath of Sarah?”

 

“You could say you wanted to make a fork and it was an accident.”

 

Kyle arched his brow as his lips curled up in a half-smirk, half-smile. “Bet you could get your boyfriend to find you one. He doesn’t know about the one law of the Citadel yet I’m guessing.”

 

"Not my boyfriend. Yet." Cas chuckled, feeling a lot better after his conversation with Kyle. "And I'm not going to tell him about the spoons."

 

“I wouldn’t. Don’t want to kill  _ all  _ the romance, do you?”

 

"Exactly." Cas reluctantly let go of Kyle before he turned to the workbench. "I'm going on a raid tomorrow. Are there material or metals I should look for, for you?"

 

Kyle nodded. “If you can, silver is a given. But if you can find any copper, bronze, or brass, that would be a huge help.”

 

“Of course. I will keep an eye out for it.” Cas rubbed his hand over his neck. “Is it okay if I hide down here with you for a while longer?”

 

“Why are you hiding?” he asked, an amused smile on his face. 

 

"Because I don't want to stumble over Lisa and Dean," Cas mumbled, feeling embarrassed.

 

That was met with a chuckle. Kyle chucked Cas’s chin. “Well, you’ll get to see him tonight, right? What are you going to show him, anyway?” His eyes widened and he shook his head. “I’m sorry. That was rude. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

 

Cas was sure that his face was as red as the tomatoes in their greenhouse. It certainly felt that way. "Um, just, something, I, um, have noticed– um, on my body. Not important."

 

“Forget I asked,” he said, hiding his chuckle in his hand. “You’re cute when you’re embarrassed, by the way.”

 

That comment probably made him even redder. At least it wasn’t helping get his normal skin color back. He rubbed his hand over the back of his neck again and cleared his throat. “Thank you.”

 

Kyle got up from his chair and held his hand out for Cas to take. “Come on, Bashful. If you’re gonna hide in here, I’m putting you to work.”

 

Cas gave Kyle another grateful smile, thankful for the distraction. “I’m happy to help. Do you need to make spoons by any chance?”

 

**…. :::: :::: …..**

 

Just as he had predicted, Dean missed out on dinner, but he’d managed to get every single sigil and spell in place, connected to Charlie’s scientific hoodoo crap. He was pretty pleased with himself for being able to set everything up. It wasn’t perfect, if he’d found a perfect blend of spellwork and sigils, Cas would never have found him trapped under all that damn rubble when the demon army had bombarded that abandoned warehouse.

 

Dean was grateful he missed dinner. He really wasn’t in the mood to see Lisa. He’d rather just not think about it. By the time he was done, it was nearing nightfall, so he just grabbed an orange and another granola bar from Kiera, who had demanded to know why he hadn’t eaten all day. He’d pressed a kiss to the top of her head and thanked her before making his way up to the roof.

 

That was another thing he didn’t know how to feel about. He was a weird mixture of excited and sort of dreading whatever Cas wanted to show him. While Dean wasn’t ready for any sort of acknowledgement or focus on whatever was happening between them, he really wasn’t up for two break ups in one day. Not that he was technically in a relationship with anyone. But still.

 

When he reached the roof, Cas was deep in conversation with Jill, Saeed clearly having already left when he showed. Dean waved at them and said, “You’re free, Jill.”

 

“Yes!” Jill made a fist pump and clapped Cas’s shoulder. “See you guys tomorrow. Dean, make sure you go directly to sleep after your shift. It’s going to be a long day tomorrow.”

 

Dean nodded and waved her off. “Yeah, I got it. No bungee jumping or learning how to crochet. What time are we headed out?”

 

“Ten. So you get four hours of sleep.”

 

“Just the right amount,” he replied, smirk firmly in place.

 

“Have a good night, you two.” Jill waved at them and went straight back to the ladder, grinning at them one last time before she vanished.

 

The urge to try and force her to make more small talk was overwhelming. Now faced with the reality of being alone with Cas, Dean felt even more nervous than before. He tried smiling at Cas, but he was sure his expression looked pained and confused, at least from the way the angel tilted his head. 

 

Dean was half-tempted to just tell him to get it over with already. If he got a double whammy of karma today, the sooner it was over, the better. Instead, clearly having no control over his mouth, he asked, “How come you’re the only one Kyle is nice to?”  _ Smooth, Winchester. _

 

“He’s my friend,” Cas answered simply.

 

Folding his arms over his chest, trying to act as cool and not at all bothered by how chummy Kyle and Cas were, he leaned against the handrail. “Maybe he’s got a crush on you or something.”  _ What is your damage, Dude? _

 

Cas shot him a skeptical look before he leaned closer to Dean against the handrail. "Why are you so interested in Kyle?"

 

“I’m not. You wanna spend time with your boyfriend, I can’t stop you,” he answered, tone only slightly petulant.  _ Dean Winchester, you are a fucking child. _

 

Cas raised both his eyebrows. "Kyle isn't my boyfriend." He squinted his eyes at Dean for a moment before he turned to face him completely. "Are you angry because I didn't come to you after my shift?" 

 

“Who said I’m angry?” he asked in a challenging and slightly annoyed tone.  _ Well, at this point, you might as well piss on his leg and mark your damn territory. _

 

"For starters, your intonation right now," Cas answered dryly.

 

Dean shrugged. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  _ Oh, yeah, nailed it.  _ He sighed, even his inner voice was using sarcasm on him now.

 

Cas took in a deep breath and leaned back against the handrail. "I don't want to fight with you. I–I missed you."

 

That took him aback. Cas missed him? Then why the hell had he avoided him like the plague all day? Why was he so chummy with Kyle? Why didn’t he come to his room to rest like he said he would? Instead of asking any of those questions, Dean blurted a confused, “What?”  _ Sweet Jesus, you ineloquent bastard. _

 

Cas looked down for a moment, suddenly appearing shy and insecure. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

 

In a moment of complete and utter temporary insanity, Dean pulled the strap of his rifle over his head and carefully dropped it on the ground, before he charged forward. Twisting his hands into Cas’s stupid button up shirt, he pushed him back against the wall. At the angel’s incredibly confused and unsure expression, Dean couldn’t take it any longer. He surged forward, lips colliding with Cas’s as he finally gave in. 

 

_ And fuck.  _ Dean couldn’t fathom why he’d been so fucking terrified. As soon as he tasted Cas, his grip grew tighter, the need to get closer more urgent than anything he’d ever felt before. When one of his hands loosened its grip on Cas’s shirt, it snaked to his back, pulling the angel flush against him. 

 

Cas gasped into the kiss, his hands came up to hold Dean's waist, pulling him impossibly closer, his lips soft and pliant where he pressed against him.

 

He could have kissed Cas for hours. Years. Eternity. It was as fucking addicting as their sex. But he somehow managed to use enough of his brain function to draw back. He’d been struggling for breath. It would have sucked to pass out, instead of getting to kiss him some more. Dean let out a shaky chuckle as he pressed his forehead against Cas’s. “I thought you were gonna end this.” The relief in his shaky whisper was palpable.

 

"Never," Cas whispered back before he leaned back and gave him a confused look. "You kissed me," he breathed out in awe.

 

Dean gently carded his hand in the hair behind Cas’s ear and smiled. “Been wantin’ to do that since that damn cave. When you wanted to play I-Spy.”

 

Cas smiled at him, before the smile turned shy again and confused. "I–I'm sorry if this is a stupid question, but, um… does this mean, this between us, is more than just physical?"

 

He shrugged, unsure how to answer that question. It was terrifying and so far from where he wanted to focus or think. Dean answered as honestly as he could in that moment,  “I don’t know. I just know that… I fucking hated not sleeping next to you this morning.”

 

Cas looked down for a moment. "I wanted to come. But I got scared. I was starting to hope this between us–" He looked up and shrugged, instead of finishing the sentence.

 

“Lisa and I are done,” he blurted.  _ Well, fuck, now you’ve really done it, Winchester. _

 

Cas just stared at him for a few long moments, seemingly in shock before he stammered, "You are? W – Why?"

 

Dean released his hold on Cas’s shirt to rub the back of his own neck. “She knew you and I were fucking, she told me after I caught her getting, uh…” He couldn’t help but laugh then as he shook his head. “She was fucking Jorge in the kitchen.”

 

"Oh," Cas breathed out and raised a surprised eyebrow. "That's, um, I'm sorry?" He shook his head after that. “That’s just a phrase. I’m not really sorry, to be honest.”

 

At that Dean just burst into laughter. He shook his head and cupped Cas’s cheek. “I’m only sorry I didn’t have the balls to end it myself.”

 

Cas gave him a quick smile. "So I don't have to avoid seeing you throughout the day anymore?"

 

“Is that why you ditched me all day? You were scared I’d be with Lisa?” he asked, keeping his voice calm and in check, as opposed to the pure relieved tone that almost happened.

 

Cas nodded, looking away. "Stumbling over the two of you wasn't something I wanted to experience ever again."

 

Dean grasped Cas’s chin and tilted his head up to look at him. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that.”

 

Cas reached up, cupping Dean's cheek as he stepped closer. "I've got you now. And I promise I won't get scared again."

 

“Wish I could,” he murmured and chuckled a little mirthlessly, unable to keep eye contact.

 

This time it was Cas that lifted Dean's chin up. "Just take it one step at a time."

 

Releasing the breath he’d been holding, Dean chewed the inside of his cheek, trying to formulate what he wanted… no,  _ needed,  _ to say. “ I’m gonna fuck up, Cas. I’m like, ninety eight percent sure I’m gonna fuck up. I don’t understand what or why I’m drawn to you. I don’t know what it is about you. But if it’s what it  _ could  _ be... hell, what it might already, very  _ well _ be... I can’t promise that if I figure it out, that I won’t just cut and run.”

 

"I want to take that risk. If there's a two percent chance you'll stay, it's worth it. I would even risk it for less." Cas's voice was full of determination. "I'm aware I might get hurt again. But I don't care. I want this. I want you."

 

Dean nodded. He could do this. He could try. It had been so long since he’d had something to try for. It was almost dizzying how intoxicating being able to feel something other than fear or resignation was. “Okay.”

 

Cas gave him a bright smile before he leaned forward to capture Dean's lips in a soft, chaste kiss. When he leaned back there was a pinkish hue in his cheeks. "That reminds me, I wanted to show you something."

 

How could he have forgotten? Dean smiled and drew back. “What?”

 

Cas gave him a quick, shy smile before he quickly shrugged out of his trench coat and unbuttoned his shirt, throwing them over the bench. He closed his eyes for a moment, a familiar rush of wind and telltale whooshing sound later, Cas's wings were visible. He spread them with a pained wince before he looked up at Dean with a smile. "Come closer."

 

Dean was completely mesmerized by the sight. He didn’t know where to look, Cas’s naked torso, or his wings. Without hesitation he stepped right up to him, hands reaching out for his hips.

 

A shy smile met his eyes as Cas took one of Dean's hands and guided him to his inner wings. He could feel the soft feathers under his fingertips. "Do you see the small blue feathers under the black ones, Dean?" Cas smiled widely. "They are new."

 

“What are you sayin’?” he asked, eyes widened in surprise. He had a feeling what it meant, but… that was impossible.

 

"I don't know why. Maybe it's because of whatever you put in the potion you made me to sleep. But some feathers started to grow back. They aren't my flight feathers. But, Dean, they’re growing back." Cas's voice sounded like a mixture of excited and on the verge of tears.

 

Dean couldn’t help the smile that was splitting his face. “Cas, that’s amazing.” He looked up at the feathers in awe. “I bet I can tweak the potion. I bet there’s a way to get your flight feathers to grow back, too. If we can heal those wounds…” All of the different ingredients and recipes started going through his head. There had to be  _ something  _ he could do.

 

"It's hard not to hope, seeing them like that." Cas smiled, before he folded them behind his back with a quiet, pained groan.

 

There seemed to be a lot of hope going around. Maybe it was contagious. Dean didn’t care in that moment. He drew closer, gently caressing the side of Cas’s face. He was going to find a way to heal Cas’s wings. He was going to make sure the angel never had that pained grimace on his face ever again. He was going to give this whole crazy fucking connection thing a shot. But first, he was going to kiss Cas.

 

Dean closed the distance between them and did just that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frankie here: HAH! Bet you guys weren't expecting that. I told you in the AN's on the first chapter, the infidelity is NOT what's going to make you guys cry. So, even though this is a relatively nice stopping point, there's a fuck ton more to come, ladies and jellyspoons. So, keep your seatbelts fastened and your arms and legs inside the ride at all times. <3<3


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frankie here: This particular chapter has my favorite line of dialogue in the ENTIRE fic. I'm curious to know if any of you can guess it.

**Chapter 10**

 

They didn't have sex during the night shift, but had spent their time together talking, in between long periods of kissing and holding each other. Somehow this had felt more intimate than everything they had done before and Cas couldn't feel happier than in that moment.

 

When Jill and Saeed had relieved them, Cas followed Dean to his room, giving him a shy smile when Dean locked the door behind them. They both undressed, watching each other with playful, flirty smiles, before Dean pulled Cas into his bed, his fingers sliding over the still visible marks he had left on Cas's body two nights ago.

 

Dean pressed his head against Cas’s shoulder, peppering the skin he could reach with light kisses. He trailed his fingers from Cas's hip across his abdomen, resting his hand there. Dean let out a soft groan and murmured a tired sounding, “I don't want to sleep, but I know I should.”

 

Cas cupped Dean's cheek and turned him around on the mattress before he slid over him and kissed him deeply. When he leaned back, he gave Dean a sheepish smile. "I know what you mean. It's very hard to stop." 

 

He leaned away from him, trying to pull himself together. "But you should sleep. Do you think I should leave?"

 

“Hell no,” he murmured in a growl against the side of Cas’s face. “You need to rest, too.”

 

"I'm not sure I can, Dean. I'm not tired." Cas sighed deeply. He had never attempted to fall asleep when his power was at such a high peak.

 

Dean nodded. “S’okay. Well, you don’t have to stick around and watch me saw logs.” He leaned over Cas and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. Still leaning over him as he drew back, Dean smiled and said, “Just come get me when it’s time to wake up.”

 

Cas felt torn. He chewed his lower lip before he admitted, "I want to stay. I just wasn't sure if you think it's weird if I… watch over you."

 

That was met with a soft laugh as Dean practically curled against Cas, arm draped possessively over his torso. “If you want, you could, uh…” He ducked his head, face pressed into the crook of Cas’s neck as he mumbled, “Come into my dream again?”

 

Cas had not expected Dean to offer such a thing and it filled his heart with another wave of happiness, that was almost hard to contain. He smiled and nodded quickly. "Of course. I would love to."

 

Dean chuckled and curled against him again, heated breath cascading over Cas’s shoulder as he appeared to get more and more comfortable, relaxed. “Night, Cas.”

 

"Good night, Dean," Cas whispered, wrapping his arms around him to hold him close. He couldn't remember a time when he had felt so relaxed and comfortable before. He waited patiently until Dean’s breathing evened out before he reached out to Dean’s mind, slipping into his dream.

 

Cas blinked against a sunset that was painting the ocean in front of him in an orange hue, his bare feet were buried in warm, golden sand that glittered in the wake of cascading sunbeams. A soft breeze, that smelled like salt and summer, grazed his skin. He noticed that he was only wearing a pair of black boxers.

 

The beach was empty apart from some seagulls flying overhead, searching for fish in the ocean.

 

He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned around for a moment, losing his breath.

 

Dean’s skin was tinted in the orange light, making his freckles stand out prominently, the golden flecks shining bright in his green eyes, as he blinked against the sun with a smile.

 

“Hello, Dean,” Cas smiled at him before he stepped forward for a soft kiss. His heart skipped a beat when he tasted Dean, and a little bit of sea salt on his lips. He still couldn’t believe that he was finally allowed to feel Dean like this.

 

The bright smile he got in response warmed him more than the sun beating down on them. Dean’s eyes raked over his form appreciatively. “Hey, Cas. Long time no see.” His eyes sparkled in amusement.

 

Cas tilted his head before he wrapped his arm loosely around Dean's waist, pressing a quick kiss to his shoulder. "It couldn't have been longer than a minute, Dean." 

 

The way Dean chuckled in their surrounding, as he cupped Cas’s face gently and drew him in for another kiss, was almost calming. “You’re adorable.”

 

Cas wasn't sure if that was a compliment, but he liked how he had made Dean laugh. He loved when Dean smiled. He wanted to be the one that made Dean happy.

 

"Where are we?" Cas asked, looking around in Dean's dream. “Is this a memory?”

 

Dean shook his head. “I actually have no idea. I’ve never seen an actual beach outside of a movie.”

 

Cas nodded and smiled. "That's the beauty of dreaming. You can go anywhere and do whatever you want.” Cas looked at Dean again before he added, “It’s beautiful."  

 

Dean’s eyes never strayed from Cas’s face as he smiled and murmured a soft, “Yeah, it is.”

 

Cas had a feeling that Dean wasn't talking about the beach and it made heat crawl into his cheeks again. He bit his lip to hide a shy smile before he leaned over and kissed Dean again. 

 

It was a kiss full of the desperation he felt in that moment to get closer, to feel connected to Dean in any way that he could. To blur their physical separation until he could no longer tell where his body stopped and Dean's began. He moaned into the kiss, before he leaned his forehead against Dean's, breathlessly murmuring, "I need you."

 

Dean nodded as he dove in for another kiss, then grabbed Cas’s hand and started pulling him towards the water. “Come on. Always wanted to try this.”

 

Cas followed him, but he couldn’t stop himself from asking, “Try what?”

 

The small smirk and arched brow was all the answer he received as their feet hit the water. When they got about waist deep Dean released Cas’s hand before completely submerging himself. At Cas's lack of response, he was suddenly yanked beneath the waves and pulled into a frenetic and water logged kiss.

 

As they came up, Dean spluttered and wiped at his mouth. “Underwater kisses: good, salt water kisses: bad.”

 

Cas chuckled and splashed some water against Dean's chest. "It's your ocean. If you don't want salt water, change it."

 

Dean looked around for a moment, brow scrunched up in confusion. “How?”

 

Cas drew closer and covered Dean's eyes gently with his hand. "Imagine what normal water feels like, how it tastes, how it smells. Imagine you're standing in this water and how it would feel surrounding your legs."

 

Nodding against his hand, Dean grasped Cas’s forearm and gently pulled it away. He looked down and cupped the water in his palm before bringing it to his lips and drinking. He barked out a laugh and said, “Awesome.”

 

Cas gave him a confused head tilt before he tasted the water. "That's not water." He chuckled. "It's, um, alcohol and something else. Um, juniper berries?"

 

Dean grinned. He closed his eyes again for a moment, and when he opened them, he looked up a little above Cas’s head and smiled even wider.

 

Cas turned his head to see what Dean was looking at when he noticed that he had wings. Not his actual wings, but apparently how Dean imagined how his wings would look fully healed. His imagination had filled the missing spots with a lot of blue and black feathers and Cas couldn't help but smile at how beautiful they appeared in Dean's mind.

 

Cas hoped they would grow back exactly like that. He spread them out for a moment, expecting the usual pain, but of course nothing happened because they weren't real. 

 

He turned back to Dean with a smile. "My flight feathers are actually longer than you think. I hope I can show them to you one day."

 

“Me, too,” he murmured as he pulled Cas forward, wrapping his arms around Cas’s neck, foreheads touching as he let out a contented sigh.

 

"Even if they never grow back– I wanted to thank you for this. And for trying," Cas murmured, sliding his hand over Dean's neck.

 

Dean carded his hand through Cas’s hair and gave him a pointed look. “They’ll grow back.”

 

Dean sounded so determined that it was hard not to believe him. He nudged his nose against Dean's cheek before he dropped his wings into the alcoholic ocean and covered both of them in the liquid. He scrunched up his nose. “It’s stickier than water.”

 

That was met with a soft laugh before Dean closed his eyes again. Suddenly the water turned a clear red color. At his perplexed stare Dean shrugged and said, “Kool-Aid is  _ way  _ sticker.”

 

Cas still had his feathers in the liquid and as he pulled them out they were all stuck together. Cas shuddered as he tried to ruffle them but failed, "Dean. This feels very weird."

 

Dean grabbed his hand and closed his eyes again. In the blink of an eye, they were standing behind a waterfall, likely somewhere tropical from the foliage and plethora of nature that was blurred by the constant stream of crystal clear water obscuring their view. He smiled. “I promise, it’s real water.”

 

Cas smiled up at Dean and pulled him under the stream of water, enjoying how the sticky, sugary liquid was washed from his wings and his body. He pulled Dean into his arms before he kissed him, a near permanent smile on his lips. "I really like this dream."

 

“Damn,” he breathed out, shaking his hair of the water, which appeared to be pointless as they were still under the stream. “I was hoping that the apocalypse was the dream and  _ this  _ was the real world.” 

 

"For now it is, Dean," Cas said as he cupped his cheek and pulled him into a deeper, more needy kiss.

 

As the man’s hands started to roam his torso and back, pulling Cas in closer, somehow managing to kiss him deeper, harder, than any of the times they’d kissed before. Dean lifted Cas into his arms, causing him to have to wrap his legs around Dean’s waist. They continued to kiss under the falling water like that for, what felt like hours. When Dean drew back, breathing slightly ragged, he chuckled and said, “We can do anything. Anywhere. Where do you wanna go?”

 

Cas pulled himself closer to Dean, leaving kisses along his cheek and behind his ear. "I don't care about the where, Dean. Every place is perfect as long as it's with you."

 

“Come on, there’s gotta be someplace…” Dean closed his eyes again and suddenly they were on top of the Empire State Building in a New York City that hadn’t been destroyed. He let Cas down and pulled him to the railing. 

 

Cas chuckled and leaned against the handrail, pointing to the Chrysler Building. "In my true form, I am as tall as that building."

 

Dean let out a low whistle and chuckled. “Thank fuck I’m the top.”

 

Cas tilted his head for a moment before he shook his head and laughed as he finally understood what Dean meant. He pulled Dean closer, kissing his shoulder. “There is one place I want to see. But we don’t have to go there.”

 

“Dude, you can’t tease me like that and  _ not  _ expect a line of questioning,” he sassed.

 

Cas looked down for a moment, hoping he wouldn't make a mistake by telling Dean. "I would love to see the place you grew up."

 

Dean appeared contemplative for a moment and nodded. He closed his eyes and within a few moments they found themselves cramped in the backseat of an older model automobile. The leather was worn, making it soft and well lived in. There were little toys stuck in the ashtrays on either side of the passenger doors, which was a testament to the vehicle’s age.

 

But there was something else about this car. Something he could feel in the energy of the vehicle, when his palm slid over the leather. It spelled warmth, comfort, shelter, and security. Everything about this car felt like a home. He smiled at Dean in wonder. "This was your home."

 

“Yeah. Dad, uh… After Mom left, he ended up movin’ us from place to place, dirty motel after dirty motel, basically until we got ran outta town ‘cause of his drunken ass. Sammy and I probably lived in the backseat of Baby more than anywhere else.” Dean’s tone was almost resigned as he touched one of the little army men that was stuck in the ashtray next to him.

 

“Baby?” Cas asked in confusion.

 

Dean nodded and gently caressed the leather of the seat in front of them. “Yeah. Cas, meet Baby. The one girl I could always count on.”

 

"Hello, Baby," Cas greeted the car before he pulled Dean into his arms. "Thank you for bringing me here, Dean."

 

With a contented sigh, Dean leaned against Cas, back against his torso as he looked up and murmured, “Anywhere else you wanna go?”

 

"Don't you want to stay for a while?"

 

“Actually, there’s one more place I want to show you.”

 

Cas kissed the top of Dean’s head and took Dean’s hand in his. “Lead the way.”

 

He tightened his grip on Cas’s hand and took a steadying breath. Suddenly they were in a large cemetery, ensconced in trees and grass. Dean intertwined their fingers and pulled him through the zigzag patterns, as though the trek was ingrained in his memory. When they finally came to a stop, there was a simple headstone, with the words: “John Winchester” engraved in the slab of grey. 

 

Dean looked at Cas and chewed the inside of his cheek. “Don’t get me wrong. If there was a terrible father contest, this guy would have won in all possible categories, but the thing is… He wasn’t the one who  _ left. _ In the end, even though he was a drunken asshole most of the time, he stayed.” He sighed and continued, voice a little shaky, “He died before all this shit went down. Asshole was driving drunk and wrapped Baby around a tree at eighty miles an hour. He died on impact.”

 

Cas intertwined his hand with Dean's and squeezed it. "I'm sorry. Do you have any idea what happened to your mother?"

 

He scoffed. “Before the apocalypse, I’d heard she’d gone east, found a new guy. Shit. How fucking awful of a kid was I, you know? When your own  _ mother  _ is the one that fucking bails.” Dean let out a mirthless chuckle and shook his head. “You know, it’s fucking weird to love and hate someone all at the same time.”

 

Cas carded his fingers through Dean's hair. "I can't imagine what that must feel like." Cas was at a loss of words. He hated that Dean felt sad and wished there was something he could do, although he knew there wasn't anything.

 

“Be glad you don’t.” Dean sighed and the grip on his hand tightened slightly. “So, yeah. This is my dad. I wanted you to meet him.”

 

Cas knelt down and touched the ground. A few white lilies grew from the earth, surrounding the grave. He stood up again, hoping that John Winchester had found his peace in Heaven, where he hopefully ended up.

 

He nodded to Dean. "Do you want to leave?"

 

The muted nod would have been answer enough, but Dean closed his eyes and once again they found themselves in his bed, in the Citadel. Dean had woken up. He shook his head and blinked a few times, trying to focus on his surroundings. He furrowed his brow and asked, “I didn’t dream us here, did I?”

 

Cas shook himself from the ungentle way their minds had been disconnected. For a moment his head hurt, but it was better after a few seconds. "No." His voice sounded scratchy and he cleared his throat. "You woke up."

 

“Shit, what time is it?” He leaned over to grab his watch off of the night stand. Dean groaned and dropped himself back against his pillow. “Nine fifty. Not fucking worth trying to sleep more.”

 

“Are you feeling rested enough for the raid?” Cas asked carefully, sliding his fingers over Dean’s chest before he trailed up to card them through Dean’s hair.

 

“If I mainline some coffee I'll be as good as new,” he said with a chuckle.

 

“I’ll get you some. Take your time,” Cas offered before he leaned forward for a quick kiss. He slid from the bed and quickly got dressed, unable to stop himself from staring at Dean, lying half naked on the bed. 

 

Dean propped himself up on his elbows, smiling a little dopily at Cas. “If it's the strongest, blackest coffee in existence, you can mark me wherever you want.”

 

Cas raised his eyebrow before he nodded excitedly. "I can do that! I'll be back in a few minutes."

 

That was met with a groggy laugh as Dean slowly moved to get up from his bed, grabbing his tactical pants from the floor and shrugging them back on. 

 

Cas leaned forward and kissed Dean's cheek before he grinned at him happily and left his room in the direction of the kitchen.

 

He met Kiera in the hallway, holding her plush bunny in one hand and rubbing her hand over her eyes with the other. She held up her arms as soon as she spotted Cas and he scooped her up before he went into the kitchen in search of coffee.

 

Kiera leaned against his shoulder and from the breathing pattern, he could tell she had been fallen asleep again.

 

Chris was standing in front of the coffee machine, staring at it like he wanted to urge it to work faster with his mind. “Good morning, Chris.” Cas noticed that the happiness in his heart had placed a permanent smile on his lips.

 

Chris glared at him. "Ugh. It's not fair that you're so... awake and smiley.”

 

"Didn't you sleep?" Cas asked carefully, now feeling slightly worried.

 

Grabbing the carafe and pouring himself a cup, he promptly ignored Cas’s question and moved to sit down at a table, blowing on the heated liquid. He let out an annoyed huff and finally said, “I slept.”

 

"But?" Cas asked as he got a coffee for Dean, too, pouring it into a thermos before he sat down in front of Chris, maneuvering Kiera into a more comfortable sleeping position.

 

Chris took a sip from his coffee and stared at Cas for a moment. “Don’t you have obligations or whatever?” he accused.

 

Cas sighed deeply. Chris hated it when Cas had to leave, but there wasn't much he could do about it. It was his duty. "Yes, we’re going on a supply tour today. I will be back late tonight. Is there anything you want me to look out for?"

 

That was met with a stony silence for several moments, Chris unable to make eye contact as he focused on his mug. After a beat, he looked up and said, “Why do  _ you  _ always have to go?”

 

Cas gave him a sad look. "You know why. It's safer for the others. I don't want anyone to get hurt." He reached over to Chris's arm. "I wouldn't leave if there was another way." 

 

“And what am I supposed to do – ” Chris pointed at Kiera, who was still sleeping in Cas’s arms before he continued,  _ “We  _ supposed to do if you don’t come back one of these times?”

 

Cas squeezed his arm. "You’re strong, Chris. You're responsible. You looked after Kiera and Tommy every time I had to go and I trust you to look after them if anything happens to me. But you also have to trust me, Chris. Trust me that I will do everything in my power to come back to you."

 

Chris looked like he was about to argue before he shook his head, obviously changing his mind. He moved to stand up again, gently carding his hand through his little sister’s hair. Chris sighed and looked at Cas with a pleading expression. “Don’t be stupid, okay?”

 

Cas stood up when Chris gestured that he wanted to take Kiera. He carefully let her slip into Chris's arms and smiled at him. He had grown up so fast.

 

"I have three humans that will look after me," Cas replied with a wry smile.

 

With a soft hushing sound at the noise of protest that emitted from Kiera, Chris started rubbing soothing circles over her back. He quirked his brow at Cas and said, “If they fail in bringing you home, I’m letting Lilly poison them.”

 

Cas nodded slowly, trying not to smile when he retorted, "That seems fair."

 

In that moment his brow furrowed in bemusement as he looked at the thermos. “Since when do you drink coffee?”

 

"I don't. It's for Dean." Cas couldn't help but smile again when his thoughts drifted to Dean.

 

Chris let out a groan and rolled his eyes. “I hope I never fall in love if that’s what happens.”

 

Cas tilted his head in confusion. "Bringing someone coffee?"

 

“This,” he said with a wave at Cas in general, shaking his head as he grabbed his coffee and moved to leave. “You’re all gross and sappy.”

 

Cas looked down at himself, wondering in what way he looked different than any other day. He didn't notice anything gross. Maybe he needed to check the mirror again... He combed his fingers through his hair, hoping to straighten it out, worried now that Dean might find him gross, too. 

 

Cas squinted his eyes at Chris. "I need to go. I'll see you tonight."

 

“Stay safe, Dad.”

 

Cas’s smile grew a bit wider and he nodded. "I will."

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

After they’d stocked up on weapons and Dean had painted a few extra protective sigils on Saeed, Jill, and Cas; they started their trek to the hospital. Considering the dumbass move he’d pulled the other day to grab his supplies, they only needed to hit the hospital for the raid that day. Apparently, they tried to localize each raid to a specific location each time. To minimize not only how long they were away from the Citadel, but also to prevent attracting the attention of any of the shit they could encounter.

 

Dean was grateful for the distraction of the raid. While he wasn’t regretting allowing himself to open up to Cas more and more, he was still scared shitless and he didn’t know how to approach it. All joking aside, Dean was sure Cas  _ did  _ have this wide-eyed, apple pie life scenario playing out for them, because he was the only angel in existence who was also a hopeless romantic. And while Dean had been upfront about the fact that he probably wouldn’t be able to hang when it came to that idea, he was still worried the angel would do something fucking stupid, like fall in love with him.

 

The hospital was about eight or nine miles from the Citadel. But the terrain was rough. The infrastructure was fucked, just like everywhere. So there was a lot of unnecessary climbing and occasional hiding if Cas felt or heard a skelk, or husk, or any other apocalyptic nasty. It took them about four hours to reach the hospital and Dean was surprised that the building was as intact as it was. 

 

The paint was chipped and decayed, years of dirt and grime stained into the plaster and cement. The majority of the windows were shattered. And overall, it was a crumbling, practically quarantined looking building. But it was still standing and that was a goddamn miracle. Saeed and Jill agreed to take the top two floors, leaving Cas and Dean to cover the ground and basement levels.

 

Dean turned to Cas when he looked around the darkened hallway that seemed to go on forever. “Should we each take a floor, or stick together?”

 

"We should stick to–gether." Cas squinted his eyes down the hallway and Dean couldn’t help but notice the pause in his sentence.

 

“Everything okay?” he asked, wondering if Cas heard or saw something. He readied his gun just in case.

 

"I'm not sure. It feels like..." Cas squinted his eyes again, looking like he was concentrating on something behind the walls. "I can't detect anything, but my skin feels itchy."

 

_ Fuck.  _ That was anything but good. It wasn’t a succubus, they’d have to scratch him to cause any itching. Dean wracked his brain for what it could possibly be, when suddenly it dawned on him. “Cas, it’s a fucking incubus.”

 

Cas gave Dean a wide eyed looked, his voice sounded worried. "That's not good. Do you feel affected? We have to kill it!"

 

“I’m immune to the powers of all lust demons,” he answered, tugging his shirt up to show his side, where his incubi and succubi repellant sigils were located. Dean took a protective stance in front of Cas, eyes darting around every direction of the barren and barely sunlit hallways of the ground floor. “You said angels aren’t immune, didn’t you?” He had a bad feeling about this.

 

Cas hummed behind him and it sounded like a stifled moan. He could feel him stepping closer, a soft exhale grazed the back of Dean's neck. "Dean... I think... I think it's in one of the rooms down the hall."

 

Dean nodded and carefully reached back, a steadying and comforting movement as he braced his hand on Cas’s arm before stepping forward. He pulled out a small dagger he’d bargained off of a witch several years ago. Handing it to Cas, he said, “This’ll cause any lust demon to overheat. Lesser demons will die, but a full grown incubi will just get badly injured.”

 

He knew Cas could take care of himself, and being an angel now with full mojo, the guy probably didn’t need his sad, little dagger, but Dean wanted Cas to have it. The demon killing knife he got from the Padre would kill the incubus, so it wasn’t like he needed  _ two  _ blades.

 

Cas was breathing harder when he suggested, "We should check the first room."

 

“Maybe I should do it alone?” he offered. Cas was clearly starting to lose it.

 

"No," Cas pressed out. "I need to stay with you."

 

“Alright,” he murmured, gun cocked and knife now in his free hand as he stepped in the doorway of the first room. Dean couldn’t see anything but a falling apart hospital bed, turned over furniture, and telling dark brown stains along the walls. He took a step inside after checking behind the door. Humans couldn’t see incubi unless they appeared in a siren type form to lure them to their death, and since Dean was immune, he definitely wasn’t going to see if it was in the room.

 

He turned to Cas. “Can you see it, or sense it?”

 

Although the light in the room was dim, and Cas's features were mostly hidden in the shadows, he could tell that something wasn't right with him. His eyes were almost black and he growled slightly before he pushed Dean against the desk behind him and started to kiss him.

 

“Hey, hey, Cas!” Dean withdrew enough to cry out. He managed to shove the angel off of him, grabbing a large tipped over cabinet, he held it between him and Cas. “Dude! I need you to get ahold of yourself!”

 

Cas groaned before he scrubbed his hands over his face. "I'm sorry... Need you." He pushed the cabinet away and crowded Dean against the desk again, breathing heavily as he tried to get out of his coat. 

 

It wasn’t going to be long before Cas completely lost himself to the lust. When the angel bit into Dean’s neck, he rolled his eyes at the way his dick twitched. Fucking stupid ass body. He didn’t want to have to do it, but it appeared he didn’t have a choice. Dean gently tugged Cas’s hair to draw him back. “Come on, baby,” he murmured as he gently guided Cas to the filthy mattress of the tetanus ridden bed. 

 

Cas seemed to respond, so Dean pushed him against the mattress, straddling the guy’s hips as he dove in for a kiss. The angel practically growled into his mouth from his unadulterated need. Goddamn, it was so fucking tempting. Dean chastised his lack of apparent self restraint and got back on track. 

 

Dean grabbed Cas by the wrists and pinned them at the head of the bed, diving in to gently bite along Cas’s pulse point. Carefully, he braced the angel’s wrists together and slipped one hand free to slowly rake it down Cas’s torso. Without hesitation, and in a quick flurry of movement, Dean made a grab for the Enochian handcuffs he kept in his backpocket, bit Cas’s neck, and clapped them against Cas’s wrists while managing to loop them through the metal frame of the bed.

 

He pulled away from Cas then, adjusting his pants to try and fucking quell the damn erection he had. 

 

Cas stared at him with a shocked expression, trying to get free as he pulled hard on his restraints. The handcuffs clearly cut into his wrists, but it didn't stop him from pulling at them. He gave Dean a pleading, desperate look before he begged in a broken tone of voice, "No, Dean. Please. Please. Help me. Please. Don't leave me like this."

 

Carefully, Dean leaned over Cas, gently cupping his face. “I’ve gotta go kill this thing first and I’ll be right back. I promise.”

 

Cas whimpered and gave Dean a pained look, before he pulled hard at the handcuffs again. "No. Please. I need you."

 

He couldn’t help but wince. Before he’d learned the sigil to ward off lust demons, he’d gotten suckerpunched by one of those assholes years ago. And it wasn’t a normal lust. It was like a sickness that overtook his brain, made it foggy and cloudy, and the only relief of the pain was pleasure. Which, usually, wouldn’t sound too bad. But eventually, if that itch wasn’t scratched, you’d fucking lose it and yourself to find that relief.

 

Dean pressed a kiss to Cas’s cheek. “I’ll be right back.” He turned from Cas with a sigh, wishing he could stay and help him out. 

 

The hallway was dark and now without his seeing eye angel, Dean was going to have to go old school in tracking the incubus. While Dean was immune to lust demons, he was  _ human;  _ which meant he was walking, talking chum for those bastards. Using the demon knife, Dean cut into his forearm and purposely squeezed the wound, forcing his blood to drip to the ground.

 

Bait out. Now to wait for the first bite.

 

It was maybe a couple of minutes before the first strike came. Dean let out a pained grunt when he was slammed against the wall. Now came the tricky part. Trying to fucking stab a creature he couldn’t see. What a friggin’ time to forget his damn glasses. Waiting for the next strike, which was in the abdomen, Dean reached out and the unearthly screech that followed almost shattered his eardrums.

 

Dean had a hold on a part of the creature, he didn’t want to know what part, and started slicing through the air at it. Dark green blood that looked like sewage started painting the walls and Dean. He pressed his lips shut to avoid any of that shit going in his mouth and kept slashing until the thing stopped screeching and moving.

 

Letting out a relieved sigh, Dean grabbed the hem of his shirt to wipe the blood away and made his way back into the room. He sat down on the edge of the bed, giving Cas a soft smile as he pulled the key to the cuffs out. “You feelin’ a little better?”

 

Cas gave him a sheepish smile. "I apologize for my lack of self control. Thank you."

 

Dean chuckled and unlocked the cuffs, releasing Cas from his temporary cage. “Under any other circumstance, that woulda been fine.”

 

Cas rubbed his hands over his wrist, he had deep cuts in the skin where he had tried to pull free. “I’m stunned that these could hold me.” He tilted his head to look at the inscription before he nodded. “They are engraved with a sigil to bind my power.”

 

Rubbing at his neck nervously, Dean shrugged. “Swiped them off a couple of demons. Figured it might come in handy at some point.”

 

"Well it did," Cas replied dryly before he looked down at his lap, shuffling like something was bothering him. "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't used them." 

 

Dean chuckled. “Well as long as you aren't your true form size, I'm not entirely against the idea of switching.” 

 

Cas gave him a surprised look before he murmured, "That's... um... okay." He pushed his palm over his lap a few times and looked away, still sitting on the bed instead of standing up. 

 

Without hesitation Dean yanked Cas forward by his tie and kissed him. A relatively chaste kiss and as he drew back, he couldn't help but smile at the almost dazed expression on the angel’s face. “If the very real possibility of other demons lurking these halls wasn't an issue, I'd let you see for yourself. But we should probably finish up here and get back.”

 

Cas pulled Dean onto his lap and into a heated kiss and now Dean could feel why Cas had been so twitchy, as his hand inadvertently made contact with the angel’s groin. He was hard. Probably a side effect left over from the stupid incubus. 

 

"You're right," Cas murmured against Dean's lips. "It's irresponsible to get distracted like this."

 

Letting out a frustrated groan, Dean braced his hand against Cas’s chest, trying to compose himself. “You’re gonna be the fuckin’ death of me.”

 

Cas looked up at him, a mixture of apologetic shyness and desperation. He was breathing heavily when he leaned forward again, his lips ghosting over Dean's. "Tell me to stop." 

 

He knew he should. They really didn’t have time for this, but there was something about Cas’s need that fueled his own desire. Dean nodded as he closed the gap between them again, his hand snaking down to cup the angel’s erection. When Cas let out a sharp gasp, Dean licked along Cas’s bottom lip before delving deeper. 

 

Cas moaned into the kiss, his hands slid down Dean's chest before they dropped to his jeans, working the button and the zipper open.

 

_ This was happening then.  _ Dean couldn’t really feel bad about it when Cas managed to pull his now fully hard dick through his boxers and started stroking him. “Oh, fuck, Cas.” His vision whited out for a moment and then his own need kicked in. Dean didn’t want to fuck around with the angel’s million layers of clothes, so he just pulled his zipper down and slipped his hand inside. The teeth of the zipper scraped against his wrist as he worked Cas’s underwear open enough to grip him. Without hesitation, he matched Cas stroke for stroke, moaning into his mouth as their lips collided in a heated kiss.

 

"Dean," Cas hummed against his lips before he mouthed at the slope between Dean's throat and shoulder, only to sink his teeth into the sensitive skin a moment later.

 

The sharp hiss of pleasure that escaped turned into a needy whimper when Cas started pumping him faster.  _ Shit.  _ Maybe time wasn’t an issue. He was pretty fucking close already. 

 

And then the equivalent of ice cold water being dumped on them came barging into the room with a concerned sounding, “Dean? Cas? I heard groaning, are you guys alr – ” Followed by an almost girlish scream. And considering it was Saeed, if Dean hadn’t literally been caught with his pants down, he probably would have been able to laugh at the whole situation. 

 

Dean practically jumped from Cas, tucking his now withering erection into his pants. “Fuck, dude! Ever heard of knocking?”

 

Saeed was covering his eyes with his hand as he barked back, “There’s no fucking door!”

 

Cas had tucked himself in as well, stepping next to Dean with an almost pained expression. "I'm so sorry, Saeed."

 

The man just shook his head, hand still covering his face. “I won’t lie. I assumed angels weren’t anatomically correct. Boy, was I wrong.”

 

Jill suddenly reached the door frame, bracing herself against it, somewhat out of breath. "I heard a woman scream. What happened?"

 

At that Dean finally started laughing. Saeed uncovered his face and shot Dean a dirty look before turning to Jill. “It was me,” he said in a resigned tone.

 

Jill obviously had a hard time figuring out what emotional response would be appropriate before she decided on sounding worried, but with a poorly concealed laugh. "What happened?"

 

“While you and I were getting supplies, these two were…” Saeed shook his head and stopped talking full stop. 

 

Dean decided to cut the guy a break. He sighed and stepped closer to Cas. “There was a goddamn incubus and, well…” It wasn’t a  _ total  _ lie and at least it might stop any speculation.

 

Jill’s eyes went wide before she looked at Saeed. “You caught them making out?”

 

Saeed gave her an incredulous look. "Don't you think the first question should have been about the incubus?"

 

Jill pointed at Dean and nodded. “And that.”

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck and murmured, “Dean killed it.”

 

Saeed furrowed his brow in confusion. “Wait, so if it’s dead – ”

 

“Okay! Now that’s over, let’s finish grabbing supplies,” Dean interjected. The main problem with a post-apocalyptic universe full of survivors; pretty much everyone knew how the damn creatures operated. And whether or not certain effects go away with their life force.

 

“I saw a gift shop on our way in. Maybe we could get something for the children?” Cas obviously tried to help by trying to distract them from asking any more questions.

 

He relaxed at the almost adorable way both Saeed and Jill smiled at the suggestion. Perfectly distracted. “Cas and I can finish up on these floors if you guys wanna go grab whatever toys you can find?”

 

“Oh, and look for glitter,” Cas added. “Glitter is out again.”

 

Saeed nodded, quirked his brow as he looked Cas and Dean over again, before he said, “Please try to grab supplies instead of each other’s dicks this time.”

 

“I’m  _ not  _ sorry I missed that,” Jill said with a disgusted look on her face.

 

“Love you, too, Jill,” Dean retorted in a sarcastic tone.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

They were all in high spirits on their way back, because the raid had gone better than anticipated. They got all of the medication from the doctor's list, they got toys and clothes for the kids, even a few tubes of glitter. Cas couldn’t help the smile when he remembered the eyebrow waggle and sweet kiss he received from Dean when they had found "real" lube.

 

Cas carried most of the supplies, in an especially a big, sturdy bag for all the metal he had found for Kyle. He hoped he would be satisfied with what he found. But mostly he couldn't wait to get back home to be alone with Dean again. Their interrupted encounter had left him with a desperate need for more.

 

“So did you two kiss?” Jill asked suddenly, making Cas stumble for a moment because he had hoped they would have forgotten about that.

 

“Did you and Charlie yet?” Dean challenged. His tone wasn’t rude, more curious, but it was apparent he was diverting the conversation. 

 

Jill gave Dean a surprised look. "That's an interesting comparison, Dean. Does that mean you want to be with Cas?"

 

At that, Dean’s cheeks colored slightly and he looked down at the ground. “Shut up.”

 

Cas tried not to outright smile at the fact that Dean wasn't denying it, so he averted his gaze to hide the tug at his lips. They got closer to the gate and he could see Kyle standing on the watchtower, waving at him.

 

When they were almost at the gate, he could already hear Kiera's voice. Seconds later she and Tommy came bolting through it, running directly into his arms.

 

Suddenly all of the humans around them doubled over, clutching their ears. Saeed and Jill looked terrified, cries of not understanding what was happening. Dean shook his head and barked, “Cas! Take them back onto the grounds! Now!”

 

Cas followed Dean's command without thinking, grabbing his children, but not without shooting Dean a confused and worried look before he carried them inside.

 

As they crossed over the grounds, everyone let out sighs of relief as they released the hold on their ears. Saeed looked at Cas and then Dean as he asked, “The hell was that?”

 

Dean looked kind of sheepish as he explained, “I warded the walls of the Citadel with sigils that sound an alarm only adults can hear if a child steps off of the grounds.”

 

“Would have been nice to have a heads up, Dean,” Jill complained as she rubbed over her ears.

 

“Yeah. I’m sorry, guys. I’ll make sure to let everyone else know ASAP.”

 

“We have a meeting tonight with Sarah. You can tell us then,” Saeed said as he clapped Dean’s shoulder. “We should bring this stuff to William and Garth.”

 

Cas sat down his children and carded his fingers through their hair. “I dropped one of the bags outside. I’ll go get it. You two stay inside please.” 

 

“But I wanna help you!” Kiera announced loudly. 

 

“It’s too heavy, Kiera. Stay with Dean, okay?”

 

Kiera looked up at Dean with big, expectant eyes before she reached out for him and yelled, “Carry me!”

 

Dean laughed and without hesitation, scooped her up in his arms. She let out a squeal of delight when he flipped her upside down and started swaying her. “Like this?”

 

Kiera laughed and Cas knelt down by Tommy, who quietly watched them. “Would you stay with Dean, too?”

 

Tommy gave him a long look, like he was contemplating it before he let go of Cas’s trench coat and nodded. Cas stood up again, giving him a smile. “I’ll be back in a minute. If you want, you can sort through the stuff with Kyle later.”

 

Tommy smiled quickly and nodded before Cas turned to Dean again. “You’ll stay with them?”

 

Dean chuckled as he swung Kiera over his shoulder. “‘Course.” He looked down at Tommy and asked, “Wanna get on my other shoulder?”

 

Tommy shrugged and Cas touched his shoulder. “It’s okay.”

 

When Tommy slowly approached Dean, Cas smiled for a moment before he quickly turned around to grab the abandoned bags from in front of the gate. When he got back, Dean had both of his children on each shoulder, smiling brightly.

 

Cas sighed deeply. And yet again, he couldn't wait for them to finally be alone.

 

“Come on, rugrats. Let’s get you back inside,” Dean said as he started walking back towards the warehouse, Kiera and Tommy still on his shoulders.

 

Cas brought the bag down to Kyle’s workshop, putting it on one of the tables while Dean waited at the door with the children. “Do you want to help me get the children to bed before the meeting?” Cas asked with a smile when he returned to them.

 

Dean nodded. “Sure.”

 

Cas gave him a quick smile and a wink before he walked past him and guided Dean to the children's bedroom. 

 

"I don't wanna sleep," Kiera murmured tiredly. 

 

“The sooner you go to sleep, the sooner it'll be tomorrow and you know what happens tomorrow?” Dean asked, having now repositioned Kiera into his arms, while Tommy's legs were on both shoulders as he was holding onto Dean’s forehead.

 

“What is tomorrow?” Kiera asked while she yawned.

 

Dean chuckled, giving Cas a sly smirk before he said, “You might have more supplies in your salon tomorrow, and your daddy needs a touch up on his hair, don't you think?”

 

Kiera sighed theatrically and held her hand in front of her eyes. "It's hopeless. I'm a hairdresser, not a magician."

 

Cas tilted his head. “I thought you liked my hair.”

 

Kiera nodded. "I do. You're the only one who lets me work on their hair."

 

“Well, then you need to amp up your advertising,” Dean offered, giving her a wink.

 

“I can make a sign, but I don’t have a name for my salon yet. Tommy, would you help me tomorrow?” Kiera asked her brother and he gave her a thumbs up as an answer.

 

“Cool. You can work in my salon, too,” Kiera decided before she scrambled down from Dean’s arm and into her bed to get her bunny.

 

Dean helped Tommy down then started tucking her in. “Why don't you call your salon, ‘Charlie’s Angels?”

 

"We only have one angel and he is mine." Kiera appeared contemplative for a moment before she added, "Kiera's angel."

 

“Can’t share?” Dean asked, giving her a feigned saddened expression.

 

Kiera scratched her chin and hugged Tommy when he crawled into her bed. "I only share with Tommy and Chris, ‘cause they’re my brothers."

 

Dean carded his hand through her hair and chuckled. “Would you make  _ any  _ exceptions?”

 

Kiera squinted her eyes and Cas couldn't help but smile at how concentrated she looked. Suddenly she nodded. "Prince Eric."

 

That was met with a soft laugh. “We’ll keep an eye out, then.” Dean leaned over and pressed a kiss to the crown of her head, before ruffling Tommy’s hair a little. As he stood up straight he smiled and said, “Get some sleep so you can be super awake to open your salon.”

 

“Goo-ood night!” Kiera yelled and pulled the covers over herself and Tommy. 

 

Cas chuckled and sat down on the bed frame. "Oh, no! My children are gone. I can't give them a good night kiss."

 

Both children giggled under the blanket.

 

Cas leaned over it and kissed their heads over the blanket. "Sleep well." He smiled softly before he stood up and went to Dean, who was waiting by the door.

 

Dean smiled at Cas and nodded to him to follow. He made his way through the maze of halls to his room, pausing at the door by leaning against it. “Want some alone time before you spend the night with Kyle?”

 

Cas reached around Dean to open the door behind him, pushing him through before closing the door quickly behind them again. As soon as the door clicked into the lock, he pulled Dean into a deep kiss, burying his hands in his hair. "Are you jealous?" he mumbled against Dean's lips, as he walked Dean backwards to his bed. 

 

He pulled his t-shirt up and off before gently tugging Cas’s tie loose. Dean nipped at Cas’s bottom lip before he said, “Pretty sure he’s got a thing for you.”

 

Cas quickly unbuttoned his shirt and shrugged out of it, licking over Dean's upper lip, before he breathed out, "Pretty sure I've got a thing for you."

 

He didn't think Kyle liked him in that way. They were just friends. He was pretty sure Kyle would have said something if he had feelings for him.

 

When the back of Dean’s legs hit the side of the bed, Cas pushed him down, straddling his hips. Dean had an excited grin on his face. “That right?”

 

Cas leaned over, letting his open mouth ghost over Dean's lips. "Yes," he whispered before he licked into Dean's mouth, letting his fingertips slide down Dean's sides and to his jeans, popping open the button.

 

Without hesitation, Dean’s hands slid over and cupped his ass before sliding to the front, unbuckling Cas’s pants. He slid the belt through its loop and tossed it aside, causing one of his jars of salve to be knocked off of the dresser. Dean laughed before returning his attention to Cas’s clothes, slipping his hands under the waistband of his underwear as he slowly pushed them over his ass, down as far as he could considering his position. “If Saeed walks in again, I’m not stoppin’ this time.”

 

Cas hummed against Dean's lips as he pulled down his pants the rest of the way before he helped Dean quickly out of his tactical pants. He dove in for another deep kiss, letting his hands roam over Dean's warm skin. "I must confess... I thought a lot about this since we got interrupted. I was looking forward to being alone with you, all day." 

 

“You’re tellin’ me. When we took that five minute break comin’ back, I seriously contemplated fucking you up against a tree.” Dean let out a soft groan when his dick came into contact with Cas’s groin. 

 

"I would have let you," Cas moaned against Dean's lips. "Where did you put the lube?"

 

He pointed at the drawer of the nightstand. “Can you mojo it over here?”

 

Instead of answering, Cas flicked his wrist to summon the lube into his hand and gave Dean a questioning look. "How do you want me?"

 

“On your back,” he ordered, pushing himself up on his elbows.

 

Cas slid from Dean's lap and laid down on the bed, handing Dean the lube as he spread his legs for him.

 

Dean squeezed some of the contents of the tube on his fingers, using his thumb to warm it up as he leaned forward. He was braced over Cas, breath hot against Cas’s lips as Dean’s fingers probed at his entrance. He managed to slip two fingers in at once, and started scissoring his fingers as he captured Cas’s lips in a softer, gentler kiss.

 

Cas's breathing was out of control, he bucked his hips in a desperate attempt to feel him deeper, closer. "Dean. Please. Just take me."

 

“You sure?” he murmured against Cas’s lips as he withdrew his hand. Cas couldn’t see what Dean was doing, but there was only a slight fumbling before the head of his erection was softly probing at his hole. 

 

"I need you," Cas murmured back. He had waited too long. "Please."

 

Dean nodded against his lips as he pushed in. They let out soft groans in harmony as Dean slowly slid in deeper, only meeting slight resistance once before he bottomed out. “Oh, fuck, Cas. So tight,” he breathed out in a half-moan. His hips stilled for only a moment before he began to slowly circle his hips. 

 

The movement was whiting out Cas’s vision, he didn’t think it was possible to feel Dean even deeper, but the slow and steady undulating was beginning to unravel him. His unraveling exponentially increased when Dean’s lips crashed against his own. He swallowed Dean’s whimper as the man started fucking into him a little faster, a little harder, his pace slowly increasing as each rapturously slow second ticked by.

 

His own cock was rubbing against Dean's stomach, throbbing with the maddening friction, teasing him to the point of incoherence, but not enough to tip him over the edge. For a moment he wondered how it would feel to kneel before Dean, being fucked, his wings spread out, feeling Dean’s fingers in his feathers. 

 

Cas gasped, pulling Dean into a deep kiss again before he whispered against his lips, “Dean… I’m close.”

 

“Come for me,” he practically growled as he sped up his thrusts. But before he could take himself in hand, Dean’s movement stopped. He sat up, still inside him, and lifted Cas’s hips slightly. 

 

Dean managed to angle himself as he bent down and sucked the tip of Cas's erection into his mouth. Slowly, he started moving his hips again, the movement was less frantic than before, but the combined sensations were making Cas's body tremble.

 

"Oh, Dean, Dean," Cas gasped out before he couldn't hold himself back anymore and came.

 

He was surprised when Dean didn't pull off, he kept his lips wrapped around his dick as the spasms rolled through him. Finally, the last wave of pleasure coursed through him and Dean pulled off, using the back of his hand to wipe his chin. Dean leaned forward, capturing his lips in a kiss as he resumed his previous pace.

 

Cas could taste himself on Dean's tongue and he moaned as he deepened the kiss. When he leaned back, he got lost in Dean's lust blown eyes, watching as he thrusted, somehow managing to get deeper and deeper. 

Bottle green eyes stayed hyper focused, never straying from his face. While Dean’s expression was contorted in pleasure, it was the way he looked at Cas that took his breath away. The hypnotic spell he was under was broken when Dean came, eyes screwed shut as his hips stilled. 

 

When he slowly opened his eyes again, his expression was unreadable. Dean leaned in and kissed him. Unlike any of their other kisses. There was a franticness in the way he cupped Cas’s face, but a lazy almost contentment in the way their lips met. Dean drew back with a soft smile. “Hey, Cas.” His tone was sweet and slightly amused.

 

Cas smiled back, his heart was beating a million miles a minute. “Hello, Dean.”

 

This moment was perfection; he couldn’t remember ever feeling so happy and content before.

 

Dean chuckled and moved to lay next to Cas on the bed, bracing his hand against his forehead as he looked over at him. “Kinda surprised you didn’t bite me.”

 

"Should I have?" Cas asked carefully, afraid that he might have done something wrong.

 

The bark of laughter that escaped Dean was melodic. He turned onto his side to press a chaste kiss to his lips. “Only if you want to.”

 

Cas gave him a shy smile. "There're a lot of things that I want."

 

Dean’s expression seemed a little sad then, it was fleeting and disappeared just as quickly as it happened. He looked at his watch before he turned back to Cas and asked, “What time do we need to go for the meeting or whatever?”

 

Cas checked his inner clock before he startled. “Five minutes ago.”

 

“Shit!” Dean exclaimed as he jumped up, grabbing Cas's clothes and tossing them to him before he started getting dressed.

 

Cas tapped into his grace to put his clothes on in a second before he did the same for Dean. "To save time," he mumbled. "I'm sorry I got distracted."

 

Dean looked down at himself and up at Cas in awe. “That's really useful.”

 

Cas gave Dean another shy smile. "I can only do it because of you. You helped me gain back a lot of strength."

 

He leaned in and kissed him again. “Come on.” Dean opened his door and offered for Cas to go first. 

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

The meeting was being held in the rec room, likely because it had the most seating. When he and Cas came in through the door together, everyone turned to look up at them. There were a lot faces Dean hadn't met yet, and, of course, the ones he knew.

 

Lisa was smirking at them, Charlie had her brow quirked, Saeed gave them a knowing look, Jill was smiling, and Kyle looked annoyed. But then, that was his default look whenever he saw Dean, so there was no way of knowing if he seemed to know what they'd just done like the rest of them did.

 

Dean cleared his throat awkwardly and said, “Sorry, guys.” He moved to sit down on the nearest chair.

 

Sarah raised her eyebrow, but gave him a motherly smile. “Glad you two could join us.”

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck and sat down next to Charlie, who elbowed him and whispered something in his ear that made Cas look even more embarrassed.

 

“So, Dean... we are all looking forward to an explanation for that terrible noise when you all came back.” Sarah gave him an expectant look.

 

He was sure the smile he gave them was awkward as hell and sheepish. “Yeah, I forgot to tell you guys. One of the sigils is tied into a spell that sounds an alarm only adults can hear if a minor steps off the grounds of the Citadel. I know I probably should've asked you guys first, but after the incident with Chris…”

 

Sarah nodded her understanding and leaned back in the chair. “Dean, don’t get me wrong. I like your initiative, but I would prefer it if you talk to us before you do something like that. This meeting is every week and it’s exactly the place for us to talk about changes around the compound. Is there any way the spell can be changed into a more moderate alarm system? What is the age limit for the spell?”

 

“No, there isn't a way to change it. And the age limit is eighteen. If you're under that age and step off the grounds the alarm goes off. I  _ can _ adjust the spell to revise the age limit?” he offered.

 

Sarah sighed deeply. "It's a difficult decision. It's the children's ritual to run out and meet Cas or the others when they come back. I don't want them to feel like they're living in a prison. On the other hand, this is a surefire way Lilly or Chris can't go on tours anymore without us noticing. Any other opinions on the matter?" Sarah asked the others.

 

“We don't  _ just  _ have the concern of the kids goin’ on tours, or greeting us at the gate. I'd rather deal with an ear splitting screech than possibly lose another kid.” Everyone turned to look at Kyle. Dean was more taken aback by the fact that he took his side.  

 

It was quiet after that and everyone nodded. Sarah folded her hands in her lap. “It’s decided then. The sigils stay. Cas, Lisa, you have to tell your kids to not run out anymore. I’ll talk to Joe and Rita.”

 

Cas nodded before he leaned forward on the chair. “What about Alicia and Max? They expressed their wish to join the guard training? Should we make them wait another two years?”

 

Dean looked at Cas and answered, “I can adjust the spell with a rune inked into the flesh of any of the minors who are almost the right age. And actually, I noticed all the kids have anti-possession jewelry, not tattoos. Can I ask why?”

 

Lisa scoffed. "Is that a serious question? You want to tattoo our kids?"

 

“Why not?” Dean challenged as he turned to face her. “The thing is, the second they become ‘adults’, we’d tattoo them anyway. They ain't any less painful whatever your age.”

 

At that people started talking over each other. The people who agreed with Lisa were up in arms at Dean’s comment. But he was surprised how many people agreed with him.

 

Cas was weirdly quiet during all of it, looking down at his hands in his lap.

 

“Before we discuss the ethics of tattooing a kid, have any of you  _ asked  _ them?” Dean barked louder than the din of the arguing.

 

"It doesn't matter if Ben wants a tattoo or not. He's  _ eleven  _ and it's not his decision. It's mine. He's a kid and I want him to have as much normalcy as he can in this shitty world. If the other parents are willing to do it to their kids, they can, but I won't," Lisa barked back.

 

“It's not like this world is gonna get better! There's only so much normal you can have when it's the friggin’ apocalypse! I get what you guys are tryin’ to do here, I really do, but more than anything, they need to be prepared! And trust me. They already know how shitty it is. Look at everyone! Some of you are here with your kids, some of you aren't. Some of the kids here already lost their parents, their families. Not giving them a choice, not asking what  _ they  _ want, it's a fucking privilege that you can even say that, Lis.” Dean sighed. He hated to burst their bubbles, but there was a line between protecting kids and overprotecting, and the Citadel was straddling it.

 

"Yes, you're right. It's a privilege to be here. It's also a privilege to let my son  _ be  _ a kid. I treasure every ounce of normalcy I can give him here and I don't want to prepare him, hardening him for the life out there. I'm his mother. It's my job to protect him. And when he’s sixteen, he can have a tattoo if he wants to. But not as long as his voice hasn’t even broken yet."

 

Lisa looked over to Cas, glaring at him. "You haven't said anything, Cas. Do you  _ really  _ want to tattoo your little girl?"

 

Cas looked away again, seemingly uncomfortable. "It's not my choice, but I won't do anything against my children's wishes."

 

Dean nodded and addressed everyone, “Look, I'm not saying you or your kid have to do anything. But for the kids who don't have their parents, they need to speak for themselves.”

 

"Zara’s almost sixteen and the twins are a year older. I know Zara already has a tattoo, so I'm guessing the three of them won't have a problem getting one," Cas wondered out loud before he added, "And Chris always wanted a tattoo."

 

Lisa cleared her throat. "Leaves Kiera and Tommy as the only underage kids without parents."

 

"I'm their father," Cas growled at Lisa.

 

"If you really were their father, you wouldn't consider giving your little girl such a choice. She’s too young to make a decision like that. Are you really going to stand there, watching her cry when she gets inked, because she thought it'd be fun to get one, or just thinks it’s like getting paint on her skin?" 

 

Dean stood up then and braced his hand on Cas’s shoulder. “Stop trying to guilt him!”

 

"I'm not trying to guilt him. I'm telling him that he's got responsibilities as a parent, to do what is  _ best  _ for his kids." Lisa addressed Cas directly then, "If you really feel like us humans, Cas, if you really feel like a father to those kids, you won't do this to your little girl."

 

Cas opened and closed his mouth as if he tried to say something, but no words came out. He looked incredibly insecure and confused.

 

Fed up, Dean kneeled down in front of Cas. “If you want to give them a choice, that doesn't make you a bad father. You love those kids and I won't judge you whichever way you choose, if  _ you  _ think it's best for them.”

 

Cas gave him a quick smile and seemed to relax. "Thank you, Dean."

 

Lisa scoffed behind them, but before she could say anything, Sarah interrupted her, "I know our children are always an emotional and sensitive topic. I want everyone to think about the option and I will speak to every teenager and parent personally about this. Let's dismiss this meeting for tonight."

 

There was a murmuring of agreement as everyone started to disperse. Dean moved to stand up, catching the dirty look Lisa gave him before she stormed out of the room.

 

Dean looked down at Cas and smiled. “The meetings always this lively?”

 

He shook his head and smiled before he slowly got up. “Usually they’re about rations and distributions. Those kind of things.”

 

Charlie wrapped her arm around Cas’s shoulder and added, “And what movie we’re showing on movie night.”

 

Dean chuckled. “Well, sorry I threw a wrench in the gears.”

 

Charlie grinned before she looked down at herself. “Are you doing the tattoos yourself? I only have a bracelet around my ankle against demon possession and I‘m pretty sure a tattoo would look badass on me.”

 

“Yeah, sure thing, Red. And if the pain freaks you out, I can make a potion that'll knock you out and heal it while you sleep. Which I would have told everyone if I had the chance.” 

 

“Can I take that option, but we  _ tell  _ people I suffered through it?” Charlie asked with a sly grin.

 

Dean waggled his eyebrows. “Lie. Got it.”

 

“Do you want to impress a certain someone with tattoos, Charlie?” Cas asked with a knowing smile.

 

Dean had never wanted to kiss Cas more than in that moment.

 

Charlie chuckled nervously. "Me. What? No. Never. No idea what you mean."

 

“So if I go tell Jill right now you want to take the chickenshit route in getting inked?” Dean challenged as he gave Cas a wink.

 

Charlie turned to Cas, stemming her hands on her sides. "Control your sex toy, Cas. He's not nice."

 

“Don't objectify me,” he sassed as he folded his arms across his chest.

 

“Oh, so it’s more than sex?” Charlie grinned.

 

Dean rolled his eyes and refused to give her the satisfaction of an answer. He turned to Cas and said, “Control your nosy bestie.”

 

Cas looked between both of them and shook his head. "I'm not powerful enough to control either of you. I'm afraid you have to deal with each other."

 

Before Dean could respond, Kyle somehow appeared out of nowhere, which was surprising, considering how huge the guy was. He gave Dean and Charlie an almost imperceptible nod, but Cas got a small smile as he turned to the angel. “You still up for the watch tonight?”

 

Cas returned the smile and nodded. "Of course. When do you want to release Jeff from his shift?"

 

“I was gonna head up now. That man has been in charge of watching over the Citadel alone the whole day. But at least he doesn’t have any spoons.” Kyle smiled a little bigger at Cas with that comment.

 

Dean narrowed his eyes at the guy. Cas was convinced that Kyle didn’t have a thing for him, but the look Dean exchanged with Charlie regarding their interaction told him otherwise. He wasn’t sure why it was bothering him so much. It’s not like he and Cas were exclusive.

 

Cas chuckled and shook his head slightly. "I still can't believe Sarah made you sign a contract about that." He turned to Dean and Charlie with a quick smile. "I'll leave you two then for tonight."

 

The urge to protest was overwhelming, but instead he just nodded dumbly and watched as Cas and Kyle continued their conversation as they left the rec room. Now alone with Charlie, Dean felt weirdly out of place. With the exception of Sarah, Dr. Will, and some scrawny guy he hadn’t met yet, the rec room was now empty.

 

“Earth to Dean? Anyone home?” Charlie elbowed him.

 

“Sorry,” he murmured and turned back to Charlie. “So, uh… what happens when a movie isn’t picked for movie night? Do you just choose?”

 

“Yes,” Charlie answered enthusiastically. “Isn’t that the best job ever?” Charlie grabbed Dean’s hand and pulled him over towards the scrawny dude. “You have to meet Garth, Dean. He’s our dentist.” 

 

At least he didn’t look like Steve Martin. Dean nodded and allowed Charlie to pull him the rest of the way. When they reached the other three, Dr. Will quirked his brow at Dean and smirked. Before he could question it, Will pushed Garth towards Dean. “Look, Garth. A new person!” 

 

Garth’s eyes widened comically before he gave Dean a bright smile and hugged him tight. “Welcome, Dean. I’m Garth. I’ve already heard so much about you.”

 

Dean patted the guy’s back awkwardly and cleared his throat. He was still being hugged and he looked at Charlie with an imploring expression. To which she just chuckled and shook her head. Finally he was released and Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh, yeah. Nice to meet you.”

 

Garth still smiled brightly at him. “You should come by to let me have a looksie at your teeth at some point.”

 

“That’s okay,” he said as he backed away from the guy. Even prior to the apocalypse Dean was anti-dentist. And there was no way in pluperfect Hell he’d let one near his teeth  _ post  _ apocalypse.

 

Garth leaned forward and patted Dean’s shoulder. “No worries. I’m really good with scaredy-cats. You would be in very safe hands.”

 

“I’m good, save it for people who need it.” Dean slowly started to back away. “Didn’t you need my help with something, Charlie?”

 

Charlie grinned smugly at him, but thankfully played along. “Yes, you’re right. The  _ something _ . That we really needed to work on. Sorry, Garth. We have to go.”

 

Ignoring the crestfallen look on the man’s face, Dean ushered Charlie out of the rec room. As soon as they were outside, he murmured a grateful, “I owe you one.”

 

“So we finally found Kirk’s weakness. The dentist.”

 

“Funny,” he clipped, rolling his eyes at her. “Anyway, thanks for being my alibi.”

 

“No worries.” Charlie wrapped her arm around his shoulder. “Your secret’s safe with me. So, you wanna help me decide the film for the next movie night? To distract you from the fact that Kyle and Cas are alone together the whole night?”

 

Dean let out a mirthless chuckle and flicked her shoulder. “You’re a dick.”

 

“Thank you. I worked hard for that.” She grinned before she gave him a long look. “But seriously, you seemed a little jealous back there.”

 

The protest was on the tip of his tongue. He wasn’t  _ jealous.  _ At least, he was pretty sure he wasn’t jealous. And it wasn’t like he laid a claim on the angel. Instead, Dean shrugged it off. “Not my call who he spends time with.”

 

Charlie snickered. "Yeah, you're not jealous at all. Let me tell you something, Dean." Charlie closed the door of the "bridge" behind her as soon as they got there. "I think Kyle has had a big ass crush on Cas since, probably, the first time he laid eyes on the dreamy angel. Don't wait too long to claim your man."

 

Dean sighed. That was hardly fair either. He had no idea what or how he wanted whatever was happening between him and Cas to go down. Did he like the angel? Yeah. Did he enjoy the sex? Hell yeah. But did he want to officially date him? Be open about it? Say dibs? Dean didn’t know and it didn’t seem right to want to stake any kind of claim considering the start of their… whatever it was. “I woulda thought you’d be team ‘anyone  _ but  _ me’?”

 

“I’m team ‘whoever makes Cas happy’,” Charlie explained with a soft smile. “And it seems to be you.” After a beat of silence she added, “And I like that you came to his protection earlier when Lisa was chewing him out.”

 

“Yeah, well… It’s not right to shanghai someone into doing things your way. He should get to make that decision without being shamed for it. And, well… If Cas  _ does  _ agree and all the kids want tattoos, Lisa is gonna have to deal with Ben feeling left out. And she  _ knows  _ that.” Dean moved toward the video library and started looking over the titles as he continued, “I know it seemed harsh to suggest it, but the thought of any of these kids not having the same level of protection as the rest of us, freaks me the fuck out.”

 

"There's a bit more to the story." Charlie sighed deeply and continued, "There's still a lot of awkward and bad history between Lisa, Joe, Rita, and Cas because of his kids."

 

_ That  _ got his attention. Dean turned to look at Charlie. “What bad history?”

 

Charlie leaned against one of the shelves, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "Cas had spent over two years with his kids out there, protecting them, bringing them food. But when he stumbled over the compound, he thought it would be best if humans looked after them. He thought it would be safer, better for them. Lisa, Joe, and Rita looked after them during that time. When the other Dean brought Cas back to the Citadel, his kids wanted to be with him again. I’m sure you can imagine how well that went down. The other parents were… less than thrilled with the idea. They said Cas had abandoned them and he wasn't fit to be a parent, especially since he’s an angel… yada, yada, yada."

 

Dean looked at her for a moment, brow furrowed in annoyance. “He was doing what he thought was best. And honestly, that probably took a hell of a lot more balls than taking in kids. Any of us would gladly take in any child that showed up at the gate. But to separate from a loved one because they would be safer… I can’t imagine it.”

 

"He told me once that it had broken his heart, leaving them. That when he had gone back to his angel garrison, he felt empty, he just wanted to die. That's when the other Dean found him." Charlie huffed out a quick laugh. "I don't really believe in fate, but the other Dean showed just in time to save us all." 

 

It sure explained a lot. And Cas definitely didn’t deserve that sort of treatment considering how much he’d helped the Citadel. Dean tried to not think about the fact that he was automatically protective over Cas, more so than he probably could have been over Lisa. In that moment, he was grateful they’d already kind of ended. Dean couldn’t imagine the woman would even want to  _ speak  _ to him after tonight, let alone have sex with him.

 

Dean sighed and looked down. “You all seem to be grateful to the other Dean.” He never realized how difficult it would be to have to live in the shadow of a man on a pedestal.

 

“I never met the guy. I came to the Citadel after he left, but I’m grateful that he brought Cas into my life.” Charlie furrowed her brow. “Are you afraid Cas is comparing the two of you?”

 

The scoff that tumbled out was completely reactive. Dean shrugged and gave her a serious look. “How can he not? The other Dean is everything he wanted and I’m the poor man’s version of him. Complete with emotional hangups and…” He sighed and looked down. “I’m not that Dean. I never will be. And one day he’ll realize it.”

 

Charlie walked towards him and squeezed his arm. "Patience, my young Padawan. You may be different from the other Dean, but you have faith in Cas, don’t you?"

 

“You make it sound like a tragic love story.”

 

Charlie chuckled. "I'm still hopeful it won't end in tragedy." She squeezed his arm again. "Cas doesn't need the other Dean. He needs you and he–" Charlie grinned smugly. "He wants you."

 

“He has terrible taste, then,” he murmured, returning his attention back to the movie titles. Dean was kind of done with the conversation. They were going into territory he wasn’t ready to think about yet. “We should make Cas watch Star Trek, so he’d start getting all of our references.”

 

“You have no idea how long I’ve been trying to get him to watch it. He always skips movie night,” Charlie complained. “If you get him there, I will be forever grateful.”

 

Dean smiled. “I can try.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Cas leaned against the handrail and closed his eyes for a moment when a warm breeze grazed his skin. It was one of those rare clear nights where the sky was full of stars. Stars that hadn’t been visible before the apocalypse for they were outshone by the bright lights of the cities, a part of human civilization that didn’t exist anymore.

 

It was breathtaking and Cas couldn’t take his eyes off of the sky.

 

“You okay?” Kyle asked as he sidled up next to Cas. “With the whole Lisa thing?”

 

Cas gave Kyle a sideways glance and a soft smile. "I should be used to it by now, but she still makes me question myself. If what I do with my children is right." He turned towards Kyle, putting his hand on his arm. "How are you feeling after this discussion?"

 

Kyle braced his hand over Cas’s and sighed, looking out over the night sky. “I’m glad Dean brought it up. It needs to be discussed.”

 

Cas nodded and smiled slightly. "I think you shocked him, taking his side."

 

“I bet,” he murmured with a chuckle. Kyle slowly retracted his hand to grip the railing and look down over the side. 

 

"You’re thinking about her," Cas murmured after a long moment of silence between them. "Your daughter."

 

“When am I  _ not  _ thinking about her?” he asked. But it didn’t quite sound like an actual question. More like a resigned acceptance.

 

Cas wrapped his arm around Kyle's shoulder and sighed deeply. "It’s times like this when I wish I could do more. Like fly back to Heaven and bring her back to you."

 

Kyle looked over at Cas, a small and fleeting smile curled his lips before he sighed again. “Thanks, Cas.”

 

"For what?" Cas asked, looking up at Kyle with a confused expression.

 

He chucked his chin and smiled. “For being you.”

 

Cas returned the smile, although he didn't understand why "being him" was something to be thankful for. At least he understood it was a compliment, though he didn't believe that he deserved it. He just didn't want Kyle to suffer or be sad. For some reason, it made him sad, too. "Are your dreams still okay?"

 

Kyle smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. Eyes that looked a little watery. He cleared his throat and stood up straight, grabbing his rifle and moving away from Cas. “I’m gonna, uh… Check on the generator.”

 

Cas grabbed Kyle's wrist to hold him back with a searching look. "Talk to me, please."

 

“Cas,” his voice was smooth and firm. “Please stop.”

 

Cas let go of Kyle's wrist, taken aback. He shouldn't have asked about Kyle's daughter. He obviously had upset him further and that was the opposite of what he wanted to do. "I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you... I shouldn't have asked. I'm sorry." He looked down at his feet with a deep sigh.

 

Kyle appeared frozen to the spot in that moment. He wasn’t moving. He wasn’t speaking. Eyes cast downward and chest heaving slightly. 

 

"Kyle?" Cas asked softly, stepping carefully in front of him. He just wanted to hold him, but he got the feeling that Kyle wouldn’t want that.

 

He finally looked up, expression on his face entirely unreadable. After a beat, Kyle breathed out a soft, “I’m not angry at you.”

 

Cas released the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. "I didn't want to upset you," he whispered, looking down again. "I hate to see you upset."

 

To say he was surprised when Kyle swept him into a hug was an understatement. The man wrapped his strong arms around Cas’s torso and just… held on.

 

Cas felt the tension in his body melt away when he wrapped his own arms around Kyle and just held him close. His friend had suffered so much in life, it just wasn't fair and it made Cas angry with the world. He wanted to do everything in his power to help Kyle, who had showed him so much so kindness, friendship, and acceptance.

 

“You didn’t upset me either,” Kyle murmured, his breath hot against Cas’s neck.

 

Cas pulled him closer, feeling more confused than ever because he thought his social skills had been improving over the last year. He saw that Kyle was sad, but now he was saying it wasn't because of what he said. "I don't understand," he murmured, sounding as insecure as he was feeling. He leaned back slightly to look up at Kyle. "You looked upset."

 

Kyle gave him a sad smile and shook his head, finally releasing his grip on Cas’s trenchcoat and taking a step back. “Don’t worry about it, Cas.”

 

The thing was, when people told him not to worry about something, he worried all the more. Because he knew there was something he wasn't getting and it had the potential of him doing something wrong again because whatever it was, he wasn't  _ getting  _ it.  He tilted his head. “That’s easier said than done.” He sighed and looked up to the stars. “I wish you would talk to me. You know I would do anything to help you, if you have a problem with something you can tell me. I care a lot about you.”

 

There was a tense beat of silence as Kyle continued to look anywhere but at Cas. He almost didn’t hear Kyle when he quietly asked, “Do you love him?”

 

To say that Cas was surprised about Kyle's question was the understatement of the century. He had no idea why Kyle had changed the subject to Cas and Dean's relationship. Cas had thought about his feelings for Dean. He was still confused about his feelings, still comparing this Dean to the other one, even though he was doing it less and less. This Dean was so different and he was still getting to know him. The only thing he was already sure about was that he wanted to go this road with Dean. He wanted to see where it led him.

 

He furrowed his brow as he scratched his chin. "It's very confusing at the moment. Why are you asking?"

 

Kyle smiled and shook his head. “Doesn’t matter.”

 

Cas tilted his head. "What is it about me that humans seem to enjoy confusing?"

 

That was met with a genuine laugh. Kyle pointed at Cas and said, “That.”

 

Cas tilted his head a bit further, furrowing his brow. "What?"

 

“You do this adorable head tilt thing when you're confused.”

 

Cas widened his eyes as he straightened his posture. He hadn't been aware that he did that. He chuckled softly and scratched the back of his neck, feeling weirdly shy over the fact that Kyle thought he was adorable. "Thanks. Maybe I should try this on the next demon I come across, so it won’t want to kill me."

 

Kyle’s bark of laughter was melodic and contagious. He gently grasped Cas’s chin and smiled. “Yeah. That'll work.”

 

Cas smiled back at him, feeling happy that he had made Kyle laugh again. He liked seeing him so relaxed and unguarded. "It's my new secret weapon. Better than any spoon."

“I don't know. You're pretty dangerous with a spoon.” Kyle bumped his hip into Cas’s, his eyes twinkling in amusement.

 

Cas laughed and pulled Kyle over to the handrail, resting his chin on his shoulder as he pointed to the northern ruins. "We should build a ballista and instead of using arrows, we have it shoot multiple spoons in case of an attack."

 

Kyle craned his neck to look at Cas. “Because spoons would be good projectiles?” His tone was amused.

 

Cas grinned up at him. “You saw what happened when I throw one. A ballista could have the same effect."

 

“I'm sure Sarah will okay that.”

 

“Really?” Cas raised his eyebrows, grinning when he noticed the amused expression Kyle was giving him.

 

Kyle smirked. “Not a chance in Hell.”

 

Cas pouted to hide his grin. “There goes my dream.” He shook his head slowly before he looked up at Kyle with big eyes. “You think I should switch to dessert forks?"

 

Kyle’s smile faltered slightly as he looked at Cas. He turned to face him more fully and gently cupped his face in his hands. Before he realized what was happening, Kyle closed the gap between them, brushing his lips tentatively over Cas’s.

 

For a moment his mind was completely blank and he just reacted on instinct, without thinking. His breathing hitched before he kissed him back, drowning in softness and a feeling of warmth and safety.

 

It was just for a moment, but then his thoughts came rushing back and all he could think of was Dean. He pulled back, out of breath from that short, soft kiss. Shocked that he had kissed Kyle back. He didn't understand why he had done that. He tried to say something, but nothing came out. As he took a step back, the guilt and confusion began to overwhelm him. "I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I... I... can you stay here for a moment? I have to..."

 

He needed to find Dean.

 

Kyle nodded, expression sad and a little broken. “I got this. I'm… I'm sorry, Cas.”

 

Cas shook his head. "You did nothing wrong, Kyle. I did. I–" He took in a deep, shuddering breath and shook his head. "I’ll try to come back as fast as possible."

 

Cas couldn’t look at Kyle when he went past him towards the ladder and quickly climbed down. He hoped Dean wasn’t asleep yet. 

 

His heart was beating a million miles an hour and his thoughts and emotions felt like a chaotic and confusing storm that he couldn’t make any sense of. He still wasn't any wiser when he knocked on Dean's door.

 

Dean answered, eyes squinted in sleepiness when they widened at seeing Cas. Immediately he embraced Cas, grasping him by the forearms. “Are you okay? Is the Citadel under attack?”

 

Cas shook his head and mumbled, "No. Everything is quiet... But I'm not okay. I… I’m sorry. This is all so... I don't know why... I kissed him back. Kyle. He kissed me and I kissed him back."

 

Dean released his hold on Cas’s arms and took a step back. All he said was, “Oh.”

 

Cas looked down at his feet, his throat feeling tight and his eyes started to burn. "I would understand if you don't want to be with me anymore." 

 

He wasn't expecting the gentle grasp on his hand, or to be tugged into Dean’s room. Dean moved to sit on his bed and patted the space next to him in invitation. “Considering the way things started, it would be pretty hypocritical of me to end things because you kissed someone else. The question is, do  _ you _ want to end things?”

 

Cas shook his head, hating that his voice sounded so broken and breathless. "No." He looked down at his hands, taking a few shallow breaths before he felt like he could speak again. "I'm so sorry. I have no idea why this happened."

 

“Hey, it's okay,” Dean assured, gently grasping Cas’s hand. “We never talked about what we are to each other. If you're confused, that's okay. We can figure it out.”

 

Cas took in a deep breath, "I'm very confused. And I had no idea Kyle felt that way about me. I thought I was just a good friend to him."

 

Dean chuckled and snapped his fingers. “Called it.”

 

Dean had known and Cas was angry with himself that he hadn't seen it. He was afraid that he had misinterpreted his relationship with Kyle in such a profound way that he gave Kyle mixed signals. That all of this was his fault.

 

"I wanted to tell him that I'm with you. But I wasn't sure if that was... I'm not sure  _ what  _ we are. The only thing I'm sure about is that I don't want to kiss anyone else and I don't want you to kiss anyone else."

 

Dean stayed silent for several pain stakingly slow moments. The grip on Cas's hand tightened and he finally looked up and smiled. “Okay.”

 

Cas's breathing hitched before he couldn't hold himself back any longer and wrapped his arms around Dean. He buried his face into the crook of his neck and inhaled deeply, the tension slowly draining from his shoulders. "Thank you," he murmured quietly. Only then he realized how much he had feared that this mistake had ruined his relationship with Dean and that he might have lost him. 

 

Dean chuckled and drew Cas into a sideways hug. “So you're gonna stop kissing random men on the roof?” His tone was teasing.

 

Cas gave him a sheepish look. "I promise. The only one I want to kiss on that roof is you."

 

“Good,” he murmured as he leaned in and kissed Cas.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, uh... This is a legit apology. Sorry, guys. <3<3

**Chapter 11**

 

To say that Cas was nervous about going back up to the rooftop was the understatement of the century. But after his conversation with Dean, he felt more reassured than ever that he was on the right path. He just hoped it wouldn't ruin his friendship with Kyle.

 

Kyle had his rifle in his hand and was leaning against the handrail when Cas took the last step onto the roof. Walking up to him, Cas greeted Kyle with a soft, “Hello, Kyle.” 

 

“Hi, Cas.” It was strange how such a big man had the ability to appear so small.

 

"I'm sorry I left you alone up here." Cas cleared his throat. "Everything quiet so far?"

 

Kyle sighed and turned around to face Cas. “Don’t do that.”

 

Cas looked away for a moment. "I'm sorry. I... I don't know what to say. I'm afraid I’ll lose you as my friend because of this."

 

“Look,” he started as he leaned against the handrail, still not quite making eye contact. “I shouldn’t have put you in that position in the first place. I know you’re not interested in me like that and…” Kyle sighed and finally looked up. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

 

Cas shook his head slowly, giving Kyle a soft smile. "I shouldn't have kissed you back. And I should probably work on my social skills, because I didn't even realize you like me in that way until a few moments ago. I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression."

 

“You didn’t. I…” Kyle sighed again, slowly cracking his knuckles as he kept his focus on them. He chuckled mirthlessly and said, “I got a little caught up in my own feelings and I projected them onto you.”

 

"I'm sorry, Kyle. I'm with Dean." Cas bit his lower lip. "I hope this doesn't ruin our friendship, because I don't want to lose you as my friend."

 

Kyle gave him a sad smile. “Can we just pretend it never happened?”

 

"If that will help... of course." Cas gave him a reassuring smile.

 

“Just…” Kyle turned to look at him, his expression the most serious he’d seen in a long time. “If he hurts you, I’ll break his face.”

 

Cas smiled at him before he nodded. "I'm okay with that."

 

Kyle chuckled and took a step back, stretching out his arms. “Good. Then we’re on the same page again.”

 

Cas nodded and leaned against the handrail with a smile. "I'm glad we are."

 

“So, uh… What about Dean and Lisa?”

 

"They aren't together anymore. And Dean has agreed to not kiss anyone else." Cas couldn't help but smile when that fact slowly sank in. "It's not so confusing anymore."

 

Kyle smiled. “Good.”

 

Cas bit his lip before he looked up at Kyle with an apologetic smile. “And I probably shouldn’t talk about Dean. I’m sorry.”

 

“Hey, I asked.”

 

"Will you be okay?" Cas asked after a while.

 

Kyle gave him an almost imperceptible nod as he moved to clap Cas’s shoulder, then appeared to think better of it and tucked his hand in his pocket. “I will.” 

 

The movement hadn't gone unnoticed by Cas and he wondered if that meant he couldn’t touch or hug Kyle anymore. He gave Kyle an insecure look, wondering if he should ask about it, before he decided it was better not to. He turned to the handrail and nodded. "Good." 

 

“You should go back to Dean. I got this. Take a night off.”

 

"You want me to go?" Cas asked quietly.

 

Kyle turned to face him. “I’ll be fine. I’ll get over this. I promise. But maybe give me tonight?”

 

Cas nodded slowly. "Okay..." He looked down for a moment before he nodded again. This was what Kyle needed. He could give him that. "I could take over your next shift if you want?"

 

“Sure. I might take you up on that.” Kyle sighed and took a step towards Cas. He gently cupped Cas’s right cheek and gave him a sad smile. “I’m gonna be okay.”

 

Cas cupped Kyle's hand and mirrored the smile before he nodded. "Okay."

 

“Go,” he urged, gently swiping the pad of his thumb along Cas’s jaw before releasing him.

 

Cas gave him one last look before he nodded and turned around to go back to Dean’s room. He had a weird feeling in his chest, but when he quietly slipped into Dean’s bed and wrapped his arms around the still sleeping man, Cas knew that he had done the right thing. Dean was the one he wanted to be with and even though he had been through a lot with Kyle, and he liked him very much, it was just... different with Dean.

 

Dean made him feel whole, complete. Like he had finally found something he had been searching for his entire existence. He smiled when he nudged his nose against Dean's throat and left a soft kiss on his skin.

 

It felt like he belonged.

 

There was a rumble of an appreciative growl as Dean tightened his grip and murmured Cas’s name before cuddling into him. He never once woke up.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Since the morning where Dean woke up next to Cas, completely by surprise, it had sort of become a tradition. Unless Cas was helping cover watch, or had plans with his kids, they might not always  _ go  _ to sleep together, but they woke up together and Dean found he didn’t hate it. In fact, kind of the opposite.

 

That’s probably why that Thursday afternoon when they had woken up together, he’d gently pleaded with Cas to come with him to movie night. Initially Cas had been reticent, for no other reason than he didn’t see the point of it. Dean promised to let Kiera use him as his next salon test subject and Cas finally caved. 

 

He’d been firm that it was a one time thing, Dean agreed readily even though that was a friggin’ lie. But what Cas didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

 

While they had slipped into this bizarrely domestic situation. Stealing away for brief moments to make out in a secluded area. Intimately discovering just how fast of a learner Cas was when it came to sex. It was a little crazy how much better each time they had sex was. And the sort of confirmation of the exclusivity between them had created this almost charge of excited energy.

 

Hell, one morning, Dean fucked Cas on the dirt ground of the greenhouse and it had been so intense. Dean found that he didn’t really mind at all. 

 

But when it came to the sort of… Openness about their shift in relationship? It really wasn’t a thing. For some reason, Dean was hesitant. And it wasn’t because Cas was a dude. He couldn’t give a fuck about that. He couldn’t pinpoint it, but he was pretty sure it was because Cas was an angel. He’d spent so many years hating Cas’s entire species. Now he found himself in a… relationship with one. 

 

There was conflict over his own personal morals and ethics, the guilt he felt knowing just how many lives his kind, and likely Cas, too, were responsible for taking. It’s hard to rectify in your head that someone you care deeply for has killed people. But then, the amount of creatures Dean had slaughtered over the years. Hell, possibly even some of those good brothers and sisters Cas insisted didn’t exist anymore...

 

If there was a faction of angels who felt the way Cas did, there was a possibility that they were trying to get by in this world the way Cas had. Scrambling to cling onto the last shred of their empathy, to not bring harm to their father’s creation. And Dean may have been responsible for their deaths.

 

Life was funny like that.

 

After Dean had showered, gone over some plans with Jill and Saeed, talked to Sarah, and annoyed Dr. Will for a good half hour, it was about twenty minutes until movie night. He made his way to the rec room, not at all surprised to find Charlie already setting up. But seeing Cas watching her, talking with her, was a surprise. 

 

Dean couldn’t help the smile that curled his lips as he made his way over to them. He wrapped his arms around Cas’s waist and hip checked him. “You came.”

 

Cas grinned at him. "Just because you were so insistent and it's hard to say 'no' to you"

 

“Right. It’s got nothin’ to do with the fact that I’m allowing Kiera to torture me instead of you, I’m sure.” Dean smirked at him. 

 

“Not at all.” Cas smirked back, grabbing his hand before he gave him a coy smile.

 

Dean chuckled and leaned in to press a kiss to Cas’s neck. Charlie already knew. He figured she wouldn’t give a shit seeing him get a little handsy.

 

“You two are adorably cute,” Charlie cooed and Dean immediately regretted his earlier thought. But when Cas looked up at him with impossibly wide, blue eyes; a proud grin curving his lips up, it more than made up for it.

 

“You could use your mojo to silence her vocal cords, right?” Dean murmured into Cas’s ear.

 

"I want to stay alive, Dean." Cas chuckled before he turned and left soft kisses along Dean's cheek and ear. "Are you sure you want to watch this movie? You could educate me with other  _ stuff  _ instead," Cas whispered lowly in his ear.

 

Dean chuckled. “Uh, uh. You’re not gettin’ out of this by bribing me with sex.”

 

Cas sighed and scrunched up his nose, which looked incredibly cute – not that he would ever tell him that. "It was worth a try." 

 

“I think I’ve created a monster,” he said with a smile, moving to take a seat by Charlie. 

 

“That’s a Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein reference,” Cas explained proudly.

 

Dean’s smile widened. He grasped Cas’s hand and squeezed it. “Soon we’ll get you into the twentieth century.”

 

Cas tilted his head and squinted his eyes at him. “Are you being sarcastic?”

 

“Never,” he said, feigning a surprised gasp. Dean loved the way Cas’s eyes narrowed further in annoyance. He turned to Charlie and asked, “So which one are we going with tonight? The original series Trek or the newer ones?”

 

“The original. We start our journey at the beginning. Well, not really the beginning in the case of Star Trek timelines, but you know...  _ airdates.”  _ Charlie was slightly distracted when the door opened and Jill came in, waving at her with a smile.

 

Dean and Cas exchanged amused smiles. Dean turned to Jill and said, “Didn’t peg you for a Trekkie, Jill.”

 

“Are you kidding, Dean-o? I’m as much of a geek as she is… I just so happen to be able to handle a gun.”

 

Charlie chuckled and turned toward the cables again, not fast enough for Dean  _ not  _ to notice the blush on her cheeks.

 

Dean smiled and leaned in to whisper in Cas’s ear, “Let’s give them some privacy.”

 

“Do you want to leave?” Cas grinned smugly.

 

“No,” he said with a chuckle. “Let’s go to one of the couches in the back.” He grabbed Cas’s hand again and helped him up as he started pulling him to the back of the rec room.

 

Jill wolf whistled after them and Dean flipped her off. When he looked over to Cas, he seemed more confused than ever, but he also didn’t ask for any clarification. He seemed to be content to just sit down next to Dean, being close and holding his hand. The soft smile on his face hadn’t vanished the entire time. It was nice to see. 

 

“Why did you want me to see this... Star Trek?”

 

“So you understand why Charlie calls me Kirk.” Dean looped his arm over Cas’s shoulder, pulling him in a little closer. 

 

Cas leaned his head against Dean's shoulder and smiled. "Spock is from Star Trek, too. Correct?"

 

“Exactly. You’ll get why I call you Spock, too.” Alright. So this domestic crap wasn’t  _ all  _ bad.

 

“Charlie said that Kirk and Spock have a ‘thing’... whatever that means,” Cas murmured before he turned his head slightly to kiss Dean’s throat.

 

“Of course she thinks that.” Dean rolled his eyes as he carded his hand through Cas’s hair, gently urging him to keep going. “They’re just best friends. Some people see their affection for each other as romantic, but they’re just good friends.”

 

Cas chuckled lowly. "So we're not completely like them. You're more than a good friend to me."

 

“Yeah, pretty sure Spock and Kirk wouldn’t do what you did last night,” he teased.

 

“Are you sure?” Cas chuckled before he nibbled at the skin of Dean’s throat.

 

Lifting his leg up onto the couch, Dean managed to maneuver himself to now be sprawled out on the thing, Cas kind of straddling him as he moved to sit up a little bit. Dean waved Cas to lean down and captured his lips in a kiss. 

 

"Get a room, you two!" Jill chuckled as she suddenly appeared before them with a huge ass grin on her face.

 

Dean groaned in annoyance and looked up at her. “There a reason you’re bein’ a creeper and not trying to get some lady makeouts with the Citadel’s resident nerd queen?”

 

"We're not there yet." Jill sighed a little wistfully before she grinned again. "But it's nice seeing you like this. I never thought I would say this, but you're a cute couple."

 

He shifted and moved to sit upright, moving Cas from his lap. Dean smirked at the small pout Cas had at being moved and braced his arm on the armrest. “She’s into you, Jill. You should make a move.”

 

To his surprise, Cas shook his head. "I know I'm not an expert on stuff like this, but I think you should give her a little more time. She will show you when she is open to trying a relationship again. She still suffers from her girlfriend's death. Just be patient with her."

 

Dean looked down at Cas in surprise. He’d had no idea. Now he felt kind of bad for how hard he had been pushing it. But he didn’t completely agree with it. Never taking his eyes off of Cas he said, “Grief never goes away. You just learn to live again after a while. And the way she smiles at Jill… I’m tellin’ you. She’s ready, man.”

 

Cas sighed and bit his lip. "She might be, but she is also someone who tends to overthink things. You need to remind her that taking a risk can be worth it." Cas gave Dean a quick smile with his last sentence.

 

“She ain’t stupid. She’ll take the risk,” he said, even though, he wasn’t really talking about Charlie anymore.

 

Cas seemed to have received the message because he was smiling brightly at him, causing Jill to groan. "You two are gross. I'm leaving."

 

Cas tilted his head in confusion. "I thought we were cute?"

 

Dean grinned. “C’mere,” he murmured, waving Cas to meet him halfway as he started kissing him again. This time they stayed upright as they slotted in symmetry together. Dean groaned contentedly when Cas slipped his tongue past his lips, teasing at Dean’s own. 

 

“Dean?” A somewhat unfamiliar voice called out. 

 

Dean looked up and inwardly groaned. Garth. He drew back from Cas instinctively, ignoring the confused look from the angel. “Hey, Garth.”

 

“Hey, Dean. Hi, Cas.” Garth smiled brightly looking between both of them. “I didn’t know you were together.”

 

This was it, wasn’t it? This was the moment that he was either going to have to man up, or solidify himself as the biggest coward in history. Dean was still scared shitless, what it meant, what it  _ could  _ mean… But if he’d learned anything over the years, it was that happiness was fleeting and he needed to embrace it whenever it was within arm’s reach. And Cas made him happy. 

 

“Yeah. We are.” Dean slipped his hand into Cas’s, trying to use the contact as an anchor.

 

The smile Cas gave him in response was worth  _ everything.  _ Cas squeezed his hand before gently rubbing the pad of his thumb over the side of Dean’s hand.

 

Garth smiled at them before he sighed and clasped his hands together. "That's wonderful. This camp certainly needs more romance." 

 

“No, we  _ need  _ more weapons and food, Garth.” Dean chuckled at the sheepish look on his face. 

 

“Food for the soul, Dean.” Garth grinned and patted Dean’s shoulder. “I hope you two have a nice date.”

 

When Garth turned around and left them, Cas gave him a curious look. “Is this a date?”

 

Dean shrugged. “I mean… Can you really have dates during an apocalypse?”

 

"I’ve never been on a date. I don't even know exactly  _ what  _ a date is, so I might not be the best person to ask such a question," Cas explained before he rested his head against Dean's shoulder again, which seemed to be his favorite spot.

 

“A date can be anything, I guess. Two people sharing time together, that isn’t work or sex. So then, yes. I guess this  _ is  _ a date. Welcome to your first date, Cas.”  _ Huh.  _ In a million years he never would have predicted feeling anything akin to happiness again. Yet here he was.

 

Cas smiled before he kissed Dean's shoulder and looked up at him. "This makes me very happy, Dean."

 

“Good,” he murmured as he pressed a kiss to the crown of Cas’s head. More and more people started shuffling into the room. Everyone cast the pair of them knowing glances before finding a seat. Dean looked down at Cas again and sighed contentedly. It made him very happy, too.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

A few wonderful days later Cas had his nose in Dean’s lore book again, reading up on incubi, wondering if the sigil that protected humans from their influence could also work on angels. It was always risky to experiment with those and he would need Dean’s experience to ask a few pointed questions.

 

He was sitting at one of the desks on Charlie’s “bridge”. Thanks to watching Star Trek, he now finally understood why Charlie named the room that and why it didn’t have anything to do with an actual bridge.

 

He braced his hand on his chin as he skimmed through the pages without really reading anything, his mind distracted by memories of a few hours prior, when he had woken up to Dean leaving kisses all over his chest.

 

Cas’s reverie was interrupted when he stumbled over the entry for angels again, noticing that under the detailed description of angel wings someone had added the words, “halo” and “harp” with a question mark.

 

He shook his head, wondering why humans thought angels have harps. He noticed a few more recent additions under the word “bitey”, but before he could read it, Charlie interrupted him.

 

“You're really ga-ga for him, aren't you?” she asked, her lips tilted in an amused smile.

 

“Ga-ga?” Cas asked with a head tilt.

 

“Cuckoo? Crazy? Head over heels?” she clarified, although it wasn’t much of a clarification.

 

“Explaining something with more synonyms that don’t make any sense, doesn’t explain it Charlie,” Cas mumbled before he frowned, reading that Dean had added two new words under his last entry. “Dangerous” and “fun to confuse”.

 

_ Fun to confuse.  _ He had already assumed that this was something all of his friends genuinely enjoyed, but the word, “dangerous,” made him wonder. Why would Dean write he was dangerous?

 

Charlie interrupted his contemplation with a soft laugh. “You're in love with him.”

 

Cas looked up, surprised by Charlie's bluntness. "What makes you say that?" 

 

He couldn't even answer Charlie's question if he wanted to. He knew he was falling for Dean, he maybe even already loved him, but he tried not to think about it. Every time he did, he distracted himself from his thoughts. It was safer that way.

 

“I can see hearts in your eyes,” she teased, moving to sit down next to him. “It's pretty adorable.”

 

Cas squinted his eyes at her. "There are no hearts in my eyes."

 

Charlie leaned into Cas and looked up at him. “I'm happy for you.”

 

Cas gave her a quick smile before he thumbed through the book again, murmuring, “I'm happy for me, too.”

 

He stopped at the page with the sigils when he looked up at Charlie. “What about you?”

 

At that Charlie gave him a shy smile. “We’re taking it slow.”

 

“What changed your mind?” Cas asked curiously, happy that Charlie was starting to open up again.

 

“I've always liked Jill,” she defended. “Honestly? I had this weirdly realistic dream where Gilda beat my ass for not jumping on any chance at happiness. Kinda made me think, you know?”

 

Cas nodded and gave her a smile before he looked down at the sigils again. "I'm happy for both of you," he murmured, distracted by the sigil he recognized as the one Dean had used to hide himself from Cas. Under it was a description of how to break those types of sigils permanently. Dean had to touch the angel and say his full name to break it.

 

It finally made sense why Dean had used his full name back when it had first happened, and he was in awe how early on in their relationship Dean had started to trust him, so much so that he chose to reverse the sigil. The thought made his heart flutter and made him smile even wider.

 

Charlie waved her hand in front of his face. “Yo! Earth to Cas!”

 

Cas looked up from the book with a sheepish smile. “I apologize. I was distracted.”

 

She laughed. “Yeah. I could tell.”

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck. “My thoughts are constantly with Dean.”

 

“And now you guys are official. Everyone’s talking about  _ the  _ couple of the Citadel. What about your kids? How are they taking it? Kiera seems pretty taken with Dean.”

 

Cas gave her a surprised look because he had no idea the others were talking about them. "Kiera thinks Dean is Prince Charming," Cas explained slowly before he shrugged and continued, "Chris said, ‘whatever', and I don't know if Tommy is okay with it, but I get the impression he is."

 

Charlie smiled and bumped her shoulder into Cas’s. “I’m pretty sure you think he’s Prince Charming, too.”

 

Cas smiled and nodded before he braced his chin on his hand and just grinned at Charlie. "I'm so happy. This is better than anything I ever expected."

 

“And he’s not being a jerk behind closed doors?” she asked. There was a playfulness in her tone, but he could sense the seriousness behind the question as well.

 

“Is this still because of that one time you saw us in the greenhouse? When he pushed me?" Cas grinned at her with a raised eyebrow. “Because you got a very wrong impression about him at that point."

 

“Holy, Hermione! Did I catch you guys  _ fucking?”  _ Charlie sounded truly disgusted over the thought. She mumbled something that sounded an awful lot like, ‘Ewww, penises.’

 

"He is a very passionate sexual partner," Cas added smugly.

 

Charlie plugged her fingers in her ears and started humming off-key. “La-la-la. I can’t hear you talk about your boy bits. Or gross boy sex.”

 

Cas chuckled and shook his head before he closed the book. "I'm gonna go see Dean now." He waited until Charlie pulled her fingers out of her ears again before he added, "To have a lot of sex with my ‘boy bits’."

 

She picked up a pen and threw it at him. “Stop it!” The smile on her face was completely contradictory to her tone.

 

They were both happy. Everything was good for a change and he was just going to enjoy it, banish every thought of an unclear future away. 

 

Later that day, when they both were standing on the roof, looking at the stars, Cas asked, "Dean, do you still think I'm dangerous?"

 

“What?” Dean sounded genuinely perplexed by his question. 

 

“It’s in your lore book. You wrote ‘dangerous’,” Cas explained, sliding closer to Dean before he leaned back against the handrail.

 

Dean visibly relaxed and chuckled as he braced his hand over Cas’s on the rail. “Oh. That. That’s, uh… I didn’t mean it like you think I’m meaning it.”

 

Cas furrowed his brow. “How did you mean it?”

 

He ducked Cas’s gaze, a small smile on his lips. “I meant you’re dangerous for me.”

 

Cas bit his lower lip before he sighed deeply. "I would never hurt you."

 

Dean cupped his face in his hands and stared intently into Cas’s eyes for a moment. “That’s not what I meant either.”

 

Interpreting these social interactions had never been his forte and he was afraid he wasn't understanding Dean correctly. That he was adding his own personal wishes into his interpretation of Dean's words. He didn't want to hope, he was afraid of hoping.

 

But when he leaned in for a soft and tender kiss, it was hard not to.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Sarah had announced that they would have a regular "share night", where people could share some of their talents to the others, because the talent show had been such a success. 

 

Cas asked Dean if it was okay with him if he took Kyle to the share night, because he had promised to go with him the next time and he wanted to work on his friendship with the blacksmith. Dean had just grinned and clapped Cas's shoulder, telling him not to worry and to have fun.

 

Cas grinned at Kyle when they sat down next to each other in the rec room, happy that their relationship hadn't suffered since  _ that  _ night. It had been awkward the first few days, but they were slowly finding their way back to their friendship. "I'm glad you came with me. I think Sarah had a great idea by making this a... 'thing'.” Cas made air quotes with his fingers when he repeated Sarah's words to Kyle.

 

Kyle nodded, a small smile tugging his lips.  _ “And  _ getting the adults involved. At the very least, it’ll be amusing.”

 

“You think they are less talented than our children?” Cas mirrored the smile, mostly because he was happy to see Kyle genuinely smile again.

 

That was met with an unamused look. “Are you serious? Please tell me what talent you think Jeff has.”

 

“Fly-fishing,” Cas answered without thinking.

 

Kyle snorted in derision and shook his head. “I don’t think you should be allowed to spend time with him anymore. He’s got you believing his crap.”

 

Cas tilted his head in confusion. “Are you saying he made that up?”

 

“Probably ninety percent of the things that come out of that guy’s mouth are total horse shit.”

 

“Oh.” Cas grinned at Kyle. “You think he’ll do something tonight?”

 

Kyle groaned. “I hope not.”

 

Cas chuckled and nudged his elbow. “Somehow I’m more excited to watch this than before.”

 

Before Kyle could respond, Charlie plopped down on the chair next to Cas and draped her legs over his lap. “S’up, bitches?”

 

“The ceiling?” Cas answered slowly after he looked up to see what Charlie was referring to.

 

Charlie giggled and shook her head. “You’re not wrong. I meant what’s goin’ on? Any plans for the share night?”

 

Cas shook his head. "I don't have any plans. I just wanted to..." Cas squinted his eyes when he tried to remember Chris's words from earlier. “'Chill' with my friends. Did you have any plans? Where’s Jill?"

 

“She's got the night shift, so Dean could take it off. I'm just here to see what this whole thing is about.”

 

Cas raised a surprised eyebrow. “I didn’t know Dean wanted tonight off. “ He suddenly had a weird feeling in his stomach, wondering why Dean hadn’t told him about that.

 

Charlie shrugged. “Maybe he needed a break?”

 

Cas hummed thoughtfully and looked away for a moment when he felt Kyle’s hand on his shoulder. “You okay?”

 

Cas nodded, trying not to overthink it. He couldn't stop himself from looking to see if Lisa was in the rec room, too. Which made him angry with himself for thinking, even just for a second, that Dean was with her. He trusted Dean. But still he felt weird that Dean hadn't told him that he wanted a free day. What if he wanted to be free of Cas?

 

Charlie leaned her head on Cas’s other shoulder. “Stop thinking so much. I can hear the gears grinding.”

 

Cas shot Charlie a skeptical look. “There are no gears in my head.” He sighed in defeat before he added, “But you’re right. I shouldn’t think so much.”

 

“Exactly!” She smacked his knee.

 

Sarah stood up and cleared her throat, looking around the room. The Banes twins were the only ‘minors’ in attendance. Cas was pleased to see a relatively impressive turnout. Garth, William, Loretta, Jeff, Saeed, Trikeria, Mrs. Tran, and Mr. Adler were all there. 

 

“I’m glad so many of you could make it. After the success of the talent show, I wanted us to all have some sort of creative outlet. A way for us to bond on a more significant level. I want us to share with each other. Whether it’s a talent, a story, it doesn’t matter. And only if you want to share. Does anyone have anything to share?”

 

Garth enthusiastically held up his hand. “I’ve got something. I brought Mr. Fizzles.”

 

Cas could see Sarah’s eyes twitch for a moment before she smiled at Garth and pointed to the middle of the room. “The stage is yours, Garth.”

 

Garth scrambled off of his chair and pulled his sock puppet over his right hand. Cas remembered that Kiera loved Mr. Fizzles. He knew Garth used the puppet to help the children when they were afraid of getting their teeth checked out. He was looking forward to seeing what Mr. Fizzles was about, but he couldn’t quite understand why Kyle seemed so uncomfortable, hiding his face behind his hands, sinking lower on his chair.

 

Cas leaned forward in his chair when Garth introduced Mr. Fizzles and moved the puppet's mouth with his hands, changing his own voice to give Mr. Fizzle's a voice. He couldn't help but grin over the illusion Garth was creating. Giving life to an inanimate object. He thought that was a pretty good talent.

 

Kyle sunk deeper in his chair when Garth and Mr Fizzles drew closer. "So I heard you are a  _ real  _ angel?" Mr. Fizzles asked Cas.

 

Cas smiled and nodded. "Yes, Mr. Fizzles." He couldn't stop grinning at Garth, giving him a conspiring look, because he was speaking to Mr. Fizzles. This was fun.

 

“And I also heard you’re dating the resident dream boat, Dean Winchester. Is that right?” The nosy puppet asked with a lilt in his voice.

 

“Yes, but he is not a boat. He’s a human,” Cas explained calmly to the puppet, now starting to worry about Kyle, he looked like he was about to fall off of his chair.

 

The puppet turned its head to the side. “And does your human know you’re out with another handsome human?”

 

“Yes, he knows, Mr. Fizzles,” Cas answered distractedly, his gaze wandering to Kyle, who seemed to be making himself as small as possible. 

 

Garth drew closer, inching the puppet closer to Kyle, but still addressing Cas, “Do you lo-o-o-ove him?”

 

Thankfully Cas didn't need to answer that question because that was the moment Kyle freaked out and tried to push Mr. Fizzles away. "Fuck! Get the creepy puppet out of my face, Garth!"

 

Everyone was laughing at that point, except for Garth, who just looked surprised as he yanked Mr. Fizzles back. Cas wrapped his arms around Kyle to help him upright on the chair again, giving him a worried look. “Are you okay?”

 

“M’fine,” he grumbled, keeping a wary eye on Mr. Fizzles.

 

Garth, careful to not get too close to Kyle again, moved to a chair on the other side of Cas. He raised his hand and the puppet said, “You never answered my question.”

 

Before Cas could even think to respond, a familiar voice from the back of the room barked, “That’s an intense line of questioning, puppet.”

 

Mr. Fizzles snapped around and looked at Dean, his mouth opened in shock before it said, “My name is Mr. Fizzles and I’m a ve-e-e-e-e-ery curious puppet. Don’t you want to know the answer?”

 

Dean crossed his arms over his chest and arched his brow in challenge. “Don’t you think it’s rude to put people on the spot like that?”

 

Mr. Fizzles quickly turned around to stare at Garth before he accused, “Garth, don’t make me ask rude questions!”

 

Garth gave his puppet a sheepish look. “I’m sorry, Mr. Fizzles.”

 

“Say sorry to Cas and to Dean,” Mr. Fizzles commanded and Garth nodded and looked up at Cas.

 

“I’m sorry, Cas.” He turned to Dean. “I’m sorry.”

 

Cas nodded, but he was distracted by Dean being in the room. He gave him a bright, wide smile when Mr. Fizzles interjected, “I think that is your answer, Garth.”

 

Everyone laughed again, except Kyle who looked really frightened. Sarah went up to Garth and clapped his shoulder. “That was very entertaining. Thank you, Garth. Anyone else?”

 

Dean cleared his throat. “Actually, uh…” He walked to the door of the rec room again, opening it and grabbing something, before turning back, holding up Chris’s guitar. “I was kinda hopin’ I could play you guys a little something?”

 

Cas had no idea Dean could play the guitar and his heart was beating faster with the prospect of listening to Dean. Sarah gave Dean a smile and pointed to the middle of the room. “Of course. Thank you, Dean.”

 

He moved to sit down on one of the chairs across from Cas. Dean adjusted the guitar on his lap and tuned the instrument. He strummed a few chords until he reached a tone he appeared to like. Everyone was staring at Dean, but Cas wasn’t paying them any attention. With a nervous chuckle, Dean said, “So, I don’t have the best voice, but this song’s kinda been stuck in my head lately.”

 

After a beat of silence, Dean started strumming the instrument, a soft, slow melody. When he turned to look up, he smiled at his watchful audience and started to sing,  _ “Childhood living is easy to do. The things you wanted. I bought them for you. Graceless lady, you know who I am...” _

 

In that moment, as he kept singing, Dean’s focus was now solely on Cas.  _ “You know I can't let you... slide through my hands.”  _ After a few more bars, Dean reached the chorus, never once taking his eyes off of Cas.  _ “Wild horses, couldn't drag me away. Wild, wild horses couldn't drag me away…” _

 

For the rest of the song, Dean kept his eyes on Cas, a soft smile quirking his lips every time he reached the chorus again.

 

“Subtle, Dean,” Kyle whispered and Cas shot him a quick, confused look before he got lost in Dean’s voice, the music, and his beautiful green eyes again. He couldn’t stop smiling because it felt like Dean was singing this song just for him.

 

_ “Faith has been broken. Tears must be cried. Let's do some living, after we die.”  _ Dean nodded slightly to Cas as he finally finished with a soft,  _ “Wild horses, couldn't drag me away. Wild, wild horses we'll ride them someday.” _

 

"You look like you're melting," Charlie whispered as she elbowed him, before joining the others, clapping and cheering for Dean. 

 

Cas felt completely stunned, he knew he was probably gaping at Dean. He hoped he could listen to him more in the future. 

 

Dean laughed and thanked everyone before he got up. “Gotta go return this. Thanks, guys.” He slipped past everyone, and as he was passing Cas, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to his lips. “Have fun,” he whispered as he slipped past to another rousing round of applause for the display of affection. 

 

Cas had been too stunned to say anything. He felt like he was floating. If perfect happiness felt like this, he never wanted it to stop.

 

When Kyle nudged his elbow, telling him that the ‘share time’ was over, Cas realized that he hadn’t noticed anything that came after Dean. Judging by the amused looks Charlie and Kyle were giving him, his friends had noticed, too.

 

“I can seriously see hearts in his eyes,” Charlie whispered conspiratorially to Kyle, but loud enough for everyone to hear.

 

Kyle chuckled and nodded. “So can I.”

 

Cas shook his head at them, wondering if he should check a mirror to see what they were talking about.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

“Would you look after Kiera and Tommy while I’m gone? They always get worried when I go out and you could distract them,” Cas asked Dean after the last meeting was finished and they had decided that Cas and Kyle would go on a quick tour to the ruins for metals they needed.

 

Dean smiled and pressed a kiss to Cas’s cheek. “Can I use them as free labor for my potions? Nothin’ dangerous, just make them hand me stuff.”

 

“If they want to. Of course,” Cas answered with a smile. Lisa scoffed behind them as she went past Cas to give him a glare. Cas frowned as he looked after her. He wondered why Lisa still seemed to be angry with him.

 

Dean sighed and turned to her retreating form. “Lis. I thought we were good.”

 

She gave him a false smile. “ _ We  _ are.”

 

Cas sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. “It’s because of my parenting again.”

 

“Lisa, cut him some slack. You can’t stay pissed at him ‘cause he doesn’t agree with you.”

 

“It’s not about sharing an opinion, Dean. He should be looking after his kids, instead of going out and risking his life. Who‘s going to pick up the pieces when something happens to him?”

 

“All of us will. Because that’s what families do. You’re right. Cas could get hurt, something could happen, to him, to  _ any  _ of us. Look at where we’re at.” Dean sighed and took a step towards Lisa as he continued, “It’s the apocalypse, Lis. None of us are guaranteed anything. You tellin’ me you’d turn away Kiera, or Tommy, or Chris if they were mourning their dad, because you’re stuck with ‘picking up the pieces’?”

 

“Of course I wouldn’t turn them away. I’m just saying the kids should have stayed with us instead of going back to him. Then maybe they wouldn’t suffer as much every time he takes risks for us.”

 

Dean quirked his brow, staring at the woman in apparent disbelief. “You wanna go tell his kids that they shouldn’t have been happy to see him again after he made the tough fucking call to leave them where he thought they were safest? That they should’ve stayed away, been pissed at him for abandoning him? You wanna go sit Kiera and Tommy down and tell them that loving their Dad is wrong and they should’ve chose you, or Joe, or Rita? You wanna tell them that they shouldn’t care about the man that saved their lives, multiple times, because of the chance of losing him? Go. Fucking tell ‘em that, Lis.”

 

“You just don’t get it, because you don’t have any kids!” Lisa yelled before she turned around and left the room in an angry huff.

 

Cas took in a deep breath. “I thought the other parents would have accepted me by now.”

 

Suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder and Mrs. Tran looked up at Cas. “I think you’re doing a great job with your children.”

 

Cas smiled at Kevin’s mother and thanked her before she left the room with the rest of them, just leaving Kyle and Dean still at his side.

 

Kyle braced his hand on Cas’s shoulder. “I would have done what you did. I’d live a million lifetimes without ever seeing her again, if I knew she was alive and safe.”

 

Cas covered Kyle's hand with his and squeezed it before he murmured, "Thank you, Kyle."

 

“I’ll wait for you by the gate,” he returned and ducked out of the rec room before Dean could ask him anything.

 

Dean looked at Cas. He gently cupped his cheek, the pad of his thumb caressing along his jaw.  “Please don’t give her the satisfaction of being right. Come back.”

 

Cas nodded and leaned in to kiss him softly. When he pulled back, he gave him a soft smile. “I’ll try.”

 

Dean chuckled and gave him an eskimo kiss. “Do or do not. There is no try.”

 

“Okay.” Cas chuckled. “I’ll be careful and I’ll come back.” There was more on the tip of his tongue, but he bit his lip and pulled back. “I have to go.”

 

Leaning in to press a gentle kiss to his lips, Dean drew back and smiled. “Since Kyle did you a solid, you can have a freebie and have  _ one  _ makeout with him. If you want,” he teased.

 

Cas laughed and scratched his chin with a playfully thoughtful look. “That’s a very tempting offer. How far do makeouts usually go? Is penetrative sex included?”

 

Dean flicked Cas’s nose and shook his head. “Please don’t fuck Kyle. His dick is probably bigger than my forearm and I just can’t compete.”

 

Cas smiled at him before he leaned in for another chaste kiss, mumbling, "You don't have to compete. I'm all yours."

 

“Good. If you get back before the sun sets, we can fuck whereever you want.”

 

Cas straightened his posture and gave him a serious look. “I have to go. I’m on a tight schedule. Gotta be back before the sun sets.”

 

Dean chuckled and kissed him one more time. “Be safe, Cas.”

 

Cas nodded with a smile and turned around to meet Kyle at the gate.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

The place they wanted to raid was an old auto repair shop, but when they got closer to the ruins, Cas sensed that something wasn’t right. He put his hand on Kyle’s broad chest to hold him back. “Wait.”

 

Kyle cocked his gun and squinted his eyes. “What’s up?” he whispered.

 

Cas tried to listen to his senses, but it was difficult to get a clear read on the situation. “I think the place is crawling with husks and... something else. Maybe a breeder demon, nesting there, feeding on them.”

 

“We should head back. They haven’t noticed us, have they?”

 

Cas looked up in alarm when he noticed the sudden movement of evil energy coming their direction. “Run!”

 

They sprinted back through the ruins, but Cas already knew that they couldn’t outrun them. He had to do something so that Kyle could get back safely. “Kyle, I need you to run as fast as you can. I’m going to distract them from you.”

 

“No fucking dice. Either we both get back, or neither of us do.” Kyle grabbed Cas’s trenchcoat sleeve and dragged him into an old, abandoned church, slamming the door closed behind them. He immediately started grabbing the dilapidated pews and piling them against the door.

 

Cas helped him, his eyes wandering over the layout, trying to find a way out of this mess. “Kyle, the husks aren’t dangerous to me, but they are to you. I can survive an encounter with them. I can’t protect you if you stay.”

 

“I’m not going anywhere without you. Take it or leave it.” After the last pew was piled against the enormous structure, Kyle took a step back and wiped his hands on his pants. “It’s…” He looked away. “It’s not worth goin’ back if you won’t be there, okay?”

 

Cas looked at Kyle in shock for a moment before he walked up to him and pressed his forehead against Kyle’s, burying his fingers into his hair to hold him close. “Kyle,” he whispered, “Please. I can’t… don’t make me watch you die here, please.”

 

“Don’t make me leave you to die.”

 

Cas caressed Kyle’s cheek tenderly, giving him an imploring look. “I’m not going to die. I promise. I have enough energy to smite them all into oblivion. But I can’t do it with you so close by. It’s too dangerous.”

 

“Please, Cas. I can't.” Kyle shook his head. “We can find a way back together.”

 

“Kyle, there is  _ no  _ way. We can't outrun them and they will be crawling all over this place if we don't hurry. You have to let me go." He noticed a tear running down Kyle’s cheek, but Cas was a little detached by the desperation he was feeling. "I promise I’ll come back."

 

Kyle wiped at the tears that escaped. “Castiel. Don’t do this. Please.”

 

Cas could hear the husks at the church door, scratching and howling. But he could also feel the presence of a demon nearby. The demon was strong. He could break down the door at any moment. He had to do something.

 

He leaned forward to press a kiss to Kyle's lips before he turned around to quickly climb up the rubble on the side of the church, until he reached the huge hole in the roof. He used his wings, although it hurt like hell, to make the jump up, ignoring Kyle shouting his name desperately after him.

 

A crowd of husks were trying to break through the church door, just as he had predicted. He couldn’t make out the demon, but if he could jump right in the middle of them, he could blast them away without putting Kyle in any danger. He walked to the edge of the roof, readying himself to jump down as his back was sliced open by sharp claws and he fell down into the crowd of husks, closing in as they started to bite and claw into him. He closed his eyes and unleashed all of his grace. His last conscious thought was that he must have killed every demon and husk within a thirty mile radius. Kyle would be safe.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Dean had managed to get several batches of the regular potions he used, plus a couple of new ones, with the help of Kiera and Tommy. They’d done such an amazing job of helping, Dean ended up releasing them to go play outside until dinner. Not to mention, bottling the potions could be a little sketchy, so he didn’t want the kids around that, just in case.

 

As he held one of the experimental potions in his hand, he sighed contentedly. He was pretty sure this would heal the wounds on Cas’s wings. He was pretty sure if he could heal the wounds, then maybe his flight feathers would grow back. Dean had tested it on himself after slicing into an artery and it worked surprisingly fast.

 

There was a really good chance it would work on Cas’s wings. When he bottled the last of the potions and organized them in the top drawer of his dresser, he decided to go see what Kiera and Tommy were up to.

 

When he reached outside, they were playing in the sand by the gate. Kiera was jumping up and down, giggling and twirling as Tommy continued to play in the sand. Dean couldn’t help but chuckle. As he approached, he was about to call out to them when Kiera let out an unearthly screech and ran through the gate before Saeed could stop her.

 

The internal alarm went off and Dean had to refrain from cupping his ears to chase after Kiera. He cried out for her as he ran through the gate. What he saw stopped him in his tracks. Kyle had a grimace on his face as he ignored the screeching of the alarm, and the wailing of Kiera, carrying Cas in his arms.

 

Without hesitating, he scooped her up and cuddled her against his chest, trying to shield her eyes. Cas was… He looked…

 

Dean shook his head. No. Cas was fine. Well… Maybe not fine. But alive. Cas was alive. He  _ had  _ to be. He quickly brought her back onto the grounds and barked at Saeed to grab Dr. Will. When Tommy approached, Dean grabbed his shoulder and turned him away from the gate as Kyle finally crossed the threshold, holding an unmoving and pale Castiel.

 

“I need you guys to go to my room. Wait on the bed for me, I’m gonna get a potion to help, okay?”

 

Kiera sniffled, still wailing. Tommy hadn’t seen Cas thankfully, but that meant he looked up at Dean in confusion. Dean braced Kiera on the ground. “You wanna help, yeah?”

 

She nodded, her little hand wiping her nose upwards as she continued to sniffle. 

 

Dean looked at Tommy. “Can you be a big brother right now and take Kiera straight to my room, Tom?”

 

The little boy looked up, eyes worried and confused, but he nodded anyway. Tommy grabbed his sister’s hand and guided her away just in time. 

 

Dean ran up to Kyle, trying to not lose it at just how  _ dead  _ Cas looked. “What happened?” He hated the way his voice broke.

 

Kyle’s eyes were red and his expression a mixture of anger, worry, and just plain fear. “We were overrun. Husks, a breeder demon. He smote all of them to save me. Fuck, I... He can't heal himself if he doesn't have any grace left, right? Why would he do this?" Tears ran down Kyle’s face, he was clearly in shock.

 

“Kyle. I need you to take him straight to the med bay. Get Dr. Will to inject him with a powerful sedative. You got it?” Dean needed to do something. Dean needed to grab all of his stuff. All the different grace replenishing potions, spells. Everything. If he didn’t, he was going to lose his goddamn mind and what help would that be?

 

Kyle nodded quietly, trying to blink away the tears as he went straight to the medbay, running into Dr. Will on the way, who immediately moved to help Kyle and check on Cas.

  
This wasn’t fucking happening. Dean swallowed against the hard lump in his throat and murmured to nobody, “You fucking  _ promised.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case you guys were wondering, [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0OoYicCBY4) version of Wild Horses is how Dean sang it. <3<3


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this chapter will make up for the last one! <3<3

**Chapter 12**

 

The desire to head straight to the med bay and check on Cas was overwhelming, but he needed to grab the potions and do his best to not freak out Kiera and Tommy any more than they already were. Dean took a few deep breaths and calmed himself down before he made his way back to his room.

 

Kiera was sitting on his bed, still sniffling as Tommy braided her hair in an attempt at comfort. Dean smiled at the pair of them. 

 

“Hey, munchkins. Wanna help me get some potions together for your daddy?”

 

Kiera sniffled and looked up at him with big blue eyes before she nodded and asked, “Is Daddy going away forever?”

 

Dean shook his head vehemently and sat down next to her. “Not if I can help it, okay? We’re gonna get some of my special potions, then I’m gonna give them to Dr. Will. And then you, me, and Tommy, we’ll go keep ourselves busy, okay? Let daddy heal. Does that sound good?”

 

“And Chris?” Kiera asked. “Where is he?”

 

“I’ll find Chris and let him know what’s going on after I take Daddy his medicine. I promise.”

 

Kiera jumped from the bed, holding Tommy’s hand in hers and pulling him with her. “Let’s go. I wanna see Daddy now.”

 

Dean grabbed her and held her in his arms. “Munchkin, can you do me a favor? Can you and Tommy stay here while I take the medicine?”

 

“Why can’t we go with you? I wanna help, too.”

 

“I know you do, but the grownups are gonna need to be able to focus on Daddy.” He smiled at her and Tommy. “Can you guys do that for me? Wait here?”

 

Kiera nodded, but her lips were trembling. When Tommy looked at her, he started to cry quietly.

 

Dean pulled them both into a hug. “I’m going to bring Chris back with me, and we’ll go play. Kiera, you wanna make me pretty for when Daddy wakes up?”

 

Kiera nodded before she turned around and pulled Tommy in a big hug. Even though there was an age difference between them, Kiera sometimes took care of Tommy like a big sister.

 

“Okay.” Dean unlocked his drawer and pulled out the potions he needed. He grabbed the grace replenishing potions as well as a couple of healing and pain relieving ones. Stuffing them into a small satchel, Dean turned his attention back to the kids. He sighed, feeling a little saddened for them.

 

While Dean’s Dad was a dick, it still fucking hurt when he got the call about the accident. He couldn’t imagine what it must feel like to lose a parent you actually  _ love.  _ And for these kids to possibly lose their parents twice? Dean was going to do everything in his power to make sure that didn’t happen.

 

Shrugging the satchel on, Dean pressed a kiss to the crown of Kiera’s head and ruffled Tommy’s hair as he ducked out of his room. Somehow his legs carried him to the medbay, but he didn’t really remember the journey. All of his thoughts were stuck on Cas.

 

When he entered the room, Dr. Will was hovered over Cas, while Kyle was sitting in a chair next to the cot Cas was laid out on, looking sort of dazed.

 

Dean took off the satchel as he approached. “What’s goin’ on, Will?”

 

Dr. Will halted Dean. “Whoa, hey. You can’t just barge in here!”

 

Dean let out an aggravated sigh. He held his satchel up. “I brought stuff that will replenish his grace and heal his internal injuries. Can you tell me whether or not my fucking boyfriend is alive, so I know if there’s a point?” He hadn’t meant to yell and the way his voice cracked, Dr. Will instantly backed down.

 

Dean startled when suddenly Chris was standing next to him, looking completely pale as he stared down at Cas. “Dad?” he whispered before he looked at Dean. “Do something, Dean! Give him that potion!”

 

With a muted nod, he opened his satchel and sat on the cot beside Cas. He looked so fucking pale. Dean braced his hand over Cas’s mouth. He was breathing, but it was very, very light. Which meant he was basically in an angelic meditative trance, trying to repair the damage to his body.

 

That was a good thing, but there was still a chance that it might not work, or it would take months. He grabbed the grace replenishing potion first and tipped it at Cas’s lips. The liquid dripped down his chin.

 

Dean’s bottom lip trembled as he tried to control his own breathing. Last thing he needed to do was hyperventilate. He pulled Cas into his lap, a little more upright, and forced the angel’s mouth open. “Come on, baby. Work with me here.” He poured the liquid into Cas’s mouth, but he wasn’t swallowing.

 

The urge to fucking cry was getting stronger and stronger. Dean took another steadying breath. “Kyle?”

 

Kyle was at his side in under a second, looking equally broken as he asked, “What do you need?”

 

“Do you know how to get a dog to swallow?”

 

Kyle nodded and stepped next to him. He wrapped his hand around Cas's throat, the other carding gently through his hair before he pulled Cas's head back and massaged over his throat while Dean poured the liquid into Cas’s mouth. "Come on, swallow," he whispered. The muscles under Kyle's hand contracted and Kyle let out a shuddered breath looking up at Dean. "He did it. He swallowed."

 

Dean nodded. “Come here and take my place, keep him upright, okay?”

 

Kyle pulled Cas over into his lap and held him upright, his free hand still carding through Cas’s hair as he murmured, “Please come back.” 

 

Without missing a beat, Dean whirled around, clapping a consoling hand on Chris’s shoulder as he approached Will. “You got hypodermic needles?”

 

He could almost sense the sarcastic response on the tip of Dr. Will’s tongue, but the guy had enough bedside manner to just nod and grab a couple. Dean sat at the end of the bed, watching Kyle continue to plead with Cas to wake up, in between drawing the different potions he brought into the different needles.

 

“Okay, Doc. I’m gonna need you to grab an arm. These two potions have to be given at the exact same time.” Dean handed Will a needle and moved to sit on Cas’s right side, as Will moved left. He tapped on Cas’s arm and was pleased a vein appeared. He looked up at Will and asked, “You ready?”

 

“Gimme a damn minute. Veins aren’t popping up on my side,” he barked. The man sounded pissed, but there was a hint of nervousness.

 

When he finally got a nod, Dean said, “Okay, now.” And they both emptied the plungers into Cas’s veins. 

 

The angel’s veins turned a bright white, then blue, green, and finally red color again. Dean slumped in relief against the cot. He could have cried. At Kyle’s bemused and heartbroken look, Dean said, “The rest is up to him. If he can come back to us, everything I gave him will basically expedite the process.”

 

Dean held Cas’s hand in his and pulled it to his lips. Pressing a kiss to each knuckle.

 

Kyle had his face still pressed against Cas's head as he whispered, "Come on, you promised."

 

Chris had grabbed Cas's other hand, tears were running down his face as he continued to stare at Cas's lifeless face. "Dad, come on, wake up. We need you."

 

“If it works we won't know for a few hours.” Dean kept looking at Cas. “We just have to wait.”

 

Kyle looked up at Dean. “I want to stay, if that’s okay with you.”

 

Dean nodded. “Yeah. Of course. I'm gonna go check on Kiera and Tommy. If he wakes up, can you let me know?” 

 

Kyle nodded, his gaze instantly returning to Cas’s face again as he continued to card his fingers through Cas’s hair.

 

Dean leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Cas’s cold lips. He lingered for a moment before finally withdrawing. Looking at Chris then, he said, “Kiera saw him. I want to keep her and Tommy distracted. You up to help, or would you rather stay here?”

 

Chris looked confused for a moment, looking between Kyle and Dean before he nodded. “I’ll go with you, Dean. We’re always there for each other during times like this.” 

 

He gave the kid a smile and looked at Kyle. “Thank you for bringing him home.”

 

Kyle looked up at Dean with a terse nod. "I would do anything for him."

 

“I know,” he murmured, bracing a hand on the man’s shoulder as he stood to leave. He turned back to Chris and nodded for him to follow. Dean still didn’t feel right about leaving Cas, but he promised to take care of the rugrats and he wasn’t about to break a last promise, if that’s what it turned out to be.

 

“Do you think he’ll be okay?” Chris asked carefully when they reached Dean’s room.

 

All he wanted to do was tell him that Cas was going to be perfectly fine. That he was going to wake up and be back to his normal, goofy self in no time. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Not when he was about to have to put on a brave face for his siblings. Dean sighed and answered as honestly as he could, “I don’t know. But I hope so.”

 

“But the potions you gave him… they’ll make a difference, right?” Chris asked, obviously trying to hold onto any piece of good news and hope he could find.

 

“They will, if…”  _ Fuck, don’t lose it now, Winchester.  _ Steeling himself, he finished, “If the damage wasn’t too bad.”

 

He noticed in the corner of his eye that Chris was angrily wiping his sleeve over his face, murmuring explicits. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down before he nodded at Dean, his mouth pressed into a thin line. Dean knew that Chris was barely keeping it together, but he would try for Kiera and Tommy.

 

Dean gently grasped Chris’s shoulder. “If he doesn’t, I’m gonna go out and kill as many fucking husks as I can, and you’re welcome to come with me.”

 

“That won’t bring him back,” Chris pressed out, sinking his fingernails into his own arm before he swallowed thickly. “I don’t want Kiera and Tommy to lose hope, okay? We can’t tell them that… Dad... that…” Chris shook his head as tears welled up in his eyes again.

 

Without even thinking about it, he pulled the teen into a hug, nodding as he wrapped his arms around the kid. “Hey, we don’t know either way, yet. Don’t you lose your hope either.”

 

Chris tightened his grip on Dean as he nodded against his chest. “I wish that he could just stay here. That he wouldn’t need to go out there.”

 

“I know, kid. Me, too.” It was all he could say. He felt the exact same way as Chris in that moment. If he had any say in it, Cas would be forced to stay here and play dress up with Kiera for the rest of their lives. Dean didn’t quite understand what his feelings were for Cas, but they weren’t platonic. Hell, they probably weren’t even romantic. They were something much more profound. 

 

“When he gets better, I want you to find a way to seal him in a room, okay?” Chris tried to smile at Dean, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

 

Dean chuckled. “Deal.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

The first thing Cas was aware of was the fact he was being held in a tight and warm embrace, someone carding a hand through his hair, mumbling things in a low, soothing voice. When he looked up he was met by shocked, brown, and red rimmed eyes. 

 

He smiled softly at Kyle. "You're safe."

 

“Cas!” Kyle cried out as his grip seemed to tighten. He withdrew slightly and cupped his face, looking him over, as though he couldn’t believe he was real. “You scared the fuck out of me.”

 

“I’m sorry, Kyle. But there was no other option.” He looked around, realizing were he was. “We’re back.”

 

“There was, you jackass,” he chastised, but there was no heat to it. 

 

In that moment, Dr. Will appeared next to them, smiling down at Cas in relief. “Thank fuck. I didn’t want to deal with your nightmare boyfriend if you didn’t pull through.”

 

“Dean?” Cas asked, giving Kyle a confused look.

 

Kyle nodded. “Dude was somewhere between cool as hell and a fucking mess when he came in here, demanding to know if you were alive.” He squeezed Cas’s hand. “He saved you.”

 

“Yeah, I’m gonna need to get the recipes of whatever the hell he gave you,” William confirmed.

 

Cas sat up again, noticing that he wasn’t in any pain and that his grace had repaired all the damage to his body. He stretched his muscles and nodded towards William. “Whatever he gave me was very effective. I’m completely healed.”

 

He turned to Kyle. “Thank you for bringing me here, but I should try to find Dean now.”

 

“He’s with your kids.” Kyle offered him a soft smile, there was a sadness to it, but the sheer relief in his expression muted any negative emotions.

 

“Thank you.” Cas gave Kyle a soft smile before he nodded towards William and left his office in a hurry. He more or less ran towards Dean’s room, thankfully he didn’t meet anyone along the way, the last thing he wanted was to be held up. He needed to see Dean and his children  _ now. _

 

When he got to the door he stopped when he heard music. It sounded like someone was playing the guitar and Dean was singing.

 

It wasn’t just any song. It was the song Dean had sung to his brother Sam.

 

Cas swallowed and carefully opened the door to Dean’s room, looking inside. The sight made him breathless. Dean was sitting on his bed, Kiera and Tommy in his arms, cuddling him as he sang for them. Chris was sitting on the edge of the bed playing his guitar.

 

Everything was clear in that moment and Cas didn't understand why he hadn't realized it sooner. He was in love with Dean.

 

Not the idea of Dean, or his alter ego from another dimension. No, he was in love with  _ this  _ Dean. His Dean. 

 

Tommy was the first one to spot him at the door. His eyes widened and a tear fell from them when he suddenly opened his mouth and said, "Dad?"

 

Cas's heart stopped as he heard Tommy speak for the first time since he met him. "Yes," he breathed out, stepping into the room. 

 

Kiera yelled and scrambled off of Dean to run into his arms, closely followed by Tommy. Chris dropped his guitar on the bed, wiping his tears away before he walked up to Cas and hugged him, too. 

 

Cas pulled them all tightly into his arms as he looked at Dean with a soft smile. “I’m okay.”

 

Dean’s bottom lip trembled as he nodded, still sitting on his bed, looking at Cas with watery eyes.

 

Kiera gasped suddenly. “Tommy! You spoked!”

 

Cas carded his fingers through Tommy's hair, before he lifted him up in his arms. "Thank you, Tommy. For letting me hear your voice."

 

Tommy wrapped his arms around Cas and hugged him tightly before he whispered a soft, "Dad."

 

Cas carried him over to the bed with a bright smile, noticing how Kiera climbed on the bed again and into Dean’s arms. “I can’t thank you enough, Dean. You saved my life.”

 

Dean waved Cas closer with his finger and when he was close enough, Dean reached around Tommy to grab Cas’s tie. He yanked him closer and murmured a soft, “Now we’re square,” before closing the gap between them. 

 

He almost dropped Tommy when Dean projected into Cas’s mind all of the emotions he was feeling in that moment. Relief. Happiness. And something else he couldn’t quite place, but it left him warm. 

 

The kiss would have been perfect if Tommy didn’t scrunch up his nose and mumbled something that sounded like, "Gross," before he tried to climb down his lap again. 

 

Kiera couldn't stop giggling as she grabbed Tommy's hand and yelled, "Say gross again!"

 

At that, Dean laughed outright. “Should I kiss him again? See if it’ll make him say it?”

 

Kiera nodded and even Chris had to laugh as he sat down on the edge of the bed. Cas leaned over and drew Dean into another kiss, enjoying how close they were and how happy and complete he felt in that moment. 

 

“Gro-o-o-o-o-oss,” Tommy repeated causing Kiera to giggle again. 

 

She pulled at Dean’s shirt to get his attention. ”De-e-e-a-a-an? Are you our Daddy, too, now?”

 

Dean’s eyes widened for a moment. He chuckled a little nervously. “Uh… I…” He looked to Cas, clearly unsure of how to answer her question. Cas responded with a soft smile and a questioning nod before he squeezed his hand.

 

“Uh, sure, munchkin. As long as Cas wants to keep me.” Dean chucked her chin as she continued to curl into his side.

 

Chris patted Cas's shoulder and gave him a cheeky grin. "How long do you wanna keep him, Dad?"

 

Cas chuckled before he shot Dean a long and serious look. "Forever."

 

“Gross,” Tommy announced before he cuddled himself right between Dean and Cas again, his eyes starting to droop.

 

Dean smiled at down at Kiera and Tommy. “I think it's time for bed.”

 

“Can we sleep here?” Kiera asked tiredly.

 

Before either Dean or Cas could say anything, Chris bent over and scooped both Tommy and Kiera into his arms. “Nope, you two sleep in my room tonight. Let Daddy relax. He doesn’t need your smelly little feet in his face.”

 

“I don’t have smelly feet,“ Kiera protested with a pout.

 

“Say goodnight,” Chris told his siblings. 

 

Kiera yawned her good night rather than saying it while Tommy just waved. Chris gave Dean a wink before he left the room with a tired, “Good night, you two.”

 

As soon as the door was shut, Dean yanked Cas into a more fervent kiss. When he drew back he murmured, “Don't you ever fucking do that again.”

 

"I'm sorry, Dean. That wasn’t my intention." Cas carded his fingers through Dean's hair. His heart ached in his chest with how much he loved the man in his arms. He leaned over, capturing his lips in a soft kiss.

 

“Also, remind me to give Chris whatever gift he wants for giving us alone time,” Dean murmured against his lips as he kept peppering his face with kisses.

 

“He’s grown so much,” Cas murmured, moaning with the intense feeling of closeness and desperation that made his body tingle with need.

 

“Uh, huh.” Dean trailed lower, kissing down Cas’s throat until he reached his pulse point, sinking his teeth in and chuckling at the sharp gasp that escaped Cas.

 

"Oh, Dean. Please," Cas breathed out as he quickly started to unbutton his shirt, before he shook his head reminding himself he had a faster way of doing this. He tapped into his grace and Dean's and his clothes landed on a pile on the floor, leaving them completely naked.

 

Dean chuckled. “Seriously convenient.” He cupped Cas’s cheek and appeared to get lost in looking at his face. After a beat he asked, “You wanna switch things up tonight?”

 

"Anything you want," Cas whispered. "Just tell me what you need."

 

“I need you,” he murmured against his lips. “I wanna feel you.”

 

Cas’s cock almost instantly got hard with Dean's words as his heart beat started to race. He licked into Dean's mouth before he pulled him into his lap, letting his hands slide tenderly down Dean's back to his ass, massaging the cheeks before he spread them. 

 

He leaned back to look at Dean with a questioning look. "Do you want me to use my oil to prepare you?"

 

Dean’s lust blown pupils appeared to expand and he nodded emphatically. “Yeah.”

 

Cas closed his eyes and pulled his wings onto their plane, reaching behind himself to gather oil from his glands. He moaned deeply when he rubbed over them, letting the oil dribble into his cupped hand.

 

He reached around Dean again, one hand to spread Dean's cheeks, teasing his rim with slippery fingers before he pushed his index finger inside.

 

Dean moaned and arched into the touch. “Oh, fuck…”

 

Encouraged by the way Dean was responding to him, he pushed his finger deeper, crooking it to rub over his prostate as he moved it in and out of Dean, trying to get him used to the intrusion.

 

“Cas, please!” Dean cried out, bucking his hips up. 

 

Cas pushed a second finger in Dean's tight, hot hole. His erection was throbbing with envious need and he couldn't wait to exchange it with his fingers. "Tell me what you need, Dean," he panted before showering Dean's shoulder and throat with kisses.

 

“Baby, I need your dick,” he breathed out in a half moan, half growl. Dean started rolling his hips, trying to fuck himself on Cas’s fingers.

 

"You need to take one more of my fingers before I can fuck you, Dean." Cas breathed out, teasing Dean's rim with a third finger.

 

Dean let out a needy growl. “Then get your finger in me already,” he whined.

 

Cas grinned at him, before he licked over Dean's lips, pressing his third finger against his hole without breaching the muscle, just to tease Dean a bit longer. He used his other two fingers inside of Dean to keep teasing his prostate. “Ask nicely,” Cas growled playfully against Dean’s lips.

 

The outright whimper that escaped Dean was intoxicating. He looked at Cas, bottle green eyes wide and pleading. “Baby, please.”

 

Cas never broke eye contact with Dean as he slowly pushed the third finger inside, instantly spreading him open, making Dean ready for him.

 

Dean reached up and gently pulled Cas against him, capturing his lips in a broken kiss. Broken from the way he kept moaning Cas’s name in between outright begging for more.

 

Cas carefully removed his fingers and spread the rest of the oil on his erection before he pulled Dean into the right position, the head of his dick rubbing against Dean's hole. "Look at me, Dean," Cas breathed out quietly. 

 

Dean opened his eyes and Cas was immediately captured by the sight. He breathed out, cupping Dean's face with one hand, the other hand wrapped around his cock as he slowly pushed inside.

 

When he bottomed out, he stilled his hips to allow Dean the chance to get used to his girth. Dean chuckled breathlessly as he wrapped his arms around Cas’s neck. “I’m really glad you’re not in your true form right now,” he teased before he gasped. Dean growled appreciatively when Cas’s cock tapped his prostate. “If you don’t start fucking me, I’m gonna lose it.”

 

Cas’s hands fell to Dean's hips before he slowly started to thrust inside. He tried to keep his pace steady, building up a rhythm that would make Dean mad with want. His left hand abandoned its place on Dean's hip as he slid it upwards, rubbing his thumb over Dean's nipples before he touched Dean's shoulder and gripped him tight.

 

“Fuck, Cas,” he groaned out, bucking his hips up to meet his pace. Dean let out a soft gasp and his grip around Cas’s neck tightened. When they made eye contact again, he whispered, “I want you to come in me, okay?”

 

Cas breathed out a broken, "Yes," as he stared at Dean, overwhelmed by the connection he was feeling to him. His right hand moved to Dean's cock, stroking it in time with his thrusts. "Dean, I'm close. You're so tight."

 

“Please, Cas,” he murmured almost unintelligibly as his grip tightened and he crashed his lips against Cas’s. The heat of Dean’s tongue, his body, coursed through Cas’s central nervous system. It was both torturous and the most exquisite sensation he’d ever felt. Is this what it was like when Dean fucked Cas? Or was it possibly because he’d realized his true feelings for the human being presently crumbling beneath him?

 

Cas picked up the pace, fucking Dean harder. His hand slid over Dean's back to hold him close as he kissed him again, before his lips trailed kisses down to Dean's throat. He scraped his teeth over Dean's skin. "I want to mark you, Dean. And I don't want to heal it afterwards."

 

“Do it,” he breathed out. “Please, Cas.”

 

Cas let out a growl, fucking and stroking Dean harder, before he sank his teeth into Dean's shoulder, breaking the skin, licking and sucking the blood trickling from the punctured wound.

 

Dean cried out Cas’s name as he came, clenching around Cas’s length as his body shuddered against him.

 

Cas gasped, holding his own orgasm back for a few more moments as he fucked Dean through the waves of pleasure, grabbing the back of his neck to get Dean to look at him.

 

"Dean. I'll fill you up with my come now," he growled in Dean's ear before he leaned back to look at Dean again, fucking him deep and hard a few more times before his orgasm hit him. 

 

As soon as he had finished inside of Dean, he pulled him close, licking at the bite mark again before pulling Dean into another deep kiss. He wanted nothing more than to tell Dean how much he loved him in that moment. But he was afraid Dean wouldn't feel the same.

 

Dean was almost panting as he came down from his orgasm. “Fuck me,” he breathed out in an amazed tone.

 

Cas tilted his head. “I just did. You want to have sex again?”

 

That was met with a soft laugh. “It’s an expression, dork.” Dean pressed a kiss to his lips. He looked into Cas’s eyes and said, “Stay tonight. The whole night for once.”

 

Cas gave him a bright smile and nodded. "Dean, I – " Cas’s heart skipped a beat and he shook his head before he leaned forward to kiss Dean, pushing him down on the bed before wrapping his arms around him to hold him tight.

 

Dean chuckled into another kiss before he drew back. “That a yes?”

 

“Yes.” Dean’s laughter was contagious. “That’s a yes. I want to stay with you. The whole night.” He pulled Dean even closer before he murmured against his hair. “And forever after that.”

 

Dean drew back and smiled. “Deal.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Dean was woken up by the sound of someone clamoring down the hall in the noisiest way possible. He groaned in frustration. Half tempted to get out of bed and throw a shoe at the noisy jackass. Instead he was greeted with the sleeping form of his angel boyfriend, curled up against his chest. Suddenly all of the annoyance was gone.

 

Carding his hand through Cas’s hair, he watched him sleep. Dean wasn’t surprised he was sleeping. The combination of potions he had given him, and likely with the aid of the serious sedative Dr. Will had given him, Dean was actually pretty impressed he was up to having sex. And pretty damn glad he was.

 

It was a little bizarre, that as little as a couple of weeks prior, Dean had been alone, trying to survive the shitty world, and doing a piss poor job of it, considering he was on the verge of death when Cas found him. When Cas saved his life, in more ways than one. He couldn’t help but smile as he looked down at his face.

 

Granted, love had been something Dean never got. Not on a fundamental level outside of the familial bond. He’d always thought romantic love was a crock of shit. But as he found himself completely mesmerized and content to watch his boyfriend just sleep? Yeah, maybe there was something to that stupid concept.

 

Cas started moving and Dean looked down at him again, swiping the pad of his thumb over Cas’s cheek as he murmured, “Mornin’, Sunshine.”

 

Cas opened one eye and looked up at him tiredly before he smiled and pressed his face into Dean's shoulder. He mumbled something that sounded like, "Hello, Dean." But it could have been something completely different.

 

“How’re you feelin’?” he asked as he pressed a kiss to the top of Cas’s head.

 

Cas used his elbow to push himself up and look at Dean with tired eyes and a bedhead that was even worse than usual.

 

"Good." He smiled at Dean. "I love waking up with you."

 

“Ditto,” he murmured as he sunk in a little bit, making them eye level with each other. He caressed the side of angel’s face before pressing a quick kiss to his lips. “You should probably show Dr. Will and Kyle you’re fine at some point.”

 

“I talked to them when I left William’s office. They know I’m fine,” Cas murmured, nudging his nose against Dean's cheek, before he trailed soft kisses down Dean's throat. When he leaned back, he looked at Dean's shoulder with a smile, rubbing his thumb softly over the skin. It hurt a little, reminding Dean of the bitemark Cas hadn’t healed.

 

Dean was going to have to grab one of his numbing ointments. He chuckled and asked, “So what’re the plans for today?”

 

"I don't have any plans until night shift. It's my free day." Cas smiled softly before he leaned forward and licked over the bitemark.

 

“So what you’re sayin’ is… We could literally never leave this bed?” Dean couldn’t help but smirk.

 

Cas chuckled lowly and kissed along his shoulder as he hummed, “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

 

“Hmmm,” Dean hummed thoughtfully. “Now  _ whatever  _ could we do in a bed all day?”

 

Cas raised an eyebrow, trying to give him a serious look, but was completely failing when he suggested, “Sleep?”

 

Dean chuckled. “I’m not even a little bit tired. Maybe you can help me with that.”

 

His angel gave him a smile as he slid over him, his groin rocking against Dean's morning wood. "I'm sure there is something I can do."

 

Before he could find out, the door of his room slammed open and Kiera and Tommy came running in, jumping on the bed, Kiera singing, “Go-o-o-o-ood mo-o-o-orn-n-n-ning!”

 

Chris was in the doorway, slightly panting from having obviously chased his younger siblings. He braced his hand on the door and breathed out an apologetic, “I tried to stop them.”

 

Cas slid off of Dean and hugged his children, smiling up at Chris. "Thank you, Chris. For looking after these..." Cas started tickling Kiera who shrieked. "Little fleas."

 

Dean chuckled and was grateful they’d both thought to throw on their underwear before going to sleep. He moved to sit up against the headboard. “So what’s the reason for the wakeup call?”

 

“Mr. Adler says today is a so… oolar elipse…” Kiera tried to explain. “And I don’t want to miss it!”

 

“You mean the solar eclipse?” Cas asked and Kiera nodded, trying to repeat the word, but failing again.

 

“Munchkin,” Dean murmured fondly. “That isn’t for a few hours. We had to be woken up now because  _ why?” _

 

“You weren’t sleeping.” Kiera squinted her eyes at Dean. “You were already awake when we came in.”

 

Dean shook his head. “Can’t prove that.”

 

“I saw Daddy kissing you,” Kiera added with a smug grin.

 

Tommy nodded before he added, “Gross.”

 

Cas grabbed Tommy and pulled him over to his side of the bed. “It’s time you add some new words to your vocabulary.”

 

Tommy chuckled and tried to hide under Cas’s blanket.

 

Dean feigned an innocent tone and said to Cas, “If you don’t like ‘gross’, there’s always grody, or icky? Maybe scuzzy? Ooh, what about yucky?”

 

“Yucky!” Tommy yelled from under the blanket. 

 

Cas gave Dean a raised eyebrow, but he grinned when he chided him. “Very helpful, Dean.” 

 

“What?” he asked innocently. “Now he’s got  _ three  _ words in his vocabulary.”

 

“Dad. Gross. Yucky!” Tommy exclaimed proudly from somewhere in the bed while Kiera tried to capture her brother over the blanket. 

 

Dean couldn’t help but laugh at the ridiculous scene unfolding before him. He looked at Chris, who was shaking his head in amusement at his siblings. Cas began helping Kiera try to find Tommy under the blankets and Dean couldn’t help the contented sigh that escaped.

 

_ Damn.  _ He never thought he’d find happiness again.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

There was initial panic when the generator suddenly shut down and the lights in the Citadel went out. But that's why they trained for emergencies regularly. Mr. Adler and Sarah had lit some candles in the rec room when they counted all Citadel members, making sure no one was missing. Charlie, Kyle, and Jeff went to the generator room with Saeed and Jill as their backup. 

 

Dean and Cas stood at the door guarding the entrance when Kiera pulled at Cas's trenchcoat sleeve. "Daddy, can you come back? We're scared."

 

“Is Saeed or Jill back in the rec room?" Cas asked as he knelt down in front of Kiera.

 

"Yes, they said it's... um... they just need to finish the repairs and it isn't bad. But it's so dark."

 

Cas nodded and looked up at Dean. "I'll send Saeed and Jill back here to relieve us. We should be with our children.” 

 

Dean nodded. “Sure. I’ll see you in there.” He leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to Cas’s lips.

 

Cas gave him a happy smile before he let Kiera drag him back to the rec room. Tommy ran up to him immediately and hid under his trench coat as he approached Saeed. "Can you and Jill take over watching the door? I need to be here for my children."

 

Saeed nodded. “‘Course.” He leaned down and patted Tommy’s head. “Don’t worry, he’s staying.”

 

“Thank you.” Cas nodded at Jill, who gave him a thumbs up. He gathered Tommy up in his arms, carrying him over to where Kiera and Chris were sitting on the floor with the other children and teenagers.

 

“How are you holding up?” he asked Chris, who he noticed was holding Zara’s hand.

 

Chris nodded. “We’re okay. It’s weird how creepy this place is without lights or sound.”

 

"I understand. It's a natural instinct to be afraid of the dark. And that's a good instinct to have. But there is nothing here, I promise you. The Citadel is safe."

 

Chris rolled his eyes. “I know that, Dad. I was just saying. It’s really creepy in here.”

 

In that moment, Dean entered the rec room. “Why all the dark faces?” he greeted with a goofy smile on his face.

 

To which everyone in the room either groaned, gave him a pity laugh, or outright booed him.

 

Cas smiled at Dean. He couldn’t help it. Seeing him, it had such an effect on him. When Dean knelt next to him, he explained, “They think the Citadel is creepy without the light.”

 

“We can fix that!” Dean grinned at the eyeroll the teenagers gave him.

 

Cas tilted his head in confusion. “Charlie and Jeff are working on fixing the generator. I don’t think we can help them with that.”

 

Dean chuckled and shook his head. He apparently gave up trying to appeal to the adults and teenagers, and turned to face the younger children, all sitting on the floor at their feet. He knelt and said, “You know what my brother and I used to do when we’d get scared in the dark?”

 

Kiera slid forward until she crawled onto Dean’s lap. “No. What did you do?” she asked curiously.

 

“We’d remake our favorite movies and TV shows with whatever we could find.” Dean sat back on his haunches and grabbed a flashlight, turning it on. He aimed at the ceiling and braced a finger over the bulb. It looked like a blob was blocking the light. “See? The bat signal. Or…” He started making a weird noise with his lips as he began wielding the flashlight like a sword, all the while Kiera still on his lap. 

 

Dean turned it off and made a whooshing noise. “Or a light saber!”

 

“Like in Star Wars!” Kiera yelled, apparently quite excited as she poked at Dean’s chest. “You’re Princess Leia, because you have princess eyes and Daddy is Han Solo, rescuing you.”

 

That was met with murmurs of laughter from just about everyone in the room. Dean nodded. “Alright. I can be Leia. She’s pretty badass. So whaddya say, guys? Want to remake Star Wars?”

 

A few kids gave Dean an enthusiastic “yes”, and even the teens, especially Kevin, were excited. 

 

“Can I be Darth Vader?” Kevin asked and Chris chuckled and elbowed him.

 

“Only, if I can be Luke.”

 

“I wanna be Chewy!” Kiera announced happily.

 

Cas was glad that Dean had forced him to watch the movie, otherwise he would have felt very confused by now.

 

Dean clapped his hands and smiled. “Alright! Okay,” he started as he pointed to the left side of the room. “You guys are set design. Use everything in this room to make whatever you can. Guns, ships, whatever.” He turned to Cas and the rest of the right side of the room. “You guys are costumes. Make all of us look like our characters with whatever you can find. And go!”

 

Cas sat back on his heels and watched in amazement how everyone started talking excitedly and scrambled up, running through the room. The whole energy in the room was suddenly light and happy. He shook his head in wonder, giving Dean a soft smile. It felt like he was falling for him all over again.

 

“What?” he asked innocently as he crawled over to Cas.

 

Cas grabbed Dean's neck and pulled him into a tender kiss. He wanted to tell him, but Kiera punched his arm. "Not yet. First Princess Leia must tell you that he loves you. Duh!"

 

Dean chuckled. He looked at Cas and batted his eyelashes. He made his voice higher when he said, “I love you.”

 

There was a sting in his heart, he wished Dean would say those words to him for real. He took in a shuddered breath before he remembered the line he was supposed to say. "I know." It didn't sound confident at all.

 

Dean smiled at Cas and turned to look at Kiera. “Satisfied?”

 

Kiera scratched her chin thoughtfully before he shook her head. “You should practice that.” She made a loud Chew-y roar before she jumped away to see what her brothers were doing.

 

“I’m surprised she didn’t want to be Darth Vader,” Dean said with a chuckle, shaking his head at her in fondness.

 

“She likes creatures with fur.”

 

He ruffled Cas’s hair and pursed his lips at him. He started talking like a baby, “No wonder she loves you. Fluffy angel.”

 

“It’s feathers, not fur, Dean.” But he couldn’t help grinning at Dean before he pushed him over to wipe that smug grin off of his face.

 

Dean laughed in surprise and proceeded to tackle Cas, shoving him to the ground and straddling his hips. He captured his wrists and pinned them above his head. Dean smirked triumphantly down at him. “I win.”

 

Chris suddenly knelt next to Dean, giving him a smirk and a raised eyebrow as he whispered, “Really Dean? You're humping my dad in front of the other parents and my friends. It's embarrassing."

 

Dean rolled his eyes and released Cas. He sat back on his heels and looked at Chris. “The term you’re looking for is  _ dry  _ humping. Humping would mean we’d be naked.”

 

Chris grimaced and shook himself. “Gross.” Tommy repeated it loudly from somewhere in the back of the room.

 

“Yucky!” Dean corrected.

 

Tommy echoed the word back to him, accompanied by another one of Kiera’s Chewy roars.

 

Before Chris got up, he elbowed Dean and whispered, “You are being watched by the parent brigade.” He grinned at him and added, “Dad.”

 

Dean quirked his brow and whispered back, “Let ‘em watch.”

 

Chris chuckled before he left them to get back to Zara and Kevin. Cas sat up and wrapped his arms around Dean, so he wouldn’t fall off of Cas’s lap with the sudden shift in position. “He called you, Dad.” Cas grinned up at Dean. He felt incredibly happy that his children liked Dean so much.

 

That was met with a genuine smile as he leaned forward and captured Cas’s lips in a kiss. When Dean drew back, he cupped Cas’s cheek. “Come on, Han. Let’s get ready.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Dean had been surprised how after the first thirty minutes of setup, everyone got into the spirit of things. Turning random drapes and rugs into Jedi robes, flashlights being used for light sabers, a bucket for Darth’s helmet, the couches and chairs being pushed together to make the Millenium Falcon.

 

Sammy would have been proud. It was a damn fine set.

 

Kiera found a white sheet, so wrapped like a toga around him, Dean was in his Leia ‘dress’. Tommy had found a pair of brown ear muffs and handed it up to him with an expectant expression. How the hell was he supposed to turn that down?

 

Cas didn’t look much better. The kids made him take off his trench coat and tie and somehow convinced him to let them paint the vest on his shirt. Kiera had spent a good twenty minutes trying to style his hair in the suave Han Solo look. She ended up letting out a loud huff of frustration and storming off, muttering about hopeless hair.

 

Dean looked around and couldn’t help but smile. Everyone looked ridiculous and it was kind of amazing. Tommy tugged on Dean’s Leia toga dress and nodded for him to follow him. 

 

They reached the middle of the room and Tommy put a lampshade on his head and crouched down. Taking his position as R2-D2. Dean chuckled and knelt down in front of him. 

 

Touching the drawn on buttons on the lamp shade, Dean said, “Help us, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re our only hope.”

 

Kevin was breathing heavily under his ‘helmet’ as he approached Dean, who had been taken in hand by Max, Alicia, Ben, Joe, and Garth as the stormtroopers.

 

“Don’t act so surprised, your highness.” Kevin sneered at Dean. “You weren't on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to the ship by rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you." He pointed at Dean as he accused, "You are part of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor! Take her away!”

 

They got about a third of the way through the movie when the lights suddenly came back on. Movie remake temporarily forgotten, everyone started cheering, embracing each other and cheering out Charlie, Jeff, and Kyle’s names.

 

Dean approached Cas and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Cas wrapped his arm around Dean and pulled him in a sideways hug, pressing a quick kiss behind his ear.

  
The door to the rec room slammed open and there stood Charlie, Kyle, and Jeff. They stepped inside and Charlie called out, “Power’s back, bitc – ” She suddenly stopped and looked around the room. You could almost see the hamster wheel turning as she soaked in her surroundings. Realization dawned on her face, and she braced her hands on her hips. “You guys seriously couldn’t wait for me to get back?!”


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frankie here: In this instance, I'm not even a LITTLE bit sorry if this chapter makes you cry. It made both of us cry and we WROTE it. <3

**Chapter 13**

 

It was a few weeks later, Cas was leaning against the handrail and staring into the night sky. He tried to not get his hopes up, but the demon attacks had become less and less frequent, and he hadn't felt the presence of other angels for weeks.

 

It was almost too quiet.

 

He turned around to Dean, who was leaning against the wall with a comic book and smiled. “Do you think we could build new houses to make the Citadel bigger, if it stays this quiet?”

 

Dean shrugged. “I don’t see why not.”

 

“I’d like to see this place grow. I’m still hoping we will find more survivors one day.”

 

“It’d be nice, right?” Dean murmured as he wrapped his arms around Cas from behind. “I’d like to think there are others.”

 

Cas turned around in Dean's arms and pulled him into a deep and intense kiss. "Dean," he whispered. Like always, he wanted to tell Dean what he was feeling, but he stopped himself in the last second. What they had was perfection. He didn't want to scare Dean away.

 

“Yes, Cas?” he asked as he captured Cas’s earlobe between his teeth.

 

Cas leaned back to look at Dean.

 

_ I love you. _

 

The words never made it past his lips, instead his heart suddenly stopped and it felt like his grace was freezing over. He whirled around in alarm as he looked at the horizon with a gasp. "Angels."

 

Dean grabbed his angel blade and stood at the ready. “They shouldn’t be able to get by the sigils. But we should get the kids into the bunker, just in case.”

 

Cas nodded before a splitting headache made him keel over with a pained groan. Voices. They tried to pierce through his walls, forcing him to listen. He fell to his knees, holding his head, trying to filter through the screams to understand the message.

 

It was from the garrison. They told him to meet them for one final battle against Lucifer.

 

Dean was at his side, holding his arm to help him back up. “Cas!”

 

He let himself get pulled into Dean’s arms and clung to him. “I’m okay. Just a very strong headache.” He groaned and rubbed his fingers over his temples. “They are calling me. My old garrison. For a final battle against Lucifer.”

 

“What do you mean, ‘calling’ you? I thought you were disgraced or whatever?”

 

“I deserted the battlefield. That means any angel is allowed to kill me on sight.” Cas shook his head trying to make sense of the last part of the message. It sounded like they were sending someone. “I don’t understand why they’re going through the trouble of getting me back. I thought they forgot about me.”

 

Dean folded his arms against his chest and shrugged. “I don’t get it. Are they wanting to take you out? Or send you as bait for Lucifer?”

 

“I don’t know, Dean. The message wasn’t very specific. They are sending an angel to get me.” Cas squinted his eyes at the horizon. “I can already feel him coming closer.”

 

“I’m grabbing Kyle. We’ll run that guy off if you want to go get your kids.” Dean adjusted his rifle and moved towards the ladder.

 

Cas grasped Dean’s shoulder to stop him, shaking his head. A small smile played around his lips as he realized which angel was coming for him. “That’s not necessary. I will talk to the angel and listen to what he has to say.” 

 

“Yeah, over my dead body. Not happening. They can take their demands and fucking shove it.”

 

"Dean, I know the angel they sent for me very well. He would never hurt me. If you want, you can come with me," Cas suggested.

 

“Damn right I’m coming.” Dean looked at him incredulously. “I’m half tempted to bring every weapon I’m capable of carrying. I know Kyle wouldn’t have an issue with lending me everything.”

 

Cas leaned over and kissed Dean’s cheek before he cupped his face to make him look at him. “There is no reason to worry. The angel… Balthazar. He’s a very good friend of mine. And he doesn’t always stick to the rules. He helped me a few times back in the day, when I was nearly caught bringing food to my children. Balthazar would never hurt me. Believe me.”

 

Dean regarded him for a moment, his expression unsure. He let out a resigned sigh and said, “I’m still coming with you.”

 

Cas nodded. “Of course. And we should wake up Kyle, and maybe Saeed and Jill, to take over here. It’s better to be prepared.”

 

“Yeah. I’ll wait here if you want to go grab ‘em.”

 

Cas nodded and quickly climbed down the watchtower before he went to Saeed’s room and knocked. Saeed opened the door rather quickly, his eyes wide awake. 

 

“Everything okay, Cas?”

 

“I don’t know yet, but we have a situation and I need you to get Jill and Kyle to man the defenses.”

 

Saeed didn’t ask any questions, just nodded before he quickly turned to get the others. Cas went back outside, gazing upwards to the tower when he felt Balthazar’s presence outside of the Citadel. 

 

He went to the gate, noticing that Dean was climbing down the ladder before running up to him. “He’s here, Dean.”

 

Dean drew his angel blade and nodded. “He won’t be able to cross onto the grounds. We’ll have to meet him outside.”

 

Cas nodded and gave him a reassuring smile. “Please be nice. He really is a friend of mine.”

 

“No promises,” he responded with a smirk.

 

Before they could get past the gate, Jill ran up to Cas, slightly out of breath. “Wait, Cas!”

 

He turned around and waited for Jill to catch her breath. “What’s the situation?” she breathed out.

 

“An old friend of mine from my garrison wants to talk to me. I don’t know why. Just stay on the wall and the tower. Keep an eye out for any activity.”

 

“You expecting trouble?” Jill asked as Kyle caught up with her, looking very worried.

 

“I don’t know what to expect. Dean’s coming with me. I have to ask him what he wants.”

 

“Be careful,” Jill said before she gave Dean a long, pointed look. “We got your back from the wall.”

 

Cas thanked them and turned around to walk through the gate. He was nervous to meet Balthazar. He hadn’t seen him in over a year. 

 

He could see Balthazar standing in the middle of some ruins. His wings majestically spread and his halo illuminating the smile on his face. Dean wouldn't see Balthazar's angelic side, for him he probably looked like a very elegantly clothed man.

 

"Cassie! Long time no see." Balthazar waved at him when they drew closer.

 

Cas shook his head with a smile. “You know I hate when you call me Cassie.”

 

"No, you love it." Balthazar laughed before his gaze locked onto Dean. "Who is the pretty boy? You should really put away that pointy knife. I don't want you to accidentally hurt yourself."

 

Dean narrowed his eyes at Balthazar and absolutely did  _ not  _ lower his weapon. “With the exception of Cas here, my experience with your kind has been… less than pleasant. I’m gonna keep this out.”

 

Balthazar shrugged. "I guess that's fair."

 

"Why are you here, Balthazar? I guess it's not because you just wanted to say hello," Cas stated slowly.

 

Balthazar gave Cas a serious look for a change before he nodded. “Although I missed you, my friend, my visit is rather official. We’re gathering for a final assault against Lucifer. Michael has him trapped, but we will need  _ every  _ angel available to smite him. It’s an all hands on deck situation. You’ll get fully reinstated as a Commander and everything will be forgotten if you join us. This is it, Cassie. When this battle is won, we can finally go back to Heaven. The war will be over.”

 

Cas needed a few moments to process this. This was everything he had hoped for. The war would be over. His children could have a normal life. But he didn't want to leave the Citadel.

 

"Why do you need me? Would  _ one  _ angel really make the difference? The humans here need me. I can't just go with you."

 

Balthazar looked sad for a moment before he licked over his lips. "Cassie. It doesn't look good on our side. Our ranks have been drastically thinned out by the war. And you're one of the last Seraphs out there. Why do you think they sent me to get you? We are desperate. We can't do this without you."

 

“So you need him as cannon fodder?” Dean scoffed and shook his head. “You can fuck off.”

 

Balthazar gave Dean a surprised look. "You're a ballsy one. I like you." He grinned at Dean. "And not at all. Castiel is a Seraph, that means he has some extra powerful smiting power. Smiting power we will need to get rid of Lucifer. I'm not sure if you listened, pretty boy, but it means the end of the apocalypse. You will all be saved when Cassie joins us."

 

“All?  _ All?”  _ Dean accused as he took a step closer to Balthazar. “Hate to fucking break it to you, considering you probably see us all as fucking bugs that stood in the way of your war, but no, not  _ all  _ of us will be fucking saved. My brother? Sarah’s wife? Charlie’s girlfriend? Kyle’s daughter? What about them, huh? And now you’re hurting for numbers, so an angel, who had his fucking feathers ripped out for helping a couple of kids before being shunned by the rest of you, is going to make all the difference in a war that has destroyed  _ everything?  _ Yeah, shake the other one, it’s got bells on it.” 

 

He turned to Cas and held his hand out for him to take. “Come on, Cas. Let’s go home.”

 

But Cas didn't move. He swallowed dryly and took a deep breath. "But what about Kiera, Tommy, and Chris? What about the others who are still alive, Dean? I can make a difference for them."

 

“You can’t seriously be considering this,” he said in an incredulous tone.

 

"I don't understand why you  _ aren't  _ considering it? Do you  _ really  _ want them to grow up in a world like this, constantly in fear of demons, or getting in the crossfire of other angels? I want what is best for them, Dean." It was the second time he was standing at this crossroad, where he had to decide. The last time he had left his children at the Citadel, he had never regretted the decision, even though it broke his heart to do it. This time he could more than just help his own kids, but everyone else living in the Citadel.

 

Dean turned to Balthazar then and demanded, “What are the odds of any of you surviving this, of Cas surviving this and your side winning?”

 

"The longer we wait, the weaker Michael will get, and the slimmer will be the chance for all of us. If Lucifer wins, he will destroy everything. No matter what you think about angels, we're the last line of defense between him and your complete destruction." Balthazar rolled his eyes. "But if you need an estimate, if we go now, there’s a pretty good chance he'll show up to the after party."

 

“And would he be able to come back here if he wanted?” Dean still sounded angry, but his tone was a little more hesitant.

 

“No. All angels have to go back to Heaven. We don’t belong here. This is your playground,” Balthazar stated slowly as if he were speaking to a child.

 

Cas bit his lip and looked down. The thought of never seeing Dean or his children again broke his heart, but he had to do this. For them. “I have to… Dean. This is bigger than me.”

 

“No, uh, uh. None of the bullshit, vulcan, ‘the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few,’ crap. You don’t even know if you’ll be successful and if you  _ aren’t,  _ don’t you think all of us would have a better shot with you here?”

 

Cas shook his head. "Balthazar is right, Dean. If this assault fails, Lucifer will burn the world to the ground. There would be nothing I could do to protect you. I can't let that happen."

 

Dean’s lip trembled, eyes watery and voice shaky as he asked, “You’d rather die with them than with us?”

 

Cas shook his head, he couldn't stop the tears from falling when he looked at Dean. "No, but I can't sit by when it means the death of all of you. When there is a chance that I can save you. I can't let you die. I just can't."

 

He stepped forward, cupping Dean’s cheek. “Promise me to look after them.”

 

Dean took a step back and shook his head, tears now escaping eerily clear green eyes. “You’re not even gonna tell them goodbye? Or talk this over with everyone? Or… Fuck!” He angrily wiped the tears away and stared at Cas. “So, this is it? You’re just gonna leave me to pick up the pieces?”

 

Cas looked over to Balthazar, who shook his head in silent answer. “There is no time, Cassie. We have a window  _ now.” _

 

"Dean..." Cas whispered brokenly. "Please... I – I have to."

 

The man’s lip trembled again as more tears escaped. Dean let out a mirthless chuckle and shook his head as he took a step back. “Just go. Go before Kiera or Tommy come outside and watch you leave.”

 

"I thought you would understand why I have to do this. When I left them at the Citadel it was for the same reason. You said you understood." Cas shook his head, wiping his tears away. "I can't afford to be selfish now. Not with so many lives at stake. I couldn't live with the guilt of not doing something, being responsible for all of the deaths that are to come because I didn't act... The deaths of my children and... yours. I can’t do it."

 

"I don't want to leave you, Dean," he said as he stepped closer to him. "But there is no other way." 

 

Suddenly, the angry, scared, distrusting man he’d met a couple of months prior was back, full force. He wiped the tears away and schooled his features into a blank mask. Dean stepped back from Cas and shrugged. “Do whatever you want. Not my problem.” He turned to Balthazar and said, “Good luck or whatever.”

 

Dean shook his head and turned to head back to the gate.

 

When Cas started to follow Dean, Balthazar grabbed his wrist and held him back. "We don't have time for this, Castiel. We have to go."

 

"But I love him, Balthazar. I never told him. I can't just let him go like this," Cas explained, giving Balthazar a pleading look.

 

Balthazar pulled him closer. "Then don't make it worse by telling him. Let him hate you for leaving. It will be easier for him."

 

Cas cast one last look to Dean’s retreating form when another tear fell down his cheek. He nodded slowly. He knew Balthazar was right. 

 

"You're doing the right thing. Protecting them is our mission, Castiel. This is what our father wanted."

 

Cas nodded, although that wasn't the reason  _ why  _ he was doing it. It was because of love. The love he had for Dean. The love for his children. Cas loved every human in the Citadel. This wasn't just his mission, it was what he believed in.

 

"I'm ready."

 

**.... :::: :::: ….**

 

Dean was trying to let numbness wash over him. That was his last interaction with Castiel and he couldn't fucking man up. He couldn't bring himself to tell him he was in love with him. To kiss him goodbye. No. Instead he went the selfish, self preservation route because, no matter what happened, he was never going to see him again.

 

And how the fuck was he supposed to tell everyone that Cas was gone for good? How the fuck was he going to tell the kids? Dean chewed his cheek to stop the tears that were threatening to break through.

 

Steeling himself, Dean approached the gate and decided in that moment he wasn't ready. He wasn't ready to tell anyone. So, as he approached, he stormed past Jill and Saeed, both of whom were screaming after him for answers. 

 

Dean ignored their cries and kept moving towards the warehouse. He needed to work on more spells and sigils. To prepare the Citadel as much as possible for the worst case scenario. 

 

When he reached the door, Kyle was there. Dean tried to move past him, but the wall of a man held him in place.

 

“Let me go, Kyle,” he warned.

 

Instead of letting him go, the other man pulled him close, cupping his face so he was forced to look at him, seeing a mirrored broken and angry expression on Kyle's face that instantly made him understand. "Don't give in. You need to be strong for them."

 

And with that comment the dam broke. Dean crumbled into Kyle’s embrace as his body was wracked with sobs. He clung to Kyle’s shirt as he succumbed to his sorrow, unable to speak because he felt so broken.

 

Kyle wrapped his arms around him, holding him tight, his breathing came out in heavy gasps and Dean could practically  _ feel  _ how badly Kyle was trying to keep it together for him.

 

“I didn’t even say goodbye,” he breathed out in a broken whisper.

 

Kyle pulled him tighter, murmuring, "Fuck..."

 

Reality dawned on him then. Another wave of sadness struck and he pressed his face against Kyle’s chest, completely losing himself to his sorrow. “I’m ne–never gonna see him… see him again and I didn’t tell him, Kyle. I didn’t tell him that…” Words would no longer come out over the way his voice cracked through his tears.

 

"You made him so happy, Dean. That's the important thing. Not a few words," Kyle whispered in a soothing voice, carding his fingers through Dean's hair.

 

Dean took in a shuddering breath and drew back to look up at Kyle. His eyes were red rimmed and held the same sorrow Dean felt in that moment. He shook his head. “How the fuck am I supposed to go on?”

 

Kyle shook his head. "You just do. You have to." Kyle squeezed his shoulder and took in a shuddered breath. "And I’ll help you with whatever you need."

 

He nodded as his lip trembled and a new wave of tears almost choked him. Dean swallowed against the lump in his throat, feeling like he couldn’t even breathe. “What the hell am I gonna tell them? Fuck. How do I tell them that he’s never coming back?”

 

It looked like Kyle was fighting with himself, his lip trembling before he asked, "Is there no hope that he'll come back?"

 

Dean shook his head and took in a shuddery breath. “They’re making a final play for Lucifer. If they defeat Lucifer, if by some miracle he lives through it… He’ll go back to Heaven.” He looked up at Kyle and asked through a half sob, “Is it selfish that I wish he chose me?”

 

"Yeah, but I can't blame you. I would have wished the same," Kyle answered quietly, a tear running down his cheek. “But when he’s in Heaven… when he makes it out of this alive... At least he’ll be alive.”

 

And that was the most sobering realization. Even though it would break his heart to never see Cas again, if something good came of it. If the damn apocalypse ended and Cas was alive, and safe, and back in Heaven… That’s all he wanted for the angel he loved. Dean cupped the side of Kyle’s face and nodded. “I’m so sorry.”

 

Kyle started to cry as he nodded and pulled Dean into a tight hug again. "Me, too."

 

Dean didn’t know how long they stood there in each other’s embrace. Clinging to each other, taking solace in the other’s presence. It wasn’t until the sun had started to rise that Dean drew back. He looked up at the warehouse and back to Kyle. “If the final battle happens and they lose. We  _ all  _ lose. I want to add every sigil and protective spell I can.” He sighed and asked, “Could you gather everyone to the rec room in about an hour? I don’t want to have to relay this news more than once. Well, twice.”

 

There was no way he was letting his kids find out in front of the entire Citadel. 

 

“Of course, Dean.” Kyle squeezed his shoulder one last time before he went into the building, taking Jill and Saeed with him. Something Dean was incredibly grateful for.

 

_ Shit.  _ He was gonna have to explain it a couple more times. Dean was going to need Charlie’s help with fortifying the Citadel. In quick, purposeful strides he made his way to the Bridge, hoping the lunatic was already up.

 

He opened the door and let out a sigh of relief to find the redhead asleep at her desk. Dean didn’t waste a second. He sat down next to her and gently shook her awake. “Charlie? Charlie, hey… wake up.”

 

She opened her eyes, blinking sleepily before she instantly startled awake when she noticed it was Dean. “Dean. You okay?”

 

“No. Charlie, I need to fortify the Citadel. I have a few more complicated spells that I need you to incorporate into our security system.” 

 

“Sure.” She was wide awake now, starting the programs on her laptop. “What’s happening? Where’s Cas?”

 

Dean took a deep breath.  _ Keep your shit together, Winchester.  _ Kyle’s words rang in his head and he steeled himself. “He’s gone, Charlie.”

 

Charlie looked up at him with a frown. "What do you..." She stopped, seemingly to take in Dean's expression. She shook her head, looking stunned. "I don't... what?" she whispered.

 

With a shaky exhale, Dean explained, “His garrison called him back for the final showdown with Lucifer. If they succeed, the apocalypse is done. And he’ll go back to Heaven.”

 

“Why wouldn’t he come back after?” Charlie asked, still looking like she was in shock.

 

“They, uh… Angels don’t belong on Earth apparently.”

 

“But Cas does.” Charlie stood up from her chair. “What can we do? Can we get him back somehow? There has to be something, Dean. He can’t just leave us here.”

 

Dean’s lip trembled and he shook his head, forcing the tears to stay where they were. “He’s not coming back, Charlie.”

 

“No.” She shook her head, giving him a defiant look. “I don’t believe you. He’ll find a way to come back to us.”

 

Fuck, he wished that was true. Dean gave her a sad smile. “If that’s what you need to think to get through this.”

 

“I know Cas. He loves us too much to not do everything in his power to come back.” Charlie sat down, her lips pressed into a thin line as she stared at her laptop. “What do you need me to do?”

 

Dean grabbed a pad and wrote the logistics of the spellwork he needed her to use and handed it to her. “This’ll keep everything out.”

 

“Got it,” Charlie answered coldly.

 

Dean realized in that moment it was probably best to let her do her thing. He stood up and went to the door. He turned his back to her, even though she wasn’t paying him any attention. With a deep breath, Dean craned his neck to look at her and simply said, “I’m sorry, Red.”

 

She closed her eyes for a moment before she mumbled, “Me, too.”

 

And with that, Dean left Charlie to her work. It took him less time than he thought to get the rest of the sigils painted. He still had a good half an hour before the meeting he asked Kyle to call, so Dean knew what needed to be done.

 

He needed to tell the kids. Dean made his way to Chris’s room. He knocked and kept his fingers crossed that Kiera and Tommy weren’t in there, too.

 

Chris tiredly opened the door, but his eyes widened as soon as he saw the look on Dean’s face. “What happened?”

 

“You alone in there?”

 

“Yeah,” Chris answered in a worried tone, letting Dean inside.

 

Dean gently pushed the door open and pressed inside. When the door was closed, he wrung his hands and sighed. “You wanna sit?”

 

“Dean, you’re scaring me,” Chris said slowly, but sat down on his bed anyway.

 

Taking a deep breath, Dean nodded. “I don’t want to scare you, but you need to know the truth. Cas… His garrison reached out to him. They have a shot at defeating Lucifer. At ending this whole fucking war with Lucifer.”

 

Chris swallowed before he asked, "So Dad went back to fight?"

 

“Yeah, kiddo. He’s going to help them. Hopefully win this war in the process.”

 

Chris seemed to take it a lot better than he expected. "I understand." He took in a deep breath. "What are we telling Kiera and Tommy? He probably needs to go back to Heaven after this. He told me once that would happen when the war ended."

 

“So you know?” Dean asked, still unable to say the words again.  _ Cas isn’t coming back. _

 

Chris nodded. "I always knew this could happen. My Dad is a hero. He’s doing this for us. And if he needs to go back to Heaven, we'll see him again at some point. That’s what he taught us."

 

Dean pulled the kid in for a hug and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “He is.” Letting out a sigh as he released Chris, he shook his head. “I have no idea what to tell your brother and sister.”

 

“We should tell them that he’s in Heaven and we won’t be seeing him for a while,” Chris whispered bravely, but Dean could see that the boy was on the verge of tears.

 

He needed to keep it together. For Chris. For all of their kids. Dean nodded. “That's a good idea. I'm going to tell them first and then we're having a meeting. Will you stay with them? I don't want them near the rec room for an hour.”

 

“Of course, Dad.” Chris wiped the tear away from his face. “I’ll look after them.”

 

Dean drew him into another hug, clinging tight for a moment before releasing him. With a resigned sigh, he said, “Let’s go find them.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

The end of the Apocalypse wasn't all rainbows and sunshine. There were no flowers suddenly growing everywhere, or birds chirping in the sky. It wasn’t the paradise that the movies made it out to be.

 

There was only one thing that had changed. Every husk and demon was dead. And as far as Dean was concerned, that was more paradise than a bluebird landing on his damn shoulder. It had been four tortuous days since Cas had left. Since they’d apparently won the war.

 

Four days since Dean turned his back on the angel he loved, out of hurt. Out of anger. Out of selfishness. Four days since he chose to walk away, instead of telling Castiel just how much he meant to him. How he would give anything to see him again. Anything to hold him again. Anything to hear his laugh just one more time.

 

Dean had found he was sleeping more and more. Not out of need or exhaustion. He used all of the ingredients he had left to make as many sleeping potions as he could, forcing himself to sleep as long as he could. He’d promised Cas he’d take care of their kids, but he just felt so  _ broken.  _ Needing to spend as much time away from reality as he could. To spend time with his brother, since the only place to see him was his dreams.

 

And what was worse, everyone at the Citadel was  _ allowing  _ it to happen. Was allowing him to slowly and surely become a shell of a man, as his grief continued to consume him. Their intention was probably good, but he knew he needed a good ass kicking. He just hoped someone would wise up before he ended up killing himself. Because he sure as hell wasn’t strong enough to kick his own ass.

 

Dean sighed as he found himself sitting in the greenhouse on the floor. Looking up at all of the flowers Cas had loved. He dropped his head against the wall and stared up at the ceiling. In that moment, he wondered what the other Dean’s life was like. Feeling a surge of jealousy over the fact that his doppelganger never had to experience an apocalypse. 

 

He let out a mirthless laugh as he shook his head. It almost echoed in the empty greenhouse, affirming just how alone he was now that Cas was gone.

 

He hadn't heard the tiny footsteps coming closer and startled when Kiera climbed onto his lap and wrapped her arms around Dean's neck. “I think the tomatoes are sad, but they shouldn’t be. I don’t know how to make them happy again.”

 

The urge to fucking burst into tears was overwhelming. Instead he feigned a smile and held onto her. “Don’t know, munchkin. I kind of have a black thumb. I don’t know how to make them happy either. Maybe we could ask someone who knows?”

 

"We could tell them that Daddy is still looking after them even though we can't see him," Kiera whispered with her hand in front of her mouth so the plants wouldn't hear her.

 

“I bet that would make them feel better,” he assured with a nod.

 

"Daddy misses us. He told me last night," Kiera mumbled as she slid from Dean's lap and went over to the tomatoes, watering them with a tiny blue watering can.

 

Dean looked at her in bemusement. “What do you mean he told you?”

 

"When I was sleeping. I dreamed about pretty flowers and birds and Daddy was there, too. There were so many pink flowers. But no tomatoes."

 

There was that damnable hope again. Dean tried to keep his breathing in check as he sat upright. “What did Daddy say?”

 

Kiera put the watering can down and squinted her eyes. "He misses us and he said he loves us ve-e-e-e-e-ery much."

 

“Did… Did he say anything else?” Dean’s heart was on the verge of stopping. He was so hopeful. 

 

Kiera scratched her chin and hummed thoughtfully. "Yes, but I can't remember. I didn't understand what he said."

 

As a wave of frustration washed over Dean, he took a deep breath to calm himself down. He wasn’t angry with Kiera, but if Cas visited her in her dreams, maybe he was trying to communicate with them. Maybe he was trying to find a way back to them. Dean smiled softly at her. “Baby, can you try to remember? For me? Even if it didn’t make sense, it might make sense to me?”

 

Kiera squeezed her eyes shut and scrunched up her nose. "Something about dreams and... a digger? And he can't visit you."

 

“Did he say why?”

 

“The digger,” Kiera repeated. “I don’t know what a digger is though. But it’s why he can’t visit you.”

 

Dean nodded, trying to not let his sorrow show. “Can you do me a favor, if you remember to, Kiwi?”

 

“Of course, Daddy.” Kiera smiled before she hugged Dean’s leg

 

Damn, he loved this little girl. He loved all of them. “Can you tell Cas, tell Daddy if he visits you again, that I’m sorry?”

 

Kiera gave him a confused look. “You only say sorry if someone is sad or angry with you.”

 

_ And when you're a selfish asshole and don't even say goodbye.  _ Dean kept that part to himself. “And Daddy is sad and missing us, right?” 

 

Kiera nodded slowly. “I’ll tell him. And I’ll tell him the tomatoes are sad.”

 

There was a part of him that wanted to tell her to tell him he loved Cas. That he needed him like he needed air. That he was so fucking glad he was alive and even if he never sees Castiel again, that he’s glad he’s alive. That he lived through the final battle. But Dean couldn’t. Not just because it was way too much for her sweet little six year old brain to retain. 

 

Dean pat her head and pressed a kiss to her nose. “You wanna go see if there are any twinkies left?”

 

“Lilly ate them all.” Kiera pouted before she intertwined their hands. “I want apple pie.”

 

“Well, let’s go ask Lisa if she has the stuff for it. I could teach you how.” Dean smiled at the way her eyes lit up and she tugged on his hand to get up and head to the kitchen. 

 

“Oh, yes. I love baking. I wanna be the best baker when I'm old,” Kiera announced. Every week she wanted to be the best at something new, something different.

 

She didn't want to be a hairdresser anymore. Dean couldn’t blame her.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Since the end of the damn apocalypse, with the overall relief that it was all over, there had been such a relaxed air in the Citadel. People weren’t as on edge, or on guard. While the sigil for the silent alarm was still in place, at the last meeting he’d changed the age identifier for anyone under the age of fourteen, giving the teenagers a little more freedom.

 

In fact, he’d adjusted or even removed a lot of the sigils. Not all of them. Dean was too paranoid to not. But he took down all of the sigils warding off angels. That damnable hope that Castiel would come back had been the reason behind it. It had been a few weeks now, and at that point, even though he knew Cas was alive, he was a little heart broken that Charlie had been wrong.

 

Cas wasn’t coming back. And one day, Dean would be able to accept that. Until then, he had responsibilities. 

 

One of the downsides of the more relaxed atmosphere was, the kids would disappear when it was bedtime and all of the adults would end up in an unwanted game of Hide and Seek trying to find them. And Tommy was the worst. Or best. That kid was way too fucking good at hiding. 

 

Chris and Dean found Kiera at her usual spot, watching the gate. Since Cas left, she spent as much of her time sitting by whoever was watching the gate. Keeping her eye out for her Dad, waiting patiently for him to come home. No one had the heart to convince her to stop. 

 

When Chris offered to take her to bed, Dean smirked at the kid. That meant Dean was stuck with trying to find what friggin’ hiding place Tommy had found that day. Pressing a kiss to both of their heads, Dean made his way through the grounds.

 

He’d started in the rec room, then hit the kitchen, the bridge, all of Tommy’s usual spots. Dean sighed at the lack of the little chameleon. Time to check the greenhouse and gardens. As he made his way outside, there was a light on in the greenhouse and he let out a sigh of relief. 

 

Carefully creeping into the greenhouse, Dean was shocked still at hearing Tommy speaking. Not his usual one-off words here and there, but full sentences. Making sure the boy couldn’t see him, Dean made his way a little closer, staying behind Tommy as he listened.

 

“... And I hope you like it in Heaven and you can be in the Garden you told us about. Please, Daddy, can you come back soon? Daddy Dean is very sad and we try to look after him for you, but it's not easy to make him smile.” Tommy paused for a moment before he continued, “I'm still very good at hiding, but I don’t need to anymore. You promised you’d take away all the monsters in the world for us so we don't need to hide anymore. I'm happy they are gone, but we miss you very much.”

 

Dean was frozen with the way his emotions were threatening to strangle the breath out of him. Shock, surprise, awe, amazement at hearing Tommy speaking. And that paved way to the guilt over Tommy praying for him, because Dean had done a shitty job of making sure the kids didn’t know how fucked up he was over Cas’s leaving. Then just sorrow. A sharp and piercing sorrow that was almost comparable to the day Cas left him. Left all of them.

 

And finally, the anger. The anger he felt on Tommy’s... hell,  _ all  _ of their behalf. At God, for creating this whole shitshow in the first place. At the demons and other Hell spawn that rose with Lucifer, decimating everyone’s way of life. At the angels for being a beacon of hope that they were all saved, until reality sank in, as the battles grew in destruction and death on all sides. At the fact that he lost everyone he had ever loved, only to be given that chance again. 

 

At Cas. The goddamn angel who somehow gave Dean his life back. In more ways than one. A shell of a man surviving on hatred and rats, had found a home, a family. He’d found love and hope,  _ faith  _ again. All because of an angel who took his hand and yanked him back onto solid ground.

 

He was angry for selfish reasons. Because he was in love with Castiel and wanted nothing more than to see him. Even if it was just one more time, so he could tell him. Tell him he loved him and he was sorry he never told him. Sorry that he never said goodbye.

 

With a bracing breath, pushing every single intense emotion as far into the recesses of his mind as possible, Dean stepped forward and cleared his throat. “It’s time for bed, Tommy.”

 

Tommy startled and looked down for a moment before he nodded and walked over to Dean, wrapping his arms around his waist to hug him. “Dad,” he sighed deeply.

 

Dean immediately dropped to his knee to pull Tommy into a full hug. He was just barely keeping it together. “I’m sorry, kiddo,” he breathed out, voice a little shaky.

 

“Don't be sad. Daddy is still watching over us,” Tommy mumbled against Dean’s chest.

 

Nodding against the kid’s shoulder, he drew back and gave him a small smile. “I know. Come on. Bedtime.” Dean stood up and held his hand out for Tommy to take.

 

Tommy took his hand and gave him a quick smile, but he didn't say anything more.

 

They walked back up to the warehouse in comfortable silence. For the first time since before he left, Dean prayed to Cas.

 

_ I miss you, Castiel. _

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

The resiliency of humanity was amazing. Dean was still bereft, heartbroken at having lost Cas, but each day became less and less difficult to accept. Some days were harder than others. He still had his moments. Moments in which he’d find himself nursing a bottle of Jack and flipping through the pages of his lore journal, fingers trailing over the additions or corrections Cas had written.

 

His favorite was:  _ Angels don’t have harps, Dean. _

 

Granted, Dean knew if it wasn’t for the kids and, surprisingly, Kyle, his resiliency would be lost. But Chris, Kiera, and Tommy gave him strength enough to keep going. And on days when he really struggled, Kyle threatened to kick his ass if he didn’t get a hold of himself. 

 

That’s how he found himself helping Kyle set up a bird feeder for the nest of blue jays that had made a home in one of the trees in the Citadel. Today had been one of the harder days and Kyle had stormed into his room, demanding he do  _ one  _ productive thing. 

 

Tommy was playing angels and demons with the other children just a few yards away. Kiera was sitting on the ground, looking up at Saeed, clearly having a conversation with him while they watched the gate.

 

Dean turned to Kyle and for the first time in weeks, found himself smiling. Genuinely smiling. He had a family again. It was small, and broken, but it was his. And he’d be damned if he’d feel anything but gratitude for it.

 

“I’m surprised Jeff hasn’t tried to shoot these birds for meat,” Dean joked, giving Kyle a knowing smirk. The guy was an oversized teddy bear when it came to animals.

 

“It’s not because he doesn't want to. I threatened to destroy his camping chair if he even  _ looks  _ at the birds funny.” Kyle shrugged with a grin.

 

Dean chuckled. Jeff loved that stupid chair more than he could probably love a human child. “Not gonna lie, a part of me wants to hide the chair just to see what he’d do.”

 

“You don’t like your life, do you?” Kyle smiled brightly before he put the last wire around the handle and handed the bird feeder to Dean. “I’ll hold you up and you just have to wrap the wire around the trunk, hooking it in the nook on the other side.”

 

Before Dean could nod or say anything Kiera suddenly started screaming.

 

Dean turned to the gate and watched in horror as she ran out past the gate, Saeed came running from the warehouse as the alarm went off, causing Dean, Kyle, and Saeed to bend over and clutch their ears.

 

“Kiera!” Dean cried out and ignored the screeching echoing in his ears as he ran out through the gate. Kyle was behind him, Saeed resumed his position, hand ready at the main alarm if shit was about to go down. 

 

When he finally caught up to her, she was standing still, about a hundred yards from the gate. Dean scooped her up into his arms and shook his head at her. “What’re you doin’, Kiwi? You scared the hell out of us,” he chastised, but only gently. He was just grateful it seemed to be nothing. She pointed outward and Dean followed the trail of her tiny finger. 

 

Dean felt his heart stop with dread. Another couple hundred yards away, there was a figure approaching. It might be other survivors, but he knew better than to hope. 

 

He looked at her and said, “Get back inside now.” 

 

The little tow head nodded and darted back inside. Kyle sidled up next to Dean and they simultaneously brandished their weapons. Dean pulled out his sig, whereas Kyle wielded an angel blade. As they carefully approached the figure, Dean’s breath caught in his throat. 

 

It was Cas. Being followed by…

 

Dean suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe. His lungs and heart were constricted by a combination of shock and disbelief. He rubbed at his eyes and shook his head, half tempted to pinch himself to check his reality. There was  _ no way  _ Sammy was trailing behind Cas. Kyle stiffened next to him at the sight of a young woman approaching on the other side of Cas. 

 

What the  _ hell  _ was going on? He lowered his weapon with shaking hands. 

 

“Sa –Sammy?” Dean’s voice quivered as an overwhelming plethora of emotions threatened to strangle the breath out of him.

 

Kyle made a strangled sobbing noise next to him as the man let the angel blade fall to the ground. “Sia?” Kyle whispered in disbelief. That was the name of Kyle’s daughter.

 

The young woman waved at Kyle with a smile and started to run, yelling, “Dad! Dad!”

 

Dean grabbed Kyle’s forearm to stop him from running to her and shook his head. “This can't be real.”

 

Kyle roughly shrugged him off. "It's her. That's my daughter. And Cas!" he cried out and ran towards them, ignoring Dean's attempt to hold him back. The young woman fell into Kyle’s arms as he lifted her up, holding her tight.

 

“Dean!” Cas was waving at him as he got closer, a bright smile on his face while Sammy clasped Cas’s shoulder with a nod and started to run up to Dean.

 

He wanted it to be real, desperately so, but Dean knew better than to accept something like this at face value. It was gonna cost them something, something big. It had to. Unless, of course, this was a pack of friggin’ shifters who managed to find the Citadel. 

 

Dean took a step back and brandished a silver dagger as Cas and Sam approached.

 

Sam noticed it first and held up his hand in a defensive gesture. "Not a shifter, Dean. It's me. Castiel brought us back."

 

The thing was, that would be exactly what a shapeshifter  _ would  _ say. He looked from Sam to Cas, every emotion he’d been dampening with booze and denial for years suddenly rushing to the forefront of his mind. His hand trembled as Sam continued to slowly approach, gently reaching out to touch the blade, withdrawing his hand to demonstrate there was no reaction.

 

And like a dam, Dean crumbled under the waves of emotion that were threatening to consume him. He collapsed against his brother, clinging onto him as sobs wracked his body. His  _ brother.  _ His brother was  _ alive.  _ And here. And it wasn’t a dream, it wasn’t a trick, it was fucking  _ real. _

 

Sam held him tight and murmured, "It's okay, Dean. I'm back. Everything will be okay."

 

“Ho –How?” was all Dean managed through his staggered breathing.

 

Sam leaned back, a soft smile on his lips and his hazel eyes shone with unshed, happy tears. "Castiel. He said he's your friend. He visited me in Heaven to take me with him, back to Earth."

 

Dean’s lip wobbled as he looked over Sam’s shoulder to Cas. He withdrew from Sam and clapped his shoulder. Like a moth to a flame, Dean drew closer to Cas, managing to keep emotion out of his voice as he asked, “That true, Cas?”

 

Cas nodded, giving Dean a soft smile, but he didn't come closer. "Yes. My father came back. He rewarded me by letting me return to Earth and said I could bring two souls back with me."

 

In that instant, Dean dropped his blade and rushed forward, embracing Cas before crushing their lips together. Every single moment of grief, of loneliness, of regret that Dean had felt since Cas left was poured into that kiss. When he drew back, he braced his forehead against Cas’s and murmured, “I’m so in love with you.”

 

Cas's breathing hitched and he pulled Dean closer. His voice sounded out of breath. "I love you too, Dean. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you before. I missed you so much."

 

Dean cupped Cas’s face and looked over his features, tears blurring the beautiful face of the angel he loved. “Are you back for good?”

 

Cas gave him a bright smile, a tear running over his cheek as he nodded. "Yes. I'll stay with you forever."

 

And at that, Dean collapsed to his knees. The gratitude, the sheer joy that was suddenly filling his heart was overwhelming. There was no fucking way he was this lucky.

 

He noticed how Kyle suddenly went over to Cas to draw him in for a tight hug, never letting go of his daughter's hand, mumbling a million thank you’s, before he gave Dean a bright smile – one Dean had never seen on Kyle's face before. 

 

Cas knelt down in front of Dean, cupping his face with a slightly worried look before Dean felt Sam's strong hand on his shoulder. He looked up at his brother, who grinned at him. "I think you have a lot to tell me."

 

Cas reached out to take Dean's hand. "Let's go home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only the epilogue remaining! Thank you so much for coming along for the ride! We hope you enjoyed it! <3


	14. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, ladies and jellyspoons. Here we are. Thank you again for reading and commenting. You guys are awesome.
> 
> Also, goddamnit. Our endnotes were too many characters for the box. So, again, our endnotes will be in the body of the fic at the end. UGH. Sorry guys.
> 
> (AND WARNING: The end notes contain spoilers for season 13 based off of promos, trailers, and theories)

**Epilogue**

 

The week after his return went by in a rush. There was so much happiness and Cas spent hour after hour with his kids practically attached to him.

 

He had told his story probably a million times. How his father had returned to Heaven to reward the angels that had fought for the humans and protected creation in his absence. He had punished the angels severely that went against his wishes and even resurrected many of his brethren. The good angels who had been killed at the beginning of the war, because they had resisted the archangels’ plan.

 

He didn't need to think long when his father offered him to take two souls with him to Earth. Although many people at the Citadel had lost loved ones, he decided to take Sia and Sam with him. Dean and Kyle were still suffering from their losses, whereas the others had started to move on. He didn't want to mess with that, but he still felt guilty about it. Especially when he thought about Charlie.

 

Charlie had told him it was okay and that she wasn't angry for choosing Sam and Sia instead of Gilda. He still felt guilty until the moment he spotted Charlie and Jill kissing at the gate two days later.

 

Cas smiled as he watched Kyle showing his daughter the bird feeder and waved at them before he went into the building to look for Dean after his perimeter check.

 

Those weren't really necessary anymore, with the demons and angels gone, but it was a hard habit to break. He could feel the earth healing, noticing patches of plants growing in the ruins. In a few months, nature would have claimed back the land and they wouldn't need to worry about food anymore. They already had plans in place to build additional greenhouses and extend the walls.

 

"Have you seen Dean?" he asked Sarah as he met her in the hallway.

 

She chuckled and put her hand on his shoulder. "Oh, yes. He's in the kitchen with Kiera and Sam."

 

Cas thanked her and returned the smile before he quickly made his way to the kitchen. The door was ajar, so he could watch them without being noticed.

 

He covered his mouth with his hand when he took in the sight. Dean was wearing a frilly apron, helping Kiera put apples in a pie plate, whereas Sam was standing across from them, cutting up some apples.

 

Cas started to chuckle when Dean looked up and noticed him. "I thought you drew the line at frilly aprons?"

 

The way Dean’s face lit up at seeing him would never get old. Dean chuckled and said, “You try saying no to a six year old who has you wrapped around her little finger.”

 

Cas chuckled as he walked into the kitchen, caressing his fingers over Kiera's head as she continued to look very concentrated, completely focused on decorating the apple pie. "Kiera is my accomplice in my evil plan to make you my housewife. Didn't you know?"

 

Sam chuckled and looked up at them. “There’s a story about that, right?”

 

Dean smiled and nodded. “When I first met Cas, we, uh… Well, let’s just say things were tense between us.”

 

Kiera looked up at Dean from under his arm. “Didn’t you like Daddy?"

 

“Not at first, Kiwi. I was scared of him,” he answered honestly as he smiled down at her. Dean continued to tell Sam, eyes focused on the task at hand, “Anyway, I was having one of my many nightmares. Cas offered to help and I asked if his help would put me under his control. He said if he could do that, he’d have already had me baking pies in a kitchen for the kids here. I accused him of wanting to turn me into a housewife from the 1950’s, and it basically grew from there.”

 

Dean chuckled as he pulled up the apron to wipe his hands on it. “I told him I drew the line at frilly aprons, and he threatened to make the one he got me pink.”

 

"It's rose, not pink," Kiera helpfully supplied before she shook her head disapprovingly at Cas. "And Daddy can't change the color of things. He lied to you."

 

Cas chuckled. "I did and lying is not okay. I'm sorry, Dean. For lying to you."

 

Kiera nodded her approval before she continued to decorate the pie.

 

Dean smiled and took the moment to approach Cas, pulling him in by the tie for a quick kiss. “I’m sure you’ll make it up to me.”

 

“I promise,” Cas replied quietly as he kissed him again.

 

“Guys,” Sam groaned behind them, causing Cas to draw back from Dean with a sheepish look. "Need any help with your pie?"

 

Dean chuckled and drew back, but not without pressing another quick kiss to Cas’s lips. “Yeah, Sammy. Help Kiera crimp the crust around the edge.”

 

"Alright." Sam rounded the table and started to show Kiera how to make the edge when Kiera looked up at him.

 

"Thank you, uncle Sammy."

 

Cas gave Dean a quick, happy smile before Sam looked up at them with a grin and said, "I got this. If you two want to take a break from baking."

 

Dean smiled at his brother and undid his apron. Placing it on the counter, he looked at Kiera. “Be good for uncle Sammy. Okay, Kiwi?”

 

"I'm always good, Daddy," Kiera tsked.

 

“I know you are,” he affirmed and turned his attention back to Cas. Dean grasped his hand and led him out of the kitchen. “I want to show you something,” he murmured as he never let go of Cas’s hand and led him to, what was now, their bedroom.

 

Cas squeezed his hand and raised his eyebrow. “A surprise?”

 

Dean chuckled. “Somethin’ like that.”

 

When they finally reached their bedroom, Dean closed and locked the door behind him before gently pushing Cas towards the bed. The back of Cas’s legs struck the bedframe and as he sat down on the mattress, Dean crawled into his lap. He started pressing kiss after kiss on Cas’s lips, cheeks, eyelids, nose… Dean peppered every inch of Cas’s skin with his lips.

 

Cas closed his eyes and chuckled lowly. "I wasn't gone that long. Just two hours."

 

“Want me to stop?” Dean challenged as he drew back, brow quirked.

 

Cas pulled him close again, whispering a breathy, “Never,” against his lips before he leaned forward and drew Dean in for a deep, passionate kiss. This was what he had probably missed the most. Feeling so connected to Dean, so close.

 

Dean laughed softly into the kiss before he drew back again. “Actually, I did have something to show you.” Dean shrugged off his shirt and pointed to a new tattoo on the left side of his chest. The man had so many tattoos, it was unsurprising that Cas wouldn’t notice a new one, but when he realized what the tattoo was, he gasped.

 

It was an Enochian symbol of affirmation, essentially a claim on a human soul, and intertwined into the symbol was Castiel’s name in Enochian.

 

Cas didn't know what to say. He gasped before he let his fingertips trace softly over the lines, murmuring an awed sounding, "Dean..."

 

Dean placed his hand over Cas’s and used his free hand to tilt his head up. “I did it the second night after you left. Even if you never came back to me, as far as I was concerned, I was always going to be yours. I… I can’t even begin to explain what you mean to me, what you gave me, how you saved me in every possible way. I’ll never be able to truly express my gratitude, because it’s so paltry in comparison. So, it might not be much and I know it’s nowhere near enough, but pledging my soul to your grace for all eternity was the least I could do.”

 

"Dean..." Cas felt overwhelmed by Dean's confession and it took a few moments before he could formulate any words. "This is more than I could have ever hoped for. Just having you. Being back, having a family. I can't tell you how happy this all makes me. I love you so much. You mean everything to me." He pulled Dean tighter. “I missed you so much, Dean. Being away from you felt like I was dying.”

 

Dean cupped Cas’s face and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. “I must have done something good.”

 

"Yes. A lot," Cas mumbled against Dean's lips before he let himself fall back against the mattress and pulled Dean on top of him.

 

Dean laughed and cuddled into Cas, resting his head against Cas’s chest. “So, you’re not disappointed I’m not the other Dean?”

 

Cas carded his fingers through Dean’s hair and chuckled. “Of course not. You’re _my_ Dean. You’re the one I was waiting for.”

 

“Good,” he murmured as he lifted his head to look down at Cas. “Guess I’ll have another entry for the lore book now.”

 

Cas cupped Dean's cheek, rubbing his thumb gently over the skin as he gave Dean a soft smile. "You do?"

 

“Yeah,” he said with a smirk. “Mine.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

“I don’t know what you did to Jill. You’re the only thing she talks about at the moment. She even ran into the greenhouse door, probably because she was daydreaming about you.” Cas chuckled as he helped Charlie with sorting the new DVDs they had found on the last raid.

 

Charlie let out a soft laugh and smiled. “I finally manned up and told her how I feel about her.” She appeared contemplative for a moment and amended, “Why is it man-up? Why can’t it be womaned up? Fuck the patriarchy. I womaned up and told her how I feel.”

 

“Would it be ‘angeled up’ if I needed to use that expression?” Cas asked with a head tilt.

 

“Yes!” Charlie affirmed with an excited smile. “You angeled up!”

 

“I didn’t need to angel up though. Dean manned up first. But I would have angeled up–” He paused before they both started laughing. Cas shook his head, still chuckling. “I’m not sure that is going to catch on.”

 

Charlie shrugged. “It was fun while it lasted.” She leaned her head on Cas’s shoulder and sighed happily. “Can you believe this is our life now?”

 

Cas shook his head and wrapped one arm around his friend. “It feels surreal… sometimes I just feel like my heart is bursting with how happy I am and I think… I _must_ be dreaming.”

 

“Seriously. After the last few years, I never imagined I could be happy again. That I’d have a family. A life.”

 

Cas leaned back and gave her a soft smile. "I'm so happy for you. And for Jill."

 

Their moment was interrupted when Charlie’s laptop started to make weird static noises, interrupted by a voice that sounded choppy. Cas frowned at the laptop. “What is that?”

 

She furrowed her brow and pulled up a program on it, adjusting the volume settings and when a voice came through, still staticky, but clearer than before, Charlie’s eyes widened. Charlie grabbed the microphone and clearly spoke into it, “This is the bridge of the Citadel, come in.”

 

They could hear a surprised sound when a man with a gruff voice answered, "This is Camp Chitaqua. Can you hear me?"

 

“Yes! Yes we can!”

 

"Son of a–! Where are you guys and how many are you?" The gruff voice asked in excitement.

 

Cas leaned forward and answered. “We’re forty people and our coordinates are 38°54'35.99" north and 95°12'34.03" west. How many people are you?”

 

“We’re fifteen people here and we aren’t that far away. Maybe six hours with our horses.”

 

“You have horses?” Charlie asked, clearly surprised. “Oh, I’m Charlie by the way. And the guy with me is Cas.”

 

“My name is Bobby. And yes we have horses. But only four of them. Do you have food and water?”

 

“Yes, we have plenty,” Cas answered before Charlie could. “We want to expand our buildings soon to have more space, but we already have enough to take in all of your people. What would you say to visiting us, get to know the Citadel, and see if you want to join us?”

 

“I have to talk this over with Ellen and Rufus, but sure. Sounds like a plan,” Bobby answered, sounding as excited with the news as Cas was feeling.

 

“We’ll have a greeting party meet you out front in six hours. Will you be needing any healing, or food? Water?” Charlie asked as she started jotting down something on her notepad.

 

“Healing? You got a doc?” Bobby asked in confusion.

 

Cas gave Charlie an insecure look. This was always the difficult part. He cleared his throat. “Yes, we have a doctor, but I can heal people. I’m… I’m an angel.”

 

“A real life angel?” a female voice asked, tone more excited than hesitant.

 

Charlie smiled at Cas and answered, “Yeah. He helped stop the apocalypse.”

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck and murmured, "I was just one of many."

 

“Alright, if you guys are able to help us, got a couple folk with broken bones and wounds. We’re gonna get our shit together and head out,” Bobby said before the static returned, muffling any further communication.

 

Charlie looked at Cas and after a beat, outright squealed. “More survivors, Cas!” She jumped up and started shaking him by the shoulders. “I’ve gotta go tell everyone!” The redhead was out of the room at a dizzying speed, screaming out for Jill as she ran down the hall.

 

Cas followed her quickly. He couldn't wait to tell Dean the good news. He hoped this meant that the Citadel was growing now, like he always wished it would.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

The whole security team along with Sarah, Will, and Garth, were standing at the gate six hours later, excitedly waiting for their new guests’ arrival. Jeff was still skeptical, he believed that they were a bunch of marauders who just wanted to check out the Citadel before they robbed them blind and burned everything to the ground.

 

Everyone tried to calm him down, telling him that they were probably really nice people and hoped they would live with them, so Jeff shouldn’t scare them away.

 

After an eternity of waiting around and chatting with each other, Saeed suddenly pointed at the horizon. "They're coming."

 

Cas could see the dust cloud, probably from the horses. Just a few minutes now. He looked at Dean with a smile. "You look how I'm feeling, Dean."

 

“It’s exciting, knowing there are others.” Dean stood on his tiptoes in order to try and see them better.

 

“Yeah, until they turn out to be cannibals and you’re the main course,” Jeff muttered.

 

Dean, Sam, Kyle, and Jill all turned to Jeff and in unison yelled, “Shut _up,_ Jeff!”

 

Cas grinned and intertwined his hand with Dean's to pull him closer, leaning over his shoulder to whisper in his ear. "I love you."

 

“Olive juice you, too,” Dean said with a teasing smile. He pressed a kiss to Cas’s cheek and refused to let go of his hand.

 

Cas tilted his head and gave Dean a questioning look. "I didn't say anything about olive juice."

 

Dean chuckled and shook his head. He looked at Cas and said, “What does it look like I’m saying when I mouth the words ‘olive juice’?” He then did so, mouthing the words.

 

 _I love you._ Cas chuckled and shook his head before Saeed groaned.

 

"You two... your heart eyes are killing me."

 

Dean reached out his hands in a grabby motion and started cooing at Saeed as he stepped towards him. “Awww, someone need some love?”

 

Saeed’s eyes widened as he quickly hid behind Jill with a chuckle. “Ew, get away from me, Winchester.”

 

As Dean proceeded to try and grab Saeed, making kissy noises at him, with poor Jill caught in the middle, it was Charlie that barked a sharp, “Can you two _not_ force my girlfriend to be in the middle of a dude sandwich, please?”

 

Jill practically giggled between them and yelped. "Help me." It wasn't very convincing and Saeed and Dean ignored her as they continued to circle around her.

 

Saeed even chuckled. "You're my partner, Jill. Don't you dare leave me without protection."

 

Cas couldn't help but smile as he watched their antics. It was amazing seeing them so exuberant.

 

Dean had given up circling Jill and rushed forward, pulling Saeed into an awkward three person hug, poor Jill being squished between them. “My heart is big enough for you, too, Saeed.”

 

Kyle came to Jill’s rescue, pulling Dean away from them as he wrapped his arms around him. “I’m disappointed, Dean. I thought what we had was something special and now you’re going after Saeed?”

 

Dean craned his neck to look up at Kyle. “Alas, Kyle. Our relationship was purely physical.”

 

Cas tilted his head, suddenly feeling a stab of jealously as he dryly asked, "Did I miss something?"

 

That was met with twin grins of amusement from both Kyle and Dean. “Didn’t Dean tell you we eloped?” Kyle teased.

 

Cas stared at them in disbelief. “What?”

 

Dean rolled his eyes and flicked Kyle’s nose. “Stop. He doesn’t understand when you’re joking.” He slid out from under Kyle’s grasp and approached Cas. “You’re the only one for me, Cas. Don’t listen to our snarky and lying friends.”

 

Cas exhaled a relieved sigh and smiled at Dean, pulling him closer in a possessive hug. "Good. I don't want to share you."

 

"They’re here!" Sarah announced, interrupting their fun time.

 

Everyone turned as the group approached, the majority of them walking, with the exception of clearly injured people being brought on the backs of the four horses. It was an older man with a scruffy beard, wearing a tattered and filthy baseball cap, who made it a point to take the lead. “We’re, uh… Looking for Charlie and Cas?”

 

Cas walked up to them with Charlie and Sarah next to him. "I'm Cas. This is Charlie and Sarah, our leader. Is it alright with you if I go on and heal your injured people?"

 

The man nodded. “I’m Bobby. We talked on the radio,” he said as he guided Cas to the nearest horse. There was a young, blonde woman with a serious set of multiple fractures in her right leg. She appeared very pale. “Jo? This guy is gonna fix you up.”

 

She managed a pained grimace and attempted to sit upright a little more. “You really an angel?”

 

"Yes." Cas nodded, giving her a reassuring smile. "My name is Castiel, but my friends call me Cas." He got closer and looked over her leg with a frown. "I'll have to touch your forehead to heal you. Don't be afraid. It won't hurt."

 

The young woman nodded and closed her eyes.

 

Cas leaned forward and carefully touched her forehead, tapping into his grace to heal her broken bones, replenishing her blood cells, and getting rid of a chronic infection. When he leaned back he felt weaker, he hadn't slept much the past few days, because so much had needed to be done.

 

"You're perfectly healthy again," he stated with a smile.

 

Jo looked down at her leg and flexed it, a bright smile took over her pretty face as she hopped off of the horse and yanked him forward into a hug. “Thank you!”

 

“Oof.” Cas didn’t anticipate the force of the hug and nearly stumbled backwards before he chuckled and said, “It was my pleasure. No thanks needed. Who else needs to be healed?”

 

Bobby braced his hand on Cas’s shoulder and led him to an older Hispanic man, who had a pretty severe wound to his abdomen. “Marcos here got attacked by a friggin’ wolf of all damn things.”

 

“At least it wasn’t a werewolf,” he countered before wincing in pain.

 

“Yuck it up, dumbass. You shouldn’t have been trying to find supplies without backup. You’re lucky we bothered to bring your ass with us.”

 

The guy rolled his eyes and waved dismissively at Bobby. “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

 

Cas leaned over and touched the man's forehead, concentrating on healing the wounds and compensating the blood loss. He felt dizzy as he pulled away. He turned around to look for Dean. "Dean?"

 

Dean was instantly at his side, gently grasping his forearms as he helped steady Cas. “Need me, baby?”

 

Cas leaned against Dean and nodded. "I feel a bit weak... I didn't sleep the last three nights."

 

He nodded and pulled the sleeve of his t-shirt up, grasping Cas’s hand and bracing it on his shoulder. Dean smiled at him and said, “Plus side of a human tying his soul to your grace…” When Dean leaned in and pressed his lips to Cas’s, there was a thrumming of energy as Dean’s soul encased Castiel’s grace. It was like warm water being trickled over his fatigued joints and when Dean drew back, Cas felt completely refreshed.

 

Cas looked at him in surprise. "I had no idea that would work."

 

“When are you gonna stop underestimating me?” Dean teased with a soft smile.

 

Cas cupped Dean's cheek. "I'm not underestimating you, but you keep surprising me." He kissed him softly before he nodded. "Thank you."

 

“You two can make out later!” Sarah chastised good naturedly as she appeared to be discussing the logistics of the new arrivals with a woman near her age with short dark hair and kind eyes.

 

A few of their friends were laughing and Cas sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. With Dean close, he tended to forget the world around them.

 

He cleared his throat before he went to another man that was already waiting, smirk firmly on his face, holding his broken arm against his chest. “Never thought I’d meet a gay angel.”

 

Bobby interjected, “Rufus! Don’t be an ass!”

 

“I ain’t bein’ an ass, I was just sayin’! I ain’t never met a gay angel!”

 

“You’ve never met any friggin’ angel, ya’ idjit!”

 

Rufus waved him off with his good hand. “Semantics.”

 

Cas chuckled, noticing the deep bond of friendship between the two men. "Is it okay if I heal your broken arm?" he asked, still smiling.

 

“You ain’t gonna kiss me to do it, are ya’?”

 

“No, he most certainly will not,” Dean barked as he started helping Jill and Saeed gather all of the supplies the group had brought.

 

Cas smiled again before he nodded. "I’ll just touch your forehead with two fingers. It will be quick and painless."

 

“Fine,” he grumbled as he leaned forward and closed his eyes.

 

Cas quickly healed Rufus, noticing that despite the broken arm, the man was otherwise in good health. “You’re good.”

 

Rufus extended his arm and quirked his brow, seemingly impressed, but what he said dripped with an ire that made Cas question if the man was even capable of gratitude. “I guess I’m supposed to thank you for doin’ your job.”

 

Bobby smacked Rufus upside the back of his head. “Just thank him and go see if you can piss off someone else.”

 

He narrowed his eyes at Bobby and sighed. “Thanks,” he grumbled in Cas’s direction as he walked over to where Jeff was.

 

Cas raised an eyebrow. Those two could be an interesting combination. He had no idea if he should be afraid of that or… no, afraid was probably the right emotional response. Seeing Dean’s face only confirmed his assumption.

 

Dean shook his head and made a gesture that he used when they needed to separate any of the kids from each other. He mouthed, “Not good.”

 

Cas couldn’t agree more. He nodded and mouthed back, “We should flee.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

They were sitting on the bench on the watch tower, Cas was lying against Dean's chest, Dean's arms securely wrapped around his torso as they watched the sun slowly sink behind the horizon. Some stars were already visible in the red and dark blue night sky, and a warm late summer breeze grazed their skin.

 

Cas felt incredibly at peace with everything. A feeling that was still somehow unreal, like a dream. But then there was Dean's smile, the hope that had returned to his eyes, the laughter, that brought him back to the here and now, telling him, that _this_ was his life.

 

Everything was good. Not perfect. But so very good.

 

They had started to build additional houses when Bobby and Ellen had decided to move all their people and equipment to the Citadel. The wall was getting bigger, like the plaza in the middle of the compound that now had new additions of two greenhouses and a stable for the horses.

 

Tommy loved the horses and spent most of his time with them, talking to them or grooming their fur and mane. It was amazing how much he was speaking nowadays. It still filled Cas’s heart with so much joy hearing his voice.

 

A month ago Dean had given Cas his experimental potion, the one that they hoped would have the ability to heal Cas’s wings. When nothing happened, Dean had promised him he would look into it again and wouldn’t stop looking until he found a way to heal him.

 

Cas had more or less forgotten about it over the last few weeks, with his wings being permanently tucked away on a different plane, he didn’t feel any pain anyway. Until yesterday.

 

He had been on his way home from a little supply run to get new clothes for Kiera, as he clumsily slipped on a slope in the ruins and he used his wings on instinct to save himself from falling through the broken ceiling. And it worked.

 

There he was, standing safely on top of the building, completely stunned about the way he had gotten there. He pulled his wings onto their physical realm and gasped in surprise, seeing that they were fully healed and didn’t hurt anymore.

 

He hadn’t told Dean yet. He wanted it to be a surprise when they were all alone.

He rubbed his cheek against Dean’s chest with a hum. “I have a surprise for you.”

 

“Is it a pony?” Dean asked in a feigned excited tone.

 

Cas slowly stood up from his cozy place against Dean’s chest and turned around to face him as he chuckled and shook his head. He slowly started to unbutton his shirt and tie, his gaze locked with Dean's beautiful green eyes.

 

“Is my surprise sex? Because I’m definitely down for that surprise,” Dean said in an excited tone as he started unbuttoning his pants.

 

Cas wrapped his hand over Dean's hand to halt him. "Wait." He smiled and slipped his shirt off of his shoulders, throwing it on top of his tie on the ground.

 

And then he pulled his wings to their plane of existence, spreading them as far and wide as possible so Dean could see the entirety of their span.

 

Dean’s eyes widened as they honed in on the flight feathers that had almost completely finished growing back. “Cas, is that–”

 

"Yes. My flight feathers. They must have grown back very slowly over the past few weeks. I didn't even notice until yesterday." He smiled brightly at Dean. "I can fly again."

 

“Are you serious?” Dean’s smile was beaming.

 

Cas nodded before he reached out for Dean to take his hand. “Let me show you.”

 

He pulled Dean into his arms as soon as he got closer, kissing the tip of his nose before he cupped his cheek with his free hand. "I love you. I have no idea how to ever thank you for this."

 

“Loving me is more than enough thanks,” he said with a smile as he drew him in for a proper kiss.

 

Cas lost himself in the kiss for a moment before he leaned his forehead against Dean's and whispered, "Hold on tight."

 

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’s neck and smiled. “I went from a housewife to Princess Jasmine.”

 

Cas nudged his nose against Dean's cheek. "Let me show you the world then."

 

He spread his wings and with a powerful beat, he brought them to the other side of the world. To a beach on the coast of Australia.

 

When Dean let go, his eyes widened as he looked at their surroundings. It was quite beautiful. The sand was white, ocean a clear blue. Dean turned back to Cas and smiled brightly. “Where are we?”

 

"Australia. Do you think we could take a vacation here with our children?"

 

Dean nodded enthusiastically. “Oh, man. Kiera would love it here.” He looked around in amazement before turning back to Cas. “I love you.”

 

"I love yo–" Cas suddenly stilled when he felt something tickling his hand. He looked down and arched his eyebrow in surprise as he lifted his hand. A honey bee had landed on it.

 

"Dean," he gasped out.

 

Dean’s eyes widened. “No fucking way,” he breathed out, looking at Cas in shock. “They were extinct.”

 

"I know! How is this possible?" Cas mumbled in awe as he watched the bee wandering over his hand. "This is... You know what this means?"

 

“This means we have to stock up on epipens,” he groaned.

 

Cas flicked Dean's shoulder, but couldn’t hide the amused smile on his lips, as they both watched the bee take off and fly away from them. "It means Earth will heal eventually. Flowers and plants are going to grow back."

 

Dean chuckled and pulled Cas into his arms, wrapping them around Cas’s waist as he pressed their foreheads together. “I can’t fucking believe it.”

 

Cas pressed a soft kiss to Dean's lips before he pulled him closer. "I know we need to go back, but do you think we have time for a little walk on the beach?"

 

“Hell yeah,” Dean murmured as he bent over to take off his shoes and socks. He looked up at Cas expectantly. “Come on, you know you wanna…”

 

Cas grinned and nodded before he quickly pulled off his own shoes and socks. As he started to walk through the soft, warm sand in the direction of the water, his foot made contact with a silver object, sticking out from the ground. He bent over and pulled it out, smiling at Dean. "Look Dean! I found a spoon!"

 

Dean chuckled and shook his head at him. “Actually, I’ve been meaning to ask you something…”

 

"Yes?" Cas asked, still a bit distracted by the spoon.

 

“The hell is the deal with the spoon thing?”

 

**THE END.**

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**Our End Notes (because we're too verbose and by we, I mean me (Frankie), and this always happens):**

 

 

First off! We’re dying to hear your spoon incident theories and go!

 

Frankie here: Okay, woof. Man, we gotta thank all of our awesome, habitual commenters, without which this entire ridiculous concept for this series would not even exist. Seriously, Any and I are constantly blown away with how amazing your comments are, how inspiring, flattering, all of that junk, man. Seriously. Oh, man, I’m gushing. Okay, enough of that crap.

 

We hope you enjoyed this “timestamp” as much as we did writing it. Man, post apocalypse universes ARE fun, Any!

 

Any here: I know I have been very quiet in the past days and didn't answer any comments but I had so much stress and stuff to do lately that I never found the time. I read them all though and they always made me happy so thank you for that! Also thank you Frankie for all your beta-work, writing notes, answering comments and of course writing this… “timestamp” *cough, cough* with me.

 

There was a another reason I didn’t want to answer comments later because Frankie forbid me to say anything about the spoons and I WAS DYING TO SAY SOMETHING.

 

I WANNA HEAR EVERY SPOON THEORY (Oh man, if you guys know what a spoonie is, then you know how weird this is for me to say that) SERIOUSLY!!!! I have my own theory of course and I’m pretty sure I will write a quick story for our joint tumblr at some point just for hell of it.

 

Anyway, thanks for reading and loving our OCs (and all the Kyle love out there). I think Frankie already mentioned in one of her notes or comments that we used an ‘outtake’ document for this story, so you get a special Kylestiel treat on our joint tumblr very soon too.

 

I hope we see you all in a few days when we finally can upload our DCBB fic!!

 

Frankie here: Yeah, just so you guys know, Any hasn’t even told me her theory, so one of the writers in this fic is as in the dark as the rest of you in regards to the spoon. Oh, man. I really loved writing this and I love writing with you Any. I love what we create!

 

And yes! Our DCBB will be posted on 10-13, the day after s13 premieres! And we are so so fucking excited! It’s our first REAL AU. Oh, man. We hope you guys will like it. Also also, because we reached 1000 kudos on In a Mirror, Darkly, we are starting work on a full-fledged sequel!

 

A lot of shit coming from us over the next few months. We hope you enjoy!!

 

Any here: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKkk +_+ *died of excitement*

 

Frankie here: *dangles naked Dom!Cas in front of you to revive you*

 

Any here: Whut? Where? *grabby hands*

 

Frankie here: Damn! He flew off to go fuck Dean.

 

Any here: o_o.............T_T........... but me *sniff* wants some Cas, too. UGH now that reminds me that s13 starts soon and I'm feeling super anxious.

 

Frankie here: I’m suuuuuuuuper fucking excited! I am ready to CRY. UGLY SNOT CRY if they do what the promo implied they’re going to do and fan theory will out. And adorable Jack! SUCK IT PEOPLE WHO DISAGREED WITH ME ABOUT WHETHER HE’S GOOD OR BAD.  

 

Any here: I think Jack is like Leeloo. Blank slate and all. I like that he seems to be a lot like Cas, being all literal and stuff. Like every year I try to keep my expectations low. My only wish is for Cas to come back soon and for BuckLemming to get fired.  

 

Frankie here: Oh, man, yes please on the BuckLemming front. Anyway. EEEEEE. Sooooo soon! Oh, and I’m super super excited for the appearance of ASMODEUS. Holy shit, dude. I’m actually pretty fucking psyched for s13. And if they reach some Rick and Morty level shit with the alternate timelines, I’ll die of happiness.

 

Any here: Yeah man, Asmodeus... what a coincidence. LOL

 

Frankie here: Well, in their defense, we just googled angel names and that’s probably all they did too. Lolol. So, in fact, THEY fucked up by making him a Prince of Hell, but what do I know? I’m just a fanfiction writer who actually does research.

 

Any here: Um. Frankie?

 

Frankie here: Lol what Any?

 

Any here: Asmodeus is a fallen angel, one that followed lucifer when he was expelled. So he could have been an angel at some point and in Hell he got turned into a Prince of Hell.

 

Frankie here. Let me rephrase. I’m just a fanfiction writer whose writing PARTNER actually does research.

 

Any here: "Research" as in "not really though". Because researching about angel mythology or Enochian is more like deciding on an interpretation than actual research. In a few references Asmodeus was an angel in the order of thrones in other Asmodeus is an arch demon with a handsome visage and walking with a limp.

 

Frankie: Uh, see why I have her do all the research? This shit happens all the time. She’s so fucking smart and full of knowledge. LOL.

 

Any here: Yeah lol, Me can use google. But seriously we always try to be as realistic as possible, like researching time for example to drive from A to B, etcetera. Frankie does that too. But she probably won't read the whole wikipedia entry on specific topics. I do. But I'm not human, I'm a sponge.

 

Fuck, that was suppose to be a secret. I'm out.

 

Frankie here: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you READ lol. ;)

 

OMG OMG OMG ANY. What if OMG what if Cas comes back because he’s now a Prince of Hell. Princes of Hell are fallen angels that followed Lucifer and he made them princes in your theory YES??? YES???  


Cas has fallen, in every way imaginable. He gave his vessel for Lucifer to use and thus, with Lucifer being the one who killed Castiel, he is now reborn as a Prince of Hell because THAT is how they’re chosen! AND that’s how CAS comes back. THAT was why he could defeat Dagon, he wasn’t a FULL blown prince yet, so Lucifer’s spawn helped him, but it was actually CAS who defeated Dagon.  


OMG OMG OMG OMG THAT’S WHY WE’RE GETTING A CHANGED CAS. OMGOMGOMGOMG  


Any here: o_O I'm still hoping Cas turning out to be an archangel actually. Cuz Cassiel is one and we know Cas has a fuck load of memory loss. Thanks Naomi.

 

And isn't he in the void or empty like they call it now? I'm seriously excited to hear that explanation. Or maybe Cas is a reaper because he killed Billy and well wasn't there something about cosmic consequences? Oh no wait, right. The SPN writers don't care much about consistency, right? I mean we see Dean kneeling next to Cas, burned wings in the ground. Next shot, no wings... AND HOW THE HELL DID WE GET FROM END NOTES TO THIS AGAIN????

 

Frankie here: First: OMG OMG OMG OMG. Cas is going to have to defeat Asmodeus for the throne. Because he’d at least not torture the demons, he’d probably run things like Crowley. OMG OMG OMG That’s his fucking arc, Any! OMG OMG OMG. Cas is going to be the new Crowley I fucking BET YOU. If they make him a Prince of Hell.

 

And Second: I HAVE NO IDEA HOW WE DID THIS. Lol. Anyway, uh… Thanks for reading our fics. You guys are awesome. <3<3<3

 

Any here: *cough cough* Bye!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Edited to add:** If you're just DYING to know the story behind the Spoons thing, you can read it at our joint tumblr [here!](https://the-real-anyrock.tumblr.com/post/172522708840/spoons)


End file.
